Between The Realms Part 30

I frowned. When was I born? I don't know. When was I born? A fog had settled over my brain, and the information I was trying to retrieve seemed just out of my reach.

"Where were you born? What town?"

The happiness I'd been floating around in began to dissipate. "I don't know. What town was I born in?" I wasn't even sure what he meant by born, but it seemed like I should. Memories were knocking around in my head, but I couldn't focus on any of them.

"Tell me your mother's name."

Mother. Mother? Who is my mother? I didn't have an answer for him, but the fact that I knew I should have an answer from him made me feel anxious. I struggled a little in his arms.

"That's enough, Beau. I think she's over it."

"She's not," he said.

The arms that had felt freeing now felt restrictive. I was imprisoned where I had earlier been set free. "Let me go," I said, getting more and more nervous by the second. "I want to get down."

"Just a little farther," he said.

"No!" I said firmly. "I want to get down now!" I jerked my body backwards hard, throwing my arm up at the same time and catching him in the jaw with my elbow.

He must not have been expecting it, because he dropped my legs, and as soon as my feet hit the ground, I was out of there. I twisted around hard and stomped on his foot, causing him to loosen his grip on my shoulders. I bent over double and backed up, releasing myself entirely from his grasp. Taking off running, I went blindly with only one goal in mind: to get as far away from that mean angel as I possibly could.

I had supersonic speed. My feet flew over the earth, eating up the ground at a pace I had never experienced before. The flowers were blurs of pinks and blues and colors I couldn't even explain because I'd never seen anything like them before. I wasn't even sure if they were colors or even maybe sounds, since they were visual but I heard them too. Beams of light criss-crossed the sky above me, leaving sparkling tails behind them that faded ever-so-slowly.

There were trees in the distance, huge ones. A city could have been built on top of them, they looked so vast and strong. I was just coming within range where I thought maybe I could jump up and reach the top of one, when strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist, gripping me tightly. My legs slowly left the meadow's gra.s.ses, as I became weightless, lifted up into the sky.

"Weeeee!" I yelled, giggling at the tickling sensations in my belly.

"Always looking for trouble, aren't you?" said the voice from behind me. It filled me with a sense of peace and love and rightness.

"Who are you?" I asked, part of me knowing and the other completely lost in the sensations he was creating in, around, and on me. My skin was covered in a warm glow. The sun was perfectly yellow, touching my face and making me want to take a nap in its rays. The smell of trees and wind mingled with the scent of a strong man's arms and neck. It brought to mind something that I remembered from my past.

"Who are you?" I asked again.

He said nothing as we flew over the treetops that I'd seen in the distance, over a series of hills and then up to the edge of a mountain. As we got higher, the temperature dropped, but I was protected in the arms of this being. A light surrounded us, and I knew it was coming from him. The light wasn't just illumination; it was simply love.

We circled a clearing in the trees, a dark empty s.p.a.ce in the middle of an otherwise dense forest, spiraling down until our feet finally touched the earth. The strong arms that had encircled me dropped away, and I heard the sounds of footsteps moving back from me.

I wanted to turn and see who it was behind me, but now that I was in the circle of trees, my head felt heavy. The smells weren't nearly as pleasant as they had been before, and the temperature not quite as comfortable. I put my hands up to my arms, rubbing them a little to get the blood flowing better. Where in the h.e.l.l am I? I looked around, realizing that I was without Spike. Why isn't Spike here? I knew the answer lay behind me, but I was afraid to face it, afraid of what I might find back there. For a little while, everything had been so friggin perfect.

"It's okay, Jayne. Just turn around."

I knew the voice then. And as scared and confused as I was, nothing could have stopped me from seeing him again.

I turned and faced the man of my dreams. The one who watched over me and loved me no matter how bad I screwed up.

"Chase."

"Yes."

"Where the f.u.c.k have you been all my life?" I smiled.

He smiled back briefly before going back to his Chase-face. "I've been right here all along."

I ran and threw myself into his arms, hugging him fiercely around the neck. "I'm not letting you go again. Ever."

He chuckled low in his throat. "That's not going to be very convenient."

"I don't care. Every time I let you go, you leave."

He sighed, rubbing my back. "We don't need to go over that again, right? Now's not the time to get upset about things that we cannot change."

I pulled away a little, still not completely detaching myself. "I'm tired of that story. Make up a new one." I buried my face in his neck again, breathing in deeply. "Man, did I miss your smell."

"I missed you, too. But we don't have a lot of time to reminisce. You have someone waiting for you."

"Who?" I asked, wondering if Ben was here and looking for me.

"Spike? Remember him?"

