If I Break: Beautifully Broken Part 3

"Really, Cal?!" I shout at him. I can't believe he just said that. Well, actually, I can believe it but oh my G.o.d!

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. The p.u.s.s.y grew a d.i.c.k-a scientific anomaly." He winks at me.

"Hang up the phone," I say tightly, walking over to him. He backs away from me.

"I didn't have anything to do with it. It was all him, trust me," he continues, dodging my attempt to s.n.a.t.c.h the phone away from him. "If it makes you feel any better. I plan on f.u.c.king him right out of her memory," he says with a wink.

"You are such an a.s.shole!" I shout at him. Jenna's not one of my favorite people. She's actually my least favorite person but she deserves to hear about Chris's absence a h.e.l.luva lot better than that.

"I'm the a.s.shole? I'm not the one who screwed her fiance," he chuckles.

"Do you hear yourself?" I say angrily. "You're mad at me because I slept with you? I let you touch me, your hands, your lips. You don't trust me because of that?" I laugh hysterically and his face hardens.

"I don't trust you because you turned on me!"

"Turned on you?" I ask in disbelief.

"You weren't supposed to give up on us, remember?" he says bitterly.

"You told me you'd never look at me like I was the villain," he continues, walking towards me.

"I've never looked at you like that!"

"How do you think you're looking at me right now?" The quietness is eerie. For a second, I see vulnerability in his eyes. This man hides behind his arrogance, his c.o.c.kiness, the hard facade. I have to remind myself this unbreakable man I've come to think of as Cal, isn't right. He has a mental illness. He is broken, more broken than I've ever been and it's entirely possible that he, in fact, sees what I did as a legitimate act of betrayal. I let out a sigh and lean on counter nearby.

"Are we going to be able to get past this? Are you going to hate me forever and never trust me again? Is this it for us?" I ask him sincerely.

He looks away from me. "I'm going to go get some groceries. Maybe you can make use of some of those cooking lessons you've been taking," he says before leaving out the door. How much does he remember? Is it everything? How does he know all and Chris knows nothing except what Cal wants him to?

chapter 5.

April 30, 2008 I don't go on dates.

I haven't had to since I've been here. I like to have fun. I like things to be easy and I usually like my girls like that. Uncomplicated. Girls I can see through. This girl's different. I'm not sure if I like it or not but I guess I do because I'm here with her. It's the first time I've been around a girl that doesn't look like she dressed up for me-that she tried at least. She's still gorgeous; I don't think she couldn't be if she tried. I haven't been around a girl in a long time who didn't have on a skirt that barely covered her a.s.s, with t.i.ts on high alert. Even dressed how she is, she's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. In the club, she looked different. There, she was playing dress up. This, I think, is the girl behind the mask. Or maybe I'm wrong. I'm pretty good at reading people but I read her wrong when I first saw her.

Something about her scares me. She seems innocent, breakable, and that terrifies the f.u.c.k out of me. I'm used to dealing with girls that have already been f.u.c.ked up so it's not on me. I hope I'm not s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g myself in this. I'm just going to make up for throwing her into the disaster I put her smack in the middle of. That's it. She'll feel better, I'll feel better, and we can both move on. If only she didn't look at me with those wide hazel eyes and that innocent smile. f.u.c.k, I hope she's not a virgin. Nah, she can't be. I couldn't see that douchebag she was with dealing with waiting on a virgin.

"Uhm, where are we going, Cal," she asks nervously as we make our way to the bridge. I try to cover the wide smile growing on my face. Getting her on the back of my bike was difficult. When I tell her what we're doing here, she might freak the h.e.l.l out. I stop and turn to face her and take her hands. Her eyes widen and I ignore how my heart speeds up. She lets out a little sigh. I force my eyes away from her lips.

They're perfect and begging me to kiss them. "How open-minded are you?" I ask her, closing the distance between us.

