Quodlibet Part 12

Several of the company interfered by remonstrating with Flan against this unnecessary demonstration of fervor, which Flan, on the other hand, insisted upon as his right.

"Whenever old The. Fog comes out high flown," said he, "I yells as a matter of principle. It's encouragin' to youth. Nebuchadnezzar, the King of the Jews, couldn't beat him at a speech: he's the b.u.t.t cut of Democracy."

"Flan, hold your tongue," said Theodore. "Gentlemen, we have no secrets.

Abel Brawn and Davy Post are welcome to hear all I have to impart. I know--everybody knows--that we have been in a state of suspense on the great question of the Sub-Treasury. The INDEPENDENT Treasury, as we are going to call it since Congress rejected it--we'll try what a new name will do. I say we have been in suspense. Like honest New Lights we have waited to see how the cat would jump. Some men imagined that Martin would bow to the judgment of the people and give it up. They did not know the stern, uncompromising, footstep-following principles that dwell at the bottom of his heart. He will _never_ give it up--the people _must_ take it: he has got nothing else for them. Hasn't he tried everything else? And isn't this the _last_ thing he could think of? Why, then, of course, the people _must_ gulp it down, or the party is broke.

Where is the slave that would desert his party? Who's here so base would be a turncoat? The Whigs call the President the _servant_ of the people--we call him the Ruler, the Great Chieftain,--and when a man deserts him he is a TURNCOAT--that is sound New-Light doctrine.

"Sirs, it has been developed in the recent demonstrations of contemporary history----"

"Yip!"

"Silence, Flan Sucker, and don't make a fool of yourself. It has been discovered that bank influence has defeated the Sub-Treasury bill. Every member who voted against it has received a large bribe from the banks.

The Globe man has lately discovered this astounding corruption: the President is aware of it; and for this reason, in addition to that which I have already mentioned, he is determined to run it as the INDEPENDENT Treasury again. Every New Light is expected to toe the mark."

"Three cheers for that!" cried Pivot.

"We have heretofore _partially_ denounced the banks," continued Fog; "we are now to open upon them like hounds--worry them like rats. From this day forth, the Quods will take a new turn;--they will dismiss all pity from their bosoms, and cry aloud for strangling the banks--not even excepting our own. Patriotism demands the sacrifice. Down with paper money! will be the word. Turn the tables on the Whigs, and call the whole bank system the sp.a.w.n of aristocracy--remember that. At the same time, gentlemen, be not afraid. No harm will be done to any bank you have a liking for--the essence of the thing is in the noise. We shall have perhaps to kill the banks in the District of Columbia--but that's nothing;--it will be an offering to consistency. All experiments require an exhausted receiver--and the District is ours;--a snug little piece of machinery to play upon. So keep it in mind--Treasury Notes and no Paper Money!--down with Credit, and up with the Independent Treasury!"

"Ain't that first-rate?" said Sim Travers. "The., who sot that agoin'?"

"Who?" replied Fog. "Why, some of the highest men in this nation--the Lights of the age. Middleton Flam has just received letters from Was.h.i.+ngton, laying open the whole plan of operations. He has accordingly determined to put himself in position for ultimate action, by resigning the presidency of the bank. Middleton Flam, gentlemen, I am free to say it, although we have differed on some questions, is a great man and an honor to the New Lights. He has already sent his resignation to Nicodemus Handy. The Board meet to-morrow to act upon it. You may imagine, gentlemen, who is looked to as his successor. But I here announce to _you_, the conglomerate essence of my const.i.tuency at large, that on no consideration can I be persuaded to accept the vacant place.

No, gentlemen, the whole tenor of my life renders that impossible. I have defined my position years ago; and every man must see, that president of that, or any other bank, I can never be. Simon Snuffers is the man. If he can make it agreeable to the Democratic principle upon which he holds the Hay Scales--and that it is for you to say--I have no doubt he will accept. Simon has no ulterior objects;--and men without ulterior objects may do as they please. But I trust that this responsible post will never be pressed upon me. Upon that point I cannot indulge the wishes of my friends."

