Official Book Club Selection Part 18

I'm probably very slow now, like 4050 wpm. But in high school, when almost no boys typed, I even took typing 2 and beat the girls. I was so motivated that I once typed a page of "the" and one of them was tne (with an 'n') and it was very hard to find. One bright kid used a piece of paper along each row and actual y did find the tne rather quickly. But never does a boy beat the girls in typing on a real typewriter in typing 2.

best to the best, xxoo good (ssoo good in computer talk) Steve From: Woz From: Woz Date: September 16, 2007 9:29:00 AM To: Kathy Subject: on the way I'm trying to guess how long it takes to get there. Traffic should be pretty good on a Sunday but I'm afraid of speeding after my 104 mph ticket.

Just kidding. Besides, I drove the first leg and Julie is driving now. I'm using my laptop in the car. I have used my laptops to get online from the first laptops and cel phones, even before there was an internet to get onto. I'd just phone in and join my home network, which was interesting but there wasn't much to do with only that. I love to do tethering but it's not some weird s.e.x thing. Tethering is getting your computer onto the internet anywhere through your cel phone. When the first cel phones came out with bluetooth (Sony Ericsson T68i changed the world for me!!!) I could take my laptop to a park and connect it to my phone with bluetooth (no tethering wire) and get through that phone to the internet.

That was one of the biggest tastes of technical freedom in my life. No wires, online anywhere anytime.

In other countries, I get to the internet through my normal phones, RAZR or Blackberry or about any modern cel phone except the iPhone which doesn't do tethering.

Except j.a.pan never al owed the cel phone system of the rest of the world so no cel phones from other countries work there. Ugh.

We'l check into our hotel first and brush and dress and al . I did the morning stuff at home. The morning stuff is mostly "sh" stuff-shower, shave, shampoo, s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+rt, shorts (and socks, shoes, skirts ...).

The best foods start with C. These are the foods sold at C food places, Convenience sores. Chocolate. Chips. Cookies. Cakes.

Crackers. c.o.kes. Coffee. Caffeine. Cholesterol, Cheese, Cheetos, Cheese-Its, Caramel, Chardonnay, Chablis, Cerial, Coffee Cakes, etc.) Everything except PePPeroni Pizza.

xxoo steve p.s. the planets are named after the days of the week. Or is it the reverse?

From: Kathy Date: September 25, 2007 5:29:59 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: question ...

I'm so thril ed that you are coming to Vegas, we are going to have a blast!

Are you going to bring Julie? You know I don't think you can function on your own right? I'm just picturing you wandering around aimlessly in the San Jose airport in the Southwest Terminal wearing your orange tie, handing out 2 dol ar bil s.

I'l have my girls coordinating with Julie regarding your insane room number request as I am sure you wil have to have Room 2225 across from Room 4445 or some random mathematical bul s.h.i.+t. I have two shows that Friday night, 8:00 PM and 11:00 PM. You can come to either or neither, it's up to you. I'l probably invite 4 or 5 friends for the weekend. We can plan a few meals together, but in Vegas no attendance is ever mandatory so you can ultimately make your own schedule of course. I a.s.sume you watched the Ahmadinejad speech from Columbia yesterday. I hope you saw the part where he said there were no h.o.m.os.e.xuals in Iran. Upon hearing that I canceled my tour dates in Tehran, Tehran Heights and Tehran City at the Chuckle Hut.

Oh, by the way, I told People magazine, regarding our "engagement"

that you did in fact give me a ring, that it was NOT an engagement ring, but it was a lovely gesture from a lovely man. I think that's why they kil ed the story. Next week, I'l tel them I've had my v.a.g.i.n.a pierced with the engagement ring and that it's one bil ion carats. As if you can afford it.

XOXO.

Kathy Griffin From: Woz Date: September 27, 2007 2:44 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: h.e.l.lo I'm not going to vote next year. I came to a conclusion during the Viet Nam war that voting didn't help, that the bad results came from much more powerful forces of, basical y money, and not from who was in office. Those forces acted on everyone who did get elected. I don't hear much in the way of moral leaders.h.i.+p anyway. If I accidental y register and vote it might be for someone weird. The few times I did vote I only voted for president and marked Libertarian for everyone else.

