Waking Charley Vaughan Part 17

My timing could not have been better. I walked into my parents' house as the phone was ringing. I hoped silently that it would be Matt, and the telephone G.o.ds were smiling on me that day.

"It's your brother," my mom said, putting her hand over the receiver. "Will you please-"

"I want to talk to him," I said cutting her off. She smiled a proud smile.

"Thank you, honey," she whispered, and to Matt she said, "Matthew, your sister would like to talk to you. Hang on." She handed me the phone.

"I'm going to start by saying I think you're a dumba.s.s," I said to him by way of a greeting.

He gave a dry laugh, "I know. If it helps, I think the same thing right about now."

"How are you holding up?" I asked him.

"Not great, but what should I have expected?"

"Don't start, Matt," I warned him, "I'm not going to jump into a pity party for you. What you did was wrong," I paused for a second. When he said nothing, I added, "I'm always going to love you, but I'm not going to pretend like what you did was OK. You could have killed-"

He cut me off, "I know, Sara. I know!" He went silent for a minute, then said, "I had no idea it was her. Kelly wouldn't stop talking. I wouldn't look at her, she got in my face, and I got distracted. Two seconds later, it was over. I knew I'd hit something, but I had no idea it was her. I thought maybe it was a---a drunk or something. I don't knowI panicked. I never would have hit her on purpose though. I was out looking for her to try to talk to her."

"It doesn't matter if you didn't know. Even if you thought it was some b.u.m off the street, or an old lady's cat, you should have stopped!" I was raising my voice.

"Look, I get it," he said. "I hurt your friend, and I'm sorry. I cared about her, too, you know?"

"You really don't get it, Matt," I told him. "This isn't just about Charley." I was realizing the truth of this as I said it. "Part of the reason I'm so mad at you is because of what you did to yourself-to my brother. First, you made an a.s.s of yourself by cheating on a great girl. I could have dealt with that. You and I could have worked past that eventually. But this," I was starting to cry, "this is serious, Matt." I could lose you for a lot longer than it takes to get over a fight. Mom and Dad lose you, too." I paused to take a breath and wipe my eyes. "Dammit, Matt! I'm disappointed in you!" I said, realizing what had been wrong all this time, and finally saying it to my brother made me feel better. It didn't fix things, but it gave me hope that one day things could be fixed.

After a few more minutes of conversation, I handed the phone over to my mother. She kept it light and reminded him that we all loved him. She talked about how the deal his lawyer had gotten him was better than fair. I didn't know what she was talking about. I looked at my Dad who was at his place on the bar stool. "What deal?" I asked him.

"He got a year behind bars, which is the low end of what he could have gotten for a hit and run with bodily injury. He could have gotten up to eighteen months if he'd gone to trial. With this, he can probably get out sooner than a year if he behaves himself."

I sat down next to my dad. "Do you think it will be good for him, Dad?" I asked him, trying to sound hopeful.

"I think so," he said soberly. "But we'll have to see."

Mom hung up with Matt and the three of us sat down to dinner. There was a slight optimism in the air that I hadn't felt at my parent's house since Charley's accident. We were able to talk about everyday things over dinner. I also had to tell them what I'd found out about Charley. My parents were proud of her, too.

"Good for her," my dad said. "About time she stuck up for herself. She might just turn into quite the little spitfire."

My mom just smiled proudly. Before I left, I decided there was one more thing I should tell them. I knew for my mom at least that it would brighten her day.

"I think there is someone I'd like you to meet," I told them while we were cleaning up dinner dishes. "His name is Adam. He's Brennan's little brother."

My dad, of course, looked concerned, and my mother's face lit up. "Before you get too excited," I told her, "We've only been on a few dates. But I really like him," I couldn't help but smile.

CHAPTER 17 CHARLEY.

As Codey and I boarded the plane, we were both quiet. The night before had been long and exhausting. We'd fought with our parents, lectured our dad, consoled our baby sister, and prepared ourselves mentally for our new life.

We decided the night before over coffee that we weren't going to let our mother stand in the way of what we wanted. The more I talked to Codey, the more I'd realized that she had wanted to be a part of Lylah's just as much as I had wanted her to be before things went badly. We had talked until early in the morning about how we'd make it work with no capital and little collateral.

"Can we just lease the building?" she'd asked. "That will help."

"It will be cheaper, but not free. And we're still going to need money for startup," I told her.

"True," she'd said, biting her lip. "I don't know, Chuck," she said. I was starting to get used to the nickname again. As long as she was using it happily, I thought I could handle it. "I just think this is going to work! We'll make it work," she said, doing her best Tim Gunn impression. She had always loved America's Next Top Model. I was happy to see that some things never changed.

We ended the night having no more of a clue how our plan was going to work, but both of us sure that it was going to.

