Hot Fudge And Peppermint Part 17

Her smile was tight as she shook her head. "That's a really sweet offer, but there's no reason for you to get involved in all this. I won't be able to see you very often, but I can take care of my own needs just fine." She gave his hand a squeeze. "See, this is what I was talking about when I said I couldn't really manage a relations.h.i.+p. We've got stuff going on between us that's complicated, and you're dealing with things of your own, and here I'm effectively out-of-it for a couple of weeks or more. It's not fair to you, and I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry! You've been great, even though it's obvious now that you haven't felt good in days. All that stuff's over with now, anyway. We love each other and everything's great." Suddenly, he remembered that she'd refused what she'd called his offer. "And that wasn't an offer - it's how things are going to be. I'm going to be there and take care of you when you need it. And when you're feeling okay again, I'm still going to be there and we'll take care of each other."

After all, that was what love was all about.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR.

Bill wasn't sure whether Scott had canceled this week's project meeting or not, so he went by the conference room a couple of minutes early to check. Carolyn was already there. "I guess we're having our meeting," he said and took a seat.

"Scott was on the phone a minute ago when I went to ask, but he nodded when I asked."

All of a sudden, he noticed that she was wearing an engagement ring. "You got a ring for Christmas."

Predictably, she blushed but didn't say anything. He guessed she expected him to be rude about it. He smiled. "I'm happy for you - honest. When's the wedding?"

Scott stepped into the room as she answered, "The end of March."

Scott looked back and forth between them and added, "The Worthingtons have offered to have it at their house, and we've accepted." A pointed reminder of just who had the boss's full support and approval.

Scott obviously wasn't convinced yet that he didn't need that trump card in dealing with Bill.

"That's great," he said, and meant it. "I'm sure you'll be very happy."

"We will," Carolyn replied, sending Scott a glance that seemed to suggest he let the subject drop.

He did, and nothing more was said for a couple of minutes. Finally Scott frowned and said, "Phillip's in today, isn't he?"

Carolyn shook her head. "He was, but he left at noon to take his sister to the airport. He said he'd be back by three. How about Jake?"

"His wife's having some medical tests this afternoon," Scott said. "So, it's just us, then. Anything to report?" He glanced at Bill, probably since he'd already heard anything Carolyn might mention.

Bill's chest felt suddenly like a bubble was filling it. He hadn't really planned to go into this at the project meeting, but it was just the three of them. "Not really to report, no, but there is something I wanted to mention." Politely interested looks now from both Scott and Carolyn. "Uh, well, you know I've beenseeing Nik for a while." They nodded. "It's - um - more than that now. We love each other."

Scott clearly didn't believe him, whereas Carolyn blushed again and looked about ready to burst. She fought the reaction back and eventually managed a sarcastic "Are we supposed to declare a national holiday or something?"

He should have known better than to say that. It wasn't the part he needed to discuss, anyway. "Well, the thing is, Nik's having some health problems, and I'm going to be taking care of her. I don't think it'll interfere too much with work, except that I won't be able to work extra hours for a while."

Now Carolyn was guilt-stricken. "I'm sorry. I hadn't heard. I hope she'll feel better soon."

Scott was more pragmatic. "Is this related to her fibromyalgia?" Of course, Seth would have told him about it, probably before she was hired.

He nodded. "It's what she calls a down cycle, and from what she says, she expects to be able to keep working through it, but I don't know how reasonable that is. She'll be sleeping a lot, though, so I thought maybe I could borrow the laptop you take on trips. That way, I could get at least some stuff done evenings."

Scott shrugged. "Sure. It's at home, but I'll bring it in tomorrow." He fought a grin and shook his head.

"I've got to say, though - I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be offering to work evenings."

Bill grinned back at him, for a second almost feeling accepted. "I have to say I didn't foresee this, either.

But times change -"

"And apparently so do people," Scott added. "Good luck. I hope it works out."

Not a complete reversal of opinion, but maybe they were headed there.

Nik had cautioned herself all day not to be upset with Bill. He loved her and wanted to help her - that was a good thing. He simply didn't understand what her life would be like for the next few weeks. Once he did, she'd be able to persuade him to let her suffer through it on her own.

Still, when he arrived with what appeared to be a full carload of possessions and food, it was hard to remember her good intentions. He put most things in the spare bedroom, and the small closet was full by the time he finished filling it with hangers full of slacks and s.h.i.+rts. How many clothes did the man own?

He frowned at her as he put the last things away. "Why are you still standing there? You should be lying down - or at least sitting."

Time to set some ground rules. "Bill, you're going to have to learn not to make a.s.sumptions about what I should or shouldn't do. I know you have my best interests at heart, but I've been dealing with fibro a lot longer than you have."

"I know, but you try to do too much. That's why I'm here - to make your life easier."

Ha.s.sling with him over every little thing wasn't going to make anything easier. "Let's go in the living room and talk about that."

"I'll make us some dinner first. What would you like to eat?"

