Crazy Love Part 8

How had she ended up in the opposite place from where she'd been trying to get to? This wasn't what she'd wanted at all. Certainly not what she'd come looking for. She had wanted answers about how to move on, but this-this felt like she was pulled back in time three years at G-force speed. Apparently she hadn't really gotten past the anger over Joe's death, so finding that s.p.a.ce wasn't hard at all. Revisiting that emotion wasn't really a long trip. She needed to do something to deal with the anger. Once and for all, she needed to act on it before it exploded her life.

Granted, Lu had been in shock from the moment the casualty notification officer had knocked on her door, but she hadn't remembered anything about Sergeant Cates in the few sterile sentences they'd provided about how Joe had died. Was it possible the government didn't know what had happened? What if only the men in the unit knew and that was why Tynan Cates was still filled with guilt? What if only Tynan knew what he had done? There might never be real answers for her. Did it even matter since it wouldn't bring Joe back?

That thought sliced through her and made the anger weigh heavier in her gut. She might even throw up. She didn't know if she could face Tynan today, but she pulled up to the jobsite ready to find out. She would look at him through a different lens today. Now that she knew he wasn't the perfect G.I. Joe soldier Joe had made him out to be.

She slammed her car door hard, thinking about all the letters Joe had written her that were filled with Sergeant Cates said this and Sergeant Cates did that. Apparently, every man in the unit had put Sergeant Cates up on some pedestal and would have taken a bullet for him. How did a man live with himself knowing he'd caused someone's death? He certainly hadn't been held accountable. She really, really wanted to see him feel just a molecule of the pain she'd been living with for the past three years. She wouldn't wish the loss of someone he loved-she wasn't that far gone. But she would love to take away something he cared about. Something that would slice at him and leave him wounded and angry and lost.

Everyone was gathered in the lobby area for the morning powwow when she walked in. Coffee and doughnuts, fast-food egg burritos, and even a piece of pie were on the crew's breakfast menu.

"Morning, Lu!" Juan lifted a m.u.f.fin in her direction, and the scent of cinnamon and mola.s.ses wafted toward her.

"Lu!" The other guys smiled their good mornings. They were probably waiting for her sunny response, but she didn't have one. Nope. Couldn't dredge up a smile, so she nodded in their general direction and leaned her b.u.t.t up against the waist-high stack of drywall, waiting for Tynan to start talking.

She braced herself before looking at him. Her body tensed, every muscle tight under her skin as she held on to the need to throw herself at his chest and tear at him.

Tynan nodded at her. "Lu, good you could join us this morning."

She narrowed her eyes at him. So she was twenty minutes late. Please. Like he was the boss of her or something.

"Y'all rocked 'n' rolled on the drywall demo." Tynan stood with his hands on his hips just above his low-slung tool belt. "Today we'll get started on replacing some of the rotten studs. The town council didn't give us a big budget, so we're saving money where we can and where it won't matter. If a stud is warped, mark it and we'll decide which ones to yank and replace."

There were a few grumbles and questions about how much warp and where to put the mark to make it quicker to check them. Once everyone was on the same page, they moved on. Tynan kept on talking, giving directions, like yesterday hadn't even happened.

And what compounded her anger even more was that for some reason-now that she knew the worst thing about him-he became more real.

Last week he had been just a person moving about her world, but now she had this overwhelming sense of him. Before yesterday he'd been a means to an end. A tool to help her get her life on track. Like a compa.s.s in her hand, she'd been using him to help point her life in a new direction. Reorienting herself to move forward.

The man could have cooperated, but no; instead, when he finally did open his mouth and share, it was like a hit to her blind side. She was lost again. Lost in anger, the same anger that had boiled to the surface three years ago after she'd pushed the pain down deep and out of the way. For a long time the anger was what had fueled her. It felt too familiar, like hanging out with an old friend.

Anger had his arm slung around her shoulders as she stood looking Tynan up and down, sizing up the man she now saw. The man who had said he was responsible for stealing her future. For losing Joe. She had an urge to hurt him the way she'd been hurt. To rip something from his life that he cared about.

"Lu? You okay? You're not sick, are you?" Tynan's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What?" She shook those thoughts from her head and found she was the center of attention. "I'm fine. Just a headache is all."

