Up Against It Part 40

She stared, unable to reply. He must be talking about Mills, or one of his men. No great loss. No great loss. But that would be exactly the wrong thing to say. But that would be exactly the wrong thing to say.

Xuan frowned. "I am going to ask for an extended sabbatical and take another Circuit. There'll be an inquest, I'm sure, but there shouldn't be any difficulty. I'll leave once it's done."

Her heart sank; her lips thinned. I can do this. I can do this. "I'll come with you." "I'll come with you."

But he was shaking his head. "No. No. No. This one is for me alone."

His monitor chirped a heartbeat.

She said after a moment, "I think I can understand how you're feeling. I've killed, too." She paused, but he showed no reaction. "I know you, Xuan. You did not take that life lightly. You stopped a man who meant harm to many innocents. You did what you had to." He held up a hand, and she broke off.

"My mind knows what you say is true. But my spirit..." He curled his fingers around his palm and looked at it. He saw something there she could not see. "Jane, I still see his living face before me, behind his visor. And in the next breath his flesh is rendered, steaming... strewn across the landscape, across my suit. I carry him with me now. I can't put him down."

Jane hesitated. "You know that's just trauma. You can be treated."

"I don't need a med-hack!" He all but screamed the words. Jane flinched. She thought of her own recent experience with the Voice. Just a med-hack-but it had changed her, profoundly. How could she blame him, a devout Buddhist and pacifist, for his regret over causing another's death? How could she blame him for wanting to work through this on his own, after all the times she had held him at arm's length while she wrestled her own private demons down? He all but screamed the words. Jane flinched. She thought of her own recent experience with the Voice. Just a med-hack-but it had changed her, profoundly. How could she blame him, a devout Buddhist and pacifist, for his regret over causing another's death? How could she blame him for wanting to work through this on his own, after all the times she had held him at arm's length while she wrestled her own private demons down?

Xuan drew a slow, sad, deep breath. "I'm sorry, Jane. I'm sorry... I've never understood it before. I never understood that part of you." He struggled to say something more, then gave up and looked at her, devoid of words. She squeezed his hand. She wanted to tell him it was going to be OK, but that seemed wrong, too.

"Kukuyos.h.i.+ is safe now," she said. "It won't be shut down."

Xuan nodded. "I'm glad to hear it."

They clung to the grips of his stretcher, looking at each other. Shall I wait? Shall I wait? she wanted to ask. she wanted to ask. Will you come back to me? Or should I start mourning you now? Will you come back to me? Or should I start mourning you now?

"I'll wait to leave," he said, "till after you go."

But she was not sure now if she was leaving Phocaea. She was not sure of anything. She shook her head sharply. "No. Go. Now. As soon as you can. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll return."

She waited with him at the emergency room while they ran diagnostics and treated his injuries. They eventually declared him fit to go.

At the surface lifts he grabbed her arms in a painful grip, and gave her a long, wordless kiss.

Jane left him there and shoved off across the Hub. Her body held two memories at that moment, of his grip on her arms and his salty sweat on her lips. They would have to be enough.

30.

Four days later, Geoff sat alone in one of Parliament's antechambers. The couch's overstuffed cus.h.i.+ons threatened to swallow him alive. There were giant, ugly plants in the corners, with big flowers that stank. The pink swell of newly grown flesh showed on his exposed left forearm and his ankle. The new skin didn't have hair yet. (He and Ian had compared skin. Just like a baby's a.s.s! Yep! Doof. Just like a baby's a.s.s! Yep! Doof. Chinpo Chinpo-head.) His left side itched unbearably and he squirmed. He caught a glimpse of himself in the gla.s.s of one of the dark pictures on the wall, and sighed. He s.h.i.+fted and tugged at the too-short sleeves of his suit, tried to smooth out his hair.

With the sale of the ice, he and his buddies had become four of the wealthiest individuals in the asteroid belt. But he didn't feel wealthy or cool or powerful. He felt like a dork.

They had told him to wait here till he was called. He was anxious to be up top. They would be bringing Ouroboros in soon, with or without him, and he was d.a.m.ned if he was going to miss that that.

The public hearing was displayed on the wall. One politician after another-most of whom he'd never even heard of-seemed to have something to say about what had happened over the past few days, though not a one of them, as best he could tell, had had a thing to do with any of it.

To make things even more complicated, he had gotten a cryptic note from Vivian. She had somehow wrangled a berth on Sisyphus Sisyphus, which was about to depart, and had asked him to meet her at the city-to-surface lifts at 10:30 a.m. It was past 9:30. The note had given him another d.a.m.n erection. Even just thinking about it right now made him stiff. He was not sure he could make it in time. He was not even sure he wanted to, despite his body's reaction.

