Autographs In The Rain Part 6

'Slim and none, boss. It's no' as if these b.l.o.o.d.y fish carry the owner's brand or anything. One deid trout looks just like another. I don't suppose for a minute that they'll show up in the major supermarket chains; they all vet their suppliers pretty thoroughly. We'll just have to keep an eye on the smaller outlets and hope.

'But if these boys are as smart as they look they'll keep the stuff in a freezer for a while . . . till the heat's off, you might say ... then s.h.i.+ft it in small quant.i.ties.'

'One thing we can do,' Martin suggested, 'and that's let the Central Intelligence Unit know, so that every fish farm in Scotland can be put on the alert.'Pringle nodded. 'I did that yesterday.'

'Good man,' said the Head of CID. He ran his fingers through his curly blond hair, and chuckled softly. 'What a start to the week! Three tons of hot frozen fis.h.!.+ Welcome to the madhouse, Maggie.'28.8.Bob Skinner had an aversion to St Andrew's House, the monolithic grey stone office building which housed many of the civil servants involved in the business of governing Scotland. Nevertheless, there were times when he had no choice but to swallow his dislike and visit the place.

With Sir James Proud engaged in a meeting with his fellow Chief Constables in Glasgow, it fell to him to represent the force on an ad hoc committee set up by the Scottish Executive to plan a new crime prevention publicity campaign. The big detective had serious doubts over the cost effectiveness of government-funded media propaganda. He believed firmly that the whole exercise smacked of tokenism, a knee-jerk action by politicians who suspected, probably in error, that the public expected it of them.

In his experience, the messages washed over the heads of most of the honest citizens at whom they were aimed, while criminals were either too stupid to take notice of the warnings, or too intelligent to watch the television programmes on which they were normally screened.

However, the First Minister and his lackey, the Justice Minister, had decreed that it should be done and had appointed Sir James Proud to chair the working group which would make it happen.

The meeting, when finally it began after a preamble of coffee and chat, was happily brief. The Scottish Executive Information Department's Head of Publicity, acting as secretary to the committee, introduced a hapless advertising agency team, who presented proposals which impressed none of the five policemen gathered around the table, and were sent away to think again.

Skinner smiled as he stepped through the great doorway of the building, which stood on the site of the old city jail, glad to be rid of an unwelcome ch.o.r.e. He was still nodding, grinning unconsciously, as he looked into Gerry Crossley's office and offered the young man a brisk, 'Good morning'.

'Good morning, sir,' the Chief Constable's secretary replied, but with afrown. 'ACC Chase asked if you would look in on him when you got in.'

'Aye, sure,' the DCC replied. 'Mail first though, Gerry, eh? Is it all in my office, or has Neil got it?'

'Mr Chase told me to leave it where it was, sir. He wants to see you right away.'

'Tell him to go and f.u.c.k himself.'' Skinner stilled the retort on the launch pad. Instead, eyes narrowing slightly, he said simply, Tell him I'll be in my room: then get me my mail.'

'Very good, sir.' Crossley was reaching for his telephone even as the big detective left the office.

He had only just hung up his jacket and settled into his chair, when there was a knock at the door. Before he could reply, it opened, and Ted Chase strode into the room, brus.h.i.+ng aside the Chief Constable's secretary, almost knocking to the floor Skinner's pile of mail, which he was carrying.

Not bothering to suppress his sigh, the DCC stood up and pointed to the low leather sofas in one corner of the big panelled room. 'Ted,' he snapped, testily. 'Sit your a.r.s.e down there.

'Gerry, thanks son. Just put that lot on my desk, then leave us.'

Chase was still standing as Crossley left the room. Skinner looked at him, frowning as he poured two mugs of coffee.

'Manners matter, you know,' he said. 'Gerry's a civilian employee; you wouldn't barge past a uniformed officer like that, and you sure as h.e.l.l don't do it to him.'

Chase seemed to relax his ramrod stance just a fraction. 'Sorry,' he conceded. 'It's just that.. . Well, I was expecting you earlier.'

