The Young Woman's Guide Part 9

3. It is pleasant. 4. It affords leisure for intellectual improvement.

5. It is favorable to social improvement. 6. It is the employment a.s.signed them by Divine Providence, and is eminently conducive to moral improvement. The moral lessons of domestic life. A well ordered home a miniature of heaven.

I have incidentally made a few remarks on this subject elsewhere; but its importance demands a further and more attentive consideration.

There are numerous reasons which might be mentioned, why a young woman ought to cultivate a love of domestic life, and of domestic concerns; but I shall only advert to a few of them.

1. Every young woman should have some avocation, or calling. The Jews formerly had a proverb, that whoever of their sons was not bred to a trade, was bred to the gallows; and both Mohammedans and Pagans have maxims among them which amount to the same thing. But is that which is so destructive to the character of young men--I mean the want of proper employment--entirely harmless to young women? It surely cannot be.

True it is, and deeply to be regretted, that there is a fas.h.i.+onable feeling abroad, which is the reverse of all this. Both men and women, in fas.h.i.+onable life, are apt to regard all labor--not only manual, but mental--as mere drudgery. They will labor, perhaps, if they cannot help it; but seldom, if they can. Or at least, this seems to be their feeling when they begin a course of industrious action. Some, it is confessed, finally become so much accustomed to action, that they continue it, either as a matter of mere habit, or because its discontinuance would now render them as miserable as they were in breaking up their natural indolence, and in forming their present industrious habits.

2. She should love the concerns and cares of domestic life, because no ordinary employment contributes more, on the whole, to female health.

I do not mean to say, that there is no other kind of employment which _could_ be rendered equally healthy with doing house-work; but only that, as a whole, and especially in the present state of public sentiment, this is decidedly the best. Perhaps, in some circ.u.mstances, moderate labor--labor proportioned to her strength-in the field, or in the garden, might be healthier, were she trained to it; but as things and customs now are, this can hardly be done.

3. The employment is a pleasant one. It has at once all the advantages of a shelter from the severe cold of the winter, and of seclusion from the sultry sun of summer, and the storms of winter and summer both.

[Footnote: Perhaps it may be said, that woman actually suffers more from the extremes of heat and cold, than man, notwithstanding her seclusion, This may be true; but I still think her const.i.tution is not quite as liable to _injury_, from the weather, as that of man; besides which, she is rather less liable to accidents.] And not only is the house-keeper favored in these respects, but in many others. A pleasant, well ordered home, is perhaps the most perfect representation of the felicity of the heaven above, which the earth affords. At any rate, it is a source of very great happiness; and woman, when she is what she should be, is thus made a conspicuous agent in communicating that happiness.

Are not, then, home, and the domestic concerns of home, desirable? Are they not agreeable? Or if not, should not every young woman strive to make them so? How then does it happen that an idea of meanness is attached to them? How does it happen that almost every young woman who can, gets rid of them--as almost every young man does of farming and other manual labor.

4. Home affords to young women the means and opportunities of intellectual improvement. I do not mean to affirm, that the progress they can make in mere science, amid domestic concerns, will be quite as great in a given time--say one year--as it might be in many of our best schools. But I do mean to say, that it might be rapid enough for every practical purpose. I might say, also, that young women who study a little every day under the eye of a judicious mother, and teach that little to their brothers and sisters, will be more truly wise at the end of their pupilage, than they who only study books in the usual old fas.h.i.+oned--I might say, rather, new fas.h.i.+oned--manner. It is in these circ.u.mstances more strikingly true than elsewhere, that

"Teaching, we give; and giving, we retain."

5. But once more. She who is employed in the domestic circle, is more favorably situated--I mean, if the domestic circle is what it should be--for social improvement, than she could be elsewhere. She may not, it is true, hold so much converse on the fas.h.i.+ons--or be a means of inventing, or especially of retailing, so much petty scandal--as in some other situation, or in other circ.u.mstances. Still, the society of home will be better and more truly refined, than if it were more hollow, and affected, and insincere--in other words, made up of more fas.h.i.+onable materials. If to be fas.h.i.+onable is to distort nature as much as possible--and if the most fas.h.i.+onable society is that which is thus distorted in the highest degree--then it must be admitted that home cannot always be the best place for the education of young women.

6. But, lastly, young women should love domestic life, and the care and society of the young, because it is, without doubt, the intention of Divine Providence that they should do so; and because home, and the concerns of home, afford the best opportunities and means of moral improvement.