"I've got extra coffee in my thermos if you want it." Craig held up the red thermos.

"I've probably got some aspirin in my truck. I can go get it," Juan offered, already moving toward the door.

"Thanks, but I just took some." She forced her lips to tilt up. "Once it kicks in I'm sure I'll be fine. Where am I working today?"

Ty looked at her closely. "I've put you with me on the second floor."

"Fine." She'd rather work on a separate floor altogether. But maybe spending time with him would help her figure out what to do. She had to do something because just walking away would leave her drifting around, lost and disconnected from life. The very thing she'd been trying to escape from when she came to Climax.

She strapped on her tool belt, feeling a little puff of retribution when Tynan's face scowled at her pink, rhinestone-studded set of tools. Every little pinp.r.i.c.k of discomfort brought her satisfaction. If this was why some people got off on S and M, she maybe could understand the fetish.

"Show me what I need to know and let's get going. I know the big boss is a pain in the a.s.s about wasting time with talk." Her gaze landed on his face. Slammed into it was more like it, and he seemed so innocently confused. Ha!

Tynan shrugged and then led the way up the stairs to the second floor and over to the far back wall. "Okay; looking at these studs, you can see where there was water damage over the years. There must have been a leak over here at this back window. See this?"

She nodded when he pointed to a rotted two-by-four with his hammer, but he had his back to her so he didn't see it. He turned his head, looking for her response.

Lu stared at him for a second before responding. "Uh-huh."

He raised an eyebrow but turned back to the wall. "Okay; I don't see any mold, but go ahead and put a mask on while you pull these studs out just in case."

"Whatever you say." She looked at him innocently when he turned around to look at her sharply. Okay, so maybe her voice had tone. "I'll need to borrow a bigger hammer. And a mask."

"Of course you will."

"You know, not everyone is born with a silver toolbox in their truck."

Without saying another word, he lent her the hammer and mask and she got to work, while Tynan smacked out studs on the wall behind her. They worked in silence, although some country singer tw.a.n.ged away on Craig's radio up on the third floor. She wished she could talk Tynan's ear off because she knew how much he hated that, but she was too angry even for that.

Hitting two-by-four studs with all her might felt really good. So at least she had that to cling to. It didn't dissipate any of her anger, though. As she worked, she started running through ideas of how she could even the score with Tynan. If he had a girlfriend, she could try to break them up. Only she figured there was no girlfriend in the picture right now on account of the rumor she'd heard over at the diner.

She wasn't evil or immoral, so actually physically hurting him or someone in his family wasn't even up for consideration. He had a pickup truck. The image of taking a crowbar or baseball bat to his headlights filled up a pleasant thirty minutes, but in the end she decided against it. He just didn't come across as a guy into material things. So even if it felt good to think about keying his driver's side door or slas.h.i.+ng his big, beefy tires, or spray painting something like limp d.i.c.k or a.s.shole on his tailgate, she didn't think it would get to him. Not the way she needed it to get to him.

The morning pa.s.sed in a blink. Anger was as good as espresso. Except that her anger made her a little careless. If only she could work up some regret that Tynan was, sadly, working too close to her and taking the brunt of that carelessness.

"Ouch, dammit. Could you watch out when you're swinging those two-by-fours around?" He rubbed his upper arm where she'd smacked him this time.

Oops. "Sorry."

"You don't look sorry." He scowled over at her.

"Whatever." She tossed the rotted stud in the pile and turned for the next one. Pounding the stud with the hammer as hard as she could, this time the stud broke in the middle, the rotted wood breaking easily, and a two-foot section flew out from the wall, hitting Tynan in the back of the thigh.

"Dammit, woman! What the h.e.l.l are you doing?"

"What you told me to. Taking out the rotten studs."

"I didn't tell you to take me out in the process."

"True. That's just a pleasant side benefit. It's the little things in life that bring the most pleasure, don't you think?"

He put his hands on his hips. "What is it with you today? Did I miss something here? Because I'm getting a feeling you're p.i.s.sed at me, and for the life of me I can't figure out what I could have done to make you so mad."

