The Hesperides & Noble Numbers Part 143

Of flanks and chines of beef doth Gorrell boast He has at home; but who tastes boil'd or roast?

Look in his brine-tub, and you shall find there Two stiff blue pigs'-feet and a sow's cleft ear.

222. UPON A BLEAR-EY'D WOMAN.

Wither'd with years, and bed-rid Mumma lies; Dry-roasted all, but raw yet in her eyes.

233. NO LOCK AGAINST LETCHERY.

Bar close as you can, and bolt fast too your door, To keep out the letcher, and keep in the wh.o.r.e; Yet quickly you'll see by the turn of a pin, The wh.o.r.e to come out, or the letcher come in.

237. UPON SUDDS, A LAUNDRESS.

Sudds launders bands in p.i.s.s, and starches them Both with her husband's and her own tough fleam.

239. UPON GUESS. EPIG.

Guess cuts his shoes, and limping, goes about To have men think he's troubled with the gout; But 'tis no gout, believe it, but hard beer, Whose acrimonious humour bites him here.

242. UPON A CROOKED MAID.

Crooked you are, but that dislikes not me: So you be straight where virgins straight should be.

261. UPON GROYNES. EPIG.

Groynes, for his fleshly burglary of late, Stood in the holy forum candidate; The word is Roman; but in English known: Penance, and standing so, are both but one.

_Candidate_, clothed in white.

272. UPON PINK, AN ILL-FAC'D PAINTER. EPIG.

To paint the fiend, Pink would the devil see; And so he may, if he'll be rul'd by me; Let but Pink's face i' th' looking-gla.s.s be shown, And Pink may paint the devil's by his own.

273. UPON BROCK. EPIG.

To cleanse his eyes, Tom Brock makes much ado, But not his mouth, the fouler of the two.

A clammy rheum makes loathsome both his eyes: His mouth, worse furr'd with oaths and blasphemies.

277. LAUGH AND LIE DOWN.

Y'ave laughed enough, sweet, vary now your text!

And laugh no more; or laugh, and lie down next.

292. UPON SHARK. EPIG.

Shark, when he goes to any public feast, Eats to one's thinking, of all there, the least.

What saves the master of the house thereby When if the servants search, they may descry In his wide codpiece, dinner being done, Two napkins cramm'd up, and a silver spoon?

305. UPON BUNGY.

Bungy does fast; looks pale; puts sackcloth on; Not out of conscience, or religion: Or that this younker keeps so strict a Lent, Fearing to break the king's commandement: But being poor, and knowing flesh is dear, He keeps not one, but many Lents i' th' year.

311. UPON SNEAPE. EPIG.

Sneape has a face so brittle, that it breaks Forth into blushes whensoe'er he speaks.

315. UPON LEECH.

Leech boasts, he has a pill, that can alone With speed give sick men their salvation: 'Tis strange, his father long time has been ill, And credits physic, yet not trusts his pill: And why? he knows he must of cure despair, Who makes the sly physician his heir.

317. TO A MAID.

You say, you love me! that I thus must prove: It that you lie, then I will swear you love.

326. UPON GREEDY. EPIG.

An old, old widow Greedy needs would wed, Not for affection to her or her bed; But in regard, 'twas often said, this old Woman would bring him more than could be told.

He took her; now the jest in this appears, So old she was, that none could tell her years.

357. LONG AND LAZY.

That was the proverb. Let my mistress be Lazy to others, but be long to me.

358. UPON RALPH. EPIG.

Curse not the mice, no grist of thine they eat; But curse thy children, they consume thy wheat.

361. UPON MEASE. EPIG.

Mease brags of pullets which he eats: but Mease Ne'er yet set tooth in stump or rump of these.