Wel , I just got my wakeup cal . I awoke 5 minutes before it and waited and waited and waited and they final y came through. I'm off to a speech an hour's drive away. It's a happy last day here.

xooooo steve woz From: Woz Date: October 3, 2007 8:52 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: compet.i.tion I did major bedroom pickup the last couple of days. When I'm home for 2 days I rest heavely but if I get a 3rd or 4th day I'm ready to get into work mode. I picked up clothes that had been washed 2 years ago. So many of them were in bags (bachelors here) that they were total y wrinkled and have to be washed again. I got my closets sorted (I've expanded to using both walk-in closets and I have about as many saved pairs of shoes as any woman) but now that I'm fil ing them, I have to go through and have a serious throw-out/give-away action.

I also have to go through bathroom drawers that fil ed up with hotel soaps and toothbrushes and shavers and al . I used to criticize my friend Jim and his wife who took salt and pepper shakers from every restaurant and event, even non-replaceable fancy ones. But I can't seem to pa.s.s up taking soap home from every hotel. I've probably taken 100 or more home this year and can truthful y say that I actual y used one such bar, part way anyhow.

I'm off to pack and then leave at 5:30 AM for New York. I have no idea how long I'l be gone but I think I have to get back for something coming up mid-month, like in Las Vegas. Oh, now I remember. Just kidding.

People ask me if I'm serious when I say weird made-up things and I tel them "yes". After a while I say "I'm always serious when I'm tricking someone."

XOXO steve From: Kathy Date: October 4, 2007 1:44:08 AM To: Woz Subject: Re: compet.i.tion NY? I'm taking a red eye to Phil y tomorrow night to do two shows in AC (that's tour lingo for Atlantic City) Friday night. Then 2 shows Sat night in Storrs (sp?) Conn. What brings you to NYC? Are you going to throw shares of Apple stock from the roof of the Empire State building? Ah, spring cleaning. I envy you. I love organization of al kinds. Jesica and Tiffany are organizational whizzes, and it comforts me like a hug from Al ah. I think you should give away al of your hotel soaps. Maybe Camp Woz? People who don't get to stay in hotels go ape s.h.i.+t for hotel soaps.

Wait, I just remembered, I haven't Googlo news-d you today. Be back in a minute ...

Jesus, you sure are on a lot of boards, and congratulations on making the Buffalo News. Ok, where were we? I wish you watched Oprah. It's a television show, in a talk format where an omnipotent being, named Oprah solves everyone's problems, as long as you play along with the premise that she is better than you. Anyway ahe did several shows about "h.o.a.rders" and I think you may be one. I'm thinking you were driven to be like this because some man did you wrong and one of your 87 cats died.

Oh, I did a photo shoot today for one of my favorite magazines. It's cal ed "Radar" and it's very sarcastic and clever. I'm getting some sort of ironic award, which is a gold plated urinal, so we did a shoot with me acccepting it in a beautiful evening gown. So I was al done up in fancy hair and make up so I went to a fancy schmancy restaurant so as to not waste my beauty. There were lots of paparazzi, and crews. One of them is cal ed TMZ.com and I'm pretty proud of a joke I came up with about us. They were asking m where my boyfriend Woz was, and if we were going to release a s.e.x tape. So I said we were going to, but Steve Jobs offered us a bil ion dol ars not to. Hope you likey.

XXOO, KG.

From: Kathy Date: October 28, 2007 1:15 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: At SFO Pasadena this week??? Wanna get together, dinner of somehing?

