G'Day To Die Part 19

Great. This was just great. I regarded the armload of pa.s.sports I'd just acc.u.mulated. What was I supposed to do with them in the meantime?

Guy focused his camera on me and clicked. "This one should be priceless. You can call it, 'Ever-cheerful tour escort just doing her job.'" He nodded toward the pa.s.sports. "Do you have mine in there someplace or does the lady with the disappearing eyebrows still have it?"

I sighed. "I have no idea."

"Not a problem. If you have any trouble sorting them out, mine will be the one with the scary photo. Now, if you'll excuse me, I might need to take a few shots of this eucalyptus-distilling process. What are the chances Diana will be out there?" He gave me a devilish wink. "One can hope."

I shook my head as I watched him leave. Men. Men.

Laden with two bags full of Aussie souvenirs, I exited the shop twenty minutes later. The live demonstration had ended, so guests were scattered around the compound, either lined up at the comfort station, where I spied Etienne and Duncan, or taking pictures of each other in front of the rusted machinery. Henry leaned against our bus, nodding to me when I approached. "You've done some damage, Imily."

"It's what I do best." Well, one of the things I do best.

When his phone started chiming, he apologized and picked up. "This is Hinry."

Since Emily Post had written her book of etiquette before cell phones were invented, I found myself in a gray area, unsure what would be more rude-eavesdropping on his conversation or climbing aboard the bus.

"Drug overdose? b.l.o.o.d.y hill."

That clinched it. I was eavesdropping.

"Could your mum have mistakenly gotten into something she shouldn't have? Did she have any midications with her that she didn't list on her midical form?"

Oh, my G.o.d. He was talking to Heath.

"All right. Lit me known as soon as you hear." He rang off, looking at me, stunned. "That was Heath. Preliminary postmortem tists on his mum indicate she might have died from a drug overdose."

"Did he say what kind of drug?"

"The lab people have to run more tists before they can determine that, but here's the tricky part. Nora wasn't taking drugs. As odd as her behavior was, she wasn't being treated for any kind of mintal illness or condition. Heath said she didn't even take aspirin."

"So, in all probability, the drug was given to her by someone else?"

Henry nodded in slow motion. "b.l.o.o.d.y hill. Someone murdered the old girl."

I knew knew it! I was right! Someone had poisoned her wine yesterday. But which one of my suspects had slipped her the stuff? And for G.o.d's sake, why? One thing was for sure: there was so much tension between the guests right now, I was terrified the body count was going to rise. "I realize the phone call you received at the dam yesterday never happened, Henry, but have you had any word from the authorities about when they're going to show up? I mean, how long does it take to drive across town to cuff someone?" it! I was right! Someone had poisoned her wine yesterday. But which one of my suspects had slipped her the stuff? And for G.o.d's sake, why? One thing was for sure: there was so much tension between the guests right now, I was terrified the body count was going to rise. "I realize the phone call you received at the dam yesterday never happened, Henry, but have you had any word from the authorities about when they're going to show up? I mean, how long does it take to drive across town to cuff someone?"

"Lit's find out." He punched a number into his phone. "Carol, this is Hinry. What can you till me about the blokes who are seving that arrist warrant?" He listened attentively, nodding and frowning as the woman talked. "Ah, brilliant. Any mintion who they're going to nab or why? I see. Thanks. I'll keep you posted."

"What did she say?" I blurted.

He struggled to suppress a smile. "Carol is six foot five with a nick like a bulldog and chist hair up to his jaw. Carol's a bloke."

"At least his parents didn't name him Sue."

"The old Johnny Cash song!" Henry enthused. "The whole country's taken a fancy to all your modern American music artists. Johnny Cash, Dill Shannon, Doris Day."

Oh, G.o.d. "What about the authorities?" "What about the authorities?"

"According to Carol, they should be on the island alriddy, so we need to sit tight and wait for thim to show up."

"They're coming all the way to Kangaroo Island to make the arrest? Why didn't they do it in Adelaide?"

He regarded me thoughtfully before pressing redial on his phone. "This is Hinry again. Why didn't the police make the arrest in Adelaide?" He paused, rolling his eyes. "Easy on, it's a fair question. You don't have to-I was only-Flaming hill." He disconnected and gave me a sour look. "He said he invited the authorities to the office for tea and interrogation, but they declined his invitation."

