Brain Cheese Buffet Part 14

G.o.d did not oblige his plea.

"Howdy, handsome," Maxine said, plopped fat and sa.s.sy in the shelter. The baby remained hooked to her side, dirty foot sticking out.

"Gal" the baby blabbered. "Ga-Ga!"

"Uh, h.e.l.lo," Rosser had no choice but to respond. "I... presume you're... waiting for the...

next bus?'

"Sh.o.r.e am, just like you. You live in Luntville?'

"Yes."

"Well, I do too! And we ain't got but a half hour to wait for the bus."

Jesus Christ! A half hour? "That's... not too long."

Rosser elected not to sit down next to her. She was truly hideous. Moles sticking out, plump fat face s.h.i.+ny in sweat, alcoholic nose like a strawberry. The elephantine thighs filled up the hem of the sundress to the extent that the material looked fit to rip. Corns pebbled the sunburned feet in dowdy flipflops, and tufts of hair, like Brillo, sprouted from her armpits.

"I'm Maxine," she said. "But I'se sh.o.r.e that character Corey told ya all about me."

Yeah, a ten-dollar prost.i.tute. "Urn, a little."

"Well, good, 'cos I gotta say I had my eye on you since I stepped on the bus. You're about the handsomest thang I seen in a while. What I mean is we can make a deal."

Rosser felt dead standing there. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be in any proximity at all to this woman.

"Oh, say hi to my darlin' little boy," and then she held her baby up. It was the first time Rosser got a direct look at the infant anda"

He nearly gagged.

It was a fat babya"six months old, eight months, he wasn't surea"and the child's head looked twice as large as it should've been and was slightly warped from what Rosser a.s.sumed was some congenital affliction. Rolls of fat under the chin, around the neck, bulbous cheeks. Tiny beady mud-brown eyes seemed hidden in folds of still more fat. The baby's lips looked inflated, like a pink sucker, smeared with chocolate. Mucus crusted its nostrils. Saliva glazed its chin.

The baby even had some moles on his neck.

Rosser was not a man p.r.o.ne to profanity, but when he got a good look at the child, he thought: That is the ugliest motherf.u.c.kin 'baby I've ever seen in my f.u.c.kin' lifea Then the baby looked dully up at Rosser and blew out a wad of bubbly, Pop-Tart-flecked spit.

"His name's Shots." The woman held the baby's hand up, puppeting it to wave.

"Shots?" Rosser had to question.

"Named the little fella that on account of that's what I spent the whole time drinkin' when I was pregnant." She giggled. "Shots of vodka mostly, and Black Velvet whiskey."

I guess that explains the warped head Rosser concluded.

"Say hi to the nice man. Shots. Hi, Mr. Nice Man." The woman beamed. "Ain't he just the cutest li'l thing?'

It's a f.u.c.king abomination...

"Where you from, sweetie?'

"Uh, Utah," Rosser lied.

"Oh, wow! A Canadian! It's easy ta tell you're new in town. I'se kin tell by yer s.h.i.+rt.

Guess you used to be a businessman, huh?'

"Used to be. Yes."

The baby, now, seemed to be glowering at Rosser. If disdain could possibly be conveyed at so young an age. this was it. A pudgy pinky picked a booger from its nose and wagged it at Rosser. The other hand picked at a neck-mole.

"But back to what I was sayin'," Maxine continued. She munched on a Pop Tart as she spoke, crumbs on her lips. "Bein' that you're such a fine-lookin' man, I'll give ya a deal, a sweet one."

Rosser just stood there, numb. He looked appalled at the baby.

"I'll give ya a blow-job right herea"a fine one, at thata"fer just twenty-dollars."

"No. Thank you."

A coy smile. "Oh, I know, just like all men. Playin' hard ta get. You wanna see the goods first."

"Oh, no, that's really not neca"

But already she'd pulled a breast out from her top: wide as a dinner plate, and flat. Rosser thought of a pita bread with a nipple. The nipple had several wire-like hairs sticking out of it. She flapped it for him, as though he'd find the gesture enticing.

"Wanna see my p.u.s.s.y, too? Here, take a peeka"

"No no no, really that won't be neca"

She traversed her bulk on the bench, pulled her knees up, and there it all was: a quagmire of rank flesh and hair. If anything, the monstrous gash looked like a wound, brownish folds around a pucker. As much as Rosser tried to avert his eyes, some cruel and arcane impulse wouldn't allow it. He stared into the horror. At the nexus was a hole that glimmered within a rooster-wattle majora, and as if on cue a string of what could only be s.e.m.e.n oozed out. The image came to mind: a toothless old man drooling.