The importance of this speech was duly appreciated by those to whom it was addressed; and as every man was anxious to know what everybody else thought about these matters, there was an immediate adjournment to the Borough. The consequence was, that Abel Brawn's shop was left in a few moments without a customer; and in the course of the next half hour the news communicated by Theodore Fog was in every man's mouth. The movement at Was.h.i.+ngton was held to be decisive. The Independent Treasury, from that moment, became a leading test of the allegiance of the Democrats of Quodlibet.

CHAPTER XIV.

LETTER FROM A CABINET OFFICER TO MR. FLAM--DIRECTIONS TO THE DEMOCRACY--THE CABINET OFFICER'S MODE OF PRODUCING AN IMPRESSION--THE PRESIDENT'S DETERMINATION IN REGARD TO THE INDEPENDENT TREASURY--WARNING TO DESERTERS--CANDIDATES FOR MR. FLAM'S PLACE IN THE BANK--HARDBOTTLE ELECTED--THEODORE FOG'S OUTBREAK--HE COOLS DOWN AND STANDS UPON PRINCIPLE--HARDBOTTLE UNPOPULAR.

The fact was as Theodore Fog had stated it. Mr. Flam had received a letter from a member of the Cabinet, apprising him that it was deemed absolutely necessary to the preservation of the New-Light Democratic Party to become extremely pointed in their a.s.sault against the State Banks, and that the misdeeds of those inst.i.tutions should be exaggerated as much as possible, and then charged upon the Whigs.

"This attack," said the letter, "must be made with more than usual clamor, and followed up with unremitting industry, that, by force of the first word and incessant repet.i.tion, we may get the people to believe that we have had nothing to do with the creation of these corporations; but have, in fact, been inveterately hostile to them from the first, and that our opponents have been their sole patrons and friends. Our recent outcry on this subject has succeeded so well with the people, that we are determined now to make the denunciation of the banks our chief topic, by way of preparation for the Independent Treasury which we are resolved the people shall swallow. We cannot too strongly impress upon our friends the propriety of charging upon the Whigs that we have repeatedly warned them against increasing the number of banks in the States. By this device we shall put upon their shoulders all those mischiefs of _over-banking_ and _over-trading_, which _they_ used to talk about. We must impute to them all the evils of the paper system--except the Treasury notes, which it would be well for us to praise, as an admirable Democratic scheme to give the country a METALLIC currency. It has also been deemed important," continued the writer, "that we should prove that the government has lost more money by the State banks than by any other agents it has ever employed. This idea was hinted to the Secretary of the Treasury, who has, in consequence, very recently been at work upon the subject, and has produced a report altogether conclusive against the banks. He will continue these labors with a view to the instruction of Congress and all our other inquiring friends; being, in no respect, daunted by that unlucky report made by him in 1834, which, singularly enough, proves the opposite side of the case; for, as he remarks, the specific gravity of his State papers is so great as to sink them too deep for the perception of the present generation,--and that consequently his report of 1834 must be pretty well forgotten by this time, which, indeed, I think quite likely;--it was so long-winded, dozy, and prosy, (a note in the margin marked this as 'confidential,') that I should not wonder if more than ten men in Congress ever read it, and of those, perhaps not a single one retains any distinct impression of its meaning." The letter exhorted Mr. Flam to make these views known to the drill sergeants and corporals of the party in Quodlibet, and to stimulate them to active exertions in the part a.s.signed to them. "Pound it into public mind," said the writer, "that the Whigs are the authors of the present evils; continual pounding will inevitably, at last, do the business. Many a time have I riveted, by diligent hammering, a politic and necessary fabrication upon the credulity of the people--so fast that no art of my adversary could tear it away to make room for the truth: therefore, I say to you and our Democratic friends--hammer without ceasing."

A letter also from the Secretary, at the same time, informed Mr. Flam, that as the people had so contumaciously rejected the Independent Treasury bill, by their representatives in Congress, the President was now determined to carry it at all hazards; and consequently it was expected that no New-Light Democrat would be so false to the glorious principles of the Quodlibetarian theory as to interpose any opinion of his own between the will of the President and the appropriate duty of the people. "If such should be the case," said the Secretary, "Mr. Van Buren can have no alternative--the individual so recreant to the eternal principles of the New-Light Democracy must be denounced by the Globe as an enemy to freedom, and, what is worse, a traitor to his party."