Xxoo KG From: Woz Date: October 29, 2007 12:27:05 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: At s...o...b..ck to Pasadena, let's please get together for dinner or anything. I'l cal you when I get down there. I don't know our judging schedule but it's pretty much al -day for a few days. I'm going to read the binder of submissions that I have tomorrow and make notes so I'l be ready. Each year new members are inducted into the National Inventors Hal of Fame (people like Steve Jobs can't qualify but ones like me can-you have to have done the real work and have patents) and we also select a Col egiate Inventor who wins some money. My judging is for the col egiate inventor. These col egiate researchers do some cutting edge stuff in genomics and other fields. I can't even understand some of the quantum physics stuff they do.

xoxo steve From: Kathy Date: November 8, 2007 12:06:53 AM To: Woz Subject: Re: Seoul?

60 minutes did a very interesting piece on Negroponte last year. I would think you would like him. Did you?

I had this big and mortifying meeting with the mucky mucks at NBC last Friday and I'm stil traumatized. The s.e.xism is so profound, most of the time, I thought they were kidding with some of their comments. You came up. I met with about 10 of the executives. When I was joking about how little BRAVO pays me one of them said "Can't your new boyfriend finance your show?" Another was "We don't real y do female driven comedies here. The numbers tel us, women don't real y watch tv." And the kicker "We need to find a role for you that fits you as tight as those jeans" Welcome to 1958. Oh wel , I guess it's back to BRAVO for me.

So much for me becoming the new Lucil e Bal on NBC. Congratulations on your victory over those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds, the OJD's. With your skil and finesse, think of them as the 1978 Boston Bruins and you as the Montreal Canadiens.

XXOO, KG.

From: Woz Date: November 8, 2007 1:38:55 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Seoul?

I had met Negroponte only one time before.

On his panel they saved me for last. I spoke of his integrity and of some issues with his laptop program, based on my own experiences. In his answers to al of us on the panel he actual y only acknowledged my own remarks. Afterward he expressed a desire to get together and talk so we'l do that in California or Boston sometime. I real y think that he deserves and could win the n.o.bel Peace Prize in a year or two. Unlike Gore, he's actual y making a measurable positive change in some lives.

My opinion. And he cares about the poorest kids of al . Apple offered him their OS but he declined because it's proprietary. I do wish him great success and luck with the program. He had handshake deals with 6 country leaders but they backed out when it came to writing the checks. So now he's going first with Uruguay. Some of the technology in his laptop is beyond clever in fact.

I'm rather shocked to hear those NBC comments. I thought they had to be smart to be successful. At least it should help. If it's about D List, boy did they blow it.

Oh, one more thing. Those Oakland Junkyard Dogs play dirty. And they play on slightly larger Segways, the offroad XT models. I hate playing against them because they are so intimidating and the Dogs just take them in any direction they feel like without looking, like someone driving a Hummer does. This one guy is the worst. He modified his Segway to go faster and he cuts ahead of me as I head down the field and he cuts in front of me. it's fair and good strategy to block, but with a larger faster Segway it's very unfair. Wel , I stil get right into the frays and skirmishes, Segway to Segway. At one junction I'd crowded him a nd as he tried to turn we were col iding. Wel , he actual y fel off (hopped off) and I cheered loudly how I'd taken out an XT!!

XOXO STEVE.

From: Kathy Date: November 25, 2007 11:13:06 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Thanks baby!

I think you're coming to my Cupertino show on Friday night, right? I'm getting in to San Francisco Thursday afternoon or early evening. Want to do something Thursday night? XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: November 26, 2007 12:53:02 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Thanks baby!

I have tickets to the show in Cupertino Friday night. I also have tickets to your SF show Sat.u.r.day night but a huge long-time music hero of mine, on whom I have never seen, is playing in Berkeley that night so it's a dilemma.

I must warn you that I wil be at the show with a woman friend who works at Apple in the Education Department.

I stil can't get my Google calendar up. It indicates that my friend, who wil be coming to your Cupertino show, might be flying in to San Jose Thursday evening. I thought she was flying in Wednesday, but if she's coming Thursday I may have to pick her up. I'l let you know when I find out more.

It's off to sleep for a couple of hours now.

XOXO.

Steve From: Kathy Date: November 26, 2007 2:09:15 AM To: Woz Subject: Re: Thanks baby!

I am more than ok with you missing either show as I get a little self conscious. My "Woz chunk" is growing though. The straight guys who were dragged to the show seem to real y like it.