"Oh, don't mind that little bit'a nut. Ain't no different from yours. Don't know why guys get the heebie-jeebies 'bout another fella's come. It's just fluid. You kin ruck me right here fen say, thirty."

"No. Thank you."

"All right, Mr. Hard To Get. Twenty. And ya ain't gotta use a rubber 'er nothin' like that I'm clean."

Oh, I'm sure. Pristine. Immaculate. Rosser just said, "No, thank you. I, uh, I don't have any money."

She maintained her poise, her knees aloft. The baby, meanwhile, greedily sucked at the broad, flat bag of skin that was her breast. The woman's knees looked like beaten faces.

Now, that string of s.e.m.e.n was dangling.

"Aaaaaall right" she conceded. "Since yer so good-lookin', you kin f.u.c.k me fer free.

But'cha gotta eat my p.u.s.s.y first. Deal?"

At this, Rosser nearly laughed. Lady, I would commit suicide before I would perform the act of c.u.n.n.i.l.i.n.g.u.s on you. Thai's right. I would BLOW MY f.u.c.kING HEAD OFF.

"No. Really. Not today," was the only response he could summon that wouldn't be entirely rude.

Another sigh. "You drive a hard bargain." She finally lowered her mammoth legs. The visual nightmare, at least, was over. 'Ten bucks and I'll blow ya. I don't get my welfare check fer two more weeks. I got rent ta pay and a kid ta feed. And I don't mind tellin' ya, I give a d.a.m.n good blow-job."

Rosser was a reasonable man, but even the most reasonable men would, on occasion, err.

The woman was hideous. There was NOTHING about her that could be described as erotic. And her kid was so f.u.c.king ugly Rosser thought he could bend over right now and throw up in the wire waste-can bolted to the bus shelter. But then he thought: Well, she is poor. She does have a hard life. Its not her fault she's hideous. And the only reason she solicits s.e.x is because she needs the money for her kid. I haven't had an o.r.g.a.s.m in a month, and o.r.g.a.s.ms do indeed feel good In fact, my genetics urge me to have o.r.g.a.s.msa"I can't help it. f.e.l.l.a.t.i.o does feel better than masturbationa"a lot bettera" a nd to tell you the truth I could land of go for some of that right now. Like Corey said, a nut s a nut. And by doing this, I 'd be helping her in a small way, making her very hard life a little bit easier.

Soa"yesa" I will go along with that theorem. A nut's a nut. I don't have to look at her. I'll do what Corey said I'll close my eyes and think about that hot blonde, and you know what? It 'I! probably be pretty good .

Rosser said, "Okay."

Maxine's pudding-face rejoiced. She jiggled her kid. "Did you hear that Shots? Mr. Nice Man is gonna give us a ten-spot. Ain't that nice'a him?" She waved the kid's pudgy hand again. "Say thank you, Mr. Nice Man. Thank you, Mr. Nice Man!" Jesus Christ...

"Any time yer ready, hon."

Rosser looked sheepishly down each side of the road. It was perfectly straight and perfectly deserted. He could see a mile each way. If anyone drove by, he'd be able to hear them long before they got close enough to see what was going on.

It's no big deal...

Maxine remained seated; Rosser stepped up. His p.e.n.i.s felt numb, it felt like a small, shriveled up twig of flesh incapable of registering sensationa"due to the recent a.s.sault of unwholesome imagerya"but Rosser knew he could fix that.

He'd just close his eyes and think about the blonde.

He unbuckled his pants and lowered them and his briefs to his knees.

"Ooo, sugar, that's right. Just put it right in Maxine's face. I'll give you a c.o.c.k-suck you'll never forget But I hate to tell ya this. Ain't ya forgettin' something?'

"Oh, yes. of course. The money. Sorry," he babbled and handed her a ten. She stuck it promptly into a pocket on her dress ... And began to play with his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es.

The grubby fingers were callused, not particularly pleasing, but then she began to run the tip of her tongue across his glans.

This gesture was particularly pleasing.

Rosser put his hands on his hips, leaned back a little. Forget who's doing it. Just let if he done. The frame of mind was working. He closed his eyes, thought about the blonde. It was the blonde s hand cupping his b.a.l.l.s. It was the blonde s tongue laving circles around the rim of his p.e.n.i.s. His erection sprang, hard as it had ever felt.

"Ga. Ga-ga. Ga"

Rosser opened one eye and looked down. The baby was grimacing up at him, still girded by his mother's arm. Where the infant's leg sprouted from the diaper, Rosser could see a line of s.h.i.+t. Jesus Christ, the kid's diaper is fall. A big yellow p.i.s.s stain was evident too.

