Wind Of Promise Part 18

His unexpected words threw her completely off balance.

"You think I'm afraid of you?" Hard blue eyes stabbed down at him.

"Yes. You're afraid of what you feel for me and you're hurt and embarra.s.sed because you think I don't return those feelings."

She closed her eyes tightly and moved her head from side to side. When she opened them they blazed into his.

"You're the most egotistical man I've ever met. Just because I'm grateful and let you kiss me doesn't mean I'm . . . in love with you!"

"Vanessa!" he said with angered insistence. "You didn't let me kiss you. We kissed each other because we both wanted to. But I will say no man ever kissed a sweeter mouth." His voice dropped to a whisper and his eyes moved to her mouth, as if he were remembering. His hand on her wrist slid down and his fingers entwined with hers. There was no warmth in her eyes, and he suddenly wanted that warmth, needed it. "Don't look at me like that, little red bird. I can't bear for you to look at me as if you hated me."

The very softness of his voice melted some of the cold chill from hers. She watched his lips move, saw the pleading look in his tawny eyes, felt the nervous tremor in the hand that held hers. "I don't hate you, Kain. I could never hate you. I'm too gratefula""

He crushed her hand in his and jerked so hard she almost fell onto the bed.

"d.a.m.n you! Listen to me! I've had about all of your independence I can stand. Don't ever use that word to me again! It has no meaninga"no meaning at all between us! Do you understand, Vanessa?"

"Why are you so angry? Turn me loose."

"If you promise to stay. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you about your aunt."

Vanessa's blue eyes moved down to where the bullet had torn a jagged hole in his side, traveled slowed up over his bare chest that rose with every angry breath, and locked with his. There she saw deep tension, but also something else that she'd seen there before. Could it possibly be a yearning for something he could not attain? What could this wordly wise man want that he couldn't have? She pulled on her hand gently and he released it.

"All right. Let me finish with this first."

Kain watched her face as she worked. She was so incredibly beautiful that he didn't even notice the dull ache in his shoulder, the sting where she'd ripped off the plaster, or the sharp pain in his side as she pressed on the salve-smeared bandage. He watched her as a starving man watches a feast. His eyes moved from her small pointed chin up to her mouth that had fit so achingly sweet against his. Her eyes were the most expressive he'd ever seen, he thought. At times they blazed with anger, were flat and cold as ice when she put on her haughty face, shone brightly when she laughed, and when filled with tears, they were like two sparkling pools of clear mountain water. Her head was bent over him and he could smell her cool, clean scent. The lamplight turned her hair to a glimmering flame. He wanted desperately to touch it, but kept his hands at his sides and caressed it with his eyes. Her tongue came out to moisten her lower lip and stayed there as she concentrated on what she was doing. Desire flowed through him, and he feared that his flesh beneath the thin covering would rise and embarra.s.s her. He prayed to G.o.d that she would hurry and finish so he could turn over and hide it from her.

Vanessa secured the bandage with plaster strips, repacked the kit and closed the lid. She moved the chair back from the bed and started to sit down. Kain's voice stopped her.

"Don't sit way over there. My voice may carry out into the hall. Here, sit beside me." He moved over on the bed and turned on his side to face her.

Seconds piled on top of each other to make a minute while she stood uncertainly beside the bed. When he lifted his hand, his long, slender fingers reaching for hers, she sank down on the edge of the bed.

"What's this about Aunt Ellie?"

"First I want to tell you that I'm sorry I barked at you the other night. My only excuse is that I was hurting like h.e.l.l and I didn't want you to see me like that."

"That's silly. I helped my father take care of patients. What few he had," she added dryly. "We took splinters out of behinds, set broken bones, treated boils and all kinds of gunshot wounds. Hill people are always feuding and shooting at each other. Seeing you throw up wouldn't have bothered me at all."

"It would have bothered me."

Vanessa looked into his face. She was calmer now, and her wildly palpitating heart had slowed to a rhythm that left her not quite so breathless. At times like this she was so comfortable with him that she felt as if he might be the other part of her. Something intangible had bound them together since the day they met. She had always known that, even though at times she had pushed that knowledge to the back of her mind.

She took a deep breath that quivered her lips, and her eyes softened and caressed his face. He needed a shave, she thought, and had to contain herself to resist the urge to run her fingers over his rough cheeks. Her eyes were lost in his intent gaze and she held her hands locked tightly together so he couldn't see them trembling and know how badly she wanted to touch him.

Kain watched the expressions flit across her face. She was proud and beautiful but vulnerable, too. He wanted to hold her, to stand between her and anything that would hurt her, as he had tried to s.h.i.+eld her against Primer Ta.s.s. His hand lifted to push a strand of hair behind her ear; there his fingers lingered, their tips against her earlobe. He watched in fascination as her eyes changed from frosty stones to bright suns.h.i.+ne that penetrated his very soul, grabbed him, and shook him.