Oh. My. G.o.d. She wanted to hit him. Although she'd been doing that for a few hours now and she didn't feel near enough satisfaction from it. She wanted to throw herself at him and tear away at anything and everything she could reach. Couldn't figure out what he did to make her mad? Sure he couldn't.

She dropped her hammer and walked away from him, down the stairs, and straight out the front door. Once outside she let out the guttural scream she'd been holding inside since yesterday afternoon when she'd heard him confess his guilt. She threw so much into the scream, she felt the pressure in her head and ears.

Everything behind her in the library went silent. Hammers stopped pounding. Saws stopped ripping. The radio silenced on a dime. She'd bet they were all crowded at the windows staring down at her. They'd probably chalk it up to PMS.

Whatever. She felt better, if only for the moment, and she hadn't taken Tynan out with the nearest tool at her disposal. That was a win-win. Not ready to face working next to him yet, she grabbed the bag lunch she'd tossed in the lobby and sat up against a wall to eat.

She took her time eating the BLT she'd made for herself. Between Frock Foods, the small grocery store in town, and the refrigerator in her hotel room, she'd been able to avoid having to grab lunch from the diner most days. Dinners, sadly, were a different story; after a full day of working construction she was too tired and sore for anything but dropping by the diner.

Mmm. Fresh local tomatoes and thick slices of smoked bacon with just a touch of mayo and a slice of ripe avocado. She'd had to toast the white bread slices with the iron and a piece of tinfoil, but it had worked just enough to add a bit of crunch. Closing her eyes, she escaped into the pure pleasure of a good BLT.

The guys wandered in, each grabbing their meals and finding a place to sit or lean. For once, they left Lu alone other than a few sidelong glances sent her way. Everybody seemed to be in a don't-poke-the-bear mode. Perfect. She could sit and let the conversation swirl around her while she kept picking at how to solve her Tynan problem.

"How far along do you think we'll get before we break for your camping trip, Tynan?" Craig took a swig of Gatorade. "Are you going to bring the electricians in before you go or wait?"

"Wait. Now that the walls are all open and we can see what we're dealing with, I think the reframing will take at least a week. There's a lot more water damage than I expected."

Junior nodded. "That's on account of the roof. It should have been replaced years ago."

The roof conversation went on for six hours. Maybe it was five minutes, but s.h.i.+ngles, tar paper, vents . . . it felt like longer. She kept eating her sandwich and let the conversation float past and sifted through her list again. She'd ruled out his family and his truck. He didn't have a girlfriend. What else mattered to the man? His business? No. Messing with his business would affect the rest of the crew, and she'd grown to like them in her short time working with them. That wouldn't be right.

"When do you leave?" Juan sat next to her, drinking coffee from his thermos.

"Friday. I'm only gone two days this time. Cutting it short to stay on schedule here. I've got Steve's crew coming to rewire the electric when I get back, and that's a big job, plus HVAC, so I can't afford a delay."

Lu moved on to her apple. The grocery store carried foods grown by local farmers and the apple tasted fresh-picked this morning. Crisp, sweet, and juicy. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then froze when she felt Tynan's gaze on her. How long had he been staring at her? His eyes intense, only he was fixated on her lips and didn't seem aware that she'd noticed his attention.

She took another bite of her apple, this time using her tongue instead of her hand to catch the sweet juice that dripped. One slow glide along her bottom lip. She chewed and swallowed the bite. Tynan lifted his paper cup of coffee to his lips, still focused on her mouth.

She puckered her lips in a kiss and mouthed a line from the romance book. Tynan choked on his drink, coughing and sputtering, until he finally dragged in air. He glowered over at her, and she could have smirked at that small victory. The fact that even Tynan's glower, with his strong jaw and wicked gaze, had her craving a real kiss from him had her frowning instead.

Chapter Ten.

That afternoon Lu stayed working as far away from Tynan as she could get. She'd volunteered for the solitary job of cutting the rest of the nails from the mile-high stack of elaborate dentil molding while she pulled herself together. Talk about yin and yang. She wanted to punch Tynan hard in the abdomen and then kiss it and make it better. And then let Tynan kiss her and make her better. Argh. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Time to regroup. No sense in getting sidetracked from the original goal. She had come to Climax to track down Tynan Cates. Check. She'd had no trouble finding him, and after a bit of finagling she had gotten close enough to talk to him. Darn if she didn't smack full speed into that old expression, be careful what you wish for.

