Not Alone Part 3

Eddie nodded, looking down the long street of bars, clubs, stores, and restaurants. "Northfield Road. Land of fruits and nuts," he cracked, winking at Andy. "We used to come here to drink during college. That's the club you want." He pointed across the street to a black storefront, with white letters painted above the door: Pandemonium.

Andy hunched his shoulders. "Is this where you leave me?"

Eddie looked disappointed. "Well, you'd mentioned shopping?" he asked tentatively, now not sure at all if Andy wanted him here or not.

Brightening at the thought of Eddie staying, Andy tugged at his arm. "Yeah. Jeans for you. And leather. Yum." Oops. Oops. Did I say that out loud? Did I say that out loud? He hoped Eddie would take it as part of their regular teasing. He hoped Eddie would take it as part of their regular teasing.

Eddie relaxed as Andy brightened. Apparently he'd said the right thing. "Jeans, okay. But leather?" he shrugged as Andy pulled him along the road and into a trendy men's clothing store.

"And a sweater. And T-s.h.i.+rts." Andy was itching to get Eddie into some form-fitting clothes.

"Pick them out then," Eddie said indulgently, waving a hand at the store. "At least you've got some fas.h.i.+on sense."

Andy lifted an eyebrow. "Is that a poke at my s.e.xuality?" He tugged Eddie over to the jean display, pulling out several weathered pairs of jeans. "I want to see you in denim, big boy." He pointed at the fitting room.

Eddie looked at the labels. "Andy, these are probably gonna be too small." He made to switch them out with a bigger size.

"Nope," Andy pushed him toward the small room behind a curtain. "Try 'em on. Your pants are too loose."

"Too loose?" Eddie echoed as he walked behind the curtain. He frowned and shucked his pants to pull on the first pair of jeans, surprised at how soft they felt for being denim. They were tight tight, pinching the fabric of his briefs, and he realized why a lot of men went without underwear. He sucked in a breath and fastened the jeans, adjusting himself in the form-fitting denim. He looked in the mirror and blinked, then stuck his head out the curtain. "Andy, are these supposed to look painted on?" he asked in a somewhat pained voice.

"Jeans should be tight when you first put them on. They'll relax over the course of the day." Andy peeked into the cubicle, whistling through his teeth. "Wow. You are unusually blessed, aren't you?"

Eddie flushed pink. He pulled his s.h.i.+rt out to let the s.h.i.+rttails hang over the waistband, blocking the view.

"No!" Andy slapped his hand over his mouth. "Sorry. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." He stepped back out of the cubicle, berating himself for the misstep. He handed the next size up in to Eddie.

Eddie stood there, waiting for Andy. "What was the 'no' for?" He looked down at the jeans. "They don't look good? I don't normally wear things this form-fitting." Frowning, he tucked the s.h.i.+rt back in and looked in the mirror critically.

"The jeans are perfect. But if you don't feel comfortable in them, what's the point? They're jeans. They're supposed to be comfortable."

"Perfect?" Eddie looked up to Andy, wanting to see the truth of it on his face. He quirked an eyebrow. "Good enough that a guy might hit on me?" he asked, thinking that might be Andy's yardstick for comparison.

"h.e.l.l, Eddie. I'd I'd hit on you if I thought you'd have me." hit on you if I thought you'd have me."

Eddie's eyebrows both raised, reflecting his surprise, and he looked at his reflection in the mirror again, seeing himself in a new light. His eyes sparkled. "I'll take them," he said slowly. He looked back to Andy. "And three more pair, but two of them a size bigger, for work."

Andy grinned then, a smile that changed somewhere in the middle from being good-natured to being downright predatory. "You wearing them out tonight?"

Eddie shrugged. "Sure. Should I get a different s.h.i.+rt?"

Andy handed him the black-b.u.t.ton up he'd spotted over the curtain. "Try this."

Pulling his s.h.i.+rt over his head first, Eddie tossed it to the bench before taking the s.h.i.+rt from Andy, pulling it carefully off the hanger.

Andy could hear Eddie fumbling in the cubicle. He wanted nothing more than to walk inside and help him, touch him and smooth the soft fabric over his chest. He closed his eyes and tapped his fingers on his forehead. He had to find someone tonight.

"What do you think?" Eddie asked, pus.h.i.+ng open the curtain.