"I'm in love with you, pretty little red bird. I wish I could ask you to marry me, but I can't. I'll have to go away soon, but while I'm here, can't we enjoy each other's company and stop hurting each other?"

Vanessa was stunned by his words. She half suspected he was teasing, then saw the look of longing in his eyes. The intense silence that followed seemed to press the breath out of her, drain all coherent thought from her mind until a tremulous joy came over her, so great it was like a pain, and her heart began to race. Then the rest of his words seeped into her mind and dread swept over her like a chill.

"You're going away . . . from here?"

"Yes. I don't know just when, but soon."

"Why? Where are you going?"

"Away . . . on business. But I want to know that you're here, safe."

"How long will you be gone?"

"I'll not be coming back."

His words hung in the air between them. He watched her with dark and anxious eyes, and through them she sensed the mental agony he was suffering.

"Kain! Oh, Kain! You don't mean that!" Dear G.o.d! She loved him so, and that gave him this awesome power to hurt her.

"I don't want to go, love, but I must." His hand moved up and down her arm as if he couldn't bear not to touch her.

"But if you love mea""

"I do. You must believe that."

"Then don't go. Please don't go!" Vanessa's words echoed back to her like a lost wail.

"I must, my sweet love. Don't think about it. We've got now. Lie down beside me and let me hold youa"for just a little while." There was a deep huskiness in his voice and he closed his eyes tightly, unable to bear the pain in hers and let her see the moisture in his.

Vanessa didn't know that she was crying until she felt the tears running down her cheeks. She sank down on the bed, her back to his chest, and he pillowed her head on his arm. Wrapped in his arms, even with the bed sheet and her clothes between them, she could feel the pounding of his heart against her back. He had said he loved her, said he was going away and was not coming back . . . and he had not asked her to go with him. Her face crumbled. This was both heaven and h.e.l.l.

Kain pressed his lips to the white flesh beneath her ear, and tears ran from his eyes into her hair. He hadn't meant to tell her of his love. It had just come out. What had he done to this sweet woman? She cared for him; he had been sure of it since the night she had told him about Ta.s.s. This would make his leaving all the harder to bear. Was Ellie right? Should they take what happiness they could get in the short time left?

"I know you don't understand, my love." His whispered words caressed her neck. "I shouldn't have told you and put this burden on you. It would have been easier for you if you were angry at me, hated me. But I'm a selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I wanted your love, your warmth. More than anything I wanted to hold you in my arms and see love s.h.i.+ning in your eyes for me . . . only for me. Pull me into your heart, my love, and hold me there."

"Oh, Kain," she whispered and brushed his bare arm with her lips. "All I can say is . . . I love you, and I don't want you to go."

"They're the most beautiful words I've ever heard." His voice vibrated with emotion. "You came into my life so unexpectedly and made me feel things I never thought I would feel. Let me be with you for this little while."

"I love you so, I don't know if I can bear it if you go away and leave me."

"You will, dear heart."

"Are you already . . . married to someone?"

"No. I've never met anyone I wanted to marry until now."

"Then why?"

"It's something I have no control over. Don't ask me, love. Let's not think about it, not now. Let's pretend we're going to be together forever. Push it out of your mind. Push everything out of your mind, sweetheart, but me. We've had some hard times, but, darling, there may be some good in knowing we must part because it makes us aware of how precious this time together is and how priceless this thing we feel for each other."

For a long time they lay without talking. Kain's hand gripped hers tightly and he buried his face in the softness of her gleaming tresses.

"Why did you tell me, now? Why didn't you just go?"

"Because I was afraid you'd leave in the morning and I'm not up to following you to town."

"I didn't want to leave here, buta""

"I couldn't let you go. I want you here, with me." His fingers left her arm and curled about her breast in sweet intimacy. He spoke against the back of her ear after a short silence. "And it's best that Ellie and Henry stay away from town, too, until I can find out more about Henry Hill. I want to ride out and talk to Logan Horn. He was Henry Clayhill's adopted son. He may know something about Henry Hill and Adam Hill. Sweetheart, I'm convinced that the man your aunt is looking for is Adam Clayhill."

"If he's as mean and ornery as you say, Aunt Ellie will be disappointed, then just stay away from him."

"He isn't like anyone Ellie's come up against. He can be as nice as pie one minute and like a viper the next."

"Then the sooner she finds out that he'll not claim Henry as a relative the better. She's about ready to admit this was a fool's errand."

"But think about this: If Adam Clayhill is Adam Hill, that would mean that his brother was Henry Clayhill, not Henry Hill, and he married Ellie under an a.s.sumed name."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"I want to find out more about this before Ellie meets Adam Clayhill."