Skinner felt his temper rise in earnest; he made a conscious effort to control it and almost succeeded. 'Listen,' he hissed icily. 'As far as I know, I don't report to you ... not yet, at any rate. You want to know where I am, ask Mcllhenney; he always knows. You want to see me, just ask. Don't summon me, and don't lurk behind my f.u.c.king door. Okay?'

'I won't be intimidated, Bob,' the ACC countered.

The big detective shook his steel-grey head. 'I'm not trying to intimidate you. I wouldn't; you're a brother officer. I am simply telling you a couple of things that will make it easier for us to get on. Tact and diplomacy can be b.l.o.o.d.y difficult for career coppers like us ... Jimmy has them both in abundance; that's what makes him so good . . . but we need to show them some time.'30.AUTOGRAPHS IN THE RAIN.He smiled, forcing himself to be conciliatory. 'Anyway, what's the problem, man? I hadn't put you down as a panic merchant.' He handed him one of the mugs. 'Look, sit down and tell me about it.'

Chase s.h.i.+fted a doc.u.ment to his left hand as he took the coffee.

'What's that?' asked Skinner.

'It's what I have to talk to you about. Believe me, Bob, when you see it, you'll see that I was being tactful.' He handed the paper over as he settled himself into one of the low sofas. 'It arrived by special messenger yesterday afternoon. It was addressed to the Chief and it was stamped as urgent. In his absence, and in yours, I deemed it proper to open it. Read it.'

The DCC took the doc.u.ment. 'Private and confidential,' he read. 'To Chief Constable Sir James Proud from a.s.sistant Commissioner Hector Plumpton.

'Sir, I regret to have to make a formal report to you regarding an incident which took place in Regent Street just after 11 p.m. last Friday . . .

'b.u.g.g.e.r it!' he shouted, throwing the paper on to the coffee table. 'I know what this is. I had wind of it at the weekend, and I asked Neil to try to put a stop to it. Obviously, someone in London didn't get the message.'

'Be that as it may . . .'

'Yes?!'

'It's a complaint, Bob. A complaint against a senior officer.'

'Your senior officer.'

'Be that as it may too... I'll even forget your admission that you tried to have it suppressed.'

Skinner had given up the fight against his temper. 'Suppressed! If I had known the man would be that stupid

'Well, he has been! Now, what are we going to do about it?'

'We are going to do eff all. You are going to give that piece of s.h.i.+t to Proud Jimmy, to whom it was addressed in the first place.'

'But he won't be back till tomorrow.'

'Aye? So?'

Chase pushed himself to his feet and walked across to the window. 'Do I have to spell it out? That report questions your fitness for duty; it recommends that you be given a psychiatric a.s.sessment. In those circ.u.mstances, is it right that you continue in acting command of this force, even for a single day? What would you do if you were in my place?'

'I'd sit you down and ask you what happened. Then I'd accept your word.'Then you'd be in default of your duty. Listen, help me keep this thing in-house; let me call someone in, right now, to have a talk with you.

O'Malley, for example; he's our top consultant, isn't he? That'll be the end of it.'

Skinner looked him in the eye, unblinking. 'You try that and it'll be the end of you, pal. No one, not even Kevin, is rummaging around in my head; not ever. I'll tell you something, Ted. For all your gauche attempts to take over my job, I respect you as a sincere man. That's why you haven't made an enemy of me. Believe me ... and this is not intimidation .. . you don't want to.'

'Then help me deal with this.'

'Okay.'

The DCC stood, took two steps across to his desk, and picked up the phone. 'Gerry,' he said, 'I want to speak to the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police.' He put the instrument down, then sat in silence in his swivel chair, waiting. It was over a minute before it rang again.

Skinner picked it up, his expression stony. 'Paddy? Bob here,' he began.

'Good to speak to you too. Yes, I thought last week was a great success; well done to your people for setting it up.

'Listen, I've got a problem up here that you can sort for me with one phone call. Last Friday night, I reported an incident in Regent Street.' He paused.

'You heard about it? Then did you know that one of your AC's, a guy called Plumpton, has written to Jimmy making a formal complaint against me, on the ground of wasting police time?

'Yup, that's right. I've got it on my desk right now.' Watching, Chase saw him give a tight unconscious smile. 'No? Well, you'd better f.u.c.king believe it. I'll fax it to you if you like.