Book Of Days_ A Novel Part 44

"Sitting in a park where make-believe comes true, you could almost convince me G.o.d does exactly that. I wish He did."

"What if it's true? Not a wish? That our lives are written down, recorded, everyone's life?"

"Like some cosmic yearbook put together by the supreme being of the Universe?"

"Something like that."

"I love your insanity. One of the countless reasons I'll love you for eternity."

The scene ended and melted into Cameron taking a call on his cell phone as he recorded a voice-over with Brandon.

"I want us to go to Oregon. We need to go soon. We need to look for something, find something there."

"What?"

"Something I saw when I was a kid."

"What? The thing you saw when you were ten? That thing?"

"Yes. To see if it's real."

The scene s.h.i.+fted once again and Cameron watched the scene from the day Jessie gave him the stone. The day she died.

"I want to show you something."

"It's beautiful. Where'd you get this?"

"When I was a young kid. It's Native American."

"And these markings?"

"They told me it's a kind of language."

"What's it say?"

"I have no idea."

"It's cool; I like it."

"You need to have it."

"This stone means something to you."

"I need to give it to you just in case."

"Just in case what?"

"I'll tell you when I get home, I promise."

"Just in case what, Jess?"

"I will always be here, you know."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here today? Hang out, you and me?"

"Good-bye, Cameron."

"You sure you're all right, babe?"

"I love you. Remember."

"What is it?"

"Fine, I'm fine. So are you. Always."

The scene on the surface of the pond s.h.i.+fted once more and the final moments of Jessie's accident played out in front of him.

"Promise you'll find it." Her eyes closed. "No tears, Aragorn."

"No. You can't leave me, Jessie."

"I have to. It's going to be all right, I promise. I love you, Cameron. Always and forever."

A moment later he vanished from the scene but Jessie remained. There was no blood and her face was more radiant than he ever remembered it. He couldn't tell if she was still in the airplane or somewhere else, but a moment later the scene changed again.

A man in a white T-s.h.i.+rt, his back to Cameron, sat on the stern of a sailboat, sun streaming down on him, wind whipping through his thick dark hair.

A s.h.i.+ver shot down Cameron's back as the man spun to face him. It was his father. Young. The way he looked when Cameron was a little boy. A ma.s.sive grin broke out on his dad's face, and he threw his arms wide and spoke to the sky.

"All my memories, You've stored them for me, Lord." His dad was so full of joy it seemed to shake the rigging. His dad was so full of joy it seemed to shake the rigging. "Draw Cameron to Yourself. I long to see him in eternity. And let him know I'm so proud of him, okay?" "Draw Cameron to Yourself. I long to see him in eternity. And let him know I'm so proud of him, okay?"

Cameron shuddered as tears threatened to spill onto his cheeks.

The scene s.h.i.+fted and when the images came back into focus, he again looked at the top of Mount Erie in midsummer. But the colors were brilliant, too full to be from earth.

A woman sat with her back to him, looking out over the farmland and lakes and Puget Sound to the south. The wind tousled her hair, as if fingers were lifting it off her shoulders and setting it back down.

Jessie.

She turned and her gaze seemed to be searching for him, her eyes like diamonds, throwing off light. Was she older or younger than when he'd last seen her? Both maybe. Cameron couldn't tell. She laughed and somehow he heard it in his head.

"When I come to You and he remains, tell him it's okay. In a way he won't doubt. Let him know I'm where I'm supposed to be. And that I want him to join me. Not now. Not for a long time. But in time. Help him to seek, to choose life in the years that have been recorded for him on earth, and might he always love. Always and forever."

Jessie's face melted into the water and only the mirror image of the mountains surrounding the lake remained.

Cameron slumped back off his knees to the ground.

"I'd forgotten. Every one of them. She'd been trying to tell me all along."

"Are you okay?" Taylor stood next to him.

"I don't know. Maybe. Yes, somehow ... How can I not be?" He looked up at Taylor.

"What happens if the memories of Jessie fade again?"

"It doesn't matter. She's right. It's okay." Cameron smiled as he cradled the back of his head with his hands.

"I think there's more for you to see." Taylor motioned toward the water.

The reflection of the mountains melted into another mountain, a different one, bathed in early morning sun. A climber clung to the side of it, too far away to tell if it was a man or a woman.

The view moved in.

Could it be?

Yes, it was Ann, laughing as she scaled the sheer face of a cliff, which ended in a domelike rock.