Mr. Flam reflected upon these communications with grave attention; and having shown them to some of his intimate friends, among whom I count it my highest honor to be ranked, he announced his purpose to resign his post in the bank. For this step he had two good reasons: the first was the necessity of disenc.u.mbering himself of a connection which might have impeded his usefulness--to use his own words--in his public relations; the second reason was, that he had borrowed so large an amount from the bank, as to circ.u.mscribe its bounty greatly to the prejudice of sundry of the directors who were, in consequence, beginning to complain of his management of the inst.i.tution, and were even threatening to run an opposition against him in the election which was but a few months off.

It was whispered also that Nicodemus Handy had given him a mysterious but friendly hint to resign, without explaining his reasons. Upon these considerations his mind was made up; and accordingly the resignation was laid before the Board at the time indicated by Theodore Fog.

This event produced great sensation in Quodlibet; not less from the curiosity to know why our distinguished representative should relinquish so lucrative a post, than from the interest felt in the measure of selecting his successor. Fifteen of our most strenuous New-Light Democrats were candidates; and notwithstanding the speech made at the blacksmith's shop, Theodore Fog was the first who wrote a letter to the Board to apprise them that, in consequence of the eager importunity of his Democratic friends to confide the bank to his management, he found himself compelled to forego his objections to having any concern with the banking system, and therefore would not feel himself at liberty to decline the Presidency in case it should be offered to him. He said he wished it to be distinctly understood, that emolument was not his object: but that he was actuated solely by his attachment to that New-Light Democratic principle which taught him on all occasions to seek preferment, as the means of widening the sphere of his usefulness, and to increase his worldly fortune only for the sake of the good it enabled him to dispense to the people. On no other terms was he willing to accept the government of the bank.

Some two or three days were spent in canva.s.sing this matter; when the choice ultimately, upon the twenty-fifth balloting, fell upon Anthony Hardbottle, who had not been previously thought of for the place, and was only brought forward when all attempts to elect others had failed.

The fifteen original candidates became greatly incensed at this choice.

Theodore Fog was furious: he said Hardbottle could scarcely be called a Democrat:--if anything, he was half Whig--nay, he believed, whole Whig:--and to elect a Whig to a great responsible post like that--a post connected with the national fisc, allied to the money power, so intimately related to the important concerns of the currency!--it was not to be tolerated. The Genius of New-Light Democracy should array herself in steel, indue herself in panoply, buckle on her armor, shake her lance against it, or, in other words, he deemed it incompatible with free inst.i.tutions to allow a Whig, or, at least, a man who never attended political meetings, and who held the Whigs in respect--to preside over such a Democratic inst.i.tution as the Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet. Theodore continued raving in this strain until he drank nine juleps, interspersed with numberless other potations, and became so incapable of motion as to render it necessary for Mrs. Ferret to have him carried to bed. As he cooled, so cooled his compet.i.tors. Indeed, in the course of a few days, Theodore Fog, in commenting upon the pretensions of the several defeated candidates, found so many objections to them individually and collectively, as to bring himself into an excellent temper upon the subject, whereby he was able to make merry with the whole election; and thus, by degrees, he fell back into the state of mind which he had manifested at the smith's shop, and declared that no consideration could possibly induce him, professing the principles he did, to accept any post connected with a bank. He expressed himself in sharp and censorious terms against what, he said, he had constantly observed: namely, that he never knew a post in a bank to be vacant, from the President down to the porter, including Directors and all, in regard to which he didn't find half a dozen Loco Focos, to say nothing of New-Light Democrats, applicants to fill the vacancy: he thought it inconsistent with principle, now that orders had come for the Democracy to abuse the banks, to seek or accept such places; and he did not care who knew his sentiments upon the subject.

