The McNaughtens Part 5

Spruce (aside to Jenny) For some time he's been subject to distractions--the effect of which you can see for yourself. Sometimes, he talks idly and without any sense. He often speaks wildly.

Jenny (to Spruce) Usually, he seems sensible enough. How can one lose one's memory and reason in such a short time?

(To McNaughten) Do you intend to speak sensibly to me?

McNaughten My dear, I am reasonable enough. It's you who are drunk or crazy. Do you intend to bother me with your nonsensical stories for an hour? Who is this Urania who adores me? You talk of dinner, a pretty friend, and a hundred other things, each one more stupid than the other. And which I don't comprehend any more than I do Algebra or the Koran.

Jenny You have no intention of being reasonable or dining with us, as you promised?

McNaughten The answer is no. I give myself to the Devil--and your mistress, too, with her n.o.ble plans. Let other birds fall into her snares. And you, her emissary and honest agent, do you not know it's a villainous thing to be a bawd? Some evil will befall you. Pray G.o.d for forgiveness. Go --and sin no more. I warn you, quit this line of work. Be guided by my advice--it's for your own good.

Jenny Well! I never have been so insulted in my life. Dare to call me a bawd!

McNaughten Don't expect to catch me in your traps. I'm no country b.u.mpkin.

Jenny We will see if you have the nerve to say such stupid things to my lady. Because, I am going to tell her everything you said, and, I won't omit one word. Be sure of it!

(To Spruce) Goodbye, worthy valet of an unworthy master. I hope after a while we'll know each other better.

(Aside) I don't understand any of it, and I hardly know where I am at!

(Exit Jenny)

McNaughten My G.o.d! What a town. What a strange place. They told me the London women were bold, and that to succeed in their secret practices, they inform themselves about newcomers with great care. But this is unbelievable.

Spruce She must have heard your name on the stage coach. She decided to make use of it when you got here, so that she could get something from you.

McNaughten Right. That's how she knew. But, I defy their plots!

Spruce (slyly) If you had gone with her, (he gestures of someone being knocked over the head) it might have been all over for you. For both of us, in fact.

McNaughten Thank G.o.d, I know how to protect myself. If they've got it in their head to trick me-- Well it won't work with such beastly tricks as these. I wasn't born yesterday.

Spruce Better not stay in this place too long. The women of London have lures that force the proudest hearts to succ.u.mb.

McNaughten Your advice is good. Let's go in without lingering.

(Enter Urania and Jenny)

Jenny You will see if I lie--. Speak to him. There he is!

(Aside) The lout.

Urania While I am dying of impatience to see you, you wait here quite indifferent. Dinner is getting cold. You know I have no pleasure except when you are by.

McNaughten In truth, Madame, I must tell you that I am very surprised--

Spruce (aside) Be careful, sir. One friendly word might--

McNaughten (aside) Leave it to me.

(Aloud) In my surprise-- I find it very surprising--your attractions are a little distracting--and confound me. Besides-- My word, I don't know what to say.

Urania The distraction I see you in suggests you've been involved in some bad business. Why didn't you tell me of this sad event? Tell me, dear child, have you been badly hurt--beaten up? Don't keep anything from me.

McNaughten (pulling himself together) Never. I haven't been fighting.

Urania Is it money? All my wealth is yours.-- When one loves and when one has only the purest ends in view, all the good and the bad, the pleasures and the pains--everything must be shared equally. I want my fortune to run with yours.

McNaughten (low) So, that's it. Wants my money.

(Aloud) I am obliged to you for the sentiment, but I have no need for the kindness you offer me.

Urania I don't understand this. This isn't the way you usually talk.

Spruce (low) He's very rude, the way he talks. The better for us.

Urania Please, let's go in to dinner.

McNaughten (low) I'll humor her.

(Aloud) I cannot now. I have some other business.

Urania'

I don't want to force you, but I'm frightened by your coldness.

McNaughten (furiously) What the Devil is this! Leave and finish. I am neither hot nor cold for you.

Jenny Well! Can he carry this impudence any farther? Stop, sir, you push your insolence too far. My word, if you come to us again, I'm going to slam the door in your face.

Urania But, where've you been? Stop hiding things from me.

McNaughten You pretend to be ignorant, Madame, but you know very well. Didn't you see me on the stage coach. So, you know where I've been and where I'm going. It's your business.

Urania What a reproach! And what stage are you talking of?

McNaughten The most vulgar one can go on. I doubt there's another between London and Bristol that better jolts the pa.s.sengers.

Urania (helplessly) Jenny, you're right, he's lost his mind.

Jenny He hasn't lost a thing. Surely, he's had too much to drink. It's wine that carries him to these extravagances.

McNaughten I've had enough of your impertinences. More important business calls me away, and it's to finish that business that I am here. To get married, and not to dine with creatures like you who seek adventures.

Urania Creatures! Adventures! Heavens! What a way to speak to me!

Jenny Creatures! Ah, Madame, here are two fabulous cheats. If you listen to me, we'll box their ears and avenge our pride.

McNaughten Softly, if you please. Moderate your pa.s.sion.

Jenny I've never felt so wild. I would have spared the valet--but he does nothing to separate himself from his master. Why, Spruce?

Spruce I don't wish to know of your differences. I do not want to fight with you. If he brutalizes you, why blame me?

Urania How unhappy I am and how weak to have declared my affection for this ingrate! Jenny, you know it--I hide nothing from you.