He knew the spot. It was Liberty Bell, right off the North Cascades Highway in northern Was.h.i.+ngton. Just a few days earlier Ann and he had talked about how she'd never been there and that they should climb it together. The view widened. Twenty feet below her was another climber. Male. The scene moved and he was now looking at a profile of Ann and the other climber. Himself.

Adrenaline filled his body; it felt like he was floating as he watched himself pull up toward Ann, a smile plastered on his face.

The image of Ann and he climbing Liberty Bell-was it the future, already recorded in G.o.d's book? Her future with him in it? Two weeks from now? Two months? A year?

But why would he do that to her? It wouldn't be right to burden her with his disease. No, maybe G.o.d had written it down, but Cameron would rewrite future history just as Taylor had.

The water swirled and he stared at a New York skyline as if from a plane. The view zoomed in to Ann sitting at a dark wood table at a restaurant with a man who toasted her and laughed. As she raised her gla.s.s, Ann's mouth smiled but her eyes didn't.

The scene s.h.i.+fted again and Ann sat in her car staring at a picture of Cameron taped to the dashboard. She sighed and yanked the picture free and stuffed it in her glove compartment. She dabbed her eyes with the backs of her hands and shook her head.

Another s.h.i.+ft and Ann lifted an Emmy above her head.

The water changed again and Cameron watched himself editing a video in what looked like a home office, the clock on the wall reading 1:07 a.m. Three awards lay stacked on their sides on the desk next to him.

Another s.h.i.+ft. Ann sitting at a dinner table with two beautiful girls who looked like her and the fourth spot at the table empty. Then the phone rang and Ann answered saying she understood, pain in her eyes as she hung up the phone, her back to the girls, then turning and forcing out a smile.

Cameron again, hair gray and thinning, sitting in a dim room alone watching television, a slight shaft of daylight piercing into the shuttered living room. Piles of books. A dusty coffee table. Bloodshot eyes.

So the future would be as bleak as the past. He wouldn't end up with Ann. With anyone. Sad. Her future looked better than his, but he couldn't shake the image of the empty chair at dinner. Was it him missing? Or the man he'd seen with Ann in the New York restaurant?

It was okay. It was his destiny to be alone.

Cameron squatted down, his head slumped forward, and a soft moan seeped from his lips. He sank deeper into himself to the quiet place where he couldn't lie to himself.

He loved Ann. And he couldn't stop loving her.

If she would have him, diseased mind and all, he would go to her and pour his heart out to her for the rest of his life.

He looked up. Taylor's eyes were riveted on the water. "Look."

Cameron turned.

The lake boiled for a moment, then cleared. Scenes of Ann and Cameron flashed across the surface.

She and Cameron stood on a ledge overlooking a tropical valley, an azure sea beyond that. "I think I like Costa Rica," she whispered. Her head was wrapped in small golden and crimson flowers, her turquoise dress was whipped by a strong wind, and Cameron held a diamond ring between his fingers.

A Christmas scene with Ann and him skiing the Swiss Alps with two other couples. The following summer they would rent a houseboat on Ross Lake, and Cameron would get so sore water-skiing he would slather BenGay over his entire body.

A child was born: a boy. Then another boy and a year later a daughter.

Now Cameron was speaking to a packed house at UCLA film school. Ann sat in the front row, her hair up, face radiant.

"What did you do?" Taylor grabbed Cameron's arm.

His lips slowly separated as he turned and stared at Taylor. What had he done? He'd changed his mind, surrendered to the longing inside and dreamed of building a life with her.

"I didn't do ... I decided if she'll have me, I'm going to love Ann the rest of my life."

Speaking it out loud made him s.h.i.+ver. He shouldn't have said it. That made it real and real was too frightening.

Cameron closed his eyes and shut down the feeling, then shut down the choice to move forward. No. He couldn't do that to her. Even if she chose to be with him ... So much better for her to find someone whole.

"It's changing back again," Taylor said.

Cameron opened his eyes and stared at the lake.

The scene had changed back to the one with Ann in New York with a smile and sad eyes. The man at the table opened a Tiffany's box and she nodded.

Cameron standing on the top of El Capitan alone.

Ann dropping off the girls for a weekend with their father.

Cameron old and flipping through channels on a television screen that covered his entire wall.

The water s.h.i.+fted and there was nothing to see except the placid still waters. Cameron watched and waited for five minutes but no other scenes came.

Cameron stared at Taylor as both men let what they'd just witnessed sink in.

"I saw myself years into the future, still alive. I was doing things you have to have a memory to do. Does that mean I'm going to be okay?"

"I don't know, my friend."

"Have I been cured?"

Taylor shook his head. "I don't know."

"I need to know."

"I don't think you can."