We had spent my second day back in Mississippi at our favorite beach. I had forgotten how much warmer the coast was than Colorado this time of year. We were all still bundled in sweats.h.i.+rts and hats, but there was no snow in sight. I warned them both that winters were nothing like this in Colorado. They still seemed glad to join me.

It wasn't just us at the beach. We'd invited a huge group of friends for a bonfire. It had been years since I'd seen everyone. It was nice to laugh and joke with my sisters and my friends. It became obvious that night though that this was all part of my past. It was nice to revisit, but there wasn't any part of me that wanted to come back to this.

Eventually everyone but the Vaughan sisters had cleared the beach. We stayed huddled together-Casey in the middle as both Codey and I hugged her close. She was sad that we were leaving, but for the first time in a while, she had something to look forward to.

As we said goodbye to Casey the following morning, the only benefit she could see to our leaving was that she was going to have the car to herself for the next three months. "It's small consolation," she'd said, "and I'd better have a job waiting when I get out there."

We did our tearful goodbyes, all of us hoping Casey could stand the next three months. I think Codey and I were both holding out hope that our dad would get it together and start sticking up for her like he should have been for all of us all along.

"I have a couple of places in mind," I told Codey as we brought our suitcases into the apartment, "I wanted to wait for you to get here to pick one for sure though." She smiled at me.

"You weren't making that up," she said sounding surprised. "I kind of thought you just came up with the whole me moving out here thing on the spur of the moment."

"It was the spur of the moment," I told her honestly. "It was just the spur of a moment a few moments before I got to Mississippi." She laughed at me.

"That was really convoluted," she told me, laughing.

"I know. It's been a long couple of days. I stared at her for a minute. "Thanks for coming with me. I'm glad you're my sister again."

"Cheeseball," she laughed. "I was always your sister."

True enough, but it hadn't felt that way for the years that we didn't speak to one another. I walked her around the apartment-a short tour-showing her where things were, and helping her get settled into the office. I had offered to stay in there and let her have my room, but she wasn't having it. We'll find a place soon enough, she told me. I can always crash on the couch if the futon isn't comfortable.

We agreed to go shopping the next day for some real winter clothes for her. It would be cheap shopping, but we were up for the challenge. We also had plans to start hara.s.sing banks tomorrow. Somehow, it would work. That's what Codey kept telling me. I was pretty sure I believed her.

A little before midnight, I was too anxious to sleep. I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I bundled myself up, throwing on my snow boots and grabbing my gloves on the way out the door.

As I was closing the door, Mrs. Arrington was coming down the steps, and stopped me.

"Hi Mrs. A," I said cheerfully. "What are you doing up so late?" I asked her. I noticed she had a small bundle of items in her hand. She held them out toward me.

"I'm a night owl," she said, "I was up doing some bookkeeping, and I heard you b.u.mping around down here. I thought I'd bring you this," she said. "Brennan came by looking for you, and he had those things to give you."

I looked down at the small collection of things: a Spanish to English dictionary, some Spanish Soap Opera digests, and a six pack of Blue Moon. I grinned to myself.

"He seems like a sweet boy," she said. "Is he a boyfriend?"

I laughed bitterly. "I don't really know," I told her. "I have no idea how he feels."

"Well," she began, "how do you feel?"

"I don't know that either," I told her.

"Charley, can I just say something to you?" she asked me, making a move to sit on the steps, and motioning for me to sit with her.

"Umm, sure," I said, sitting down beside her so that our knees b.u.mped in the small s.p.a.ce.

"I have never been one to think that a girl needed a man in her life to survive. Lord knows I made it many years happier without my ex-husband than I ever had happy times with him. But what I do believe is that you need love. Not the one-sided love that you've seen from your mother, and from Matthew. Real love."

I turned to look at her, unsure of where this was going.

"Now, I know I just met Brennan officially, but I've seen the two of you around the building. I've seen how you are when the two of you are together-how you've been since you got home from the hospital. I think you love that boy, Charley."

I didn't know what to say, so I just looked down at my feet for a bit. "I don't really think it's a good idea for me to love someone, Mrs. A," I told her. "It doesn't seem to work out in my favor," I said, gesturing toward the scar that was still visible on my head.

"Charley," she said, gesturing back at my head. "You've got it in your head that all love looks like what you've already seen. And that's just not true. And this running away business-this cutting yourself off from the things you really want, and the people who really want good things for you-it's no good, Miss Charley. Not for you, and not for the people who care about you."

"Mrs. A," I started. "How can two people be in love after just a matter of weeks?" For some reason, this made her smile. She looked at me, her eyes full of her usual kindness.

"Charley, in your case, the question is how can someone not fall in love after just a short while. And as far as your feelings for Brennan, it seems like you are running from him, not because you don't love him, but because you don't think you should."

"But I shouldn't," I said without thinking. This caused her to raise an eyebrow.

"And why not? Is it because you think you're going to hurt him, or because you think he's going to hurt you?"