She looks at me skeptically. "You're not taking me to a giant wilderness orgy are you?" she jokes. Huh, she's funny.

"The next best thing," I say with a laugh and she bites her thumb. I hope she stops doing stuff like that. It's so d.a.m.n s.e.xy and I'm not going to sleep with her. f.u.c.k, I am going to sleep with her.

"We're going bungee-jumping," I tell her reluctantly and her eyes widen.

"What?!" she says, taking her hands from mine. "No. No, I can't." She shakes her head, stepping away from me.

"Yes, you can," I say, taking her hand again.

"Are you, like, one of those people-uhm, what do you call them?-adrenaline junkies?" She starts to laugh, holding her head in her hand.

"Something like that but it's not that bad. After you do it, you'll feel like a different person," I promise her.

She looks at me skeptically then past me. "This, this doesn't look like an authorized site. Are we supposed to be doing this here?" she says nervously. s.h.i.+t.

"Okay, so it's not exactly authorized but Jake, here, is the man. I've jumped with him a dozen times. You won't die. I promise you," I say, trying to contain my laugh at the horrified look on her face. She lets out a deep sigh, and turns away from me.

She' not going to do it. Maybe bungee-jumping was a little too much but dinner and a movie? That's boring as h.e.l.l.

I walk closer to her and I hear her breath hitch. It's a turn on like nothing else. "Afraid of trying something new?" I ask her as her eyes find mine and she looks into them like she's trying to see what's behind them. It's unnerving but a thrilling rush all at once.

"Okay, let's do it," she says, walking past me towards Jake.

"Really?" I ask, surprised.

"I didn't ride an hour on the back of that death machine to sit and watch you have all the fun," she says, nudging me. There's more to this girl than I thought.

"Only thing is, I get to go first," she says nervously.

"You're kind of a boss aren't you, Lauren?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "I better survive," she mutters.

"You're in good hands," Jake says as we approach him. He turns to me. "C. Scott, and who is this cute little thing?"

"This cute little thing's name is Lauren," she answers before I can. I smirk at Jake who throws his hands up.

"Feisty?" he quips.

"So you know what you're doing right?" she asks as he picks up the restraint.

"I haven't killed this dude yet," he answers.

"Who's going first?" he asks and as Lauren steps closer to the edge of the bridge, her eyes widen.

"She is," I pipe in and Jake gives me a knowing smile.

"I am," she says quietly, shooting me a nervous glance.

It only takes Jake a few minutes to suit her up. "You're awfully quiet, feisty," he says.

"I'm praying," she says with a light chuckle.

"It's funny how religious people get before doing this," he jokes.

"How many times have you done this?" she asks, after turning to face me.

"Twelve," I answer and her eyes bug out of her head. "It's not as fun as skydiving," I tell her and she looks at me in disbelief.

"The first of the month, he's usually out here," Jake chimes in.

"Do you try to scare all your dates half to death?"

"You're the first, feisty," Jake says, giving her a pat on the back. I shoot him a warning glare.

"So I'm the lucky one, huh?" she asks, nodding her head and I give her a wink.

"Are you ready?" Jake asks and I watch as the color literally drains from her face.

"No. But let's do this," she says as confidently as she can.

"You've got this," I tell her as she walks to her jumping point.

Jake stands behind her. "Hold out your arms and take a deep breath."

I can feel my heart pounding, remembering my first jump. After that, I felt like I was better than him. That I could do anything. She does as he says, and I can hear how much air she's sucking in.

"I'm going to count to five and then you're going to jump okay," Jake tells her and I can see she's shaking.

"Kiss for good luck?" I ask her to ease the tension.

"I'm not so sure what type of luck you are for me yet," she says nervously.

"One two, three, four...any last words?" Jake asks.

"If this goes wrong and I die. I'm haunting both of you," and with that, she sucks in one last breath, rolls her eyes shut, and jumps.