Andy's eyes slid from booted feet, up along long jean-clad legs, to the tight, black s.h.i.+rt. "Wow. You look.... G.o.d, Eddie, I'd hit on you."

Eddie's mouth quirked into a smile. "I appreciate that. I probably wouldn't recognize it, but I appreciate it."

Suddenly, Andy wasn't so sure about taking Eddie into a club. What if all the others began to hit on him? "Now. You're all fixed up for clothes. Ready to go home?" he asked in a perky voice.

Frowning, Eddie gathered up his clothes, pulling his wallet out of his pants. "Go home? We just got here! I thought you wanted to go to Pandemonium? Or what about leather pants?" He sounded confused.

Andy sighed, resigned to a night in h.e.l.l. "Okay, leather pants it is. And then Pandemonium."

Eddie walked along cheerfully, bag swinging from one hand, looking around Northfield Road, totally oblivious to the looks he was getting.

Andy glared off a few men before remembering that it wasn't his place to be protecting Eddie from admiring glances. When they entered the shop, a young, obviously gay guy came up to a.s.sist them. Andy could see him sizing Eddie up-literally-from the moment they stepped into the store.

Eddie told the young guy who met him at the door that he was interested in leather pants and smiled as the man practically jumped to find what he asked for.

Andy sat back and watched. Eddie was an adult. Let him see what it's like to be hit on by an attractive young man. Let him see what it's like to be hit on by an attractive young man.

Looking over the pants the young man brought back, Eddie nodded and headed back to the dressing room after pointing out Andy. After watching Eddie disappear, the attendant came over to Andy. "I am so jealous," he stated.

Andy's face remained blank. "Oh?"

"He is so lus.h.!.+ Where ever did you find him, honey? And is he free?" the attendant groused.

"I just stumbled upon him. And yes, he's free," Andy answered sourly.

The attendant perked up. "Well then," he drawled and sauntered back to the dressing room where Eddie emerged. Eddie walked right past the leering man over to Andy. "What do you think, Andy?" He looked like he'd been poured into the black leather pants. then," he drawled and sauntered back to the dressing room where Eddie emerged. Eddie walked right past the leering man over to Andy. "What do you think, Andy?" He looked like he'd been poured into the black leather pants.

Andy's mouth got dry at the sight. He suddenly wished they were at his house and Eddie wasn't so d.a.m.n... straight. "I think you look s.e.xy in those."

Eddie lit up, smiling. "Are they what you were thinking about?"

Andy lifted an eyebrow as the fawning sales clerk came back. "And more."

Eddie didn't even notice the sales clerk. "Should I wear them or go back with the jeans? For the club, I mean. That is, if you still want me tagging along."

"Oh, the leather. Definitely the leather." The sheen on the pants highlighted Eddie's a.s.sets all too well.

Eddie grinned and nodded. "All right. Let me get my jeans." He nodded absently to the clerk, pa.s.sing him by without a look.

The clerk looked questioningly at him, and Andy shrugged. "Straight," he explained with a grin.

The attendant huffed and rolled his eyes, stalking over to the register to ring up the purchase.

Andy watched as Eddie paid, hoping he'd have better luck in the club than he'd had here. The clerk hadn't looked twice at him. When they left the shop, he asked, "Take this back to your truck? Clubbing's no fun with a load."

Eddie nodded. "We parked right by the club anyway." They stashed his bags and he stopped, feeling self-conscious again as Andy looked across the street. "I'll just have a quick drink and then head home," Eddie murmured. "I know you wanted to...." He shrugged. "Don't let me crimp your plans."

"If the night so far has been any indication, the only one getting lucky tonight will be you," Andy grumbled good-naturedly. "That guy was totally checking you out."

Eddie looked at Andy in surprise. "He was?" he practically squeaked.

"He asked about you while you were in the fitting room." Andy picked at the threads in the seams of his worn jeans. "He seemed nice."

Eddie just looked at Andy for a long moment, wondering if he should say anything. He just didn't know what to say. He tried shoving his hands in his pockets.

Andy chuckled. "Tight fit?"

Eddie shrugged a little, giving Andy an apologetic half-smile.