Jane Navio entered. Geoff s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably. "Are you going to testify?"

"Yes. They're having a hard time figuring out what to do with me, I'm afraid. Where are your friends?"

"They all testified yesterday, right at the end of the day. They made us sit there all day, and then I had to go home without testifying."

"One of the prerogatives of power is to make everyone wait on your convenience." She jerked a thumb at the screen showing the hearings. "Do you mind if I turn that down?"

He shook his head, and she tweaked something inwave. The sounds of the hearing diminished to a mumble. She dropped into a seat next to him. She seemed at ease, if a tad wistful, and unconcerned about wrinkling the grey silk suit she wore. She curled her legs under her, gripped her calves with foothands gloved in brown suede, draped her arms over the couch back, and smiled at him. "So nice to be warm again, don't you think? When does the big ice s.h.i.+pment come in?"

The university had sent a team of geologists out to confirm the find the day before. Joey Spud's old tapped-out claim housed a staggering eighty-seven gigatons eighty-seven gigatons: enough ice to last Phocaea forever, basically. Old Joey Spud would go down as history's biggest h.o.a.rder.

"Today," he replied. "The big s.h.i.+ps are bringing it down in a while." Phocaea had never seen such a huge s.h.i.+pment before, nor one as dirty. The technical challenges had been immense.

"There'll be a ceremony up top," he told Jane. "We're going to do a harvest and everything. It's a memorial to Carl."

"I heard."

"You should have heard old Moriarty-I mean Deputy Commissioner Deputy Commissioner Moriarty-complaining about all the c.r.a.p in that ice. Because it's a stroid, not a Kuiper object. He says it's more junk than ice. Thing was, it seemed like he was happy anyway." Moriarty-complaining about all the c.r.a.p in that ice. Because it's a stroid, not a Kuiper object. He says it's more junk than ice. Thing was, it seemed like he was happy anyway."

"Yes, Sean and his team enjoy a good technical challenge. So, today, eh? Very good. I plan to be up top to watch it, if they let me."

He frowned. If they let let her? "Why wouldn't they?" her? "Why wouldn't they?"

She paused, and seemed to search for words. "The warehouse disaster happened on my watch. Parliament needs to satisfy themselves that I did everything I could to prevent it, and to recover with minimal loss."

"But... but it wasn't your fault! Everyone knew it."

"They're just doing their job."

"It was those bad-sammies last week, wasn't it? That was just bulls.h.i.+t. People were taking things out on you because they were scared. And now they're saying the whole thing was sabotage. That the Martian mob did it."

Everyone was talking about the fleet of s.h.i.+ps the Ogilvie mob had launched to attack Earth. It was all over the news. They were now approaching Mars...o...b..t at several gees' acceleration. Earth had threatened to blast them out of the sky and they were now insisting that their s.h.i.+ps' controls had been hijacked. It seemed like just the sort of thing a bunch of mobsters would do: launch an attack and lie about it when caught. was talking about the fleet of s.h.i.+ps the Ogilvie mob had launched to attack Earth. It was all over the news. They were now approaching Mars...o...b..t at several gees' acceleration. Earth had threatened to blast them out of the sky and they were now insisting that their s.h.i.+ps' controls had been hijacked. It seemed like just the sort of thing a bunch of mobsters would do: launch an attack and lie about it when caught.

"They must be bats.h.i.+t crazy," he said. "They are bad, bad people."

"Bats.h.i.+t crazy. I like that theory." She gave Geoff an amused, abstracted look, as if she knew something that she was not telling him. "They are are bad people. And yes, it bad people. And yes, it was was sabotage. The district attorney has ample proof. I'm sure all will come out just fine." sabotage. The district attorney has ample proof. I'm sure all will come out just fine."

They sat silent for a few moments, and watched the politicians gesturing and mumbling away.

After a moment, Geoff blurted, "I've moved out. So has my mom." She did not seem surprised. He went on, "Mom always told me you were as hard to read as a rock. But you don't seem like that today."

"That's funny. Xuan always said that, too."

Said? Geoff thought belatedly. Geoff thought belatedly. Not 'says'? Not 'says'? He had just seen the professor yesterday, out on the commuter pad getting ready to depart on another rock-hunting trip. A long one, from the looks of his supplies. But it would be rude to ask. He had just seen the professor yesterday, out on the commuter pad getting ready to depart on another rock-hunting trip. A long one, from the looks of his supplies. But it would be rude to ask.

