Magda Part 33

VON KELLER.

[_Looking at the door_.] Pardon me--I can hardly accustom myself again to the affectionate terms. And if any one should hear us-- Would it not be better--

MAGDA.

[_Sadly_.] Let them hear us.

VON KELLER.

[_At the door_.] Good Heavens! Well [_sitting down again_], as I was saying, if you knew with what real longing I look back from this height at my gay, discarded youth--

MAGDA.

[_Half to herself_.] So gay,-- yes, so gay.

VON KELLER.

Well, I felt myself called to higher things. I thought-- Why should I undervalue my position? I have become Councillor, and that comparatively young. An ordinary ambition might take satisfaction in that. But one sits and waits at home, while others are called to the ministry. And this environment, conventionality, and narrowness, all is so gray,--gray! And the ladies here--for one who cares at all about elegance--I a.s.sure you something rejoiced within me when I read this morning that you were the famous singer,--you to whom I was tied by so many dear memories and--

MAGDA.

And then you thought whether it might not be possible with the help of these dear memories to bring a little color into the gray background?

VON KELLER.

[_Smiling_.] Oh, pray don't--

MAGDA.

Well, between old friends--

VON KELLER.

Really, are we that, really?

MAGDA.

Certainly, _sans rancune_. Oh, if I took it from the other standpoint, I should have to range the whole gamut,--liar, coward, traitor! But as I look at it, I owe you nothing but thanks, my friend.

VON KELLER.

[_Pleased, but confused_.] This is a view which--

MAGDA.

Which is very convenient for you. But why should I not make it convenient for you? In the manner in which we met, you had no obligations towards me. I had left my home; I was young and innocent, hot-blooded and careless, and I lived as I saw others live. I gave myself to you because I loved you. I might perhaps have loved any one who came in my way. That--that seemed to be all over. And we were so happy,--weren't we?

VON KELLER.

Ah, when I think of it, my heart seems to stop beating.

MAGDA.

There in the old attic, five flights up, we three girls lived so merrily in our poverty. Two hired pianos, and in the evening bread and dripping. Emmy used to warm it herself over the oil-stove.

VON KELLER.

And Katie with her verses! Good Lord! What has become of them?

MAGDA.

_Chi lo sa_? Perhaps they're giving singing-lessons, perhaps they're on the stage. Yes, we were a merry set; and when the fun had lasted half a year, one day my lover vanished.

VON KELLER.

An unlucky chance, I swear to you. My father was ill. I had to travel.

I wrote everything to you.

MAGDA.

H'm! I did not reproach you. And now I will tell you why I owe you thanks. I was a stupid, unsuspecting thing, enjoying freedom like a runaway monkey. Through you I became a woman. For whatever I have done in my art, for whatever I have become in myself, I have you to thank.

My soul was like--yes, down below there, there used to be an aeolian harp which was left mouldering because my father could not bear it.

Such a silent harp was my soul; and through you it was given to the storm. And it sounded almost to breaking,--the whole scale of pa.s.sions which bring us women to maturity,--love and hate and revenge and ambition [_springing up_], and need, need, need--three times need--and the highest, the strongest, the holiest of all, the mother's love!-- All I owe to you!

VON KELLER.

What--what do you say?

MAGDA.

Yes, my friend, you have asked after Emmy and Katie. But you haven't asked after your child.

VON KELLER.

[_Jumping up and looking about anxiously_.] My child!

MAGDA.

Your child? Who calls it so? Yours? Ha, ha! Dare to claim portion in him and I'll kill you with these hands. Who are you? You're a strange man who gratified his l.u.s.t and pa.s.sed on with a laugh. But I have a child,--my son, my G.o.d, my all! For him I lived and starved and froze and walked the streets; for him I sang and danced in concert-halls,--for my child who was crying for his bread! [_Breaks out in a convulsive laugh which changes to weeping, and throws herself on a seat, right_.]

VON KELLER.

[_After a silence_.] I am confounded. If I could have suspected,--yes, if I could have suspected--I will do everything; I will not shrink from any reparation. But now, I beg you to quiet yourself. They know that I am here. If they saw us so, I should be--[_correcting himself_] you would be lost.

MAGDA.

Don't be afraid. I won't compromise you.

VON KELLER.