Can you take me for a bite after the show at one of your local haunts?

I'm always struggling to find places that serve food after 10PM on a week night. Can your woman friend from Apple's education dept please help mw with my iphone and my mac.com mail problems. Frankly, you're useless in that department. Can she relocate to LA and move in with me? I have a very impressive home.

XXOO, Kathy G From: Woz Date: November 26, 2007 6:04:01 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Thanks baby!

Ha ha. Janet is actual y an instructor on iLife and I need her a.s.sistance to keep my own computer going.

I don't think that Janet would move to L.A. ever. She doesn't mind it but she's moving now to Cupertino from Iowa/Kansas only because she loves Apple so much and got a job at corporate.

See you soon, XOXO STEVE.

From: Kathy Date: December 11, 2007 10:01:30 PM PST To: Woz Subject: Last night Did you go to your Monday night supper club last night? They seem like good company.

XXOO,.

KG.

From: Woz Date: December 11, 2007 10:27:20 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Last night Subject: Re: Last night I missed the Monday night dinner due to an important panel at the Computer History Museum. That museum not only tries to preserve artifacts of the history of computers but also captures stories before the parties involved die. They have a regular speaking program. Last night was about a computer of major influence, the Commodore 64. I was on the panel (we offered Commodore our Apple but they turned us down) and a guy from the first IBM PC, another computer from that time frame (1982-1984) and the guy who joined Commodore later and invented their Amiga computer, another great one technical y that didn't go so far.

Tomorrow is Janet's birthday and I don't have a card or present but I joked that a concert ticket was her present and she said OK. Whew until I get time. We have been going to shows together and playing cards and al so it's been fine.

I'l probably do al my X'mas shopping at Cosco the day before Christmas. Then I'm flying to Kansas to meet Janet's family. Someday I'l get 4 hours of sleep. I think.

I got a robot guitar the other day but haven't had time to use it yet. I love cal ing it a robot guitar but more accurately it tunes itself.

XOXO,.

Steve From: Kathy Date: December 11, 2007 10:57:24 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Last night That's so weird,. I also was on a panel for the Computer History Museum. We must've just missed each other. My speech was cal ed "the Sharp Wizard, bring back the greatest tech gadget ever invented"

What is your card game of choice with Janet? Texas hold 'em? Ooh, birthday presents are fun. May I suggest a rubber ring from, say Tiffany?

You do know that tel ing me you're going to do your X-mas shopping at Costco is the same as driving that joke right in to my act in your Prius.

Thank you Jesus (and you, Woz) Gotta go. I'l finish later. "Hi" to my girl Janet. XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: December 11, 2007 11:45:28 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Last night The Computer History Museum has a great array of calculators through time.

I was a big fan and user of the Sharp Wizard myself! The trouble was, I didn't want my life to be carried in an electronic device. I resented having a calendar on my person, so I never used it, only showed it off.

You had better check Costco out. Last X'mas I did my shopping the last day there. I got lots of books and CD's and DVD's and house stuff and kitchen stuff and toys and gifts and could even have gotten jewelry there. It was my best X'mas shopping ever.

missing you, xoxo steve From: Kathy Date: December 24, 2007 4:59:53 PM To: Woz Subject: Thinking of you at Costco just going NUTS! I can't stop imagining you running from aisle to aisle gleeful y fil ing your shopping cart with books, cds, and 20 lb cans of funyuns, carmel corn and french onion dip. I hope you are having a wonderful X-mas and I look forward to seeing you in the new year.

XXOO, KG.

From: Woz Date: December 24, 2007 11:03:54 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Thinking of you I did much better this year.

A few days before Christmas Julie and I went shopping at a Cosco of her choice and it was a smal er Cosco. I wasn't interested in any of the tech stuff there, iPods, cameras, etc. I got some books and DVD col ections but not very much overal . I found lots of stocking stuffer type stuff like magic tricks and candles and back scratchers and forks that can grab your friends' food.