Patience, she cautioned herself. "I already ate, but you can fix something for yourself, if you'd like." "What did you have?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yogurt, not that it's any of your business." She was going to lose her temper if she didn't get out of here.

"I'll be in the living room when you're ready to talk."

He followed her, apparently not noticing she was about to take his head off. "Yogurt's not enough for dinner. I'll make something more after we talk." He dropped onto the couch and asked, "So, what's to talk about?"

She counted to ten, twice, before she felt calm enough to respond. "What's to talk about is that you're trying to take over my life. I realize that you think I need taking care of, but I've gotten along without you for a whole lot of years, and I've lived through many more of these down cycles than I care to remember."

"But it's different now - I love you, and you say you love me, too." The last part had a flicker of doubt in it, probably caused by her less-than-welcoming att.i.tude.

"I do love you, Bill. But loving you and wanting you to run my life are two different things. I'm used to being on my own and making my own decisions, and that's not something I'm willing to give up for you - or anyone."

"I don't want to run your life," he protested. "I just want to make things easier for you, so you don't have to waste so much energy on cooking and laundry and stuff like that."

Okay, he was actually listening to what she was saying, and responding appropriately. That was good.

She'd do the same in return. "That's a really nice idea, but there are a couple of reasons why that might not work real well. First off -" No, what she'd intended to say was too embarra.s.sing. She'd save that for later, if they worked the rest of it out. "It wouldn't save me any energy if we had to ha.s.sle about things all the time. I don't eat much during these down cycles, for example. Part of it's that my digestive system usually goes berserk, so there's not a lot I can safely eat. I don't get hungry, either, and since I never lose more than a few pounds and that comes right back when I get better, I don't worry too much about eating." She certainly wasn't going to admit the horrible cravings she sometimes succ.u.mbed to during and just after a down cycle. He wouldn't approve of eating huge bags of cheese-flavored snacks.

"So you're saying I shouldn't push you to eat." He sounded a bit like a sullen little boy. "But what I worry about is that you might not want something because you think you'd have to make it yourself."

She smiled apologetically. "I know you'd be glad to cook anything I wanted. How about if I let you know if there's something special I'd like?"

He nodded. "And I'll really try not to bug you about eating. What else worries you about this?"

She sighed. "Well, honestly, the whole thing. It's one thing for you to cook and do stuff weekends when we're together, but this down cycle hasn't even really started yet, and it'll last at least a couple of weeks.

That's a long time for you to hang around waiting on me. Isn't there something else you should be doing?"

"Nope. I talked to Scott today, and I'm going to pick up a laptop tomorrow. That way I can keep up with work while you sleep."

"I'm going to keep working, you know," she warned him. If he argued about this, all bets were off. She wouldn't be able to trust him.

But he simply nodded. "I know. But I'm hoping you'll take it easy and not stay late and all." Okay. He actually seemed to be getting the point here. Maybe this was workable, after all. "But won't you get awfully bored? I won't be any company at all most of the time, and my TV's not even hooked up to cable."

That actually fazed him - for all of two seconds. Then he shrugged. "No big deal. I didn't bring it in, but I've got a boombox and CDs in the car -" He grinned. "Headphones, too, so don't worry." His face sobered and he said, "So anytime there's anything I can do for you, I'm here to do it, and when you need me to leave you alone, you've got that, too. The point is, I'm here for you. Okay?"

Okay, except for the thing she hadn't said earlier. "That all sounds good, but there's one other thing we really have to discuss." Her stomach felt all jittery - a totally ridiculous reaction after they'd been lovers for months. "s.e.x."

He raised a hand to stop her. "It's okay, Nik. I realize you'll need to take it easy."

She shook her head. "Taking it easy won't cut it. You remember last night, how stiff I was - well, that's nothing to how I'll be in a few days. I wouldn't be able to -"

Suddenly, he was there, his fingers covering her lips, an arm surrounding her. "Don't worry about it, Nikolia. Making love will keep until you feel better. What matters now is making you as comfortable as possible and doing everything possible so you'll be healthy again soon."

Something about the way he held her supported against his strong chest let her muscles relax, and her self-control followed. This really was happening. Bill was going to take care of her, and she knew he'd do a fabulous job. He'd let her feel like a pampered princess instead of a pathetic excuse for a human being. And, through it all, he'd love her.

The tears wouldn't stay inside any longer.

Bill had never been more scared in his life. Here he was, making promises left and right to Nik, and he didn't know how he was going to deal with any of it.

He'd do it, he knew he would. He wouldn't tolerate anything less of himself. But how could he stand to watch the woman he loved - or any woman, for that matter - suffer for weeks at a time?

And now she was crying. She didn't cry easily, so he couldn't pretend it was a tactic she was using against him, like so many women did. She must be in excruciating pain, and that made him sick to the stomach to contemplate.

"Can I help you somehow, sweetheart?" he asked, struggling to keep the panic out of his voice. "Maybe carry you in to bed and undress you?"

"I'm okay," she said, still crying but controlling it a bit more now. She sucked in a big shaky breath and continued, "You're being so wonderful. It feels so good to know I'm not dealing with this all alone."

