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"There's something inside of me. Something bad. I fight it every d.a.m.n day, Cat." His hand grips mine tightly, tight enough to hurt; although, he doesn't realise he does it. "I was mourning. We were mourning. But he needed me. And not just here or there, but all the f.u.c.kin' time. It was like I wasn't allowed to be sad or mad because Tomas needed me. Everything was Tomas this and Tomas that. I was everything he needed me to be. And I hated him for it." He turns to me, eyes void. "I resented him for being the way he is." His eyes close and he shuts them tightly as he whispers, "That night before I left him alone in the house, I called him a f.u.c.king r.e.t.a.r.d, Cat."
Part of me wants to punch him. The other part wants to hold him. "You didn't mean it."
He opens his eyes and stares into me. "I did. I meant it. I said it to hurt him but I meant it."
Silence overtakes me. I'm not sure how I feel about this confession.
He nods slowly, averting his eyes. "I know. f.u.c.ked, right? He's my brother. I'm meant to protect him from all those a.s.sholes out there, and there I was calling him a name I wouldn't call my worst enemy. And he knew. I saw the way he stopped rocking. I knew he knew what I'd said. He turned and walked away. And I taunted him. I told him I wished he'd never been born."
I pull my fingers from his and lean away.
He looks up at me and we both feel it.
Something has changed. Xavier is no longer the man needing a friend while he experiences a hard time in his life. He is no longer the trembling mess that arrived on our doorstep needing help.
I see something more. My brows bunch. He was right. There is something dark inside of him. Something that wants to come out to play. I see that cold darkness in myself. Perhaps that's why we have bonded so much in this short time. Maybe, for once, we need to be held. I crave affection as much as the next person, maybe more. I think Xavier does too. There is more to us than meets the eye.
I step away. "If you need anything..." I trail off and walk away.
If I don't walk away now, I'll beg them to stay.
I drag myself into the kitchen, still sore about Tomas and Xavier leaving us. As soon as I enter, I want to turn around and leave.
Alas. I've been spotted.
Mich.e.l.le jumps to her feet from the small kitchen table. "Hey, Cat!"
She rushes over to me and wraps me up in a tight hug. After the day I've had, I take in her warmth. Without a second thought, I put an arm around her and squeeze. "Hi, Mich.e.l.le, how are you?"
She releases me with a huge smile and I turn to Clark, who sits at the table eating his lunch. The relations.h.i.+p between Clark and me has been strained ever since the day he pulled up my garden. I mutter weakly, "Hey, Clark."
I'm not sure whether he's still angry at me about Marco or he's embarra.s.sed about his reaction, but he doesn't respond, just jerks his chin in greeting. And it stings.
I didn't do anything wrong!
Keep telling yourself that.
Mich.e.l.le quickly moves behind the counter. "Sit your buns down, girl. I'll make you some lunch." She starts pulling out bread and sandwich meat and just as I begin to protest, she places her hands up and orders firmly, "I said sit!"
I blink. For a little thing, she can deliver an order.
Knowing arguing is futile, I move to the table and take a seat next to Clark. He swallows, and then leans over to me. "It's okay. We'll be out of your way as soon as I eat."
I frown and answer just loud enough for him to hear. "Don't leave on my account. I'll go eat in my room."
He looks down at the table. "I- I just don't want you feeling uncomfortable is all. I know I f.u.c.ked up."
My face softens and I whisper, "We all have bad days and yes, your bad day was pretty epic, but I told you already, it's done and dusted. We're good." He looks up at me, shame in his eyes. I place a hand on his knee and look him in the eye. "We're good. I promise. There's no reason we can't all be friends."
He nods once, as if rea.s.suring himself. "Well, if you're sure."
I sit back as Mich.e.l.le darts out from behind the counter and places a plate in front of me. I blink down at it and mutter, "Wow." There's a sandwich, potato chips and fresh fruit in a little bowl all on the same plate. "This looks great. Thank you, Mich.e.l.le. I'm suddenly starved."
She shrugs and blushes, "It's all part of working in a cafe, I suppose. I'm used to it."
I bite into my sandwich and moan. I could not have made this for myself. I garble, "Oh, man. This is good."
She winks before picking up her own sandwich. "It's the dressing. My own recipe."
I moan throughout my entire meal. This is quite possibly the best lunch I've had in... well... forever.
Mich.e.l.le asks, "So the guests are gone?"
I nod and respond sullenly, "Yeah."
Clark watches me closely. "You sad to see him go?"
Him. I don't know which him he's referring to so I shrug and reply, "I'm sad to see them go." I place emphasis on them.
Clark looks over at Mich.e.l.le then back to me. "Well, if you ever want to go visit them, Mich.e.l.le works just a minute walk away from their house. When I go to see her next, you should tag along."
