Struck By Lightning: Slow Satisfaction Part 4

"Well, I did." She smiled to herself. "We have to look out for each other."

"Does that mean I could have my old job back?"

"I thought you hated waiting tables."

"I did. But maybe I'd like it better now that you're upscaling. And I sure as heck will like it better than starving if I can't find a job when I finish."

"You'll find something better than waiting tables, Karina, especially with your art-world connections."

"I was thinking worst case scenario, that's all..."

"I'm sure I could find something for you to do if you were desperate," Jill said. "Let's worry about one thing at a time."

Three.

The Key We Must Turn Jill dropped me back at the hospital and went to meet the locksmith.

Mom seemed happy to see me again, and I kept up the chatter with her for a while. She volunteered nothing about her own life or the neighbors, which I took to mean her memory was still foggy and she knew it. Instead, she asked me questions. I ended up telling her a lot of things I'd never really bothered to before, like about my roommate Becky in New York, and about art history.

Of course she asked me one or two more things about James, but after what I'd told her before, she had settled in her mind that I was with a suitable man and therefore she no longer needed to grill me about him.

By all outward appearances, the conversation was very pleasant and the least contentious one we'd had since I was in college. But I felt weird knowing that her contentment was partly brought on by a blow to the head. She hadn't been this accepting of me in years and she hadn't been this uncritical since I was small.

When I figured Jill would be coming back soon, I couldn't help myself. I started trying to prepare her. "Oh, Mom," I said. "Jill got a really short haircut."

"Did she? Whatever did she do that for? She's the only one of us who could hold a real pin curl!"

"Well, you know, working in the restaurant like she does? Long hair is a health hazard."

"Is it, now? The things you learn."

When Jill came in, I repeated my act of earlier. "Jill!" I hugged her. That was far more demonstrative than we usually got, but Mom took the hint, nodding to Jill and saying "h.e.l.lo, dear" instead of completely ignoring her like she had been.

"Jill's going to drive me back to the house now, Mom," I told her, and kissed her on the cheek. "We'll come check on you again tomorrow."

"The doctor said if everything checks out okay, then you'll be taking me with you," Mom said.

"I hope so." I kissed her again and then hurried out with Jill.

"How's she doing?" Jill asked once we were in the parking lot. But before I could answer, her phone rang. She cursed and put it up to her ear. "Hey. Yeah, I know. I told you I'd let you know. She might be getting out tomorrow, but I won't know for sure until morning. Yes, my sister's here, but... Darby, listen, shut up for a second, will you? I get that you need me. But I can't wave a magic wand and make it all better, okay?"

She unlocked the door and I got into the pa.s.senger seat of the unnaturally clean rental car, trying not to listen, but that was difficult to do when she was so vehement I could hear her right through the gla.s.s.

"Hold your horses and I'll try to be back as soon as I can! I don't know about tomorrow. Inspector? What inspector? The kitchen is your job, pal."

She opened the door and got in. "Wait, what? Accessibility ramps? We have those! Okay, listen, I'll have to call you later. I'm getting in the car now. Bye."

She hung up while I could hear the person on the other end still trying to talk. She let out a long breath, then started the engine.

"They kind of need you there, don't they?" I said.

"They'll figure it out. It's good for 'em," she grumbled as she backed out of the parking s.p.a.ce. "Anyway, how did she seem?"

"You know how you thought it was weird she was so cheerful? I think it's weird she's not haranguing me to bag some marriageable bachelor like a fourteen-point buck in deer season."

"Did you tell her about the guy in New York?"

"I did. But I didn't tell her we're kind of on the outs right now. She's like 'when can I meet him?' " I sighed.

"I want to meet this mystery man, too."

"Why? What if I dump him?"

"KayKay, I've never seen you this intense about a guy. I've never seen you this intense about anything. You better believe I'm curious about what's changed. I mean, maybe it's grad school and you're getting ready to move on, but..." She shrugged like she didn't want to say something that might offend me. Then she said it anyway. "You seem like you're finally growing up."

I stuck my tongue out at her to prove that I wasn't, but that made us both laugh.

When we got to the house, Jill gave me a new set of keys. Dead bolts had been added to all the doors, and a new garage door opener had been installed. This one had a b.u.t.ton remote as well as a keypad. I set a code for myself and then we went inside.

"Okay. I'm going to go up to my room and call him," I announced, psyching myself up for it.

"Are you going to tell him to come here?"

"I don't know. I might end up telling him to go to h.e.l.l."

"Well, if you need a shoulder to cry on after, I'll be watching the game," Jill said. "Don't feel like you have to make up with him just to solve my problem."

"I won't," I said.

I went up to my room and sat down on the bed. The drowsiness of jet lag that had stayed at bay all day suddenly swept through me. "Oof."

I texted Stefan. Is he around? I want to talk.

The phone rang seconds later. James. I picked up without saying anything.

"Karina." He cleared his throat.

"How did you find out about Betancourt?"

"A combination of knowing where to look and using the Internet. Most people are not good at hiding their aliases."