ANDY leaned on the bar, watching as Eddie bopped his head to the beat of the ba.s.s-heavy techno music. Already, there were several young men circling around him, just waiting for the moment he noticed them. He blew out a sigh of frustration, turning to recline against the padded leather edge of the bar. "Having fun, Eddie?" He had to yell to be heard over the music, even though he stood not even a foot away from his friend. leaned on the bar, watching as Eddie bopped his head to the beat of the ba.s.s-heavy techno music. Already, there were several young men circling around him, just waiting for the moment he noticed them. He blew out a sigh of frustration, turning to recline against the padded leather edge of the bar. "Having fun, Eddie?" He had to yell to be heard over the music, even though he stood not even a foot away from his friend.

Eddie looked to his friend with a warm smile, tilting his head to make out his words over the pounding music. He nodded, taking another drink from the bottle of beer he'd been holding for over an hour. Something about Andy caught his attention. He looked tense. Eddie looked around, seeing several men looking his way, and he suddenly realized he was cramping his friend. He tried to think of how he might get out of the way.

Just as Eddie turned away, the first of the young men swooped in. "Hey, s.e.xy. Wanna dance?" Andy could only watch, turning his head lest Eddie see the jealousy that flared in his blue eyes.

The older man glanced to Andy, who was looking away, and he nodded. This would be his chance to let Andy have some time to himself. "Sure," he said, draining his bottle and setting it on the bar, letting the younger man take his hand and draw him away.

Andy hunched over on his stool as the young stud drew Eddie out onto the floor. He watched as the lithe, flexible body rubbed all over Eddie. He watched until he couldn't watch anymore. Pus.h.i.+ng through the crowd, he headed to the restroom. Splas.h.i.+ng cool water over his face, he looked at his own reflection, forcing himself to calm down.

Eddie tried his best to dance, and the other man didn't seem to mind, although Eddie thought he was a bit close for comfort. He glanced back over to the bar and saw that Andy was gone. On the one hand, he felt relieved. On the other, he felt disappointed.

Surprised when another man cut in, Eddie kept dancing, trying to accept the compliments they seemed to be paying him with their looks and desire to dance with him. While he felt flattered, he felt like something important was missing. He sighed as the music kept him moving.

In the bathroom, Andy straightened up and saw a dark-headed man watching him from the corner of the room. Pasting a smile on his face, Andy turned around slowly. He gasped for breath as he was pushed against the wall, a hard body holding him steady as he was groped through his pants. His mouth was smeared and messy from the kissing, swollen and red and almost bruised. His head fell back against the faux marble, his eyes closing as the hot lips slid down his body, toward another part of his anatomy that had been swollen since seeing Eddie in those d.a.m.nable jeans.

"Mmm, is this for me?" the anonymous guy asked him, and Andy grunted, letting him think it was. In truth, his mind's eye was focused on brown eyes and brown hair, long beefy limbs, and tight leather pants. He pushed away the guilt that tried to eat at the edges of his consciousness as the man sunk down over his throbbing shaft, inhaling him all at once. He didn't think about the consequences as he poured down the willing throat. He paid no attention as he left the man on his knees, smiling smugly up at him. He barely looked at Eddie as he pa.s.sed the dance floor on his way out of the club.

Eddie turned on the dance floor as a third man cut in, taking his attention so that he didn't see Andy walk out. He danced for another song and then shook his head, declining whatever invitations he couldn't quite make out over the loud music. He'd had enough, and hopefully Andy had found what he needed. Eddie headed out the door to go back to his car.

Checking his watch and seeing that a couple hours had pa.s.sed in the club, Eddie sighed and sagged, realizing he missed Andy. Looking down at his pants, he shook his head, figuring he must look silly. He tried to stuff his hands in his pockets, unsuccessfully again, and crossed the street to reach the parking lot where his truck waited.

When Eddie continued on up the street on the other side, Andy knew that there was little chance the other man would notice him. Especially now that he'd been the center of so much attention. Andy felt miserable. He'd betrayed his burgeoning feelings for Eddie. He'd betrayed himself. He hung his head as he unlocked his car door.

Eddie unlocked his truck, turned to look back to the club, and just happened to be looking over the hood of the truck as a car turned, throwing lights farther back into the parking lot and illuminating Andy's hair. "Andy?" Eddie called. "Andy?" he called louder.

Andy didn't answer, but merely turned to lean against his car. He couldn't even look Eddie in the face.