Mr. Hardbottle was a strict man of business, and did not, it is true, greatly interest himself in politics. Yet, nevertheless, he was a decided supporter of the New-Light cause, and was always esteemed a useful member of the Borough. One thing that made against him in the Board was, that he had never been a very active customer to the bank, except so far only as keeping his commercial account there. He was often urged to accept accommodations with a view to the improvement of the Borough, but almost invariably refused, from an aversion to indulging in these useful speculations. His brother Directors, in consequence, rather regarded him as a man who was deficient in public spirit; and they imagined that he might be inclined to depreciate the value of the services they had rendered the bank by the liberal employment they had given to its funds. Mr. Hardbottle, therefore, might be said to have entered into the government of the bank under inauspicious circ.u.mstances, and was likely not to be a very popular President. He was, however, determined upon one thing, and that was to make a thorough examination of the bank for the purpose of bringing about a resumption of specie payments at the earliest possible moment; for some complaints had gone abroad against the Bank of Quodlibet for not resuming when the other banks of the country affected to be anxious for that measure.

In consequence of this determination of the new President, the bank was kept in perpetual bustle for the whole fortnight succeeding the election. What then occurred will be told in the next chapter.

CHAPTER XV.

UNHAPPY EVENT IN THE LIFE OF NICODEMUS HANDY--CONSTERNATION OF QUODLIBET--DISASTERS AMONG THE DIRECTORS--EXPLOSION OF THE BANK--CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEODORE FOG AND MR.

GRANT--FOG'S VIEWS OF THE QUESTION OF DISTRESS--COMPLIMENT TO JESSE FERRET.

I know not which way to turn. Auribus teneo lupum. I can scarcely compose myself to write. Such an event! Many things have happened in this world to excite wonder, many grief, many indignation, many wailing, lamentation, and moans; but we have had an incident in the Borough which overmasters all these emotions by the height and the depth, the length and the breadth, the stupendous magnitude of the amazement which it has spread through all minds.

The investigation of the affairs of the bank, under the direction of Mr.

Hardbottle, lasted more than a fortnight. They were not yet brought to a close, when---- Let the following paragraph from an extra Whole Hog, issued on the spur of the moment, tell the rest. I have no nerve for such a disclosure.

"ASTOUNDING WHIG DEFALCATION.

"Our Borough has just been thrown into a state of stupefaction by an event which completely eclipses every other act of crime and villainy with which the annals of Whiggery abound. Nicodemus Handy, the Whig Cas.h.i.+er of that extortionate, swindling Whig rag-factory, the Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet, left this Borough yesterday morning in the People's Line, which runs through Thorough Blue. As this journey was undertaken with the pretense of business, it attracted no attention until this morning, when the indefatigable Democratic President of that inst.i.tution, Mr. Anthony Hardbottle, who was recently elected for the purpose of a thorough investigation into its concerns, (suspicions having been long indulged of its rottenness; and, in fact, our worthy representative, the Hon. Middleton Flam, an unterrified and incorruptible New Light, having retired from the head of the inst.i.tution on account of the disgusting irregularities which fell within his view,) laid a statement before the Board which showed that the Cas.h.i.+er had secreted upwards of $160,000, the greater part of which funds there is reason to believe he has made away with in the course of the last three months. Measures were taken to pursue the offender, and as far as possible to secure the bank by attachments upon his property, which is supposed to be considerable. For the present, we forbear all comment, except so far as to remark, that we look upon this atrocious fraud but as the natural fruit of that system of Whig measures which has c.u.mbered the land with mushroom banks, filthy rags, and swarms of scrub aristocrats in the shape of presidents, cas.h.i.+ers, directors, and clerks. We may speedily expect to hear of many more Whigs following the example of our absquatulating Cas.h.i.+er."

The sensation produced in the Borough by this intelligence is not to be described. The flight of Mr. Handy was the only topic of conversation for a week. An officer followed him to Thorough Blue, whence, it was rumored, the fugitive had shaped his course for Texas: other reports a.s.signed Canada as his place of refuge--all was uncertainty. Legal measures were taken to secure his property. This consisted of his elegant mansion on Copperplate Ridge, sundry rows of warehouses, and other buildings in Quodlibet, a large number of which had been left for two years past in an unfinished state. Upon investigation it was ascertained that the whole of this estate had been converted into money; our worthy representative, the Hon. Middleton Flam, having an absolute conveyance for Handy House, its furniture, and appurtenances, and certain political friends, connected with the custom-house in New York, rank Whigs, having mortgages on all the rest of the property. The consequence was, the bank was able to secure nothing.

