Soul Savers: Faith Part 24

Owen chuckled. "Oh, we'll win."

"d.a.m.n straight," Vanessa said.

Charlotte placed a hand on my shoulder, the weight noticeable, discomforting. "The only true failure, Alexis, is not trying at all."

While everyone else had sounded like a cheerleading squad, the truth of her words knifed into me, digging into the dark spots on my heart and soul. The blemishes of my previous failures, of my time in h.e.l.l. Without a word, I sprang into the air, flying up and away from them before I lost it.

As I soared away, I heard Sheree's voice in my head, although she was in her tiger form, thinking something about a mustard seed.

With a growl, I shot into the sky, my wings tight against my body, making me into a missile. I didn't have to read minds to see and feel the hope and excitement gurgling within everyone below me, and I couldn't believe how thrilled they seemed to be about the ma.s.sacre they apparently wanted so badly. Their own ma.s.sacre.

Tristan followed me, mentally yelling at me to stop, but I ignored him. I flew a larger circle around the valley, and again I saw my people dead on the battlefield, but only for a moment. My mind showing me what was about to come. A future I couldn't prevent if I wanted to stop Lucas.

"Ma lykita, you're letting your emotions rule."

I halted, bringing myself vertical as I hovered over my people hundreds of feet below. Tristan hung in the air in front of me, his wings spread wide, and light dancing in his eyes. Not sparks or flames, like they used to hold, but the light of hope.

"No," I refuted through gritted teeth. "I'm trying very hard not to let them rule, because if they did, my council would be the only ones slaughtered, and everyone else would be headed home. But then, we wouldn't be able to stop Lucas or save Dorian, so either way, I lose."

"Alexis."

"What, Tristan? What am I supposed to do? Watch them die on the battlefield? Or wait for Satan to have his way?"

His mouth turned down into a frown, and he let out a breath that sounded so sad, my heart faltered. The hope that had been all over his face a moment ago had disappeared. "My love, I wish you would only believe."

"Believe in what?" I flicked my hand toward the Daemoni and Demons who were already celebrating. "I believe what I see, and I see our imminent annihilation."

"And that's your problem. You believe only with your eyes anymore."

I opened my mouth, about to argue, but movement beyond him stopped me. Coming over the mountain behind our people, a sizeable beast with wings flew close to the ground with figures much larger than the average Norman man marching behind. The crunches of their boots on snow carried over to us and white plumes billowed up behind their feet as they continued pouring over the top of the ridge, hundreds, then thousands of them. The ground trembled, shaking the tops of the trees and sending small piles of snow sliding down the mountainside.

My chest tightened even more. "They're going to cause an avalanche."

"Our people are fine," Tristan said confidently.

I shook my head slowly, not believing what I saw with my eyes or felt with my own mind. All of those oversized men, marching in military form, were Normans. Norman super-soldiers.

I peered at the figure flying in front of them that I thought at first had been a new-to-me kind of Demon. "Sasha?"

A wolf the size of an elephant, her fur white as snow with stark black stripes like a tiger's, flew toward us with wings several times the size of mine. She circled around us, giving a dip of her head before dropping back down to the men she'd brought. Her men, loyal to her above anyone else, much to Lucas's chagrin. She'd led the Norman super-soldiers here, to fight for us now that they were no longer controlled by Lucas or the Summoned sons.

The last time I'd seen the lykora, she'd been chasing a Demon away from the Jefferson Memorial the night h.e.l.l arrived on Earth. I'd tried hard to believe she'd made it, but since we'd never found her, I had only a.s.sumed the worst and mourned her like I had the rest of my team. But she'd survived.

Just like everyone else.

"Is this supposed to convince me?" I asked n.o.body in particular as I turned in the air. "Because it doesn't. Just thousands more who have marched to their deaths."

"Alexis." Tristan flew right up to me and braced his hands against my face. "You're outnumbered."

