Just Breathe Part 17

Cinnamon bled through his skin, beading like sweat. No, no, f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, no. He rubbed at his colorful arms. The scent intensified. Now he panicked in earnest.

"Gavin?" Zoe stood in the doorway, eyes wide. She stepped into the room. Her calming whale song followed. "You okay?"

He quickly rummaged through the nearest drawer for a diversion and held up a ball of black cotton. "Yeah. Here's a s.h.i.+rt if you want to change. I doubt any of my pants would fit, but this ought to be long enough to cover you."

She accepted the wrinkled mess and brushed the Fire tattoos on his right forearm. Heat flared in his tendons. More of that awful smell released into the air. He s.n.a.t.c.hed some clothes for himself from the open drawer and pressed them over the tattoos to mask the concentrated stench. "I'm gonna take a quick shower." Voice cracking, he pointed a thumb toward the bathroom.

"Sure. I'll handle the pizza." Brow ruffled, she let him pa.s.s, and he got the h.e.l.l away from her.

As soon as the bathroom door shut, he stripped, tossed his clothes in a pile on the floor, and toed them away as if they were diseased. Might as well have been with that foul odor saturating them.

The shower burst to life with a jerk of his wrist. Water. G.o.d, he needed Water. And more soap.

He didn't wait for the spray to warm. He had to tame this raging Fire and get Scarlet's stink off him before he hurt Zoe again. That sickening smell was a brutal reminder of every terrible thing he'd done to the one he loved for the one he hated. Lowering his head under the faucet, he closed his eyes and began to scrub.

September 17 The pizza had come out of the oven and gone cold.

Water continued to hum through the pipes.

Still no Gavin.

Enough of this. It was almost two a.m. He'd been in there forever. Zoe stomped down the hall and rapped on the bathroom door. "You okay?"

"Just a few more minutes." His voice sounded strained.

She stared at the knot patterns in the wood of the door. Something was wrong. She turned the k.n.o.b. Unlocked. "I'm coming in."

"No, Zed-"

Steam clouded the mirror and raced out as if fleeing a murder scene. Zoe took a deep breath of the fog and drew back the shower curtain.

Gavin sat naked in the tub, his big body folded into the small s.p.a.ce, scouring the living h.e.l.l out of his arm with a b.l.o.o.d.y, soapy washcloth. Water spat at him from the showerhead. He gazed up at her like a frightened animal, eyes wild. Rabid.

Dear G.o.d. She combed shaking fingers through her hair.

"I can't get clean enough. I can't get the f.u.c.king smell of her off me." Gavin rubbed at his arms and chest, grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked until a light clump of black fell and swirled into the pool of water draining slowly around him.

Zoe turned off the tap. She s.n.a.t.c.hed a towel from the rack, got in the tub fully clothed, and threw the terrycloth over him. His teeth chattered violently. His skin was icy.

She took his cold hands and brought them to her heart. Her beautiful Gavin. Tears flooded her eyes. "What happened? Tell me what's wrong."

He fell against her chest. She slid her arms around his back and hugged him tightly. His broad, quaking shoulders rocked her to the core.

"She's inside me, and I can't get her out. Can't you smell her?" He buried his face in her neck. "I'm so sorry, Zed."

Zoe choked back the whimper ready to spring from the trap of her throat. Visions of the crying little boy in the Sydney restaurant from twenty years ago flashed in her mind. She gulped in a breath. "Who's inside you?"

"Scarlet." He snarled. "Her Fire's bleeding out of me."

Jesus. Gavin still hadn't forgiven himself. He couldn't let go of what he'd done to her. In a strange way, the knowledge was a relief.

She blinked her br.i.m.m.i.n.g tears away and stroked his short hair. "I don't smell anything. Just you." She kissed the top of his head and held him.

G.o.d, she loved this man. Mr. Perfect from her dreams, Mr. Perfect in her reality, despite his flaws.

As time stretched, his trembling stilled. Trailing her fingers down his rugged cheek, she pulled back to look at him, and whispered, "Let's go to bed."

Eyes closed, he nodded slowly.

She helped him up, and they climbed out of the tub. As he flipped the towel around his waist, she got an eyeful of him. She bit her lip and tried not to stare at all that hard muscle.

And stuff.