One of our first proceedings, after the flight of the Cas.h.i.+er, was to call together the New-Light Club, where resolutions were pa.s.sed denouncing his fraud as the necessary consequence of his Whig principles, censuring the bank, in the strongest terms, as a swindling Whig concern, and avowing an unalterable devotion to the Independent Treasury, as the only sound, genuine, New-Light Democratic experiment which it was proper for the government to make, in the present condition of affairs--unless the President should change his mind and find out something still more Democratic; in which event the New-Light Club pledged itself to give that other measure their cordial and patriotic support.

In the course of a fortnight, the inhabitants of the Borough were surprised to read from a New York paper, in the list of pa.s.sengers who sailed for Liverpool by the packet of the first of October, among the names of sundry fas.h.i.+onables, those also of Mrs. and Miss Handy; and we were, not long afterward, relieved from all doubt as to the Cas.h.i.+er's destination, by seeing it publicly announced that he had gone to Havre, from which point, as soon as he could be joined by his interesting and distressed family, he designed making the tour of Europe.

From the period of the elopement of Mr. Handy, we had a series of convulsions. The first incident of importance that followed it, was the failure of the whole Board of Directors; each of whom, according to his own showing, had lost so much money by the absconding Cas.h.i.+er as to be totally unable to pay up his liabilities to the bank. The next disaster was the explosion of the bank itself. The abduction of so large an amount of its funds, as well as its unfortunate list of bad debts from the Directors, rendered this inevitable. Then came riots among the holders of its paper, who besieged the door for several days, and even threatened to pull down the building. Never was a community in a more unhappy commotion than ours at this eventful epoch.

Mr. Grant visited the Borough frequently during the prevalence of these disorders. One day he met Theodore Fog, who seemed to be rather pleasurably excited by the events which occupied and engrossed the public attention--for Theodore, as he was in the habit of remarking, had nothing to lose by these domestic convulsions, and everything to gain.

The election was at hand, and he was again the True-Grit candidate; but on this occasion there was no opposition from his own party, and the chance of electing a Whig was deemed hopeless. That side made no nomination; and Fog, therefore, with his two colleagues of the last year, was in a fair way to walk over the course without a contest. The interests of the election, consequently, were altogether absorbed in the other incidents of the day. Still, Theodore was not inattentive to the voters, and was, as usual, loquacious and voluble.

"A pretty considerable upheaving of the elements of social life, Mr.

Grant," said he, upon encountering the old gentleman on Ferret's steps at the front door of The Hero.

"I think so," replied Mr. Grant; "you have brought your pigs at last to a fine market."

"_Our_ pigs!" exclaimed Fog, with an excellent representation of surprise:--"well, that beats M'Gonegal, and he beat the devil. The whole litter comes from a Whig mother: it is the sp.a.w.n of that aristocracy, against which the intelligence, the honor, and the virtue of the nation have been waging war ever since the Reign of Terror;--but, sir, it is down; the intelligence and firmness of the people have triumphed at last."

"You allude, I suppose, to your Democratic bank here," said Mr. Grant.

"No doubt," replied Fog, "the Whigs will attempt to shuffle the bank off _their_ shoulders and buckle it on the Democrats. But that won't do, sir; that's too stale a trick to deceive the people. The Whigs, sir, are men of property; the Democrats are poor, sir. Banks are not made by poor men, Mr. Grant; there's the logic of the case."

"And this Patriotic Copperplate Bank of Quodlibet was not set on foot by Nicodemus Handy and Theodore Fog?" returned Mr. Grant.

"By Nicodemus Handy," replied Fog, "not by me. Sir, Nicodemus was always a Whig; and, what's more, attempted to beguile me into his scheme. He took advantage of my unsuspecting temper--endeavored to lull into security my artless, confiding nature; essayed, sir, but in vain, to seduce me from my allegiance to the Democratic faith, by tempting offers of the presidency of the bank--but, sir, my virtue was too stern for his treacherous arts. I saw the gilded bait and spurned it. It was--I say it myself--a rare example of successful resistance to the fascinations of the tempter. Many a Democrat has fallen into the snare of the Whigs under less allurement. I pride myself on this evidence of self-command.

I have reason to be proud of it."

"You have a short memory," said Mr. Grant.