"No, you're not alone. You're crying because of a good thing?"

"Uh-huh." She cried even harder for a minute, then gradually regained control of herself. "I've been alone my whole life, and the last few years have been even worse. But now, even if it's just this one time, I've got you, and it's such a huge relief."

Oh, geez. There was that "you love me now, but maybe not tomorrow" thing again. It couldn't reallywork like that, could it? He couldn't love her so incredibly much now and ever feel any differently, could he?

He wanted to shout out that he'd love her forever, that he'd be there to help her with her down cycles when she was seventy-five years old. But he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't tell her something like that if he wasn't completely and totally positive of it.

Especially now that he realized how badly she needed to hear it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE.

Nik settled herself a little more comfortably on the couch and asked, "Have you actually heard of any of these groups?"

Bill adjusted the pillows that surrounded her. "Sure. I've even got CDs by some of them."

She sighed. "What Neal says is true, then. I'm completely out-of-date." She stared at the TV intently, but she couldn't keep the question inside any longer. "I need you to be completely honest. Aren't you at least a little sorry to be stuck home with me on New Year's Eve instead of out partying?"

She heard the indulgent smile in his voice. "Not a single bit, sweetheart. I admit I'd like it if you felt better, but only so we could really celebrate together."

This couldn't be called celebrating, that's for sure. The only reason she was up was because she hadn't started sleeping constantly yet. She'd been in bed, trying and failing to sleep, when he came in a little while ago and asked if she wanted to watch the New Year's show. He'd piled nearly every pillow in the house on the couch and in his lap, and then she'd stretched out on top of them. It was pretty comfortable - for now.

"You've gone out other years, haven't you?" she asked, really hoping she didn't come off either nosy or whiny.

"Sure," he said easily, ruffling her hair. "Sometimes to somebody's house for a party, other times to one of the bars where I hang out -" He chuckled. "Where I used to hang out, that is."

"You don't miss hanging out at those places? You must have had friends there."

"Friends is a little strong," he said. "Sure, I knew all the regulars, and the people who worked there and all, but not well enough to miss." He sighed. "The truth is, Nikolia, you're the only person I've been close to my whole life."

For a brief moment, she thought he must be exaggerating. But then she realized he wasn't. "That's so sad.

But why, Bill? You've got a great personality."

It took him a minute to respond. "Shame, I guess. When I was a kid, I was scared to run the risk of anyone finding out what it was like at home. Bad stuff happened to the other kids, too, I know, but it seemed like it was worse at our place." He thought for another few seconds. "I kind of got used to that, I suppose, so it seemed like the normal way to be. And still, I can't really let my guard down with anybody but you. They wouldn't think as much of me if they knew -"

She groped for his hand, which she knew would be close to her side. "You're wrong about that. People you know now wouldn't care about what happened way back then. All they care about is what you do now." She heard disbelief in the way he breathed. "You say that, but that's because your past isn't anything to be ashamed of."

She squeezed his hand. He wasn't ready to see the truth, so she said, "I think you're wrong, but I won't argue the point. The question is, what's so different about me?" She knew what his immediate answer would be, so she forestalled him. "And I don't think love has anything to do with it. That came later, after you let yourself get close."

"Well, maybe not love, but there was definitely something. Because even the way we were at first, when we'd just go for coffee after your s.h.i.+ft at the computer lab - I've never done that with anyone else."

"You haven't?" She'd a.s.sumed it was part of his normal seduction technique, at least back then. The no-pressure talking about computers, or about which cla.s.ses and professors were good and which weren't - all that had camouflaged her growing attraction to him. And then, that night after she bought them hot fudge sundaes to celebrate getting an "A" on her research paper, he kissed her. No kiss had ever rocked her more.

His thumb was busy, drawing circles on her palm. "Everything with you is different, Nik. I knew that back in school - that's why I kept saying you were special. I just didn't understand how special, or how much better it was to be with you than with anyone else." He let his breath out in a long sigh. "I don't think you can imagine what it was like to go to the University and have all these beautiful girls suddenly be willing to be with me. It wasn't like in high school, when a couple of them would once in a while act interested - but only because they were feeling rebellious or trying to make their football jock boyfriends jealous. These girls actually liked me, and they wanted to go to bed with me, and besides s.e.x, I got something I'd never had before - affection - and I was hooked."

She said softly, "That's what hooked me, with you. I really felt special, like you said I was, and I hadn't ever felt that way with a guy before." She'd hardly ever felt that way at all, in fact, but that wasn't relevant.

"Oh, Nik. If only I'd been smart enough to recognize what we had. But it was like I'd been starving my whole life, and suddenly this whole world of possibilities had opened up to me. Girls would come on to me, and every time, it was like I was liberated from the past all over again."

She suddenly began to understand. "You've been running all this time, haven't you?"

"More trying to prove I'd left it behind, I think. Not just the women, either - all the fancy meals and the wardrobe that even I realize is way more than I need."