The prerogative of woman--the peculiar province which G.o.d in nature has a.s.signed her--has been already alluded to with sufficient distinctness.

Let every reader, then, follow out the hint, and ask herself whether it is not important that she should love the place and circ.u.mstances thus a.s.signed her; and whether she who hates them, is likely to derive from them the great moral lessons they are eminently designed to inculcate.

Is it asked what moral lessons, so mightily important, can be learned in the nursery and in the kitchen? In return, I may ask, what lessons of instruction are there which may _not,_ be learned there, and what moral virtues may not there be cultivated? Each family is a world in miniature; and all the necessary trials of the temper and of the character, are usually found within its circle.

Are we the slaves of appet.i.te? Here is the place for learning the art of self-government. Are we fretful? Here we may learn patience: for a great fund of patience is often demanded; and the more so as we are apt, here, to be off our guard, and to yield to our unhappy feelings.

There are thousands who succeed very well in governing themselves--their temper and their pa.s.sions--while the eye of the world is upon them, who, nevertheless, fail most culpably in this respect, when at home, secluded, as they seem to think themselves, from observation. Hence the importance of great effort to keep ourselves in subjection in these circ.u.mstances; and hence, too, the value of a well ordered and happy home.

Are we over-fond of excitement? Home is a sufficient cure for this--or may be made so to those who ardently desire that it should be. Are we desirous of forming our character upon the model of heaven? We are a.s.sured, from the Author of Holy Writ, that the kingdom of heaven consists in that simplicity, confidence, faith and love, which distinguish the child.

In short--to repeat the sentence--there is no place on earth so nearly resembling the heaven above, as a well ordered and happy family. If your lot is cast in such a family, young reader, be thankful for the favor, and strive to make the most of it. Not merely as a preparation for standing at the head of such a family yourself; not merely as a preparation for the work of teaching--although for this avocation I know of nothing better; not merely because it is your duty, and you feel that you _must_ do it; but because it is for your happiness--yes, even for your life.

All character is formed in the school of trial; all good or valuable character, especially. And--I repeat the sentiment--in no place or department of this school are circ.u.mstances so favorable for such a purpose, as what may, emphatically, be termed the _home department._ The family and the church are G.o.d's own inst.i.tutions. All else, is more or less of human origin: not, therefore, of necessity, useless--but more or less imperfect. She who would obey the will of G.o.d in forming herself according to the divine mode, must learn to value those inst.i.tutions, in some measure, as they are valued by Him, and love them with a degree of the same love wherewith He loves them.

It will here be seen that I value domestic avocations so highly--giving them, as I do, the preference over all other female employments--not as an end, but as a means. It is because they secure, far better--other things being alike--the grand result at which every female should perpetually aim--the attainment of excellence. It is because they educate us far better, physically, socially and morally--and with proper pains and right management, they might do so intellectually--than any other employment, for the great future, towards which we are every day hastening.

This home school is--after all which has been said of schools and education--not only the first and best school, especially for females, but emphatically _the_ school. It is the nursery from which are to be transplanted, by and by, the plants which are to fill, and beautify, and perfect--if any perfection in the matter is attained--all our gardens and fields, and render them the fields and gardens of the Lord.

Ton much has not been--too much cannot be--said, it appears to me, in favor of this home department of female education--especially as a means of religious improvement.

Young women thus trained, would not only be most fitly prepared for the employment which, as a general rule, they are to follow for life, but for every other employment to which they can, in the good providence of G.o.d, ever be called. No matter what is to be their situation--no matter even if it is merely mechanical, as in some factory, or as an amanuensis--this apprentices.h.i.+p in the family is not only highly useful, but, as it seems to me, indispensable. Is not mind, and health, and self-government--yes, and self-knowledge, too--as indispensable to the individual who is confined to a bench or desk, as to any person who is more active? Nay, are they not even much more so--since sedentary employments have, in themselves, as respects mind and character, a downward, and narrowing, and contracting tendency?

CHAPTER XVII.

FRUGALITY AND ECONOMY.

Economy becoming old fas.h.i.+oned. The Creator's example. Frugality and economy should be early inculcated. Spending two pence to save one, not always wrong. Examples of disregarding economy. Wasting small things.

Good habits as well as bad ones, go by companies. This chapter particularly necessary to the young. Frugality and economy of our grand-mothers.

Economy is another old fas.h.i.+oned word, which, like the thing for which it stands, is fast going into disrepute; and in these days, it will require no little moral courage in him who has any thing of reputation at stake, to commend it--and above all, to commend it to young women.

