G'Day To Die Part 13

I recalled the scene in the airport this morning, pinpointing the moment when I'd begun to toy with another theory.

It was when Ellie mentioned the money.

Conrad had been so irritated with her. Why? Was he embarra.s.sed about having his financial difficulties revealed, or simply angry that she'd spilled the beans about the million-dollar award? Had he been planning to sell the plant on the sly so he could pocket all the loot himself? Not that Nana would care. Since her big lottery win, five hundred thousand was chump change to her, but if that had been his intent, it was so dishonest!

Dishonesty aside, however, the question that baffled me the most was how could he sell a plant that no one could find?

I drummed my fingers on the desk as I studied Nana's infamous Polaroid. How could a team of university botanists miss this thing? Granted, it looked common as dirt, but these guys were experts. Shouldn't at least one of them have stumbled on it?

I stopped drumming as another thought hit me. They should have, unless Conrad had been lying to us right from the start. They should have, unless Conrad had been lying to us right from the start.

Uff da. I typed an entry into the laptop, clicked on a couple of links, wrote down the number that appeared on the screen, and turned off the computer so I could use the phone.

"University of Milbourne, Botany Department," announced the woman who answered. "This is Liz."

"Hi, Liz, I need your help. Is the big international botany conference taking place this week?"

"That would be the week after nixt, luv, on the twinty-fourth."

"Oo-kay. That's what I thought, but when I stopped by the department yesterday, lots of people were gone, so I was afraid I'd mixed my dates up."

"No, no. A group of thim were on a field trip to Port Campbell yesterday. But it turned out to be more of a wild-goose chase. If you need to talk to anyone, do yourself a favor and don't stop by today. Come tomorrow." She lowered her voice to a discreet whisper. "They might be over their grouchies by then."

I rang off and powered up the laptop again, frustrated that my hunch had been off the mark, but glad for the verification. Conrad said said he'd contacted the university, but how did we know he'd been telling the truth? He could have made up the whole story, and we never would have known the difference. But he he'd contacted the university, but how did we know he'd been telling the truth? He could have made up the whole story, and we never would have known the difference. But he had had contacted them, and they contacted them, and they had had sent a search team, and they'd come up dry. So where did that leave me? sent a search team, and they'd come up dry. So where did that leave me?

I turned in my chair as the door rattled open. "Hi, ladies." As Nana and Tilly trooped down the long hallway to the living room, I typed the word, angiosperms, into the computer.

"The shoppin' in that mall area is real good, Emily. They got a David Jones store what sells lots a Queen Elizabeth hats for four and five hundred bucks, and some fancy boutiques with scarves and neckties and pretty opal earrings."

"Uh-huh." I clicked on the first site listed and scanned the text.

"We b.u.mped into Conrad and Ellie while we was out. Conrad said he called Sovereign Hill to tell 'em they got a desert rat kangaroo runnin' around the grounds. The official he talked to didn't know what that was, so Conrad called the University a Melbourne's Zoology Department and told 'em they needed to send a team a experts to Ballarat to look for the critter."

"I bet they could hardly contain their delight." I scrolled down the page.

"He's sure got a good eye for findin' stuff."

"You have the eye for finding it," Tilly corrected. " have the eye for finding it," Tilly corrected. "He has the eye for identifying it." has the eye for identifying it."

"Ellie asked if she could hang out with me and Til' while Conrad run off to the potty, and she really let loose when he was gone. She didn't take kindly to him gettin' cross at her this mornin', so she had lots to vent about."

"Like what?"

Tilly hovered by my elbow. "Like the decision he made to buy chicken feed futures in China. When the avian flu hit, the commodity price tanked, and so did his investment. Ellie said it ruined them financially."

"It really depressed her that she didn't have no money to buy one a them gaudy bonnets at David Jones," said Nana. "If you was to ask me, there's times when financial ruin can be a real blessin'."

Words leaped off the web page at me: epiphytes, synapomorphies, Amborella trichopoda Amborella trichopoda. Oh, yeah, this was helpful. "How could they afford a trip to Australia if they're in such dire straits?"

"It was a gift from their children for their fiftieth wedding anniversary," said Tilly. "But I take it they don't have much spending money."

"All flowering plants are cla.s.sified as angiosperms," I said, referencing the screen. "But what if the team from the university wasn't looking for the right one?" I scrutinized Nana's photo. "What if Conrad had them deliberately looking for a plant that wasn't there?"

"That don't make no sense, dear. Why would he do that?"

