The McNaughtens Part 11

McNaughten Of whom?

Jenny Of my mistress, who else?

McNaughten (grabbing her roughly by the shoulders) I don't know anything about it. Get out and leave me alone.

Jenny Do you know, sir, that before leaving this place, I am going to scratch your eyes out?

Spruce Sir, to avoid any further quarrel--give her her portrait. You know a woman scorned is a hundred times more vicious than all the Devils in h.e.l.l.

McNaughten But, were she a thousand times more of a Devil than she is-- I don't know her or her mistress.

Spruce (to Jenny) Never mind what he says. He must still be in love with her. Let me soften him up a bit. Come back soon, and I will have it for you.

Jenny Oh, all right. I can wait a little. But if he refuses to listen to reason when I get back, I am going to burn the house down, understand?

(Smiling)

(Exit Jenny)

McNaughten I don't know which of those harridans is more frightening: the mistress or the maid. How can perfect strangers be so enthusiastic about persecuting me--? Like furies from h.e.l.l.

Spruce A man like you--young, loveable, handsome--is subject to these misfortunes. Between lovers, fights like these are mere bagatelles.

>From today, I promise to make you friends with her.

McNaughten Lord forbid.

Spruce (aside) But, who do I see coming this way? It's the Squire. That hundred pounds is going to spell trouble for us.

(Enter the Squire)

Squire Hey, dear fellow, what luck--let me embrace you a thousand times to show you how happy I am to see you. Look at me--I was outre--in despair. This has been a horrible day, I've had nothing but bad luck until Lo! I meet you. I've been buffeted on all sides by fate. Just like a football.

McNaughten Sir, I am sorry to see you this way, but I have no time to struggle with you.

Squire A pistol shot would be good for me. I wish someone would crush me into the ground.

McNaughten Who is this Irishman?

Spruce Evidently, a dear friend of yours---although I think he's Welsh.

McNaughten I've never seen him before.

Squire I've just left a house--may the earth swallow it, and nature perish with it--where I lost my last penny at cards. Outrageous luck. So, I am obliged to ask you for the hundred pounds I loaned you when you were in need. Excuse my importuning you, but you will pardon me--you can see what a state I am in.

McNaughten I pardon you, entirely, and you will pardon me, too, if I say that this surprises me, entirely. I don't know you. How could you lend me a hundred pounds, never having seen me before?

Squire (coldly) What kind of talk is this? It pa.s.ses my understanding.

McNaughten I suppose your talk is easier to comprehend?

Squire You pretend you don't owe me a hundred pounds?

McNaughten No--on my oath. You've loaned to someone else, not me.

Squire Perhaps, you don't recall, that before going to Germany, you needed money for the campaign--not having enough money to buy a mule, let alone a horse--

McNaughten I don't recall a word of all this. I've never been to Germany.

Squire That's where you said you were going. You came to me for help, and I opened my purse for you, without any uncalled for remarks.

McNaughten To me? I'd have to be crazy to borrow money from a Scotsman, or Irishman, or whatever you are.

Squire (icily) Sir, I am Welsh. This man here can bear witness; he was with you--I recall his face. Come here, boy. Speak! Do you dare deny what his evil heart tries in vain to forget?

Spruce (terrified) Sir--

Squire Speak, or my hand, possessed by fury, will--

Spruce It comes to me in a confused way--

Squire A confused way. Well, I am certain of it. I see you are no better than your master. Though I blame you less--perhaps you fear your place or a beating.

(To McNaughten) Now, sir, give me my money, or take your sword.

McNaughten What! Because I refuse to give you a hundred pounds, you compel me to fight!

Squire A little. Breaking an oath puts me in temper. Quickly--defend yourself.

McNaughten I am in no great rush. Let's discuss it further.

Squire No discussion. Your choice is clear.

McNaughten But, sir--

Squire But, sir-- You must give me satisfaction

McNaughten Me, give you, satisfaction? But, I swear, I don't owe you a penny. Sue me--I will respond in court.

Squire You know, very well, I did not even ask for a receipt! When someone owes me--I carry my own bailiff. (drawing his sword)

McNaughten Just Heaven--the brute! How am I to get out of this, without being maimed or killed? How much do you insist I owe you?

Squire A hundred pounds. How easily you forget.

McNaughten But, I can't pay you a hundred pounds. I will give you half.

Squire May I be pulverized to atoms, you will pay me my hundred pounds, in a quarter of an hour or I will kill you instantly.

Spruce (low to McNaughten The villain is prepared to kill us both, I believe. Give it to him--if you're dead, what good will the sixty thousand pounds do you? Answer him softly. The man is desperate and has nothing to lose.

McNaughten But, it's robbery.