A few weeks ago her only complaint had been that she was stuck. Three years after losing the love of her life, she wouldn't say she was still grieving. She'd crawled through and rolled around in her grief for the first year. By the second year she'd had to readjust her thinking. She and Joe had been a couple since freshman year of high school, best friends since third grade even, so she'd never made any plans that didn't include him. She'd never envisioned a future for herself that didn't star Joe.

So it had taken more than a year to begin to envision a life without him. Just her. Her poor friends and family had been so patient with her. But even so, she could see it cost them. Seeing that was how she had finally pulled herself together enough to go back to work at the bakery.

The bakery had been a safe landing place. Her parents were relieved when she went back, actually making it out of bed and into work every day. The thing of it was, Lu knew Joe would kick her behind if he saw her wallowing. He would sit back, all calm, cool energy, and call her out. He'd say she was settling. He'd say she was taking the easy way out. And then he'd dare her to go after what she really wanted.

She knew he would because that's how she'd ended up finally going to culinary school. And why she had ended up adding in the extra year of study in the farm-to-table restaurant program. Three years ago that had been her dream, and she'd known exactly where she was headed. And then one cold November day, three years ago, a government car pulled up to her apartment and shattered her whole world. She had been stuck ever since.

Over time she'd crawled through the deep well of grief and sadness, but it still left so much confusing emotion hiding behind dark places. They jumped her when she least expected. Loneliness. Anger. Guilt. She'd tried ignoring them all this last year. Hoping that getting up every day, being around people, and keeping busy at the bakery would eighty-six all of those emotions. That hadn't happened, and today they all pressed in on her. It was as if the anger had opened the door, ushering the rest of them into her life again. Like unwanted guests at a party who refused to leave.

Loneliness. This one was a kicker because it wasn't about a lack of friends. She had those. Good friends and family who loved and cared about her. No, this was the loneliness of a woman for a man. For intimacy. The problem was, she was one of the lucky ones who had found her once-in-a-lifetime love. She didn't regret loving Joe for even half a second. She'd fall in love with him all over again, even if she knew ahead of time how short their time would be together.

So, since she knew she'd already had the love of her life, she would need to solve her loneliness with l.u.s.t. And the only man she'd l.u.s.ted for since Joe was Tynan Cates. The more she thought about it, the more she thought s.e.x with Tynan was the perfect plan. Because when it was over, when the white-hot l.u.s.t that sparked between them finally flamed out, they could go their separate ways. She would leave Climax and there'd be none of the drama and awkwardness of b.u.mping into an old flame.

The anger was a trickier problem. Because right now the person she was most angry with was the same man she was l.u.s.ting after. Tynan Cates. Go figure. The question was, if she ignored the anger, would it just go away? Because she really needed it to if her plan was to move forward with her life. And to be honest, she'd been angry for a while now. First at G.o.d, then at life in general, then at Joe, then the military. There was no way to get even with any of those. They were all too big or too existential or too . . . dead.

Tynan Cates was the first real, live, flesh-and-blood, touchable target for her anger. So weirdly, thanks to Tynan, for the first time in three years she felt unstuck and moving in some direction, with a purpose. Sure it was probably the wrong direction, but at least she was moving. Once she got used to living again, she could make a direction change or even a U-turn. Who knows? All she knew was she had let anger eat away at her for three years and now she finally had a place to dump it, and Tynan Cates looked strong enough to handle it.

The last emotion left was guilt. She'd been squeezing her eyes tight, avoiding looking this one in the face for a long time. She probably would have kept ignoring it, but the more she was around Tynan, the more it ate at her. Okay, maybe she still wasn't ready to deal with this one yet. She'd start with the loneliness and anger and when she'd cleared the decks of those, then she'd pull out the guilt that poked her like a sharp, painful needle and examine every angle of it.

Her to-do list looked like: #1 Figure out a way to take her anger out on Tynan.

#2 Have s.e.x with Tynan (or a near facsimile of it, depending on the truth of the rumors).