Puffed up with excitement, I grabbed the Polaroid. "Because-"

I gawked at Nana...and blinked. "Out of curiosity, why do you have a latex glove hanging from your ear?"

"It's on account a the girl what pierced my ears was doin' it for the first time. She was usin' one a them guns, and she had an oops. Missed her finger, but she got the tip a the glove real good. At least there wasn't no blood. I expect she'll get a mite better with practice." Nana waggled her earlobe. "What do you think? Genuine opal."

"The poor girl grew so hysterical, we had to sit her down and put her head between her knees," said Tilly. "The store manager finally had to escort her off the floor, which is when your grandmother and I decided to leave."

"With the glove still hanging from your ear?" She looked as if she had a small udder attached to her head.

"The manager said someone was gonna have to cut the thing off with surgical scissors, and he didn't have none, so we're s'posed to go back tomorrow night. His wife's a nurse, so she'll be able to do it. But never mind about me. Finish what you was sayin', dear."

What had had I been saying? Oh, yeah. "Remember the night when Conrad discovered Nana's photo? He threw lots of botany speak at us, but I been saying? Oh, yeah. "Remember the night when Conrad discovered Nana's photo? He threw lots of botany speak at us, but I I was the person who suggested we report the find to a higher authority." was the person who suggested we report the find to a higher authority."

"I remember that, dear. That's when he said he'd call the University a Melbourne."

"He'd call them before I I called them. Think about it. Do you see what I'm getting at?" called them. Think about it. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"I do," said Tilly. "If you called them, they'd need to see Marion's photo to identify the plant, but if Conrad called them, he could tell them anything. He could even tell them to search for another family of plant altogether, and no one would be any the wiser."

Nana sucked in her breath. "Tell 'em to search for the wrong plant. Dang. That'd be real smart a him. Then he could go back to find the real plant and keep that million-dollar award all to hisself. You s'pose he's the one what took my other two snapshots?"

"Now there's a thought," I said, warming to the idea. "Maybe he's playing a sh.e.l.l game with us. While our eyes are locked on one photo, he's playing fast and loose with the other two."

"What if Marion's missing photos show something even more incredible than an extinct plant?" ventured Tilly. "What if she photographed a rare b.u.t.terfly, or...or..."

"Or an extinct bird!" I chimed in. "Conrad is an avid bird-watcher."

Nana gave us a hard look. "If he's got them other two snapshots a mine, I aim to get 'em back; I just gotta figure out how."

"And speaking of figuring things out"-I gave Nana and Tilly a puzzled look-"if the box Diana Squires sent to her laboratory didn't contain our extinct plant, what did did it contain?" it contain?"

We decided to try something daring in order to find out.

We decided to ask her.

Henry had made dinner arrangements for the whole group at an Indian restaurant a half block away from the hotel, so at eight o'clock that evening, we were enjoying the ambience created by dark wood veneers, Indian prints, dimmed lights, high-gloss tabletops, sparkling crystal, and wonderfully evocative cla.s.sical music. I guessed Adelaide hadn't yet discovered Doris Day and Burl Ives.

"It sure didn't look this fancy from the outside," Nana said in a funeral parlor whisper. I'd snipped her glove down to a single finger and pinned it beneath her hair, so she was looking less like fodder for Pablo Pica.s.so.

"Tell me, Mrs. S.," Duncan asked as he opened his menu, "will this be your first encounter with Indian cuisine?"

"Pffffft. Indian food's some a my favorite." Indian food's some a my favorite."

I leaned back in my chair, astounded. "It is? Has the Windsor City Perkins started serving Indian food?"

"Nope, but I can't get enough a them foot-longs at the casino. Don't that count?"

"This restaurant specializes in Punjabi cooking, Mrs. Sippel," Etienne explained. "It's the cuisine of northern India. You might find the flavors a bit more exotic than an American hot dog."

"How exotic?" she asked.

"Think hot dog with chili sauce," said Tilly.

Nana nodded. "I can handle it."

We were seated at a round table for five; most of the group were split up in groups of four and six. Diana Squires and Roger Piccolo had managed to wrangle places at the table with Heath and his mother, so I knew what the two scientists would be harping about for the next couple of hours. I hoped Guy Madelyn and Bernice, who were sitting with them, could divert the conversation to less controversial subjects, like maybe the death penalty or same-s.e.x unions.

Jake and Lola sat at a corner table with Conrad and Ellie, whose body language indicated they were still miffed at each other. The rest of my Iowa contingent were scattered in foursomes throughout the room, pa.s.sing envelopes back and forth between tables.

"What's up with the envelopes?" I asked Nana.