"Excuse me?"

"I'll translate. He doesn't know any more than what he's already told me." He threw a cautious look around us. "I'd appreciate it if you could keep your group out of the thick of things when the police arrive, Imily. I don't want anyone ilse gitting hurt."

I gave him a thumbs-up. Good thinking to isolate the group from the perpetrator. You just never knew what a cornered rat might do.

Chapter 15.

Our footgear sent up a deafening clatter as we walked the boardwalk leading down to the beach at Seal Bay Conservation Park. "I apologize for the wind," said the park ranger in charge of our group, his hand anchoring his wide-brimmed hat, "but there's nothing between here and Antarctica to stop it."

The ocean roared before us, angrily whitecapped and aquamarine in the sun. Waves pounded the sand where scores of sea lions basked like garden slugs. "The colony here numbehs about five hundred, but on average, you'll see no more than a hundred snoozing on the beach at any one time. Whin the weather's poor, they hid for higher ground and snuggle under the scrub on the dunes."

The dunes swept east and west, rolling toward high, rocky headlands that were stark as an Irish moor.

"Whin we're on the beach, I'll ask you to git no closer than four meters to the animals. If they feel thritened, they'll give chase, and I can guarantee you don't want to be singled out by a five-hundred-kilo bull."

"How much is five hundred kilos?" asked Lucille Ra.s.smuson.

The ranger smiled. "Enough to roll you flatter than piecrust. Be careful on the stairs now. They're fairly steep. Hold on to the railings."

A logjam formed at the top of the stairs as guests with bad knees and replacement hips waited their turn to grab the handrails. Roger Piccolo appeared at my side, looking impatient with the holdup. "All this could be avoided if the AARPers would lose the diet colas and knock back a few health shakes. Have I mentioned that our products actually regenerate joint cartilage?"

We'd already had this conversation. I whipped out the sympathy card. "Would you like to sign this while you're standing here?"

"What the h.e.l.l. The old crone didn't do me any favors, but you have to admire her kid for being so devoted to her. He looked worse than she did after she collapsed." He signed the card and handed it back. "He'll probably feel guilty for the rest of his life about signing her up for this tour, but hey, when you're as old as she was, the old Pearly Gates loom large as the next travel destination."

"Did you know she was only fifty-seven?"

"Who told you that?"

"Henry. It was on her medical form."

He muttered an epithet that expressed his doubt in one explosive syllable. "Show me her birth certificate with the gold seal of authenticity. That's the only way you'll ever convince me."

"I'm not sure she had an authentic birth certificate. I think a lot of her personal records were lost when she emigrated. Heath told me she was a war orphan. I guess war affects even the people who aren't involved in the fighting."

"If they ever find her real birth certificate, they'll discover she was ancient. You want my theory? She died from ma.s.sive deterioration of all her major organs."

If he was the guilty party who'd dispensed the drug overdose, he had to be hoping that's what the medical examiner found. Diseased organs probably couldn't bear the same level of scrutiny as healthy ones, which could very well let him off the hook.

I invited more guests to sign my card while we waited. Conrad had a microscopic signature, as if he were trying to keep his name a secret, while Ellie's was the size of John Hanc.o.c.k's. I'm sure it said something about their personalities, but not being a handwriting expert, I didn't have a clue what. Lola dotted the "i" in Silverthorn with an enormous heart, and Jake shoved the card back at me and suggested I buzz off. "He was aiming to s.h.a.g my wife! Git the b.l.o.o.d.y hill away from me."

Nana and Tilly strolled up to me, all smiles. "If you gotta visit the potty, dear, use the one in the souvenir shop. The Aussies have a real gift for designin' pretty potties." She lowered her voice. "They could give the Italians a few pointers."

I grabbed their arms and pulled them aside. "I didn't want to say anything on the bus, but I have news about Nora. Henry received a call from Heath. There's evidence she may have died from a drug overdose."

Nana gasped in shock. "She was one a them addicts? I'll be. Just like on that egg commercial on the TV."

"What egg commercial?" asked Tilly.

"The one what shows a fella talkin' about your brain then fryin' up a couple a eggs. If you hit the mute b.u.t.ton, you can't tell if he's advertisin' breakfast at Perkins or nonstick cookin' spray." She regarded me seriously. "Was it heroin or c.o.ke?"

