The McNaughtens Part 13

Spruce Maybe I am not making myself clear. Monsieur has a brother in these parts, a twin brother--identical in features and clothes. It was his tongue that lashed you. You took him for this one, who is like him.

The other one is a brutal imposter. Here is the real McNaughten.

Flavella What a strange story. Strange, I haven't heard it before. But--I choose to believe it as it flatters my pride. Love renders my scorn just and pardonable.

Captain Your anger renders you more adorable in my eyes. Permit my pa.s.sion-- (Trying to kiss her)

Flavella Moderate your pa.s.sions--

Captain I am at fault. Too transported by pleasure, I push my pa.s.sion a little too far. But let us both forget our scorn.

Spruce (showing the Captain's hat) So as not to be deceived--look for this mark. In a tight spot, it will serve you like a beacon. Know which is which before you make for the justice of the peace to be married.

Flavella My heart will tell me sooner than my eyes.

Captain May Heaven today complete my fortune. Without you, I want nothing and renounce everything.

Spruce Stop the compliments. When you are married, you will have leisure to do that. Remember, Urania is against you. Let Madame return home in peace for the moment. We must run to make the marriage contract. For now we are at the beginning of the end--or is it the end of the beginning? Anyway, we must finish.

CURTAIN

ACT III.

The street again. Sometime later. Enter Jenny and Urania.

Jenny I tell you truly, Madame, I don't believe you can find another man with such an evil heart. When I pressed him to return your portrait, he wanted to beat me. And, I believe he would have, if his valet, a man of softer disposition, hadn't diverted his rage. Oh, M'am, arm yourself with courage--follow your point, and be valiant. Pursue your rights. You have him in your power. You have his promise in writing.

He'll have to make good on it.

Urania If I don't make him, let Heaven punish me.

Jenny Here there is no relying on oaths, on probity. Despite law and honor, women these days are often trapped. They rely on words, and are deceived. So, to protect ourselves, we must make them put their fair words in writing. It's only fair. But, what use will it be to get it in writing, if we don't enforce the contract? I see very plainly, that in this ungrateful century, one cannot hope to rely on anything that's not in writing. But, we prefer to be the sport and dupes of men.

Urania Say no more, Jenny. My incensed heart is resolved. If I can, I will avenge our whole s.e.x on this man.

Jenny What, then? To get the world's attention, does it take more than to wear a pretty wig? An empty head, a little whipper snapper, who admires only himself, and chatters pleasantly, because he has good manners, can plead with us about his love with complete impunity. He surprises us and makes his ardent declaration--but recoils when it comes time to make good on it. It's a hideous thing that cries to heaven for vengeance. Abuse like this is grounds for revoking the license we give men. Even if you don't want to marry him to avenge yourself, you must do it to enrage him, and to satisfy the rest of us!

Urania (sighing) But, if he no longer loves me, what good is it to force him into such a sad marriage?

Jenny Who marries only for love nowadays? That was fine, when you were an adolescent. It's no crime to marry without love, and, even without respect. What's necessary is to marry! You are at an age when your attractions will wither and disappear. The advice I'm giving you, in my zeal, is good. I intend to apply it to myself. To be an old maid is a frightful evil, far worse than all the unhappiness that marriage can cause.

(Enter Hastings and Flavella)

Hastings Chance has led you here and saved me the trouble of finding you.

Urania Chance has favored us equally, for I have been saved the trouble of hunting you up.

Hastings Always preoccupied? Aren't you yet undeceived? Don't you-- Don't you realize that your pa.s.sion is a chimera and a hallucination? Give it up--believe me. You won't profit by crossing my plans. Show yourself to be wise.

Urania As usual, you babble without rhyme or reason. But, you know what I want to talk about. Here is McNaughten's written promise to marry me; given as a mark of his affection and in his own handwriting.

(Flavella flinches)

Hastings Where is your credulity leading you, sis?

Urania He wrote me, I tell you. I've been swindled. Listen, niece--

Flavella You may be quite sure I'm listening very carefully, auntie.

Urania Without exaggeration, you are very pleasant to try to steal a heart like his from me, and to appropriate my treasure so boldly. Such an action is stupid and not honest.

Flavella Who could possibly ravish a conquest from your arms? Your eyes guarantee that when one has been struck by your manifold attraction, they will never change. They are charming eyes which steal men from others.

Urania My eyes are prettier than yours. We will see who succeeds best if we employ them at the same time!

Hastings Oh, I am at the end of my patience listening to you both. Happily, I see my son-in-law coming.

(To McNaughten) Are you bring the solicitor with you?

(Enter McNaughten)

McNaughten I've been looking for him for nearly an hour, in vain. I finally came to ask you to conduct me to him. Something irritating is always happening to me today.

Hastings I am waiting for him. I believe he won't be late.

McNaughten One, after running after me, like one of my most cherished and faithful friends, asked news of my health. Another, forcefully grabbed my hand, and wanted to lead me to a tavern for supper. Then, a third, stopping me in the street, forced me to pay a debt I know nothing about. All these people confound me to h.e.l.l! As if I knew them any better than Lucifer!

Urania Traitor! Are you finished? In spite of your promised word, you intend to marry another? In spite of all your oaths, in spite of your first choice?

McNaughten Ah, are we still at that?

Urania You desert me, ingrate, faithless heart. You take pleasure in the cruel pain I suffer. You see me dying and giving in to my fate without shedding one single tear for my death. (collapsing on Jenny)

McNaughten This woman is a torment; she must have been bewitched. Must I always have a fury attached to my steps?

Jenny Can you see my lady expire in my arms? You, who once had so much tenderness for her? This poor innocent--does she deserve to have her love repaid by such cruelty?

McNaughten Let her expire in your arms. Let the Devil take her, and you with her.

Who cares! Already, for my peace and quiet, he might have done that.

Urania (springing back to life) Perjurer! I will avenge myself for your breach of contract. I have your promise. There's your signature. I have proof of your imposture.

McNaughten (to Hastings) She's crazier than it's possible to explain. Try, as soon as you can, to have her shut up.

Hastings (reading the contract) But here's your name: McNaughten. Have you been with her in some way?

She is my sister: maybe I can smooth things over.

McNaughten Me! If I've ever seen those two cheats standing there before today.

Pardon the harsh word, one of them is your sister. Never mind. I swear before you, that Satan--Lucifer--