She craned her neck for a look-see. "Must be the photos they got back from the one-hour developin' place this afternoon."

"They're having film developed already? But we're only four days into the trip."

Tilly smiled archly. "Your grandmother's success with her photography has sparked the compet.i.tive spirit in everyone else."

"They're all lookin' for a piece a my action," Nana quipped.

"If any of you would like a dish that won't burn the skin off your tonsils, you might want to try the yogurt chicken," Duncan suggested.

"Or the Tandoori chicken with a side dish of cuc.u.mber raita," said Etienne.

"What if you don't got no tonsils?" asked Nana.

While the boys filled Nana and Tilly in on the particulars of Indian spices, I watched d.i.c.k Teig swagger over to Conrad and hand him a stack of photographs. He was soon joined by Alice Tjarks and Osmond, who fell into an orderly queue behind him, and Margi Swanson, who studied her menu while she waited, probably looking for the Indian equivalent of a burger and fries.

Not to be outdone, d.i.c.k Stolee presented a handful of photos to Guy, who studied them politely while Helen Teig, Lucille Ra.s.smuson, and Grace jumped in line and began to fuss about who had cut in front of whom.

Oh, G.o.d. Just what a posh Indian restaurant needed. Conga lines. What would be next? The Hokey-Pokey The Hokey-Pokey?

"What looks good to you, bella bella?"

"Huh? Oh-" I turned back to my menu. Eenie, meenie, meinie... Eenie, meenie, meinie..."How about this?"

"A gutsy choice," Etienne whispered, caressing my knee beneath the table. "You never cease to surprise me."

Nana tapped my other knee. "Incoming."

"I'm sorry to bother you." Diana Squires was all smiles as she greeted us. "We're in the middle of a discussion at our table, and I need some backup. Marion, dear, have you thought any more about the Perfecta treatment for your hands?"

"Yup. I'm thinkin' I'll keep the age spots."

Horror filled Diana's eyes. "A whole new you is there for the asking, and you're choosing the old you?"

"I'm pretty fond a the old me. A new me would only confuse George."

"Really? That's disappointing." She glanced back to her table. "Look, I really need you to say something terrific about Perfecta to Heath and Nora. She's in desperate need of this product, Marion, and he's being a twit about the whole thing. The treatment will be free, for G.o.d's sakes. What more could he ask for?"

"Maybe he don't want you folks exploitin' her."

"Who's talking about exploiting her? I'm merely trying to improve her quality of life."

"Perhaps the quality of her life doesn't need improvement," Etienne said in a tight voice.

Her eyes lengthened to mean little slits. "Did Roger tell you to say that? He's gotten to you, hasn't he? The pinheaded little twerp. Let me give you some advice: never listen to a man whose face resembles an auto-inflating mattress."

"Do you think he's suffering from a glandular problem?" asked Tilly, glancing toward him.

"What he's suffering from is the effects of one too many GenerX nutritional shakes. His company has a dirty little secret that they refuse to make public: a steady diet of their c.r.a.ppy product will kill you."

"Maybe they oughta think about warnin' labels," said Nana.

"Speaking of labels," I leaped in a little awkwardly, "would I be terribly rude if I asked how much you paid to mail your package this morning?"

Diana's face twitched with movement that might have been a scowl, a frown, a smile, or all three. It was hard to tell beneath the makeup. "Why do you want to know?" she asked coolly.

"I have to mail a truckload of purchases that won't fit in my suitcase. It's a chronic problem. I always pack too much and don't leave any room for souvenirs and gifts."

"That's too bad, because you'll be forking out big bucks for postage."

I winced. "I was afraid of that. My stuff is really light-balsa wood and paper-but I suppose it'll still cost me an arm and a leg to mail."

Diana eyed me curiously. "What did you buy? Chinese lanterns?"

"Kites," I lied. "For my nephews. What did you buy?"

"Sovereign Hill T-s.h.i.+rts," she said after a slight hesitation. "For the guys in the lab. I really stocked up. I always send them back something to let them know I'm thinking about them. I've learned that a little kindness directed at the grunts can result in huge dividends when I need samples tested ASAP." She rapped her knuckles on the armrest of Nana's chair. "Marion, dear, we'll talk later."

Etienne bowed his head toward me. "She's lying."

"You don't think she'll talk to Nana later?"

"She's lying about what she bought."

"You're sure?"

"I've spent a dozen years interrogating people, Emily. I know when they're lying. Although I'm not sure why anyone would feel compelled to lie about something as trivial as shopping purchases."

I watched as she returned to her chair. Why indeed?