Switching Gears Part 20

Lucas. I cant get past it. Still.

He walks over and sits down next to me. Have you talked to anyone about it?

I shake my head. Not really.

Maybe you should. You can talk to me.

I smile. You dont want to hear about my boy problems.

Its not just a boy problem. He was your best friend.

I know. Not just my best friend. I could tell him anything"other than the fact that I was in love with him. I was always scared to tell him that. But everything else, he was always there to listen. Always there to tell me everything was going to work out.

And Moms still okay. Well enough to ground you anyway.

Right.

Have you talked to her about anything?

No.

Maybe you should. She has a doctors appointment tomorrow, maybe you should go with her.

I shake my head. No. Im not ready to do that. Im not ready to hear it all from a doctor and have to accept the fact that shes sick. She should be taking me shopping or to dinner for a girls night or going with me to see a movie and share a giant tub of popcorn. We havent done anything like that for months. I miss it. So much. But I know Im the one keeping us from it.

Might be good for He trails off and shakes his head when he sees my face. Never mind. Ill see you upstairs. If you can walk that far.

Of course I can walk that far.

Really? You havent left your room in days. Have you even showered?

Have I? I cant remember so I shrug. Give me a minute to get dressed and Ill meet you up there.

Sounds good. He leaves and then pokes his head back inside. What do you want to watch?

Hmmm. I dont know. Maybe a chick flick? I grin.

He rolls his eyes. Seriously?

Knew youd love that. I try to think of a movie Ive been dying to see, but cant. I dont care what we watch, as long as theres nothing super gory or scary.

He frowns. Youre no fun. The doorbell rings and he runs up the stairs. Be right back.

I stare at the clothes on the floor and think about what Gavin said. Maybe I should apologize to Mom and Dad. I hate the tension. I hate feeling like this, but I dont know how to get over it. I dont know what Im supposed to be feeling. As for talking to someone about Lucas Ive talked Kelsies ear off. Who else would I be able to talk to about him? And why does he think it will help?

I look up as Gavin comes back in my room a few minutes later, a bunch of daisies in his hand.

Whats that?

He gives me a wicked grin and hands them to me. For you.

I take them from him and pluck the card out of the bouquet.

Emmy, Get Well Soon.

Cole My eyes narrow as I read the note again. Really? Get well soon? Thats all he could think of?

Im not really one to write notes.

My breath catches as I recognize the voice. I turn toward the door to see Cole stepping inside, with Gavin nowhere to be seen. My face flames. What what are you doing down here? Wheres Gavin?

Hes on his way upstairs. I told him Id buy him dinner if he let me in to talk to you, since he said you didnt want to see anyone. Me especially.

I frown. That wasnt totally true. I never said I didnt want to see him. But talking to him is a totally different story. Hes never been good with bribes. Especially when it involves food. Im surprised you knew that. I run my hand over my face, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes and curse myself for not having changed out of my pajamas.

I didnt know that actually. I guess he cant pa.s.s up a good meal. And I figured he took after you. He studies my face and shoves his hands in his pockets. Ill leave if you want me to.

I hesitate and cant help but stare at him. Hes in jeans and a yellow polo. His hair is spiked and gelled like it usually is, but theres something different about him. His expression is solemn, sad even.

Why is he here?

Cole eyes the floor where Im sitting and my heart speeds up. Can I sit down? I try to decide if I should stay where I am on the floor or move to the window seat. Or the bed. No. The bed would be weird. And the window seat would be weird, too. I stay where I am.

Emmy?

Still staring. A million thoughts running through my head. Pull yourself together, Emmy. Say something.

He takes my silence as a yes, I think, because he takes a step closer and glances at the flowers in my hand. I set them on the floor next to me. He picks his way through my messy room (right now Im really wis.h.i.+ng I would have listened to Mom and cleaned it earlier) and stops right in front of me.

He only hesitates a second before sitting cross-legged on the floor next to me. He smiles as he looks around the room for a second, his eyes glued to the wall across from us. Nice posters.

Uh thanks. I stare at him, not knowing what else to say. Um thanks for the flowers.

Youre welcome.

It takes me a minute, but I finally find myself. At least for now. Im sure you send flowers to every girl, so I wont think anything of it.

He laughs. Its good to hear youre still the same. He shakes his head. And you should know I dont send flowers to girls. Ever. Feel special, okay?

My cheeks redden. Okay. I bite my lip and twist my ring. So why are you here? Do you need something?

I dont have to need something to want to see you, Emmy.

I dont know what to say to that, so I settle with, Oh. My fingers stop twisting my ring, and I glance over at him. His eyes are darker today. Flecks of brownish gold spiral around his pupil, making the green pop more than usual. I wish my eyes changed color like his do in the light. Coles mouth twitches and breaks into a small smile. I look away, embarra.s.sed that he caught me staring at him. Again.

He clears his throat. I wanted to come by to tell you how sorry I am about the crash the other day. I shouldnt have talked you into racing Whitney again. Especially in Park City. That trail is rough. And I shouldnt have pressured you about captain. I dont blame you if you dont want to ever talk to me again, since your bike is ruined. I know how hard you worked on it. Im just sorry. For everything.

Hes apologizing. To me. My life is so backwards. I havent been nice to him this entire time and hes the one trying to make amends. My life is so screwed up. Cole. It wasnt your fault.