She clasped his hand and led him to the bedroom. The towel dropped, and he slid under the covers. One painted arm tucked under his head, he watched as she peeled off her wetsuit and slipped on the oversized black s.h.i.+rt he'd offered before. There was no l.u.s.t or greed in his expression, but man, she would have jumped him and gone ten rounds if he hadn't been so upset.

She tilted her head and grinned. "Better?"

"Yeah." He smiled weakly as he lifted the sheets and comforter.

Heart soaring, Zoe dove in beside him. She claimed the spot under his left arm and rested a hand on his warm chest. Their legs entangled. G.o.d, it felt good to be with him again.

Perhaps, like her, he was too overwhelmed to speak, which was fine. After a couple weeks apart, lying beside him in silence was good enough for Zoe. Almost like the relief of coming home after a long, unexpected journey.

She drank in Gavin's cedar scent-no hint of Scarlet or anything else-and wrapped herself around him. His grip on her shoulder loosened, and his breaths settled into long, sleep-soft whispers. She slid out from the covers and stood beside the bed for a moment.

Of all the terrible things they'd been through together, seeing Gavin so broken tonight was the worst. Scarlet had not only ripped their trust apart, but she'd irreparably damaged them both.

Zoe bent and kissed his cheek. With a sigh, he turned his face into hers. She smoothed his stubbly chin. It took every ounce of willpower to back away. But tomorrow the rebuilding of their shattered relations.h.i.+p would begin, and she needed her faculties in working order. She reluctantly headed to the living room for the night.

As she plumped a pillow on the couch, Zoe glanced down the hall to Gavin's open door. He'd suffered too much.

Never again.

Scarlet would pay for what she'd done to him. With her life.

Chapter Twenty-one.

A kiss on the back of the neck and a rumble of thunder roused Gavin from sleep.

He smiled. Zoe.

And rain. Blessed rain.

So welcome after the h.e.l.l of last night's Dreaming patrol-increased heat, more Fyre-inflicted terror, and still no sign of the Dreamweaver. At least Zoe's Water had given him the ammunition refill he needed to stave off a few attacks.

Her warm, lavender-scented body, delicate phrases of whale song, and a raging hard-on accompanied the syncopated droplets pounding the roof. He stretched backward, deeper into Zoe's embrace. She tightened her grip around his middle.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Her raspy voice set off a chain reaction from his ears to the Water surrounding his heart and onward to its final destination where his c.o.c.k grinned its 'G'day' under the covers.

"Good morning indeed," he said.

Then reality spanked him on the a.r.s.e with a high-def recollection of her horrified expression when she peeled back the shower curtain last night.

And of the lie he'd perpetuated by keeping quiet about his deal with Scarlet. He'd had the perfect opportunity to come clean, but he chickened out. Maybe it was fear of losing her again. Maybe it was shame. Or maybe it was because he'd lost his f.u.c.king s.h.i.+t, and she'd talked him off the ledge.

Whatever the reason, the deeper he dug this grave of deceit, the deeper the iron maiden spikes would stab when she found out. He rubbed his forehead.

So, make sure she doesn't find out.

f.u.c.k that. If-no, when-he had to make good on his oath, he'd confess to Zoe. Lying about s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g Scarlet was one line he refused to cross, even if it meant never seeing Zoe again.

In the meantime, he had the embarra.s.sment of last night to deal with.

He'd acted like a right f.u.c.king girl, breaking down as he had. Yet, Zoe stayed by his side. Held him harder the farther down the spiral he spun. Not many women would be willing to take on that kind of losing-your-s.h.i.+t drama headfirst as she had. Reason number 1,584 he loved Zoe Morgan.

He rolled over and faced her but couldn't meet her eyes for more than a few seconds at a time.

Her blond-streaked hair splayed over the pillow. No make-up. Didn't need it. Lids hung heavy over her beautiful blues. Lazy l.u.s.t? Yeah, the green and red swirls in her aura confirmed it. Why she'd want him after the shower incident remained a mystery.

But his stiffer-by-the-minute woody seemed nonplussed by the memory. No b.l.o.o.d.y shame.

Fire stoked the coals in his gut. Not again- Zoe's aura s.h.i.+fted to blue, and her unexpected, gentle kiss tamed the blaze. Her arms hooked around his neck. Her breath moved slow and steady, blending with his. That small kiss was all it took to dunk thoughts of Scarlet headfirst under the Water.

