The Nephews: A Play, in Five Acts. Part 4

_Augusta._ How so?

_Counsellor._ We'll make him look quite silly, by pretending to compliment him.

_Augusta._ I must decline taking any part, Sir.

_Counsellor_ [to Philip]. Mr. Brook, I have the honour to pay you my best compliments.

_Philip_ [turning quickly towards him]. On what account?

_Counsellor._ What account? Why--why--on having the happiness to see you.

_Philip._ Then, you must pay them to yourself.

_Counsellor._ But, as I have the honour to be upon terms of strict friends.h.i.+p with your----

_Philip._ Strict!

_Counsellor._ Very strict.

_Philip._ This is the first time I have heard of my brother's strictness.

_Counsellor._ But, Mr. Brook, you are seldom to be seen; why is this?

_Philip._ That I may not be seen too often.

_Counsellor._ But, you lock yourself up like a hermit; 'tis quite inconsistent with your age and station in life.

_Philip._ You think so?

_Counsellor._ It does not require much thinking, it is self-evident.

_Philip._ Indeed?

_Counsellor._ For instance--you live quite secluded from your friends.

_Philip_ [stepping back]. I distinguish between friends and acquaintance.

_Counsellor._ And you neglect the favour and protection of the great.

_Philip._ Do not flatter me to my face.

_Counsellor._ With your fortune, I wonder you do not buy an office and t.i.tle.

_Philip._ Because----but your question answers itself.

_Counsellor._ How so?

_Philip._ Because they are to be bought.

_Counsellor_ [with an affected laugh].--A fine reason; an excellent one, indeed! Plain Mr. Brook! it sounds very well [laughing]. Don't you think so, ladies? plain Mr. Brook!

_Philip._ Yet, in one respect I find that a bought office may be very useful.

_Counsellor_ [laughing]. See, ladies, he yields--he submits.

_Philip._ A bought office may be of use to a fool, who has no other means of recommending himself.

_Counsellor_ [at a loss]. That is indeed true, very true----

_Philip._ And a t.i.tle--you will certainly agree--is often an excellent protection for a knave. Excuse me, Sir!----This dry conversation-- [Going.

_Counsellor_ [detaining him]. Bravo, bravo, Mr. Ecclesiasticus!

_Philip._ Are you acquainted with his book?

_Counsellor._ Certainly.

_Philip._ And read it?

_Counsellor._ Oh, often, very often [laughing]; and I fancy I hear him now.

_Philip._ Yet, you have forgotten one of his best sayings.

_Counsellor._ Which?

_Philip._ A wife man smiles--a fool, a fool, Mr. Counsellor, laughs aloud. [Exit.

_Counsellor._ It is a pity he is gone; the best part of the jest was to come.

_Mrs. D._ But the laugh was not entirely on your side.

_Counsellor._ Why, I kept my best things to the last--but we will certainly christen him Mr. Ecclesiasticus [laughs]. When I tell his brother, he will enjoy it heartily.

Enter Mr. DRAVE.

_Mr. D._ Good morning, Sir!

_Counsellor._ Your most obedient, my dear Mr. Drave: I am happy to see you in health; I was much afflicted by your late indisposition.

_Mr. D._ I am obliged to you. [To Mrs. D.] Will you be so good as to go down awhile with Augusta?

_Mrs. D._ [aside to Mr. D.] But keep your temper. [Exeunt Mrs. D. and Augusta.

_Counsellor_ [is going after them]. Give me leave, Sir.

_Mr. D._ I will thank you for a few minutes conversation.

_Counsellor._ With all my heart. What do you wish?