Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living Part 7

In some respects this manner of coitus, and this means of "going off together" is unsurpa.s.sed.

Which leads to the remark that this position is sometimes the best for the full completion of the act. It is the easiest of all positions, the least fatiguing. And if the wife is tired, or not quite "up to grade," she can enjoy an embrace of this sort without fatigue, even to the full. For the organs can be united in this position quite perfectly, though the p.e.n.i.s will not penetrate the v.a.g.i.n.a to as great a length as in the other position. Still, the climax can be perfectly reached in this way, and it is one of the best ways to make sure of perfect "timing," of "spending" exactly together, which is greatly in its favor.

If there is a mis-matching of the organs, the v.a.g.i.n.a of the wife being too short for her husband's p.e.n.i.s, this is a most excellent way for meeting and overcoming that difficulty.

This naturally leads to another matter, as follows:--It might seem to the reader that the different "strokings" of the v.u.l.v.a, with the fingers, or the p.e.n.i.s, all the contact being outside the v.a.g.i.n.a, that all of these methods of excitation smack of masturbation, and so are of doubtful rightness. In reply to which, note the following:

The entire affair of coition, in humanity, has already been shown to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse and intensify his wife's pa.s.sion by stroking her v.u.l.v.a with his saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be _only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted.

The fact is, this whole matter of s.e.xual excitation by means of the hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from the point of view which insists that _all_ the s.e.x functions should be under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of s.e.x stimulation, or auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ s.e.x-excitation) which is NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to realize that it is true. _But it is_!

Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to an o.r.g.a.s.m by excitation with his spent p.e.n.i.s, it would be _perfectly right for him to subst.i.tute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_.

Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent, because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be _entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too _ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to make the best of a situation.

Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way of escape, the method is to be commended.

Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the advantage, that he can be brought to the o.r.g.a.s.m by the insertion of the p.e.n.i.s into the v.a.g.i.n.a, _after_ his wife has spent, if she arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has pa.s.sed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his p.e.n.i.s shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an o.r.g.a.s.m.

Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness, or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ p.e.n.i.s in _her_ hand and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her for it, give her his soul for it!

_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the delights of an o.r.g.a.s.m by "spending" each other by external excitation of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her v.u.l.v.a till she "_spent,_" the chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his _rights_!"

Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own s.e.x possibilities that she had never experienced an o.r.g.a.s.m--had never "spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism, bringing herself to an o.r.g.a.s.m with her own hand, _just for the sake of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental att.i.tude, it would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience.

When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and that knowledge takes its place!_

As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will be ignorant of what an o.r.g.a.s.m is like before he marries, since all healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not otherwise!

Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when s.e.xual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when _carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.

There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows, who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving thoughts of the absent one the while.

There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a matter of fact, all boys m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e, and many girls also. Some authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The s.e.x organs are alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.

IX

COITUS RESERVATUS

This brings us to another item in the matter of s.e.xual exercise on the part of the husband and wife, as follows:--

It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to continually lift all s.e.x affairs above the plane of animality, mere physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_ delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known, in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated, means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to its climax, the o.r.g.a.s.m. Described in terms with which the reader is now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most happily married people have proved.

Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_.

To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be made to arouse the s.e.xual pa.s.sions of either of the parties, as has already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The o.r.g.a.s.m is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing kiss, in which the s.e.x organs are included as well as the lips. They_ kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any kind.

In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.

As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the world that the s.e.x organs should tumesce, and that there should be a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!

This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep.

Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their s.e.x organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the p.e.n.i.s grow limp and slip out of the v.a.g.i.n.a of its own accord, while the v.a.g.i.n.a also grows small and the c.l.i.toris subsides. This experience is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual benefit.

This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the s.e.xual desires, most perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should "get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if, on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!

To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the s.e.x nature is of great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If, during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need of s.e.x exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her husband's s.e.x-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him to meet her otherwise, is a wife to wors.h.i.+p!

Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct the way here, and all will be well_.

And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite s.e.x will produce effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in any other way. Thus, a man may hold his p.e.n.i.s in his own hand for a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his wife take his p.e.n.i.s in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether the p.e.n.i.s be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's limp p.e.n.i.s in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's v.u.l.v.a. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.

This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_ masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone.

This point is of great import, in considering many of the s.e.x acts of husband and wife.

As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this, let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_

Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere.

We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food.

The same rule holds with regard to s.e.x exercise. _Satisfy the calls of nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!

_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_.

And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives.

Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for s.e.x-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so she can reach and pa.s.s the o.r.g.a.s.m, time and again, and still not have her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends, the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best welfare, each of the other.

There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was also abnormal.

Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of common sense and true temperance.

There are some men and women so const.i.tuted, nervously, or by temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they "see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two afterwards.

Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should be taken never to reach the point of excess.

It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a p.r.o.nounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises, the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and only the best results trill come of it all_.

Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is, they have no s.e.x-pa.s.sion, though the s.e.x parts may be normal. Many physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach the o.r.g.a.s.m, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers, and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.

It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own _l.u.s.t_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental att.i.tude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO BOTH.

But if almost any woman will get the _right mental att.i.tude_ toward s.e.x-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is _really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against"

such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of it_.

On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one that he will never be able to satisfy his wife s.e.xually. He may be a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the full meaning of that word.

On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_.