The Man Who Lost Himself Part 29

"Just so," said Simms. "Have you any family?"

"Nope."

"I beg your pardon."

"No."

"I thought you said nope--my mistake."

"Not a bit, I did say nope--it's short for no."

"_Short_ for no--I see, just so."

Cavendish interposed with an air of interest.

"How would you spell that word?" asked he. Jones resented Cavendish somehow.

"I don't know," said he, "this isn't a spelling bee. N-o-p-e I suspect.

You gentlemen have undertaken to question me on behalf of the family as to my ident.i.ty, I think we had better stick to that point."

"Just so," said Simms, "precisely--"

"Excuse me," said the Duke of Melford, "I think if Mr. er--Jones wishes to prove his ident.i.ty as Mr. Jones he will admit that his actions will help. Now Lord Rochester was a very, shall we say, fastidious person, quiet in his actions."

"Oh, was he," said Jones, "that's news."

"Quiet, that is to say, in his movements--let it stand at that. Now my friend Collins said to me something about the eating of a doc.u.ment--"

Jones bristled. "Collins had no right to tell you that," said he, "I told him that privately. When did he tell you that?"

"When I called, just after his interview with you--he did not say it in anyway offensively. In fact he seemed to admire you for your--energy and so forth."

"Did you, in fact, eat a doc.u.ment?" asked Simms, with an air of bland interest.

"I did--and saved a very nasty situation, _and_ a million of money."

"What was the doc.u.ment?" asked Cavendish.

"A bill of exchange."

"Now may I ask why you did that?" queried Simms.

"No, you mayn't," replied Jones, "it's a private affair affecting the honour of another person."

"Quite so," said Simms, "but just one more question. Did you hear a voice telling you to--er--eat this paper?"

"Yes."

"What sort of voice was it?"

"It was the sort of voice that belongs to common-sense."

"Ha, ha," laughed Cavendish. "Good, very good,--but there is just something I want to ask. How was it, Mr.--er--Jones, that you turned into your present form, exchanged your position as it were with the Earl of Rochester?"

"O Lord," said Jones. Then to the Duke of Melford, "Tell them."

"Well," said the Duke. "Mr. Jones was sitting in the lounge of an hotel when a gentleman entered whom he knew but could not recognize."

"Couldn't place his name," cut in Jones.

"Precisely. The gentleman said 'turn round and look in that mirror'--"

"You've left the drinks out," said Jones.

"True. Mr. Jones and the gentleman had partaken of certain drinks."

"What were the drinks?" put in Simms.

"Champagne c.o.c.ktails, whisky and soda, then a bottle of Bollinger--after," said Jones.

"Mr. Jones looked into the mirror," continued the Duke, "and saw that he was the other gentleman, that is to say, Lord Rochester."

"No, the twin image," put in Jones.

"The twin image--well, after that more liquor was consumed--"

"The chap doped me with drink and sent me home as himself," cut in Jones, "and I woke up in a strange bed with a guy pulling up the window blinds."

"A guy?" put in Cavendish.

"A chap. Church is his name--I thought I was being bamboozled, so I determined to play the part of Lord Rochester--you know the rest."

Turning to the Duke of Melford.

"Well," said Cavendish, "I don't think we need ask any more questions of Mr. Jones; we are convinced, I believe, that Mr. Jones and--er--the Earl of Rochester are different."

"Quite so," said Simms, "we are sure of his _bonafides_ and of course it is for the family to decide how to meet this extraordinary situation. I am sure they will sympathize with Mr. Jones and make no trouble. It is quite evident he had no wrong intent."

"Now you are talking," said Jones.

"Quite so--One more question, does it seem to you I have not been talking at all up to this?"

Jones laughed. "It seems to me you have uttered _one_ word or two--ask a bee in a bottle, has it been buzzing."

The cadaverous Cavendish, who, from his outward appearance presented no signs of a sense of humour, exploded at this. .h.i.t, but Simms remained unmoved.

"Quite so," said he. "Well, that's all that remains to be said--but, now as a professional man, has not all this tried you a good deal, Mr.

Jones?--I should think it was enough to try any man's health."