"I was furious when I lost my job," she said, "but it was time for me to move on. I just didn't know it till they pried my b.u.t.t out of my seat for me."

"Is it true you're leaving Phocaea?"

"Perhaps someday. Not just yet. If I leave Phocaea, it'll be on my own terms. But I don't think they're quite as anxious to be rid of me as they were."

"Mom says everyone will be at a loss without you as resource chief."

"Nah. Aaron is good. I hope they give the job to him, and give him a chance to prove how capable he is. But it could be anybody, really, as long as it's not me!" She said this with a fierce joy.

He hesitated. "You hated your job?"

She looked surprised. "Oh, no, not at all. I loved a lot of things about it. I liked having the power to help people. I made a difference in people's lives." She leaned forward, despite the dusting of "Stroiders" mites. "Look at us, Geoff. We kept some really bad people from gaining control of Phocaea, you and I. We saved a lot of lives. I'll treasure that knowledge for the rest of my life.

"It's just..." she crossed her legs again, pondering. "When you harness yourself to a cause, all those hard choices you make, they take their toll. All the fighting. Working the system. You make compromises to get things done, you p.i.s.s people off, you have to swallow a lot of anger. It wears you down. I'd been at it, doing resource management, for more than forty years. That's a long time to carry such a burden. Now I have no formal power, but I finally have the freedom to speak my mind. Even if they lock me up for it." She smiled a little smile. Then she gestured.

"And you. Look at you! Who would have believed you could do what you've done?" She gave him a smile. "BitManSinger wasn't the only feral sapient around these parts, was it?"

A pretty woman in a business suit and pigtails stuck her head in the door. "Three minutes, Geoff."

"Thanks." The word came out in a huff of air. He pulled up his notes inwave, but his heart thudded in his chest and his stomach had knotted up. He couldn't concentrate to read, so he sprang to his feet and paced.

"Sure is easier to be a big hero on your bike," he said, "than to stand in front of people and act like you know what you're talking about."

"Don't worry. You're the savior of Phocaea! Here." She went to the wall and pointed out the different people at the hearing: names, responsibilities, att.i.tudes, an occasional dirty secret they certainly would not want him to know. "And none of those powerful, scary, important people sitting up there have to worry anymore that everyone is going to die in agony in two weeks' time. That's thanks to you you." She pointed at Geoff. "They all owe you a big debt of grat.i.tude. And they know it. Today, every single one of those people wants you to be their best buddy."

"OK," he said, and a reluctant smile came onto his face. "Thanks." Then the smile faded. "But I still feel so..." He pressed a fist to his belly. He felt empty. That feeling had receded, but it was still there. He said softly, "I'd give it all up to have Carl back."

"Of course you would." She paused, frowning.

"The pain doesn't go away. But it eases. Eventually. Just... you know, the old cliche. Give it time."

Geoff felt his cheeks heat up. He wiped at his eyes. They were both silent again. He thought about the other mobster people were talking about, the one that Mr. Mills had reported to. "What do you think is going to happen to Nathan Glease?"

"Oh, that's easy. The district attorney has filed multiple kidnapping, murder, and attempted murder charges against him. The woman he bribed, the one who tried to kill your friend Ian, has already spilled everything she knows. So have his lackeys. We have the Viridians' recordings and testimony from his attack there, as well as mine. It's ironclad. Thomas Harman and John Sinton will also go to prison, and the prime minister will make good use of this situation to extract major concessions from Upside-Down, too."

She sat back down and spread her arms along the back of the couch. "So I'd say you're off to a pretty d.a.m.n good start, for a tagalong little brother who couldn't play the drums worth a d.a.m.n." He barked out a surprised laugh.

"Give them h.e.l.l for me," she said, as the aides entered, and gave him a casual wave good-bye.

Geoff's testimony was not the traumatic experience he expected. Jane had been right-all the politicians went easy on him. It still seemed to take forever for them to wrap up and let the witnesses leave, but finally Minister Reinforte banged his gavel and the session was adjourned for lunch. Geoff called old Moriarty the minute the session wrapped up, as he'd promised. "I'm on my way up top," he said. "Will you let everyone know?"

"We're all in position, kid," Moriarty said. "We're just waiting on the star of the event."

"I'll hurry." As Geoff stepped down from his place on the witness stand, amid the bright lights and hubbub, the glamour and mites, and the noise, he glanced at his heads-up. It was 10:57 a.m. Maybe she would still be there.