"Aha. And you are." I felt a flash of anger. I couldn't help it.

"Yes, Karina, I am. I've got a bit more at stake than a two-bit con man who targets widows and divorcees."

I tamped down my anger while I tried to focus on what he was telling me. "Is that what he is?"

"It appears so. Under his alias I found one restraining order against him, and at least two joint bank accounts with women's names. All three women are widows or divorcees. I'd say that looks like a pattern, and I haven't even dug much deeper."

"Maybe he just likes older women," I said, to be contrary.

"Or women appropriate for his age are better targets and better camouflage than younger ones," he said. "Please don't get mixed up with him, Karina."

"Is he dangerous?"

"The woman who took out the restraining order certainly thought he was."

We were silent a moment while I mulled that over.

"Karina," he said suddenly, "I worry you're not safe if he's there."

"You weren't so concerned for my safety when you sent Damon George to try to get into my pants." So much for tamping down my anger. "Where was your protective instinct then, James?"

He said nothing, and I wondered if he was trying to think up a justification or an apology. If he came out with a justification, I thought I might throw the phone across the room.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost a whisper. "That was one of the stupidest things I've done in my life. I... I don't even know what I was thinking."

You weren't thinking, I almost said, but I realized it was more than a snappy comeback. It was true. He had acted scared and hurt. He had tried to rea.s.sert control even while running from me.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"You don't make the best decisions when you're afraid," I said.

"No, I don't."

"And you're scared for me now, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Don't get any bright ideas," I warned.

He had clearly been thinking about it, because he immediately said, "At least let me send Stefan to protect you."

"I don't need a limo driver."

He bristled. "Stefan is far more than a driver-!"

"I know. I know. Just busting your chops," I said, calming down now that the wave of anger had ebbed. "You'd really do that? Send him here?"

"Your mother has been severely hurt, possibly by a con man intent on getting her money. I don't even want to contemplate whether he's desperate enough to hurt you, too. If Stefan's mere presence is not enough to deter him, he is more than capable of defending you, as well."

I couldn't help it. Hearing how James's way of speaking grew more and more precise the more emotional he got made me miss him terribly. I wanted to give him a chance to explain, but I wanted to be sure I was ready for it. You didn't chase him all the way to England so you could slam the door in his face, I reminded myself.

I stood and looked out the window at the front yard. "You said you wanted to explain yourself to me in person."

"Yes. I... I feel that's best."

"So you can put your dom aura on and make me believe you?"

"No, Karina. I don't trust any other kind of communication. Not only for secrecy, but if we're going to trust each other, we need to be in the same room. You need to see my face, hear my voice. You need to read me as much as I need to read you."

Well, that was probably true. "And you aren't afraid I'm going to strip-mine your soul?"

"Of course I am. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Karina. You're the one with my heart in your hands. I let that fear drive me away from you and let it spur me to some terrible decisions. I'm done with letting fear rule me, though. I want..."

I could hear him struggling to compose himself.

"I would rather be ruled by love than fear," he finally said. "And even if you turn me away, at least I will have conquered fear."

Knowing that he was as afraid of his feelings as I was of mine made me feel calmer. And determined. "When can you be here?" I said.

"We'll drive all night if you want us there by morning."

"No. Stefan is as jet-lagged as you. I don't want him driving off the road into a ditch." I did the math in my head. Ten-hour drive, eight hours' sleep, some time to pack or stop to eat. "How about tomorrow night?"

"We can be there by seven. We'll set up a security-"

"No." I cut him off before he could get that ambitious. "Get a hotel. Stefan can stay here, but you..." I felt my heart squeeze in my chest as I gathered the nerve to say it and stand firm. "You get one shot at being honest with me. No dom bulls.h.i.+t. No holding back. If that goes well, then maybe I'll consider seeing you again."

"I understand."

You better do your d.a.m.nedest to fix this, James Byron LeStrange.

"Give me a chance, Karina," he said then, as if he read my mind. "I'll make things right between us."

"Tomorrow," I said.

"Tomorrow," he agreed.

I hung up before I could lose my nerve and sank back down on the bed. It was too early to go to sleep for the night, but maybe if I just closed my eyes for a little while...

I let a wave of drowsiness submerge me as I lay my head down on the pillow.

We were dancing. I could feel his hand at my waist as we swayed across the ballroom floor and when I looked, we were at a ball. The ball that changed everything between us.

The music s.h.i.+fted to something warm and slow, and I pressed close to him like it was a slow dance at the prom. The heat of his body seemed to seep into me, desire kindling. As our hips gently rocked in time with the music I could feel the reaction he was having at being pressed so close.

It was a dream, but I hadn't realized it yet. I was caught up in the moment, part memory, part imagination. He had brought me to a kinky party where all the rich people used aliases-my BDSM debutante ball!-where we had s.e.x for the first time. I had coerced his name out of him, though, the price for getting between my legs. To James it must have been like his fairy-tale princess turned into the troll under the bridge.

But in my dream world that hadn't happened yet. Everything was still storybook perfect.