Love's Suicide Part 7

To make myself feel better, I held Branch's leg under the table, reminding him and myself that we were the couple everyone was there for.

After dinner, we met the pastor to go over the ceremony. We hadn't planned anything special, but were expecting one hundred people and wanted the wedding to be pretty as well as quick, so we could get to the celebration afterwards.

Melissa was going to sing a song, and Danica was going to read a verse from Corinthians. Aside from that, we were going with traditional vows, because Branch insisted on it.

During the practice run, the pastor was going over where the guys would be standing. Accidentally, he grabbed Brooks and stood him with me. Branch hurried and corrected him, but my heart had already felt that pull again, seeing him standing there for that second and looking into my eyes, like he belonged there instead of his brother.

The worst part about it was I felt it too.

I went through the motions of the rehearsal, but after that happened, I was at a loss for words. While everyone in attendance was laughing, I was crying inside and had to avoid looking at either of the guys, in fear of them seeing right through me.

I couldn't ruin things.

I was so close to having my forever with Branch.

What was happening to me? Why couldn't I compose myself?

As the questions rolled through my mind, I felt the anxiety becoming heightened again.

Thankfully, the rehearsal was over and everyone retreated back to the bar.

Once we were all standing around having drinks, I settled down and started enjoying myself again. Melissa continued to hit on Brooks, but I was determined to let it go, because it wasn't my business.

Branch seemed thrilled that Melissa was digging her paws into his brother. He'd even made lewd comments implying that he had a nice room upstairs. When he told her Brooks' room number, I was shocked. I laughed with everyone else, but I caught his eyes looking at me again.

My smile disappeared and I knew that this was exactly what Branch had been worried about.

The time apart hadn't made things go away between me and Brooks. For me, they were stronger and the more I tried to fight them and look forward to my wedding, the more drawn I was to figuring out why I couldn't let Brooks go.

It was going to be a long night, and all I could hope for was that I drank myself out of all my irrational thoughts and woke up tomorrow prepared to spend the rest of my life with Branch.

Chapter 9.

We'd been drinking steadily for nearly two hours, and it was getting close to midnight. Branch was getting belligerent, joking and making fun of strangers that were around us.

His parents had called it a night hours ago, probably guessing that us all hanging out was going to end in catastrophe. I think Brooks and I both knew that pretty soon he'd start running his mouth about us and we couldn't let that happen.

I followed Melissa into the ladies room to tell her that our night was going to end abruptly.

She wasn't upset. "I asked Brooks if he wanted company." She leaned over and re-applied her lip-gloss. "He told me we could hang out later."

I'd never wanted to punch my friend, but for some reason, it's all I could think about doing. I didn't want her hands touching on Brooks. I knew he wasn't a saint and he'd probably been with plenty of women by now, but it still didn't make me feel better with it being one of my friends.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," I said while trying to keep my emotions under control.

I hated myself for feeling the way I was. The only person I was hurting was myself. He needed to be with Melissa, so that I could have closure. It would be the best for everyone involved. She was a nice girl, and with her strawberry blonde hair and pretty blue eyes, she was always getting compliments. I knew he had to find her attractive.

She turned to face me. "How do I look?"

"Hot," I finally said while smiling. It wasn't a lie. She looked stunning.

She adjusted her cleavage and took another look in the mirror. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

I held the door open for her, thinking of how to respond. It didn't matter anyway, because Branch was up in the face of another bar patron. Brooks had jumped up and pushed him away from the guy with ease, but he was still going off at the mouth, yelling profanities across the bar.

"Alright, bro. It's time for you to call it a night, man."

I walked up to him and grabbed his hand. He was so drunk that he fell on top of me. His weight was too much, and luckily Brooks grabbed the other side of him. I turned to Melissa. "I'll see you back at the room?"

She smiled and pointed to Brooks' back. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

I cringed when I turned around, but only focused on getting Branch to the elevator. When we got inside, he started singing at the top of his lungs. "Going to the chapel and I'm gonna get married."

I couldn't look at Brooks as we basically dragged his brother to his room. After reaching inside of his back pocket, I found his room key and opened the door. Brooks carried him in and tossed him on the bed. "Don't leave me baby. Give me some love before you go."