"Exactly."

"I mean by your own people. They want to fight. They know they can win. They know we have the Angels on our side. But you're not helping."

Tears p.r.i.c.ked my eyes. "I don't know what to do, Tristan. I can't help the fear I feel knowing that either way, their lives are at risk. All those people ... so many, but not enough ..."

"No, not enough people." His eyes, full of love but hard with certainty, bored into mine. "But enough Angels to win. If you could only see them."

I blinked back the sting in my eyes. "All I see is death below me. All I feel is the truth of our defeat. I'm going to fail them again, Tristan. The Angels entrusted me to lead us to victory, but there's no way. I can't do this. We can't do this."

"But they can. Please, ma lykita, I beg you to feel the truth. In here." He pressed a hand to my chest. "Where is your faith?"

I closed my hands over his, folding my fingers to hold him tightly. "In us, Tristan," I whispered. "My faith has always been in us. In you and me. In our love."

His brows scrunched together. Sadness filled his eyes. "That's it? Only in us?"

I flinched. "Only? That's always been enough. We've survived everything we've been faced with-your years away with the Daemoni, the trial against you and us as a couple, what Kali did to you, Dorian's kidnapping-we've survived it all because of our love. We escaped h.e.l.l because of our love, Tristan. Because of you and me. Our love has always been enough. Until now ..."

"But it still is. Because it's more than just you and me, Lex. It always has been."

Tears pooled, threatening to spill over the rims as I shook my head. "No. In the end, it's only been us. n.o.body else cares. Not the Angels. Not G.o.d."

"The Angels brought us out of h.e.l.l, Alexis. We didn't do that."

"Not the second time. They wanted me to leave you there! I went back for you, Tristan. Bree and me. I got us out of there." I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat as I still fought back the tears. The next words came out as a whisper. "I could only save us, though. Not Bree or the rest of the faeries. And now, not the Amadis or the Normans. Maybe not even our son. We're not enough. I'm not enough."

His eyes held mine as they pierced even further into my heart, into my soul, as though searching for some underlying belief I wasn't voicing. But I'd put it all out there. Exactly how I felt. Exactly what I knew. Ugly dark stains and all.

With a sad sigh, he pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips against my forehead for a long moment. Then he backed away, holding me at arm's reach. When he spoke, his voice held more torment than it had when he'd found my body buried in the marble remnants of the Jefferson Memorial.

"Alexis, my love, as long as you believe everything we've accomplished has been on our own, without any help, you're just as arrogant as Lucas. You'll never be better than him or the Ancients or Lucifer himself."

Chapter 23.

I blinked, speechless.

"I love you more than life," he continued, "but I no longer recognize your soul."

My mouth fell open. I snapped it shut, but my jaw went slack again as I stared at him, opening and closing my mouth like a fish as no words came. My heart felt as though he'd physically shoved his hand into my chest cavity, grasped it in his fist, and wrenched it around. The dam broke, and the tears that had been threatening finally spilled.

"What do you want me to do?" I cried. "I can't change any of this!"

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Lex. You don't have to change any of this. It's not up to you. All you have to do is believe. Put your faith in the right place. If you could see what we see ..." His gaze lifted, sweeping over the mountaintops around us. "You would know. You only have to change your own heart."

"Let go and let G.o.d?" I asked skeptically. "That's what you're telling me will win this war?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

I blinked against the tears. Easier said than done. I could so easily say it if the words alone would bring us victory. But it's one thing to say everything had been handed over to G.o.d, or anyone else, and an entirely different thing to live that way. Nearly impossible. Decisions still had to be made. We still had to take action and move forward. We had responsibilities and people depending on us. The world in fact! Wouldn't it be nice to simply let go?