What have they to do with economy? thousands might be disposed to ask, were the subject urged upon their attention.

"Is there not something connected with the idea of economy, which tends, necessarily, to narrow the mind and contract the heart?" This question, too, is often asked, even by those whom age and experience should have taught better things.

I am pained to find the rising generation so p.r.o.ne to discard both frugality and economy, and to regard them as synonymous with narrowness, and meanness, and stinginess. There cannot possibly be a greater mistake.

May I not ask, without incurring the charge of irreverence, if there is any thing more obvious, in the works of the Creator, than his wonderful frugality and good economy? Where, in his domain, is any thing wasted?

Where, indeed, is not every thing saved and appropriated to the best possible purpose? And will any one presume to regard his operations as narrow, or mean, or stingy?

What can be more abundant, for example, than air and water? Yet is there one particle too much of either of them? Is there one particle more than is just necessary to render the earth what it was designed to be? Such a thing may be said, I acknowledge, by the ignorant, and short-sighted, and incautious. They vent their occasional complaints, even against the Ruler of the skies, because the windows of heaven are, for a time, shut up, and the rain falls not; and yet these very persons are constrained to admit, in their more sober moments, that all is ordered about right.

Be this as it may, however, there can be no doubt that a just measure of frugality and economy is a cardinal virtue, and should be early inculcated, even though it cost us some time and effort.

A great deal has been said, and no small number of words wasted, in endeavoring to show the folly of spending two pence to save one; whereas, to do so, in some circ.u.mstances, may be our highest wisdom. If it be important to learn the art of _saving_--the art of being _frugal_--then the art should be acquired, even if it costs something in the acquisition. No one thinks of reaping the full reward of adult labor in any occupation, the moment he begins to put his hand to it, as a mere apprentice. Does he not thus, in learning his occupation or trade--especially during the first years--spend two pence to save one?

Does not all preparation for the future, obviously involve the same necessity?

I do not, certainly undertake to say that it is always proper--or indeed, that it is often so--to spend more, in order to save less. I only contend that it is sometimes so; and that to do so, may not only be a matter of propriety, but also a duty.

Let me give an example. Young women are sometimes apt to acquire a habit of being wasteful in regard to small things, such as pins, needles, &c. Yet, to teach them, in these days of refinement, always to pick up pins when they see them lying before them on the floor or elsewhere, and put them into a pin-cus.h.i.+on, or in some suitable place, would no doubt be considered as quite unreasonable.

But would not such a habit be exceedingly useful? Am I to be told that it would be a great waste, since the value of the time consumed in thus picking up pins and needles, would be more than twice the value of the articles saved? Am I to be told that this is not only spending two pence to save one, but that it is actually wicked? If so, by what art shall a wasteful young woman be taught good habits?

I would certainly urge a young girl who was careless about pins, needles, &c., to form the habit of picking up every one she found. I would do so, to prevent her prodigal habits from extending to other matters, and affecting and injuring her whole character. But I would also do so, to cure the bad habit already existing. More than even this; I advise every young woman who finds herself addicted to habits which are opposed to a just frugality and economy, to begin the work of eradicating them, without waiting for the promptings of her mother and friends. Nor let her, for a moment, fear the imputation of meanness; it is sufficient for her that she is doing what she knows to be right.

Good habits, as well as bad ones, like virtues and vices, are apt to go in company. If one is allowed, others are apt to follow. First, those most nearly related; next, those more remotely so; and finally, perhaps, the whole company.

I would not dwell long on a subject like this, in a book for young women, were I not a.s.sured that the case requires it. I see young women every where, especially among the middling and higher cla.s.ses, and in great numbers too, exceedingly improvident; and not a few of them, wasteful. The world seems to be regarded as a great store-house which can never be exhausted, let them be as extravagant as they may. They forget, entirely, the vulgar but correct adage, that "always taking out of the meal tub, and never putting in, soon comes to the bottom"-and seem to take it for granted there is no bottom to their resources.

Our grand-mothers--our great grand-mothers, rather--were not ashamed of frugality or economy. They were neither afraid nor unwilling to do what they knew to be right, simply because it happened to be unfas.h.i.+onable.

I am not, indeed, either const.i.tutionally or by age, one of those who place the golden age exclusively in the past. I can see errors in the conduct of our grand-mothers. But I also see in them excellencies; many virtues of the sterner, more sober sort, which have been bartered for modern customs--not to say vices--at a very great loss by the exchange.

What we have thus lost, I should be glad, were it possible, to restore.

CHAPTER XVIII.