I swatted his hand away. "I can't stay, Branch. It's bad luck."

He motioned for me to go. "Then get the f.u.c.k out. I knew I should have gotten strippers."

I couldn't believe he'd said something so hurtful to me, and Brooks didn't seem too happy about it either. He slapped his brother upside his head. "Be respectful, you drunk piece of s.h.i.+t. That woman is going to be your wife tomorrow. Don't talk to her like that."

Branch rolled over on his back. He pulled his knees up and started laughing. "Listen to you, standing up for her still. Do you know how many times I've been inside of her? She's never going to be yours now. I marked her."

I felt another stab in my heart, while hearing him talk to Brooks about me that way.

Brooks pointed toward the door. "Go outside and wait for me."

"But I-"

He pointed again. "Kat, go outside. Now!"

I looked back at Branch, who was watching me leave. "In twenty-four hours you'll be my wife, Katy. Don't forget it!"

Once outside of the room, I could hear Brooks yelling at him for disrespecting me. It wasn't just because it was Brooks either. Had Walt heard his son talking to me like that, he would have killed him with his bare hands.

I sank down to the floor in the hall and tried not to listen to them. It was a terrible idea to think that everything was going to go smoothly, and if I wasn't already feeling anxious about the wedding, Branch's words were like a nail in the coffin.

What kind of man, who is supposedly in love with a woman, speaks to her that way on the night before they are wed?

By the time Brooks came out I was in tears. He held his hand out to help me up. "I'm really sorry about that. He didn't mean it."

We started walking toward his room. I pulled my hand away from his and crossed my arms over my chest. "People say the truth when they're drunk."

"Not all the time. His issues are with me."

I stopped walking, causing him to stop as well. "Maybe I shouldn't go through with it?"

His face changed before my eyes. I saw pain when I looked at him, and it was almost like I could feel it radiating through me. "Don't say things like that."

"No. I mean it. I've been having all these feelings and I can't shake them."

We started walking again until we came to his room number. "This is me." He looked down at his key card. "Listen, get some sleep and things will be all better tomorrow. You can marry Branch and start your happy lives together."

He started to open his door and the words blurted out of my mouth unexpectedly. "Do you still love me, Brooks?"

He leaned his head on the door and closed his eyes. I wanted him to look at me, but he wouldn't turn around. "Don't do this, Kat. You've been drinking and you're upset at Branch."

"It's a yes or no answer."

He finally turned around. "It changes nothing."

My bottom lip started to quiver, and I could feel myself breaking down. I was standing in front of someone that I'd been in love with for as long as I could remember. Every time we'd touched, even when I didn't know it was him, it was intense. We had this connection and it pulled me toward him, no matter how much I fought it.

I closed my eyes and let the next question come directly from my heart. "What if I don't know how to stop loving you?"

Time stood still as I looked up into his baby-blues and peered into his soul. His eyes started to get glossy and he bit down on his lip, while pondering how to respond to me. I covered my mouth and started crying again. Brooks pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "You have to."

I cried harder. "I can't."

He pulled my face up with his hands. "You have to, Kat. You can't do this now. Your future is already determined. The choice was made years ago. There's no going back."

I closed my eyes and thought back to when I knew he was leaving. He'd asked me for a good bye and I'd given it to him, with no regard for any consequences. "Fine. If it has to be that way, kiss me goodbye. Kiss me for all the years we've lost and all the ones we'll never have together. Kiss me and make me forget that every moment without you in my life crushes me."

"No!" He pushed me away like I was diseased. "Please don't do this." Brooks ran his hands through his hair and started pacing around the hallway. "We can't go there."

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I could taste the salt on my lips. When he finally stopped to look at me, I could see him considering. "Please, Brooks. I don't care if it's wrong. I need to feel it one last time. Just make this pain go away, because I'm suffocating in it."

His brow creased. "And you think I'm not? My G.o.d, Kat, I left the state because I couldn't watch you with him for another second. You think it's hurting you? How do you think I felt when that pastor put me in his place? Do you know how hard it was for me to not announce to everyone in the room that I belonged there and it wasn't a mistake?"

My sobs were continuous as I stared right at him. "What am I supposed to do, Brooks? It's too late. You should have fought for me back then. You should have told me how you felt. Branch said you didn't like me that way. How could I have known?"