When it came to Vivian, he didn't know exactly what he wanted, but he did know one thing: he was was afraid of failure. afraid of failure.

The pa.s.sengers headed for Sisyphus Sisyphus were in a roped-off section away from the usual lines. The lift a.s.signed to them, a big freight one, was due to arrive in a few minutes. Geoff spotted Vivian and tethered his way swiftly across the open s.p.a.ce to her. Some people complained and hit him with bad-sammies-the crowd control guards protested-but when they recognized him, merely asked for his autograph and then let him through. were in a roped-off section away from the usual lines. The lift a.s.signed to them, a big freight one, was due to arrive in a few minutes. Geoff spotted Vivian and tethered his way swiftly across the open s.p.a.ce to her. Some people complained and hit him with bad-sammies-the crowd control guards protested-but when they recognized him, merely asked for his autograph and then let him through.

She floated there. "Hi," she said. "I'm glad you came."

He looked down at her pregnant belly, in stunned embarra.s.sment. Her gaze followed his. She shrugged. "It's not what it seems."

Geoff blinked. "You don't have someone, then?"

"No."

It was some weird Viridian thing, then? What am I getting myself into? What am I getting myself into? he thought for the hundredth time. "OK..." His heart pounded so hard he couldn't form words. He had a million questions-he knew so little about her. "I want some time with you before you go. Can you stay? Just for a while, maybe take a later flight?" he thought for the hundredth time. "OK..." His heart pounded so hard he couldn't form words. He had a million questions-he knew so little about her. "I want some time with you before you go. Can you stay? Just for a while, maybe take a later flight?"

"No, I have to leave. Places to go. Et cetera. Here is my contact information, back on the moon." They twitched their fingers in mirror format, and traded digits. He was painfully conscious of her nearness, and on impulse, leaned forward to kiss her. She stopped him with a palm on his chest.

"I'm not what I seem."

"Oh, yes you are. You're a Viridian. You have some weird mutations that will totally freak me out, you're not exactly pregnant, and you're not really even, precisely, a woman."

"Not all the time, anyway," she said.

"Fair enough. But let's just go with the mood, OK?"

She burst out laughing-the first time he had ever heard her laugh-wrapped her arms around him, and they kissed. And it tasted so sweet he never wanted to stop.

Then the lift came, and the crowd pushed her along till she boarded. Geoff stood at the edge and watched her leave. He waved good-bye, knowing he'd find her again.

Then he headed up in one of the pa.s.senger lifts. Everybody ushered him to the front of the line, and cheered him as he pa.s.sed. His good-sammy cache had long since filled up so full it couldn't hold any more, and green pulsed across the edges of his sight. He hadn't known there was an upper limit. Everyone in the lift wanted to ask him questions and get his autograph. He sighed in relief when the doors opened at the surface. He lofted himself out of the lift station and onto the launch pad.

Amaya, Kam, and to his surprise, even Ian were waiting for him there, outside the rocketbike hangar, along with the rest of the rocketbiker teams. An enormous crowd was gathering on the sh.o.r.es of the crater-pouring out of the lifts; shuffling for s.p.a.ce on the pad near the warehouses; lining the crater lip. People were handing out tethers-this ice delivery was going to be a doozy and they didn't want anyone getting thrown off-stroid.

Ouroboros was going to obliterate their Great Lake. It was going to change the very shape of Phocaea.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" he asked Ian, eyeing his friend. Ian's right sleeve was duct-taped to his suit.

"h.e.l.l, yes, doof. I wasn't about to miss out on this one. Besides. I can outride you with one arm tied behind my back."

Kam made a rude noise. "Funny."

"Your chinpo chinpo is showing," Amaya told Ian. He pretended to look for an unsealed seam at the crotch of his pressure suit as she swung her leg over her bike. Her visor gleamed. is showing," Amaya told Ian. He pretended to look for an unsealed seam at the crotch of his pressure suit as she swung her leg over her bike. Her visor gleamed.

Geoff looked up. Ouroboros loomed. It was more ma.s.sive than any ice they had ever seen. Tiny blue Earth disappeared beneath its belly as it sank.

"I sure hope they got the calculations right," Ian said. "Otherwise Phocaea is toast."

"Relax. The old man checked them a zillion times. So did everyone else on the entire stroid." Geoff switched over to the rest of the bikers. "Listen up, everyone. We've got permission to launch the instant the stroid touches down. I'm beaming the team leads the vectors. You all ready?"

The other biker team leads each gave him an affirmative.

"Stand by," Sean said in his ear. "We don't want you all going up till after it touches down."