Eddie frowned and walked over, stopping near his friend. "Hey, you okay?" he asked quietly. "I figured you...." He just let that trail off. It wasn't his business what Andy had wanted to do.

Andy nodded, a tear slipping from his eyes and falling to the pavement in front of him.

All of Eddie's protective instincts started screaming at him when Andy didn't look up. He stepped closer, setting a hand on the car near Andy's shoulder. "Andy?" he asked softly.

When Eddie was close enough, Andy stepped forward minutely, burying his head against Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie closed his arms about Andy, holding him close, ducking his head to bury his face in Andy's hair. "Andy," he said soothingly. "It's okay. It's okay."

Andy started shaking his head, pulling away. "No, it's not f.u.c.king okay. It's not okay!" He turned around and kicked at the tire of his car, sinking his head against his folded arms on the roof.

Surprised, Eddie stepped back, lifting his hands. "Andy," he murmured, at a loss.

"I'm a wh.o.r.e," Andy murmured, face hidden. "A f.u.c.king wh.o.r.e!" His voice was filled with anger as he turned and raised shamed eyes to Eddie. "I let some guy suck me off in the john. I I disgust myself! disgust myself!"

Eddie's eyes grew large and serious. He watched Andy for a long moment, figuring his opinion wouldn't help a lot at this point. "Isn't that what you were looking for tonight?" he asked quietly.

Eddie doesn't understand. Andy's face cleared, devoid of all emotion as he realized that of course Eddie wouldn't understand. "Yeah. That's what I was looking for. You're right. A quick f.u.c.k to take my mind off of what I can't have."

Tilting his head, Eddie knew he was missing something. "But it didn't work out that way or it didn't help," he said intuitively. Andy looked upset. Wanting. Frustrated.

"No," Andy snarled. "It didn't work out that way. It just made it that much more obvious what I'm missing. It just made me realize that it could be a different man every night but it would never be y... him!"

At a loss, Eddie was distracted by what he thought Andy was going to say. "Would never be... ," he repeated at a whisper, eyes wide.

"Would never be who I really want," Andy repeated in a tired sigh. "This was a mistake, this coming here. I'm better off with your abnormally large cuc.u.mbers."

Eddie couldn't shake the feeling that Andy was going to say something different. He stepped back another step, watching Andy carefully. "Want to head home?" he finally asked quietly.

Andy nodded gratefully, opening his car door before sitting down. He looked up at Eddie, chastising himself for admiring such a good man when he himself was so low. "I guess you need to go. You working tomorrow?"

Eddie narrowed his eyes and crouched next to Andy, peering up at him. "I've got nowhere to go but home," he said pointedly. "What about you?"

"The cabin," he muttered, unable to think of it as home just yet. "And I've a big bottle of brandy with which to drown my memories."

"Why don't you get that bottle and come over to my place? Never good to drink alone," Eddie suggested.

Andy's face flushed madly in the moonlight. "I don't know where you live."

Eddie tilted his head. "All right. I'll come over to your place then."

Nodding tiredly, Andy pulled his feet into the car. "I won't be much company."

"You okay to drive? You look pretty tired," Eddie asked in concern, standing and leaning over.

"I'll be fine," Andy a.s.sured Eddie. He pulled the door shut and rolled down his window as he started the car. "You coming?"

Eddie nodded, pulling out his keys. "I'll be right behind you," he promised.

Their progress back to Andy's cabin seemed slow and infinitely painful for Andy. Each mile that rolled by seemed to accuse him of his unfaithfulness to his own heart. He hit the steering wheel with his fist. There was no way he could lie to himself anymore. It was Eddie he wanted, and no one else would do. When they finally pulled into his drive, he hurried into the house, grabbing the brandy and two snifters before cuddling on the couch under a quilt. Hearing Eddie at the door, he called, "Come on in."

Eddie stepped in and shut the door before walking over to sit across from Andy, who was all covered up. "You sure you feel okay?"

"I feel horrible," Andy whispered, letting the quilt drop before pouring them both a drink. He cuddled back under the quilt with his drink, downing it with one toss. "Have you ever disappointed yourself so badly that you wished you didn't have to live with yourself?"

Eddie nodded slowly as he sat back in the chair, legs sprawled out in front of him. "Yeah. But I'm sure everyone is different."