Switching Gears Part 9

He smiled. My sisters fine. So are my parents. For the most part anyway.

Oh. Good. I folded my arms and s.h.i.+vered at the slight breeze.

He was quiet for a moment. A few crickets chirping somewhere in the yard was the only sound in the starry night. It could have been the perfect moment, but then he spoke. My cancers back.

My world crashed down around me as I sucked in a breath. What? It came out as a whisper on the breeze.

He closed his eyes. Ive been really tired and weak lately and have had a lot of pain. So we went to the doctor a few weeks ago. Its bad. He opened his eyes and sat up to face me, taking my hands in his. Em, Im not gonna make it.

I dropped his hands. What do you mean, youre not gonna make it?

The cancers everywhere. They gave me six months. Tops.

This couldnt be happening. This was Lucas. The guy who beat cancer once. The boy I was in love with. He was strong. He could fight this.

I was shaking. My eyes burned. And when he scooted closer and put his arm around me, I leaned my head on his shoulder and let a few tears fall.

He pulled me closer. Its okay, Em. Im not afraid of dying. I accepted it a long time ago.

How can it be back? You beat it. Youre perfect now.

Its just my time.

Its not fair. Youre too young to die. I wiped at the tears trailing down my cheeks.

He chuckled, the rumble in his chest making my heart constrict. No ones too young to die. Some people arent really ready for it, but you cant stop whats meant to happen. And Ive accepted my fate. Ill be okay.

I wont.

He squeezed my shoulder. Thanks for always being there for me, Em. I dont know what Id do without you. But youll be strong. You have your family. Oakley. Kelsie. Youll manage without me.

I wasnt sure what Id do without him. The thought of him dying was more than I could take. Hows Oakley?

He sighed. Not good. Give her a few days before you try to talk to her about it. Shes taking it the hardest.

Okay. Shed been distant lately, thats for sure. Now I knew why.

He sat up a little straighter, but didnt move his arm. Lets not talk about depressing things anymore, okay? Id rather just sit here and enjoy the quiet. The stars are bright tonight. Its calm. I need calm right now.

They are bright. I wiped my eyes and, as I moved my hand back down toward my lap, Lucas grabbed it and linked out fingers together. He didnt say anything. He didnt have to. All he needed was someone to sit with him and be there for him while he dealt with everything.

My mind was going crazy, though. Did anyone else know? His friends? His girlfriend? She didnt deserve him. She never had. And how was I supposed to watch him get weaker and weaker until he disappeared into nothing? I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to curse every disease capable of taking those I loved away. But I didnt. I relished in the moment of Lucas trusting me enough to tell me what was going on. And sitting in that porch swing that night was a memory Id cherish forever.

When I got home later that night, Mom was waiting for me. I didnt even know she was there until she flipped the lamp on. One look at my tear-streaked face and she was on her feet.

Honey, whats wrong?

His cancers back. I couldnt say anything else, just sobbed as she pulled me close and stroked my hair.

She was quiet, listening to my sobs and crying silently herself. No words about how everything was going to be okay or how Lucas would win his fight. No false hopes. And I loved that about her. She just let me cry. She was just there. My rock. And I knew shed be there for me every other time I would need her.

But now, my rock was slipping away. And oh, how I needed her.

CHAPTER 10.

I dont know how long its been when Cole finds me, but Im sure its been a while.

Hey, he says as he sits on the curb next to me.

Hey. My tears are dry by now and hopefully my face isnt red, but Im sure its a little blotchy.

Dumb emotions. I hate crying.

I wondered where you ran off to. You okay?

I nod. Just feeling sorry for myself and thinking about things I cant change.

You sure?

Yes. I rub my arms, and before I know what hes doing, he shrugs off his dark jacket.

Here.

Oh, no, I cant take your"

No worries. He puts it around my shoulders and I give him a shaky smile.

Thanks. It smells good. Like cologne. I try not to let him see me breathe too deep. That wouldnt be awkward at all.

So you kind of disappeared. Kelsie has been bowling for you.

Im probably winning then?

He chuckles. Shes pretty good.

I nod. I know. She puts me to shame at everything.

Besides mountain biking?

I guess. Are your cousins having fun?

I think so.

That was nice of you to take them out on the town.

He chuckles. Not much to do here, but bowling works, I guess.

Are you guys close?

We get along, yes. My mom and their dad are siblings. We dont see them a ton, but they do come around sometimes. When they do, we have fun. Theyre only in town for a few days this time, though. Madison has an appointment with a specialist here. She has a kidney disease and shes not doing very well. Theyre hoping this doctor has better news than her other ones.

Im sorry.

He shrugs. Life. If anyone can deal, its Madison. Shes the most positive person Ive ever met. Mia, on the other hand, shes convinced sh.e.l.l be able to donate a kidney to her when she turns eighteen. I hope sh.e.l.l be able to. For both their sakes.

Me too. I think of Lucas when he got his diagnosis. I squeeze my eyes shut as my eyes start burning.

Hes quiet for a moment. You ready for your race next week?

Yes. I like one word answers. Theyre short. And about all I can handle right now.

Really? He raises an eyebrow and gives me a small smile.

Yep.

I believe you. Ive seen you ride, you know. Youre good.

I didnt expect that. Thanks.

I wish youd reconsider and join the team again.

I dont think so.

He sighs. Look. If theres anything I can do to change your mind, tell me. We could really use you. Our scores could use a boost. Especially against that team from Layton. They almost had us last week. It would be good to have another person who knows what shes doing.

I shake my head.

I figured youd say no.

Whats that supposed to mean?

He shrugs. From past experience, I know you wont change your mind no matter what I say.

How do you know? You dont even know me.

Im trying to get to know you. If you werent so stubborn, wed be past all the small talk by now.

I dont know what to say to that, so I just sit, staring at him with my mouth open. Why does he want to get to know me? Were two very different people. Hes the laid back, not a care in the world type and Im the opposite.

Hes watching me and I avoid his eyes. Im not sure what he wants or how I got myself into this situation. I shouldnt have come.

Youre really hard to read, Emmy.

My name on his lips makes my heart speed up. Thanks I guess.

He shrugs. I can usually read people pretty well. But you? Youre different.

Oh. This conversation keeps getting more awkward and Im really wis.h.i.+ng Kelsie would come find us.

Youre still mad about me taking over captain.

You won it, fair and square. It comes out clipped, even though I try to keep my voice steady and indifferent. The team chose you and not me.

And that hurt you. He hesitates. Im sorry. I shouldnt have taken it from you. It wasnt my place.

I stare at the ground. I wasnt expecting him to apologize, especially for this. No. I look up at him with half a smile. Youre the better choice. Youve had professional coaches and know a lot more about it than I do. Im just a A what?

I let out the breath Im holding. I dont know what I am.

He doesnt say anything, but I do see his hand lift up a little, like hes going to put his arm around me or something. Part of me wants him to. Youre awesome at fixing up bikes.

I chuckle. I guess so.

And youre a pretty amazing rider.

I shrug. Sometimes.

Not sometimes. Youre awesome. Especially for someone who taught herself how to ride.

Thanks This conversation is kind of freaking me out. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. What do you want, Cole?

He stares at me. What makes you think I want something?

I ignore that. You just you usually dont go out of your way to talk to me. And the past few times weve seen each other, thats exactly what youve done.

You read into things too much. And I dont want anything. Like I said before. Im trying to figure you out.

Why?

Because youre interesting.

Cole, please.

He grins. What? You dont believe me?

No.

Why not?

Theres no way youre interested in me.

He smiles. I never said Im interested in you, just that youre interesting.