I do love you and al your people and the fun you bring to us al , xoxox steve From: Kathy Date: January 8, 2008 5:51:40 PM To: Woz Subject: Hey and Hi My G.o.d, the straight guys love you! I was on kimmel last night and he was beside himself. He went to some convention you were at and said the crowd went apes.h.i.+t. How is your new year going so far? Back in to traveling?

Have you given any thought to driving down for the Producers Guild Awards on Sat.u.r.day, Feb 2nd? Please, please, please? Just being next to you at these things is a purifying experience. Besides, you're the only one smart enough to keep up with my high brow, cerebral and environmental y conscience brand of humor. XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: February 1, 2008 1:10:01 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Hey and Hi Kimmel ... kimmel ... please tel me who or what he is ...

I decided today to drive down on Friday but now I'm having such problems with tech at home that I may stil wind up coming down on Sat.u.r.day. Anyway, I can't wait. How fun it wil be, and I'm pretty much in the dark. I love al our times together so much!

xoxo steve From: Kathy Date: January 22, 2008 12:20:15 AM To: Woz Subject: So many things!

I'm bursting with stuff to talk about with you. First of al , I'm beyond thril ed you're my date for the PGA's. We can real y catch up then. Some topics on the table ...

How was the MacWorld Expo, or as I cal it Mac Pride Fest? Granted, it must have been a bitter pil for you when al the tech gays just wanted to hear what it's like for you to be al owed to be in my presence.

I'm dying to know if you ran in to Jobs?

should I get the 3K air thing? What if I drop it??? Do I have to think of everything?

I've been getting a big laugh when I tel the Gays in my audiences that the Mac Enthusiasts are giving them a run for their money.

Did you real y invent the universal remote? Final y, something that can actual y improve people's lives.

XXOO, KG.

From: Woz Date: February 1, 2008 1:26:53 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: So many things!

MacWorld was good and I got to chat with Steve Jobs for a while.

He was friendly for a photo. I talk to him at al the MacWorlds. I get in early with VIP's and it's easy to talk with Steve. I also talk to him right after as wel . Oddly, he suffered some bad publicity when some girl asked him for a photo and he said that it would be rude, which is sort of accurate-it would be rude to the thousands of others that he'd have to turn down.

I made up a joke while there. Q: What do you cal Steve Jobs'

bodyguards? A: Jobs Security.

I am not a big fan of the Apple Air but you are probably the perfect candidate for it. As tech objects get smal er, they get tighter too and don't break as easily when dropped. Look how many times people drop cel phones and they usual y survive. Steve Jobs showed the Air by taking it out of an interoffice mail envelope. I joked right away that I wanted a case that had the interoffice design on it and a day later a company announced one. I have it on order but that case may be months off.

actual y, yes, [I did invent the universal remote] and there's a story behind it, a normal story XXOO.

SGW.

From: Kathy Date: April 10, 2008 12:53:11 AM To: Woz Subject: ep 1 Hey Steve-I just saw the rough cut of episode one of season 4 and you're so cute in it! Thanks for partic.i.p.ating. I hear from Julie that it may have caused some discomfort for you with Janet, but you and Janet wil see that it has truly been in fun! XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: April 10, 2008 7:43:04 AM To: Kathy Subject: Re: ep 1 The show was more fun than anything for me! It was so different from the other exciting times and adventures in my life. I hope it does go wel .

Xoxo steve From: Kathy Date: April 14, 2008 10:00:31 PM To: Woz Subject: Holy s.h.i.+tb.a.l.l.s!

Are you engaged? Some one from NBC emailed and heard you got engaged. Congratulations, if you are, but let me know as I wil have to answer on talk shows etc. XXOO, KG From: Woz Date: April 14, 2008 10:06:35 PM To: Kathy Subject: Re: Holy s.h.i.+tb.a.l.l.s!

actual y, yes, but we've been hiding it for some time ... this NBC source may not be in the know ... I don't know anyone at NBC ...

we are planning kids too!

xoxo Steve From: Kathy Date: April 14, 2008 10:34:58 PM To: Woz Subject: Re: Holy s.h.i.+tb.a.l.l.s!