The Fire sputtered and swore as it flailed for traction within his soul.

How the h.e.l.l did Zoe do that? He'd barely been able to beat back the Fire burning away at his mind and body ever since he took the oath. In the arms of his muse, he almost felt normal.

He didn't deserve her.

She caressed his silver-laden ear, which got warmer the longer she stared at him. "How do you feel about cold pizza for breakfast?"

s.h.i.+t. The pizza. He pressed his forehead to hers. "Sorry for ruining your evening, Zed."

The pattering rain on the roof increased its tempo.

She grinned and angled her lips against his. Some of her hair fell in between them, but he didn't mind.

"You didn't ruin anything. Not only did I get to sleep on Gavin Ca.s.sidy's couch, but I also snuck into his bed and greeted him first thing this morning with a kiss. I can die a happy woman." Her giggle coaxed a fresh infusion of guilt into the Swiss cheese of his conscience.

He rolled onto his back and tossed an arm above his head on the pillow. "Thanks for staying. It means a lot."

She scooted closer, flattened a hand across his bare chest, and rested her chin there. So close. So far.

"I missed you," she whispered.

Jesus. Christ.

Water pumped through his chest. He smoothed her hair and cupped her cheek. "Ditto." To, like, the gazillionth degree.

As they stared at each other in silence for several moments, he hurled the past and future far from his mind and focused on the here and now. Just breathing, feeling the thumps of two heartbeats talking to one another. When he put the extraneous s.h.i.+t aside, life blossomed into a perfect, simple little flower. This time, this place, this moment were all that mattered.

Zoe pushed up and crawled backward off the bed. His tee s.h.i.+rt hung loose from her shoulders. The black fabric clung to her hips, exposing her long legs and tanned feet. He missed them, too.

"I'll be right back." She ambled out of the room.

His gaze bit hard into the a.r.s.e swaying behind her.

Scarlet's Fire choked free of the Water holding it down and nagged him with a series illicit reminders of them f.u.c.king in Sydney: his Fire cutting loose as he banged her from behind, the perfectly timed twists of her hips, the seductive heat that made him high. G.o.d, she'd been so wet, like a starved- Stop it. He squeezed his lids shut.

No. Today was about Zoe and him. Scarlet wasn't invited.

With a concentrated effort, he wiped his mind clean and shoved the b.i.t.c.h out of the way to make room for the Water rising in his heart. In a few beats, Scarlet's Fire submerged under the love, fidelity, and happiness bubbling up.

He heaved a sigh of relief.

His muse appeared in the doorway with two plates balanced on one arm and two gla.s.ses in the other hand. "Cold pizza and milk. Breakfast of the G.o.ds."

She sat beside him on top of the covers and settled against the headboard. He caught a flash of white cotton underwear. She tugged his big s.h.i.+rt over the scars on her hips and crossed her legs at the ankles. Good enough to eat. And he wasn't thinking about cold pizza.

When he didn't move for a few seconds, she faced him and shoveled a slice into her grinning mouth. "Wha'?" she said around it, then bit off a hunk.

Amused by Zoe's questionable choice of breakfast food, he nudged her with his shoulder. "I can't believe you're eating that for brekky."

"You were obviously never in a fraternity. Though, I figured this sort of meal would be pa.s.se for a rock star."

Lip curled, he studied the hardened cheese and took a bite. Tasted like greased cardboard. He chewed and swallowed it anyway.

"Being a musician isn't what it's cracked up to be. Most of the time it's heading across the country in a van full of smelly blokes, eating s.h.i.+tty fast food, and playing lots of video games."

Though Just Breathe had done a few gigs here and there in the last couple of months, he hadn't thought about a full-blown tour in ages. On-the-road living had its pitfalls, but he had plenty of fond memories of live shows with his mates.

Zoe laid the pizza on the plate. "You miss your music? Getting out on the road?"

"I do. But things are different now. Rehearsals are rushed. It's been a bit...tense." Another contributing factor to his ongoing malaise in Realis. Lack of normalcy.

Before he met Zoe, he'd settled into a routine of banging girls, binge drinking, and playing shows for screaming fans. The groupies and drinking, he couldn't care less about anymore. But the music? The Dreaming had cut him off from that comfortable part of his life, the thread that anch.o.r.ed him to reality. More Water he really could have used right now.

Bring music back to the Dreaming, Yileen had said.