"Neither," I said. "It just doesn't make sense to love him so quickly."

She laughed then. "And who exactly told you that love was supposed to make sense? I have never--not one time--been in any kind of love that makes sense. And when you find love that's good, and good for you-from a young man, or from a friend-even from a neighbor, the best thing you can do is to run toward itnot away from it. It's not always easy to do, but it's always worth it."

"Besides," she added, "I'm not saying to marry the boy. I'm just saying don't avoid him, and don't ignore your feelings for him because you're afraid."

She smiled then, and probably because I was on the verge of tears at the realization that I not only loved Brennan, but that I also loved her. She pulled me into a big, tight hug.

She kissed me on the top of my head, and said softly, "If you can go through your life being brave enough to run towards the things you deserve, and the people and the things that you love; then you will be rewarded with so much love, and so much joy in return. But if you keep running away from every little thing that scares you," she held my shoulders and pulled me back to look into my eyes, "like Brennan-- then you're gonna miss out on so much of what life has in store just for you, Miss Charley Vaughan."

And then I said it. I said what the conversation was really aboutwhat all of it had been really about from the moment I got off the plane in Denver six years before.

"What if," I began, and tears flooded my eyes. "What if I just disappoint the people who love me? Or, what if they just get sick of me one day?"

I broke down completely then, sobbing into Mrs. Arrington's sweater. "My own mother hates me! My own mother. She was the one person who was supposed to love me regardless of anything, and I could never make her love me. How am I ever supposed to trust that anyone else can? How canhow can I?"

I could barely make out her features for all of the tears I was blinking my way through. It seemed that the harder I tried not to cry, the harder and faster the tears came.

Mrs. Arrington pulled me back again, this time cupping my cheeks with her small, soft hands. "You listen to me, Charley," she said sternly. "Anybody that can't figure out how to love youthat's their problem, and not yours."

She wiped at my cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater. "Oh honey, I can't even start to understand how much it hurts to miss that love from your momma. But, if we let it happen, G.o.d, or the Universe, or whatever you wanna call it, can bring us all the love we miss, and then some. It just comes from other people."

I looked at her, sniffling. "You think so?" I asked her.

"I know so," she said, smiling softly-her big hazel eyes sparkling as she did so. "I've never told you this, but, I lost my own daughter about 6 months before you moved in here. It's why I was so stand-offish those first couple of months. I was still so hurt, and so full of anger. I kept asking G.o.d to take the anger, and the pain away, but every day I woke up hurting more than I had the day before."

I was stunned. In all the years I had known her, I hadn't known about her daughter. "Mrs. A," I said, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"Don't be sorry," she said, "You didn't do anything."

"How did it happen?" I asked. "How did she die?"

"A drunk driver," she said, choking on the words. "Ran a red light, and crashed into her car when she was on her way home one night. The paramedic said she was gone by the time they got to the scene. She was a bright girla sweet girl. She was my whole world: my only baby," she wiped away a tear then. "She reminded me very much of you."

I put my hand into hers, and rested my head on her shoulder. "That's why I couldn't visit you in the hospital," she said. "It just brought it all back, and it was too hard. That was selfish, and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I told her. "You're here now."

We sat there, on the stairs, talking for over an hour. I thought I'd known her before that day, but after that talk, the small boundary line that had existed between us was gone. In one afternoon conversation, she became my family, and I became hers.

"Mrs. A," I said, moving to stand up. "I'm so glad we had this talk, but it sucks at the same time."

She laughed. "And what sucks about it?" she asked.

"Well, just when I feel like we are going to be even better friends, I'm going to be moving. I hate it. I'm going to miss you!" My eyes started to well up again.

"Moving?" she asked. "Where are you going?'

"Well, my sisters are going to be moving in with me," I explained. "We can't all three fit into my little apartment."

"How wonderful!" she said, her eyes wide with excitement. "You know there's a three bedroom upstairs don't you?" she asked. I hadn't known that. I thought it was just studios up there.

"That would be perfect!" I said enthusiastically. "I'll have to talk to the landlord and see if it's available."

Mrs. Arrington smiled at me, and I didn't quite understand why. "Since you've been occupied with getting healed and being out of town," she began, "the building has come under new owners.h.i.+p. I think we can work something out. I've enjoyed having you as a neighbor, and I'd hate to lose you."

She smiled before turning to walk back up the stairs. "It's getting late," she said. "We can discuss all the details next week."

I looked down at my watch. She was right. If I hurried, though, I might be able to work in one more important conversation for the night.

I pulled my small car in the parking spot directly in front of the pub. I sat there for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts. I finally got out of the car, and walked in. There weren't many people there. It was nothing like the first night I'd been in. I saw him right away, and all the happiness and relief I had felt over the past few days had been multiplied.

He spotted me, and looked surprised, but didn't smile. I walked over to the bar and sat down in the same spot I'd occupied the first night we met.