The Astonishing History of Troy Town Part 42

"He spoke i' Spanish, o' cou'se, sir; but, not knowin' the tongue, I tells et to you in English."

"I had guessed that to be the reason," replied Mr. Fogo.

"Well, Sam were a bit tuk aback, but he answers--

"'Iss, I be. Why?'

"'Want 'un berried?'

"'Why, no, not partic'lar. Sooner or later, o' cou'se; but, thank'ee all the same, I'm thinkin' to do et a bit furder on.'

"'Then,' says the dapper man, 'I'll trouble you to hand over the berryin' fees for this parish.'

"'But I baint goin' to berry deceased i' this parish.'

"'That don't matter. Ef a corpse has use o' this parish, he's got to pay fees.'

"'How's that?'

"'Why, a corpse es dead,' says the chap; 'you'll allow that, I s'pose?'

"'Iss,' says Sam, 'I reckon I'll allow that.'

"'An' ef a corpse es i' this parish, he's dead i' this parish?'

"'Likely he es,' admits Sam.

"'Well, 'cordin' to law, anybody dead i' this parish es boun' to be berried i' this parish, an' therefore to pay fees,' says the man; 'and now I hopes you'll hand over the money, 'cos the train's waitin'.'

"Sam was for a raisin' a rumpus, an' gathered a crowd roun' the door; but they all sided wi' the dapper man, and said 'twas Spaniards' law, an' ef he wudn' pay, he must get out an' berry the Commodore there an' then. So he gi'ed in and pulled out the money, an' off they starts, the dapper man standin' an' bowin' 'pon the platform.

"Well, Sam leant back an' ciphered et out, an' cudn' see the sense o't. 'But,' says he, 'when you'm in Turkey you do as the Turkeys do, 'cordin' to the proverb, so I guess 'tes all right; an' ef et 'pears wrong, 'tes on'y that I bain't used to travellin' wi' corpses;' an'

wi' that he settles down an' goes to sleep.

"He hadn' been long sleepin' when the train pulls up agen, an' arter a minnit in comes anuther chap wi' a tellygram.

"'Deceased?' axes the chap, pointin' to the chest.

"'Mod'rately,' says Sam.

"'Wants berryin' p'raps?' says the chap.

"'I reckon he'll hold on a bit longer.'

"'Next parish, likely?'

"'Why, iss,' says Sam, 'or next arter that.'

"'Ah, what et es to be rich!' says the man, kind o' envious-like.

"'What do 'ee mean by that?' Sam axes.

"'Niver mind,' answers the man. ''Twarn't no bus'ness o' mines.

Wud 'ee kindly hand me the fees for this parish?'

"Well, Sam argeys the matter agen, but i' the end he pays up: 'Tho',' says he, 'I'd a notion travellin' were costly afore this, but darn me! you've got to be dead afore you sizes et. I've heerd as a man can't take nuthin' out o' this world, but blest ef I iver got the grip o' that tex' till I travelled i' Spain.'

"Well, sir, purty soon the same thing happened agen, an', to shorten the yarn, ivery time they got into a new parish an' pulled up, in walked a chap wi' a tellygram an' axed for berryin'-fees.

Luckily, there was money to pay mun, for the Commodore had left a bravish sum for travellin' expenses, and by-'m-by Sam begins to take a sort o' pride in pullin' out hes purse.

"'Talk 'bout fun'rals!' says he, 'I reckon this es suthin' _like_.

Adm'ral Nelson! why, Adm'ral Nelson didn' cost ha'f so much! An' you ain't but a Commodore,' says he. 'Devil fly away wi' 'ee, maaster, but so long as the coin lasts Sam won't cry 'Woa!''

"The words warn't fairly out o' hes mouth, sir, when the train draws up, an' in steps another man. He comed in so quiet that Sam didn'

see 'un at first; but when he turned roun', there was the man standin' an' starin' at 'un. 'Twas a strange-looking party, dressed i' black--a better-most body, like.

"'Aw, good eveling!' says Sam.

"'Good eveling,' says the man i' black, an' nods t'wards the chest.

'How's deceased?'

"'Gettin' a bit costly,' answers Sam, 'but doin' purty well, consederin'. You'm wantin' more fees, I reckon'; an' wi' that he dives hes hand into hes trowsy-pocket.

"'I don't want no fees,' says the man.

"Sam was knacked 'pon a heap wi' this.

"'Well, then, you'm the fust man I've a-met in Spain as doesn',' he says.

"That ain't onlikely,' says the man; and Sam noticed for the fust time that he'd a-been speakin' English all along. 'I be a-travellin', same as you,' he adds.

"'You'll 'scuse me, sir, but this compartment es resarved.'

"'That's a pity,' says the stranger, ''cos the train's a-started.'

"So 'twas. Sam hadn' a-noticed et, but they was movin' on.

Hows'ever, he detarmined to make the best o't; so he ups and says, perlite-like--

"'Terrable hot weather this, ain't et, sir?' Somehow et seemed to Sam as ef et had got hotter sence the stranger comed in.

"'I don't feel so mighty hot,' says the man. 'But there, I've a-been a gude deal in hot countries. How's deceased takin' the journey?'

says he.

"'He ain't complainin'; but, then, in life he warn't a complainin'

sort. Aw, sir, but a man must be over-nice ef a fun'ral like thes don't satisfy 'n. Phew! but 'tes awful!'

"'What's awful?'