"Ooo, honey, what's wrong?" the woman said in between sucks. Rosser erection was losing a few notches. "Do, uh, do you think you could set the baby down? He's, uh...

distracting me." "Oh, Shots is just fine where he isa" Rosser couldn't summon a way to say: Look if you don't mind, I'd prefer not to get my blow-job with my d.i.c.k a foot away from your kid! It s negligent! Mother's aren't I supposed to suck d.i.c.ks with their baby's watching! And the little f.u.c.ker is staring right at me! But he just didn't have it in him to say that. Concentrate, concentrate! Eyes closed again, his mind full of the blonde. Yeah, yeah. .. Oh, man... Those big, pouty lips, running up and down his shaft. Sun-blond hair tickling his thighs. Long tan fingers tracing his b.a.l.l.s. Full turgidity returned an instant later. His hips began to quiver, his climax was just a few throbs away. And on the next stroke, just when Maxine drew her mouth back to his glansa"

The baby grabbed his p.e.n.i.s at the root.

"Jesus Christ!" Rosser winced, jerking away.

"What's wrong now, hon?"

What was wrong? "Your baby just grabbed my d.i.c.k!"

The erection deflated.

"What're you all wound up ferT Maxine asked. "He's just a li'l baby."

"Ga Ga-ga" Then the baby picked his nose and tried to wipe it on Rosser's thigh.

"He's seen me givin' fellas head before, and f.u.c.kin' too. Ain't no big deal."

It's child abuse! Rosser pushed out his hand in abrupt jabs. "Look, look, please, Keep the baby's hands off me!"

"Awright, awright," she agreed, perturbed.

Of course, it would've been easier to just say to h.e.l.l with it and walk off, but Rosser was p.i.s.sed. He'd gone to a lot of trouble, a lot of annoyance (and a lot of revulsion) to get this far. He wasn't a quitter. He was bound and determined have his o.r.g.a.s.m. Just put your d.i.c.k back in her mouth, think about the blonde, and come!

He put it back in. He thought about the blonde. He imagined her hands all over him. She was cooing in his ear, licking his neck, whispering adorations with her perfect bare b.r.e.a.s.t.s pressed against his chest. She was straddling him, her s.e.x tight as a mouth itself, slowly drawing up and down over his erection. She was drenched, her own excitement for him undeniable. Now he was thrusting up, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s bouncing, her v.a.g.i.n.a clenching.

She was sighing her bliss to the air, her eyes wanton slits.

Then she panted, "I love you, I love you.. ."

Rosser shuddered, e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.n.g. into the fantasy's loins which were actually Maxine's white-trash mouth. The s.e.m.e.n blurted out of him, and now that he thought of it it was very good oral s.e.x.

Corey would've been proud of him.

Maxine pulled her mouth off. Had she swallowed? Rosser had heard no evidence of expectoration. When he looked at her, her expression seemed nonchalant, but... she kept her lips tightly seamed, as if deliberately holding his sperm inside. Post-climactic loss-of-breath diverted Rosser's focus; he wasn't paying much attention, but he was paying a little. Maxine, it seemed, continued to hold the s.e.m.e.n in her mouth. Then she began to lean overa"

What is she doing? it finally occurred to him.

a"toward the baby.

As if on cue, the baby looked up, as though the strange gesture were familiar. Just as strangely, Rosser thought of a chick in a nest opening its beak when the mother landed with a worm.

The baby's fat-swaddled face beamed in elation.

Then its mouth opened.

Maxine brought her lips an inch from the baby's and began to-Rosser slammed his eyes closed. Oh my G.o.d, oh my G.o.d! He would not allow himself to watch what he knew the mother was about to do...

"There, Shots!" she exclaimed. "Turn-turn full now?"

The initial shock locked him up; he was a root in the ground, in the cement. At first he didn't even believe what he'd seen. But when the babya"Shotsa"began smacking his lips with a big fat baby-smile, Rosser knew it was true.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" he bellowed.

Maxine gave him the most absurd look, as though she'd done virtually nothing out of the ordinary. "It's just come. It's good fer him. He's a growin' boy and he needs to eat. I feed him all my trick's blow-jobs, just like my mama done fer me, and my daddy too." That look on her face lengthened. "Mister, you are one weird guy."

Rosser's shock persisted. He frantically yanked his pants back up. 'It's child-abuse, for G.o.d's sake, if the county child-protection services knewa"" but then his complaint was severed, by two things: One, a wet splat! and, two, something impacting his chest. Well, make that three: the unmistakable smell of human feces.