It was. He looks down at his hands, twisted in his lap. If it wasnt my fault, why didnt you want to talk to me again?

I smile in spite of myself. If its one thing Im good at, its pus.h.i.+ng people away. The fact that I lost to Whitney again, kind of put a damper on things. I fold my arms. I was mad. At myself mostly. I have a hard time admitting defeat.

You didnt lose. Whitney didnt really finish the race.

What? I frown.

She thought she heard you fall, so she stopped a little ways down the trail. When she didnt see you coming, she called me.

She called you? Why?

He looks at me like Ive lost my mind. Shes not as evil as you think she is. And she thought you were hurt.

If it was a normal race, she wouldnt have stopped.

How do you know?

I stare at him, trying to figure him out. I dont.

Like I said, shes not that bad. He adjusts the watch around his wrist before looking at me again. Also. Is there a reason youre still so short with me? Besides captain, have I ever done anything else to p.i.s.s you off? Because thats how you talk to me. All the time. Like youre p.i.s.sed at me. Its kind of well getting old.

I really do? I whisper.

He snorts. Um yes. To be honest, Im not sure why Im still trying. I almost didnt come over here. Im ready to give up on you.

The look on his face confirms his words. Hes serious. I really am a brat. And right now, I feel awful. Im sorry, Cole. I hate feeling like this. So wound up and trapped in my screwed-up emotions. Im just having a hard time right now. And Im not sure why I chose to take things out on you. Youve been nothing but nice to me and I I get it. A little. Its the other guy. Lucas. Youre still in love with him. I shake my head, but he just smiles. I can see it. Its okay. Youre grieving still. And then I come along and"

Make things complicated. I twist my hands in my lap and try my hardest not to look at him. I fail.

Yeah. He smiles. Sorry about that. I guess. Well, I have a proposal. Again. Nothing to do with Lucas or anything. I promise.

Okay?

I want to start over. Push aside the whole captain thing. I want you to get to know me for real. Im the bad guy in your eyes, but its because you dont know anything about me. Youve only heard the rumors.

Cole"

He holds up a hand. Well start small, I swear. Since you really want to win the Back Country race in a few weeks, I was wondering if youre feeling up to it in a few days, do you want to train with me? And I swear Im not saying Im better than you or anything. Ive just watched you race and I I think I could help you out a little. Whitneys good, Em. Really good. Which gives her an advantage over you in the Back Country. But with the right motivation and a few tricks, you could take her.

I stare at him. Do I dare let Cole teach me? Like a real coach? I really could use some pointers. Maybe? I squeak. Our school coach, Coach Clarke, is really nice, but the only reason hes our coach is because we begged him to help us get a team together since we had to have an adult to supervise. Hes not a professional biker, just a track coach who wanted to help us out. So this"a real coach"this would be new.

Maybe? He c.o.c.ks an eyebrow. If I threw in a few shakes, would you say yes?

What makes you think a food bribe would work on me?

He laughs. It worked for your brother, so I thought Id give it a try.

I try to stop the grin from creeping to my face. Maybe one shake would be okay. I guess.

Why dont I go grab one and we can watch a movie or something. If thats okay. I dont want to invite myself over. Its just Id like to hang out with you today. If youre okay with it, of course. Because its something small to start with. Maybe we can have a conversation without you insulting me.

My lips twitch. Sure. Id like that.

Great. I have to run to the store for my dad real quick, so Ill pick up a few shakes on the way back.

That sounds great. Shower. Change of clothes. Makeup. Stat.

He stands. Ill see you in an hour or so then.

I stay where I am. I dont want him to see the full ensemble Im wearing. I look less than awesome in my holey pajama pants. Okay.

Its only after he leaves, I realize how messy my room really is. Oh well. At least my underwear isnt on the floor. Or is it? I glance around to make sure. No. None. Phew.

After the front door slams upstairs, Gavin pokes his head back in my room. Im guessing the movie is a no-go.

Oh, Gav, Im sorry!

He laughs. No worries. Ill crash your movie date instead. You need a chaperone anyway.

Its not a date.

Whatever.

Thats when I remember Im still grounded. Maybe Gavin would cover for me

CHAPTER 22.

Cole comes over an hour later. I take a quick look in the mirror in the bathroom, feeling refreshed from my shower. Im ready. Not sweaty from a bike ride or looking like I just rolled out of bed. I look nice. Hair done, makeup on. Actually dressed in jeans and a nice s.h.i.+rt. Something about seeing Cole makes me want to look at least a little presentable.

Which makes me wonder how that happened. One day, he was the c.o.c.ky self-absorbed mountain biking playboy, and now? I cant get him out of my head.

I jog upstairs and head for the kitchen. Dad pa.s.ses by and glances inside. You going somewhere tonight? Because Im pretty sure youre still grounded.

Not going anywhere. Someones coming here, if thats okay.

His eyes narrow and he stands there as though hes deep in thought. Okay. As long as you stay here, its fine. But you cant leave.

Thanks. We stare at each other a moment, each not knowing what to say. We havent talked since I blew up the other night, and every time Ive seen him or Mom, Ive taken every measurable step to avoid it. But right now, Im kind of missing them. Both of them. Especially Mom. Im sorry again, Dad. For not telling you or Mom where I was going.

His expression softens. I know.

I wont do it again.