The American Credo Part 7

--97

That awnings keep rooms cool.

--98

That it is very difficult to decipher a railroad time-table.

--99

That gamblers may always be identified by their habit of wearing large diamonds.

--100

That when a man embarks in a canoe with a girl, the chances are two to one that the girl will move around when the boat is in mid-stream and upset it.

--101

That German babies are brought up on beer in place of milk.

--102

That a man with two shots of cocaine in him could lick Jack Dempsey.

--103

That fully one half the repertoire of physical ailments is due to uric acid.

--104

That a woman, when buying a cravat for a man, always picks out one of green and purple with red polka-dots.

--105

That a negro's vote may always be readily bought for a dollar.

--106

That cripples always have very sunny dispositions.

--107

That if one drops a crust of bread into one's gla.s.s of champagne, one can drink indefinitely without getting drunk.

--108

That a bra.s.s band always makes one feel like marching.

--109

That, when shaving on a railway train, a man invariably cuts himself.

--110

That the male Spaniard is generally a handsome, flas.h.i.+ng-eyed fellow, possessed of fiery temper.

--111

That after drinking a gla.s.s of absinthe one has peculiar hallucinations and nightmares.

--112

That since the Indians were never bald, baldness comes from wearing tight hats.

--113

That all wine-agents are very loose men.

--114

That the editor of a woman's magazine is always a lizzie.

--115

That what is contained in the pitcher on the speakers' platform is always ice-water.

--116

That all Senators from Texas wear sombreros, chew tobacco, expectorate profusely, and frequently employ the word "maverick."