The offer has me stunned, near speechless. "Really?" He smiles and I ask, "Is tomorrow too early to visit?"
Mich.e.l.le laughs closely followed by Clark's chuckle. "Nope. Tomorrow is totally doable."
And just like that, my bad mood crumbles.
Chapter Seventeen.
I woke with a spring in my step. Knowing I was going to be seeing Xavier and Tomas was all I needed to get my groove back. I tried to call Frankie not long after I had breakfast but her phone went to voicemail. I left her a short message, but it was one I knew she'd smile listening to. "Did you know that it's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open? No, really. Try it. I dare you."
I hung up knowing that stupid message would make her day. I only wished she would call me back.
Ari and I have a job scheduled in for later tonight. A job that requires two people. Meaning two targets. I make a note to get the file details after my lunchtime visit.
My garden calls my name. It has been sorely neglected over the past two weeks. I hate to admit this, but as soon as it had been tainted by Clark's hate attack, I've not felt the same about it. It used to be a beautiful, bountiful place where I could gather strength through solitude. Now all I see are dying plants and a weak attempt at life.
My haven has been desecrated.
But I work it anyway. If I put enough care into it, it'll soon be the lush, green place I remember it to be. I know I need to tell Bob about my lunchtime visit but I'm worried. What if he tells me to keep my distance?
I'm not sure I'd obey.
My hand curls into a loose fist and knocks on the office door.
"Come in."
I open the door a crack and poke my head in. "Got a minute?"
He waves me in. "Problem?"
Pursing my lips, I stroll on in, shaking my head. "Problem? No. No problem."
His eyes narrow. "What do you want?"
"I was just going to tell you that I was going out with Clark for lunch today."
Nonchalance. Level: Expert.
His eyes narrow to slits. "Where will you be dining?"
Uh oh. He's onto me. "Well, Clark was going to have lunch with Mich.e.l.le and I thought it would be nice to visit Tomas."
"And Xavier."
I nod. "Yes. And Xavier. Xavier will be there too."
He sighs, "Cat..." But I'm ready for him.
I sigh right back, "Bob. It's just a visit. An hour tops. They need a friend. You know they do."
He internally debates with himself before giving in. "Okay. But if I see this interfering with your work, it's over."
Excitement rushes through me. "It won't. I promise!"
As I all but skip out the door, Bob calls out, "Take your cell phone."
I shout back, "I will!"
Then it's off to visit my friends.
As we drive along, I fiddle with the radio. "This station is lame."
Clark bunches his nose and replies a sullen, "You're lame."
I chuckle and find a station I like.
Clark groans. "Anything but pop. Seriously. I will listen to redneck country over pop."
I roll my eyes. "It's just for ten minutes, then you can do what you like."
He mutters, "Yeah, yeah," but doesn't change the station.
As soon as we arrive into town, I sit up straighter in my seat. "Which house is it? How far away?"
Clark chuckles, "Old place, run down, blue gate. It's up a little further. You sure you don't want me to stay?"
I scoff, "No. I'll be fine. And I got Bob's okay. Not a fake okay either." I smile huge. "A real one!"
Clark grins, "All right. I was just trying to be a friend."
I look over at him. "That's the problem, I think. You're trying too hard. Just let it happen. It'll come naturally if you let it."
His face turns tortured. "I am so sorr-"
I cut him off with a swish of my hand. Wide-eyed, I utter an exasperated, "Will you stop already? Sheesh. We both know if I wanted to stop you, I could have. I also could have broken your arm. And your leg. And your neck if I wanted to."
He jaw steeled, he nods. After a moment silence, he mumbles, "Won't ever happen again. Promise."
I reach out and punch his shoulder playfully. "Better not. Or I'll pop a figurative cap in yo' a.s.s."
He snorts and we both laugh.
The car begins to slow. "We're almost there. Blue gate."
Three houses down, I see it. A blue gate. A run down house. An overgrown yard. And I couldn't have been happier to be here.
I open the car door. Clark calls out, "Be back in an hour."
"Okay. See you then."
The gate creaks in protest as I try to open it. Rust has me working to push it in. I manage to get it open a wedge and follow the path to the house. As I reach the front door, my brows pull together.
The door is open.
"h.e.l.lo? Xavier? Tomas? Anybody home?"
No one answers, so I make my way inside. My instincts tell me this isn't foul play. I call out again, "Xavier, are you home? It's Cat. The door was open. Tom?"
When I reach the living room, I stop in my tracks. I close my eyes tightly and exhale slowly.
I walk over to Xavier's limp body and press my fingers to his neck.
A light pulse.
Without a second thought, I pull out my phone and mutter, "You stupid son of a b.i.t.c.h." I dial Bob and he answers almost right away, "What's wrong?"