That wasn't too twisted, was it? Oh G.o.d, it so totally was. But the thing was, she hadn't felt this alive-this engaged-in three long years. She'd been numb for so long. Frozen in pain. Wrapped in a coc.o.o.n tight enough to keep real life from intruding. It was time to break out of that coc.o.o.n to face and feel whatever emotions were coming back to life. So she wasn't emerging as a beautiful b.u.t.terfly but more like a praying mantis-who bit the head off the male after she mated with it.

She needed to rethink this. She needed to talk herself out of this. She needed to get away from Tynan so she could think this through with a clearer head. Which meant she needed to find a kitchen fast, because cooking and baking centered her. She'd head over to the diner and ask Dave if he would let her cook in the diner's kitchen. If she offered to make up a recipe for a new dinner entree as a bribe, he might even say yes.

Her gaze landed on Tynan. He stood over near the corner, discussing something with a guy with "Herb's HVAC" across the back of his T-s.h.i.+rt. Tynan gestured with his muscular arms, up to the open ceiling where the old system stretched overhead. He just oozed his testosterone and good looks all over the place, not even caring about who he affected. Typical.

Oh boy, she needed to whisk something with a ferociousness. Too much angst and jumbled feelings rolling around in her chest. She was afraid they'd spill out into an angry tirade if she stayed around Tynan for even one more minute today.

"Excuse me, Tynan?" She waited until he stopped talking and turned around to look at her. "I'm taking the afternoon off. I need a mental health break."

"Uh, okay." The man looked clueless, but he gave a slow nod. "That's probably a good idea."

The first thing she did after peeling away from the curb at the library was run over to Frock Foods for some better beef, with a higher fat content, because a good, juicy burger needed fat. She also picked up a few of the more unique spices she would need in case Dave didn't stock them.

Thirty minutes later Lu was standing back to back with Dave in the small diner kitchen creating new burger recipes. She and Dave hadn't even spoken to each other. She'd just shown up with a grocery bag of supplies and walked into the doorway of his kitchen with raised eyebrows, and he'd given one nod and she'd gotten to work.

She had decided on two kinds of burger patties, one a spicy southwestern and the other a veggie special with grated carrots and mushrooms. Oh how she'd missed the healing power of cooking in the kitchen. Cooking, not baking. Over the last year baking had been a lifeline, but cooking with spices and local food posed such a creative challenge to her, one she'd only dreamed about until Joe had pushed her to go after that dream.

The aroma of the spices and the clear, staccato sound of her knife soothed her as she chopped, then lightly mixed the beef mixtures. Using a spoon, she scooped out a close estimation of five ounces of meat for each burger. She shaped each into a rough ball, seasoned them with salt and pepper, and then it was time to cook up a test burger.

Lu set four rough patties on the flat top in a puddle of melted b.u.t.ter. After thirty seconds she smashed each burger down once and let them cook for two minutes. Next she added thinly sliced onions on top and carefully flipped each burger over, cooking for another two minutes. She added chipotle cheese to the spicy burger, a creamy Swiss to the veggie burger and covered them with a lid for one minute to let the cheese melt.

"Burgers are up," Lu announced and pulled the lids off the flat-top grill.

Dave pulled them off, plated them on the buns, and then the three of them stood and stared at the burgers while they waited for them to rest.

"Please, please, please, can't we just eat it now?" Renee begged.

"No," Dave and Lu answered together.

Cheryl, the second waitress working the afternoon s.h.i.+ft, peered through the serving window. "Oh my gawd, what is that heavenly smell?"

"Burgers. Lu's burgers." Renee didn't take her gaze off the burgers. "Waitresses get a taste since we need to know what kind of food we're serving, right?"

After letting them rest exactly three minutes, Dave cut each burger into quarters, took a sample of each for himself, and pa.s.sed the plate around.

They each took a bite. Lu made a mental note to adjust the smoked paprika in the spicy one, but Renee and Cheryl moaned in ecstasy. Dave took another bite of the veggie burger, chewing slowly while Lu waited for his opinion.

"Dave Yolen, don't even pretend that isn't the best burger we've all eaten. Park your ego over in the corner and get these burgers on the menu for dinner tonight. Or I'm quitting."