Time a.s.sumed a dreamlike quality. Their desire to lie quietly together was wholly without pa.s.sion. Neither intruded on the other's thoughts as they enjoyed the simple pleasure of being close. Kain felt a peace he hadn't known since that unforgettable day beside the river when he realized that soon he would die. He didn't feel so lonely now.

Vanessa thought of the love that had sustained her aunt through twenty years. Would it be the same with her? But Ellie had had a child to lavish her love on. Henry was a part of the lover who had swept into her life and out again in one short month. What would she have when Kain was gone? Nothing? She'd not know the joy of mating with the man she loved, the thrill of having his child grow in her body, or looking into tawny eyes knowing they were his eyes unless. . . .

"I must get up," she whispered. "The house is quiet. Aunt Ellie will wondera""

"Turn over so I can look at you."

Vanessa swung her legs off the bed and sat up. Her fingers raked her hair back from her face before she looked at him. Her eyes took in the questioning look in his and the small damp puddle that lay on the bridge of his nose.

"I must look a sight. I always get red eyes and a runny nose when I cry," she said with a trembly smile.

"You could never look anything but beautiful to me." G.o.d how could this woman make him feel like a king just by looking at him? He felt a surging warmth flow through him like a river. The chilling darkness which had wrapped itself around him loosened and fell way under the spell of her brilliant eyes. His smile answered her, then grew into a low, throaty laugh. "Ah, love, I've never been this happy in all my life!"

She leaned over him, and her soft lips touched the dampness in the corner of his eyes. "We'll be happy while we can," she whispered. "If you say you have to go I must believe that you don't want to leave me and I'll try not to think about it. I've never loved before, Kain, and it hurts." Her voice broke, but she cleared her throat and went on. "Because I love you, I want to make our time together something we'll always remember. I'll not question you, but I want you to know that, if you want me, I'll go with you . . . if it's to jail, or South America or the Yukon." Her tears fell on his face and mingled with his.

"Darling, don't cry."

"This is the last time. I promise. Kain? Are you . . . going to die? Is someone going to kill you?"

"The only one I know who wanted to see me dead was Ta.s.s. We don't have to worry about him."

Their lips met and clung. His hand behind her head held her to him. They whispered to each other, mouth to mouth, sharing breath and soft, sweet kisses.

"I must go. Aunt Elliea""

"She knows I love you."

"You told her?"

"She guessed. I think everyone knew but you."

"You said I was stubborn, mule-headed."

"You are, my sweet." He laughed against her lips. "Even Henry wanted me to court you."

"Then you bought the ribbon to please Henry?"

"To please me. Then I was afraid to give it to you, afraid you'd throw it at me."

"I wouldn't have."

"Kiss me some more before you go and come back early in the morning."

"If we were married I could stay," she whispered.

"Oh, sweet love, don't tempt me!" A groan of anguish escaped his throat and he pulled her to him, disregarding the pain in his shoulder. "Little red bird!" His voice was husky, tender. He held her fast and kissed her wet cheeks.

"I don't want to cry again . . ."

"It's all right." He pressed his mouth close against her temple in gentle reverence and spoke soothingly. "We'll get rid of all the tears tonight, and tomorrow we'll start to live one day at a time."

"I've been miserable the last few days." She couldn't keep the pain from her quivering voice.

"No more than I." His hand began stroking her forehead, pus.h.i.+ng her tousled hair back and smoothing it caressingly. "And not from the holes in me, either," he added lightly.

She sighed and their seeking lips found each other and lingered. Held close against him, feeling his heart pounding heavily against her breast, she pushed away the waves of despair that had threatened to drown her when she realized their time together would be brief.

"I can't bear for us to quarrel," she whispered.

"But we will, my little redhead. We'll quarrel, we'll fight and we'll make up. All in the same day. I'll never sleep again with a misunderstanding between us."

"I love you, Kain DeBolt." Her voice was the softest of whispers and she drew back so she could look into his face.

He searched her eyes for confirmation of her words, and when she smiled at him he could see her love in them. She kissed him with fiery sweetness, then stood and looked down at him for a long moment before gently untangling her fingers from his. Without speaking, she swiftly left the room and closed the door behind her.

A light from the kitchen shone out into the hall and she followed it. Ellie sat beside the table sewing one of the dresses for Mary Ben. She looked up when Vanessa came into the room. Her hands stilled, and her knowing eyes searched Vanessa's teary face.

"He loves me, Aunt Ellie, but he's going away. Did you know?"

"Yes."

"He didn't tell me where he's going. Did he tell you?"

"I didn't ask, dear."

"I think someone is going to kill him. He won't tell me about it because he doesn't want me to worry. I don't think I can bear not knowing." Her sight was blurred by her tears. She sniffed and wiped her face on her sleeve.