"Because you felt it in here." He pointed to my heart and kept his hand there. "Because deep inside you knew how I felt about you. It was never a secret. I wors.h.i.+pped the ground you walked on. When you were sad, I was there. Not him! I was the one to wipe away your tears. You should be wearing that G.o.d d.a.m.n dress for me, not my brother!" He was so angry, and it was pouring out of him. When he turned to face me, he had tears falling down his face. "You broke my heart, Kat. You pushed me away, like an old toy. That's why I stopped hanging out with you. It's why I stopped wanting to do things and stayed by myself. Do you know what it was like to hear you and him sneaking around together? How do you think it made me feel?"

I was crying so bad that I could barely see him. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

He threw his arms in the air. "You didn't know? How could you not know? Even my f.u.c.king parents knew. Don't tell me that you lived in the same house with me and saw me every single day, but were oblivious to how I felt about you?"

"I swear, it's true."

He started pulling out his key card again. "You know what? It doesn't even matter now. There is no us. You've never really been mine and I've spent the last few years being okay with that." He opened his door, but didn't go inside. "I'm not going to kiss you, because it won't get us anywhere, and you'd be cheating on my brother. No matter how much of an a.s.shole he is, you're marrying him in less than twenty-four hours. I can't go back there again. It hurt too f.u.c.king much the first time, and it's going to take everything I have in me to get through tomorrow." He looked down and then back to me. He'd stopped crying and just seemed annoyed at the situation. "I think we should just call it a night and start over in the morning."

I stood there watching his door close with him inside and me standing in the hallway.

Seconds pa.s.sed and he never opened the door again. All I could do was walk away. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to be so upset about Brooks, and after Branch's rude statements I couldn't even think about him without cringing.

When I got to the elevator I watched the doors open and saw Melissa standing there. She'd changed her clothes and came walking out smelling like she'd even showered. "Oh my G.o.d. Are you alright?"

I wiped my face. "Yeah. Branch just upset me, that's all. Just wedding drama. I'm fine, really."

"Do you want me to come back to the room?"

She was going to be with Brooks. I knew it and I couldn't do anything about it. I needed to get away from her and everyone else before my heart exploded out of my chest. "I'm fine. I'm going to take a walk and then go to bed."

She kissed me on the cheek and got all giddy. "Wish me luck. I'm going for it."

The elevator doors closed as she started walking towards Brooks' room.

I hit the b.u.t.ton to the top floor and sank to the bottom of the elevator, unable to hold myself up. I knew it was going to be impossible to calm down before morning and without my parents I felt like I was all alone. For the first time in a long time I needed them to hold me and tell me what to do.

I don't know how I found it, but I made it to the rooftop and ignored the signs telling me that it was for employees only. The brisk air hit my face, and I covered my body with my arms. The little lights brightened the skyline, and I walked close to the edge of the building to get a better view. From afar I could see the Pentagon.

That's when I fell to the ground and began to weep.

Without the twins I was completely alone. Sure, I had Walt and Danica, but they'd never be my parents. I didn't have anyone to tell me that I was being irrational, or that I should follow my heart, no matter what the cost.

I was so empty that I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. Love had ripped apart, so much that I was considering not going on at all.

It was a shame that imagining ending my life was better than hurting the two people in the world that I loved the most.

Chapter 10.

I don't really know how long I'd been lying on the freezing cold rooftop, nor did I hear anyone approaching, but there he was, crouched down in front of me.

I looked up at Brooks and tried to wipe the snot off of my face. "How did you find me?"

He shook his head and looked around. "Well, it's not exactly a tree house, but I figured you'd run to high ground. You always did."

I sat up and watched him remove his jacket and wrap it around my back. "It's freezing up here, Kat."

"I know. I don't care." I looked away from him. "Where's Melissa? I figured you'd be all over that."

He knelt down across from me and put his hands on his knees. "You would a.s.sume that. Look, I never said I wanted to sleep with her. I told her that maybe we could hang out. Honestly, I figured she'd get so drunk that she'd pa.s.s out and forget I said it."

"So where is she?"

"I don't know. She showed up and knocked and I thought it was you. When I saw her standing there, talking about how much of a mess you were, I told her to get lost; in a nice way, of course."