We all had those moments where we wanted to throw our papers in the air and say, "f.u.c.k this s.h.i.+t," letting the pages fall as they may. Letting someone else take over. But not too many people could actually leave them there. Most would stare at the pieces for a moment with a brief sense of freedom, but then realize what they'd done. Panic because of everything at stake. "Just kidding!" they'd say as they scrambled to pick up the pieces and regain control.

That was me. I'd become a control freak. Feeling responsible for the future of the entire world would do that to you. I wanted so much to believe someone had our backs. I wanted to trust G.o.d and hand everything over to Him so badly that I physically hurt inside, as though my heart and soul were twisting up and shriveling in on each other. But the thought of letting go and risking everything, everyone, created a paralyzing fear.

"If only I could," I whispered.

Tristan pressed his fingers to the rise of my breast, over my heart, over the stone that connected us. "Feel for it. I know it's in there."

He leaned in and brushed his lips across my forehead again before swooping down to join Owen, Char, and the others below. The plans they made-following what Mom and Rina had instructed-drifted up to my ears as I floated in the sky, still reeling from his words. I thought I'd felt alone before, when Mom and Rina had died and left me to lead the Amadis, but I hadn't known true loneliness then. I'd had Tristan. And Dorian. Owen, my sister, my best friend, and the rest of my team.

Now I had no one. Because n.o.body else truly understood the weight I carried.

Whatever they saw, whatever they thought they knew was lost on me. Because still, all I could see before us was defeat and death. The true end of the world. How much longer before Lucas opened the Gates to h.e.l.l? Before Satan joined the Earthly realm? Not much, I knew, because there was no way we could stop him. Not when that army of a million or more surrounded him, while only thousands had gathered under me. Not when he had dozens of sorcerers and countless Demons with their black magic, while we had Owen, Charlotte, and a few dozen warlocks with a fraction of their power and the inability to use any kind of dark powers.

Tristan led those below into formation, and they began their march around the mountain to the valley. My team followed behind him, then the Amadis, then Sasha's super-soldiers with the rest of the Normans after them. Tristan motioned a hand signal, and a third of the army branched off to march to the mountain to the east of the valley, another third-which included Tristan and the rest of my team-headed for the west side, and the last third stayed on this mountain to the south. What was he thinking? I soared down to Tristan's side.

"What are you doing?" I demanded as I fell into pace next to him.

"You know," he said without pause.

I did know. I just couldn't believe it.

"Tristan! How can you do this?" I swept my arms around at the landscape surrounding us. "You of all people know what a stupid maneuver this is. Our tiny army is split up. We don't have enough troops or firepower to be surrounding the enemy like this. We'll have mountains at our backs, and nowhere to fall back for retreat. You know more than anybody what a bad plan this is. You taught me!"

He stared straight forward, not looking at me. "And you of all people know these are the orders we've been given."

I blew out a breath of exasperation and threw my hands into the air.

"So you're just going to follow them in blind ..." I trailed off, knowing his answer.

His eyes cut sideways at me. "As a matter of fact, that's exactly what we're doing."

A mult.i.tude of emotions slammed into me. Most of all, that deep-seated, debilitating fear.

Tristan spoke into my mind, his voice softer. "There's nothing to be afraid of, ma lykita. We're doing exactly what we're supposed to do. Please believe that, because they're following me for the moment, but you'll have to give the final order."

I turned around, walking backwards, as my eyes traveled over our measly army spreading itself thin across the mountainsides. Stupid. So incredibly stupid. What were Mom and Rina thinking? My gaze lifted, as though I expected to see them in the sky, even when I knew I wouldn't. Instead, I found a swarm of bodies soaring right for us.

Tristan! Up!

He glanced up as they flew over us. I spun back around, and everyone stopped marching as the figures dropped into the clearing in front of our group, one at a time like birds landing. But these were no birds.

They were men, yet not exactly human. They all wore black, fighting leathers on their legs, but their torsos remained bare. Strapped across their chests and backs were a variety of weapons-swords, machetes, daggers, and guns. And spreading out from their backs were chestnut-colored, feathered wings, as big as Tristan's and mine, but not quite as ... beautiful. They certainly weren't Angels standing in front of us, facing our army with their wings spread wide and their powerful muscles bulging, but they weren't Demons, either.