"Neither! She wasn't a drug addict. She didn't even do aspirin."

"So what did she overdose on if not recreational or hard drugs?" asked Tilly.

"They don't know yet, but-too much of anything can kill you, right?"

Tilly nodded. "Too much water. Too much prescription medication. Too many over-the-counter painkillers and herbal remedies."

"Too much s.e.x," said Nana.

I gave her the evil eye. "I wouldn't know. Anyway, everything is going to be coming to a head very shortly, so if you see anything weird happening, keep your distance. Pa.s.s the word along to the rest of the gang, okay?"

"How am I s'posed to know if it's weirdl?" asked Nana.

"I'll help," Tilly a.s.sured as she urged Nana forward. "Recognizing deviant human behavior has been my stock in trade for a half century."

When the crowd thinned I descended the stairs, awestruck by the beach's savage beauty, charmed by the cl.u.s.ters of furry creatures who lazed belly-up in the sun, a little annoyed by the sand that was blasting me in the face. If Iowa had a sh.o.r.eline that faced Antarctica, I guess I might have realized that hurricane winds plus beach sand equals microderm abrasion. But the good news was, it was free of charge!

While the ranger guided the group down the beach, I plopped onto the sand, kicked off my sandals, a.s.sumed the lotus position, and angled my face into the wind.

"What are you doing, bella bella?" Amus.e.m.e.nt filled Etienne's voice as he sat down behind me, wishboning his arms and legs around my body.

"Exfoliating."

"And the purpose of that is?"

"To make my skin soft and supple."

He smoothed his hands down my bare arms. "It's working."

"Where did you leave your shadow?" My voice was breathy as he nuzzled my ear.

"He's browsing in the gift shop. I think Lazarus is a closet shopaholic. You know what that means, don't you?"

"He has an American Express card with no credit limit?"

"He travels heavy. No plane will ever be able to transport the two of you at the same time, which, of course, bodes well for me."

"Try to be nice."

"I'd rather try something else." He drew my earlobe into his mouth, causing every bone in my body to liquefy. I fell out of lotus position and wilted against him, uttering a little moan. This wasn't doing much for my complexion, but my hormones were having a field day.

"Would this be a good time to discuss your retirement plans?" I heard myself say in my erotic delirium.

"Bella, bella, wouldn't you rather hear how much I love you? Or how turned on I am right now? Or what indecent plans I have for these beautifully long legs of yours?" wouldn't you rather hear how much I love you? Or how turned on I am right now? Or what indecent plans I have for these beautifully long legs of yours?"

That was the other thing about men. They always changed the subject when you mentioned something they didn't want to talk about. "How indecent?"

"Obscenely so." He laughed as he rained kisses on my neck. "Ti amo, bella. Sposiamoci Sposiamoci."

I sighed my frustration. "What does that mean?"

"Marry me, Emily."

"I'd seriously consider it if we could talk about-"

"Shhh. I've arranged a package deal. Would you like to hear the details?"

I tried to look nonchalant as a ranger traipsed past us with another small group of tourists. "I'm listening."

"What do you love most about your job?"

"Being curled up on the beach with you."

"Besides that."

"My paycheck. Did I tell you Mr. Erickson gave me a three percent raise last year? That's pretty kick-a.s.s in this economy."

"How would you react if someone offered you twice your current salary to do exactly what you're doing now?"

"What?" I nearly snapped my head out of joint as I twisted around.

"I've purchased a tour company, bella bella. Deluxe accommodations for the senior traveler at discount prices. I'm gearing up for your American baby boomers. When they retire and start traveling en ma.s.se, I'm going to dazzle them with travel packages they won't be able to pa.s.s up. Exclusive hotels. Exotic destinations. Gourmet cuisine."

It took a moment for his words to register. "You bought a tour company?"

"I did, indeed. All that's missing is a catchy name...and you. Come work for me, Emily. I'm going to need a small army of people to fill positions like yours, and I'd like to begin by hiring you."

"At double my salary? Are you kidding?"

"Double isn't enough? You drive a hard bargain. All right, triple."

"No, I'm not questioning your generosity! I'm just amazed that you decided to do something so unpredictable. This is so unlike you."