"I thought she'd be a staller," Jake says as we watch her soar through the air, her screams echoing.

My phone rings. It's Dexter. You'd think with someone as much money as he has would find more to do than call me all the d.a.m.n time.

"What's up Dexter?"

"Gwen has called me about a thousand and one times this week"

"That's nothing new."

"I'm unsure as to why you won't speak with her from what you've disclosed to me I see no r-"

"I'll talk to her when I have something to say to her. Right now there's nothing," I say plainly, waiting to hear his disapproving huff.

"Helen will be back in town this week. Will you be able to see her?" he asks and I roll my eyes.

"I have the meeting with the Luxe brothers,"

"Well, this is even more important wouldn't you say?"

"Sure, whatever. I'll give you a call back. I'm on date right now, I think it's rude to stay on the phone during it."

"You're on a date?" he asks skeptically. "Since when do you date?"

I laugh. "Since I felt like it."

"Since when do you feel like it?" he asks wryly.

"Funny. I'll talk to you later Dexter. Always a pleasure," I say, hanging up just as Lauren has been pulled up.

"You survived, feisty. I'm a little sad you won't be haunting me tonight," Jake flirts.

"Hey watch it," I say, warning him. He throws his hands up in mock surrender.

"Oh, my G.o.d! That was insane!" she says excitedly as Jake starts to help her remove her safety gear.

"I've got it," I tell him. He frowns but wisely backs off.

"Good insane or...?" I ask her hesitantly but, from the excitement in her face, I already know the answer.

"Amazingly insane. I can't believe I did that! I've never done anything like that before. I just jumped off a bridge and survived!"

"And you jumped without stalling. Not a lot of people do that," I admit as I free her from her harness.

"Did you stall? Your first time, that is?"

"What do you think?" I ask her curiously and she takes a moment as if she's really thinking. "No. You seem to do things without thinking first," she says and I chuckle.

"Is that a good or bad thing?" I ask skeptically, and for the first time since she's jumped, she looks away shyly before meeting my eyes.

"It can be both," she says quietly.

I want to kiss her. Right here right now. Usually, I would but I'm the one stalling now. Which is strange because I'm not a staller. I don't think; I just do. But something about her makes me stop and think and I'm not sure what to do with her. I'm not used to being in this territory. The reason why I'm even here is foreign to me. I don't do this. I don't rescue girls from a.s.sholes. I am the a.s.shole-well, not as big as some of them are. I don't think back on the damage I've done. I definitely don't think about fixing it. I don't even date; yet, here I am. Smack dab in the middle of a date with a girl who is too beautiful to not want to sleep with, with eyes that make you not want to look away but dare you to stare, gives you a conscience-one I'm not used to having, one that I prefer to block out. A bridge I don't want to cross. She's more than tempting, she's dangerous.

And f.u.c.k if danger isn't my thing.

Lauren When Cal finally decides to waltz back in, it's with a bag of groceries. He glances over at me sitting on the couch, the TV on only as a distraction. I want to bombard him with questions as soon as he walks through the door but of course that would be the dumbest thing to do and the very thing that will get me no answers. He brought me here for a reason. I know he loves me; he has to. I have to give him time, but how much time?

"Are you going to put some of those cooking skills to use?" he asks, setting the bag on the table before disappearing into the bedroom. How much does Cal know, what does he see? Does he know everything that happens with Chris? I head to the counter and see that there is a carton of apple juice, eggs, bacon, two steaks, three potatoes and a bag of spinach. If he was Chris, this definitely wouldn't be enough food.

I start to wonder how long we're going to be here. For a day? Several? I trust that Caylen is fine with the Scotts but she should be with us...shouldn't she? When she is with us, how does this work? Is he going to tell her he's Cal and what will happen if Chris comes back? What happens as she gets older? Does she live with two dads? Do I become the woman with two husbands?

"You're thinking too much," his voice interrupts me from my trance. I try to read him. What's his mood?