Public Secrets Part 147

her. "No, you sold me, and any claims to motherhood you might have had.

He may have bought me, Jane, but he doesn't own me,

either." She fought back the tears. She wouldn't cry here, not in front

of this woman. "I came here today to ask you to stop the movie, the one

they're making from your book. I'd hoped that you might have some

feelings for me, enough that you'd respect my wishes in this one thing.

But I've wasted my time."

From up the the stairs Jane's current lover began to bellow curses. "I'm

still your mother!" Jane shouted. "You can't change that."

"No, I can't. I just have to learn to live with it." She turned,

walking quickly to the door.

"You want me to stop the movie?" Jane s.n.a.t.c.hed at Emma's arm. "How badly

do you want it stopped?"

Deadly calm, Emma turned back. She took one long last look. "Do you

think I'd pay you? You've miscalculated this time, Jane. You'll never

get a penny out of me."

"b.i.t.c.h." Jane's hand cracked across her cheek. Emma didn't bother to

dodge it. She simply opened the door, and walked away.

SHE WMDERED FOR a long time, dodging shoppers and dog walkers, ignoring

the laughter, the gunning motors, and the frantic Christmas cheer around

her. The tears never fell. It amazed her how easily they were

controlled now. Perhaps the cold helped, or the noise. It made it so

easy not to think at all. So when she found herself standing in front

of Bev's door, she wasn't completely aware of having walked there, or

having intended to.

She knocked quickly. It wasn't the time to think. It wasn't the time

to feel. It was, she told herself, the time to tie up all the loose

ends and get on with her life.

The door opened. Warm air and Christmas carols. The scent of pine and

welcome. With the snow swirling at her back, Emma stared down at Alice.

How odd it was, she thought, to look down at her old nanny. Time had

made her taller, and Alice older. She saw recognition flicker in

Alice's eyes, and the nanny's lips quiver.

"h.e.l.lo, Alice." Her own lips were stiff as she forced them into a smile.

"It's nice to see you again."

Alice stood where she was as tears began to spurt out of her eyes.

"AJice, don't forget to give Terry that package if he makes it by."

Bev came hurrying down the hall, a dark mink over her arm. "I'll be

home by-" She stopped, the little black bag she held slipping out of her

nerveless hands. "Emma," she whispered.

They stood four feet apart with the weeping Alice between them.

Bev felt the pleasure first, the need to rush forward and grab Emma

close. Then she felt the shame.

"I should have called," Emma began. "I was in town, so I thought I'd-"

"I'm so glad you did." Recovered, Bev smiled and stepped forward.

"Alice." Her voice was gentle as she placed a hand on the woman's

shoulder. "We'll need some tea."

"You're on your way out," Emma said quickly. "I don't want to disrupt

your plans."

"It doesn't matter. Alice," she repeated. The woman nodded and hurried