Noah settled to the ground directly in front of Tristan and me, making my breath catch. His long, light brown hair waved over his shoulders in the breeze. His hazel eyes were filled with a fierceness I hadn't seen in him before. His fists clutched two long swords, pointed downward, toward our feet. If I hadn't known better, I'd say he was an avenging Angel, looking nearly as magnificent as Tristan.

But he wasn't an Angel. None of us were. We were only p.a.w.ns.

Tristan and I both pulled out weapons and crouched into a fighting stance. We hadn't even reached the valley, and the battle was about to begin. Apparently, Lucas had sent the Summoned sons and their offspring as his front line, not caring if he lost any of them since he had the one son he needed. The Summoned were no longer confused, running away and laughing at our absurd attempts to convert them. Judging by their challenging stances, they obviously intended to fight to the death.

And the thought first and foremost in my mind: Where did they get the wings? And why weren't they leathery, like the Demons'?

Tristan said I needed to be the one to give the order for attack, but I still couldn't bring myself to do it. Once the fighting started, this battle wouldn't end until one side was extinguished, and I already knew which side that would be. My internal war waged on-one part of me resolved on stopping Lucas from bringing Satan to Earth, and the other knowing that our attempt to do so would be the end of us all anyway. How could everyone not see that, especially the Angels?

Before I could make a decision to order a retreat or an attack, Noah and all of his men dropped to a knee and bowed their heads to me. For a moment, Tristan, my team, and I simply stood there, stunned. After recovering from the immediate shock, I opened my mind to theirs and balked at the onslaught of loyalty.

"You come to the losing side?" I scoffed, still unable to believe what I saw, what I felt. Not that the hundred or so winged men before me were enough to make a difference against Lucas's army, but the fact that they even bowed to me knocked the air out of my lungs.

"Good will win," Noah said a.s.suredly.

I couldn't suppress the dark chuckle. Good? The Summoned sons who'd chosen to go to the Daemoni? Hardly. But a stab of guilt tw.a.n.ged in my soul at this thought, because I'd known their souls had hope back when we cut the stones from their hearts. I'd been banking on that because it meant there would be hope for Dorian, too.

But it didn't make sense.

"We're outnumbered," I said. "You aren't enough to help us."

"We aren't. But they are." Noah pointed a finger toward the black sky with its heavy clouds that were about to let a snowstorm loose. "We fight for them, and therefore, for you."

I stared and rubbed my brow, not understanding. My sense reached out for them, and my eyes squinted as I felt their energy-all good, that of Amadis. They, too, trusted in the beings of Heaven.

"But ... how?" I breathed. "The curse ..."

"The curse has been broken," Noah replied matter-of-factly, his face still tilted toward the ground. "We are now on your side, our souls given to you and the Angels."

My stomach turned over on itself. "And Dorian ...?"

Noah didn't answer. n.o.body else spoke.

"Where's Dorian?" My question was met with more silence. "Noah, get up! All of you, up. Please. Just tell me where Dorian is."

Noah rose to his feet, and the others followed in suit. He turned enough so that his back wasn't completely to me, but so he could point to the fiery pit with the tip of his sword. I followed the line of sight, and my breath caught once again.

"Dorian!" I screamed.

The Daemoni and the Demons in the valley erupted into cheers and battle cries as two men floated above their heads-one ensconced in a fireball and the other, looking so much like Tristan now, flying by his own power. Together, they headed for the center of the flaming pit. I couldn't sense his mind signature from here, or feel his thoughts.

"What is he doing? You said the curse was broken!"

Noah looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes dark with grief. "Dorian has broken it. But he is not released from it."

Terror gripped me. "What? What does that mean?"