I instantly felt ashamed, unlocking my arms from Chase's neck and sliding to the ground. "Yeah. Of course I remember Spike. Don't say it like that."

Chase held both of my hands down between us. "He loves you, you know."

"Yeah, well, that's just dandy isn't it, since you went and friggin bound me to Ben." I shook my head. "You really left me in a s.h.i.+tty spot, Chase, doing that. One minute you're telling me you love me, then you're marrying me off to the demon lover, and now you're reminding me that the second nicest guy in the world is in love with me!" I yanked my hands out of his grasp. "Could you please just seriously tell me what the h.e.l.l you want from me?"

"I'm sorry for all the confusion I've caused you."

"Confusion? Try heartache or heartbreak. Either of those words would be a h.e.l.l of a lot more accurate."

"I know it seems like I'm sending you mixed signals, but you have to understand, I'm always doing what is best for you."

I put my hands on my hips. "Okay, Chase. So, let me get this straight. First, what was best for me was you pretending to be my friend and making me totally fall for you."

"I didn't make you fall for me. That wasn't part of the plan."

"Oh, okay, so I messed up the plan which was ...?" I threw up my hands, demanding an answer.

"The plan was to watch over you. That's it."

"Okay, so then we go the compound and you move in next door to me and tell me you're going to hang with me since Tony's gone. And that was part of the plan to ...?"

"Watch over you. Keep you safe."

I slapped my hands down at my sides. "If you're trying to tell me that me falling for you was all me and that you had nothing to do with it and you didn't feel anything for me in return, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to come over there and pull your d.a.m.n feathers out because that is total bulls.h.i.+t!"

The corner of Chase's mouth quirked up. "Did you just threaten to pluck my feathers?"

I tried to stay serious, but seeing him smile was totally melting my heart. I tried to overcome my lack of anger with shouting. "Yes! I did! I'm going to rip those stupid feathers out of your stupid back, one-by-one, if you don't tell me the d.a.m.n truth for a change!"

"You aren't supposed to be aware of the plan, Jayne."

I took a threatening step towards him. "I. Don't. Give. A flying f.u.c.k. What the rules are. Tell me!"

"Ask me a question. If I can answer it, I will."

I sighed loudly, trying to decide if this could work. One question. That's all the chance he gets. "Fine. Are you telling me that everything between you and me was one-sided, all on me?"

"Yes and no."

I raised my hand above my head. "See this? It's a plucking machine and I'm not afraid to use it."

"Yes, it was what I was telling you, and no, it was not the truth."

My nostrils flared, but I lowered my hand. "Now we're getting somewhere. Why did you lie to me?"

"Because me falling for you was not part of the plan."

I raised an eyebrow. "You didn't follow the plan?"

"No. I did not."

"Why not?"

"I have no idea why. I find you very difficult to resist, I guess."

My body filled with the warmth of love that nothing he said or did could possibly change.

"So do you still feel the same way?"

"No."

My heart sank. I had been wrong. There was one thing he could say that would change the way I had just felt. Tears rushed to my eyes and my throat tried to close up. I pushed the pain down deep.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I love you, Jayne."

I reached up and grabbed both sides of my hair and pulled until I screamed with the pain. "Aaaarrgh, Chase!! You twisted f.u.c.k! How can you tell me you don't love me because you love me?!" Sobs came out along with the tears, and then I was just taken over by the emotions running wild inside me. I ran at him and started beating his chest with my fists, trying to make him hurt like I was hurting.

He stood there and did nothing to defend himself. My fists rained down on him, raising red welts on his exposed chest. I slapped him hard across the face twice, and he did nothing but close his eyes. As a last resort I reached over and grabbed a handful of feathers and yanked for all I was worth.

One came loose in my hand, but when I saw the blood on it and more of the crimson drops coming from his wing to land on his arm, I stopped. All the anger drained out of my body, leaving an empty husk of pain behind.

I stepped away from Chase, looking down in horror at the bloodied, white feather in my hand.

"Oh, s.h.i.+t," I whispered. "I really did it. I ... I ... I plucked you like a G.o.dd.a.m.n chicken." I looked up at him, stricken. "I'm so sorry, Chase. I didn't mean it."

He dropped his head, but not before I saw a tear slide out of one eye.

I crumbled to the ground, dropping my face into my hands, bawling like a baby when I felt his soft feather stroke my cheek.

I don't know how long I sat there like that, but sometime later, I felt the ground near my leg move a little. I was exhausted from crying, but I couldn't face the man I'd just abused. I was supposed to love him, but I'd hurt him. I'd used my fists against him. I was lower than low. No wonder it had been so easy for me to transport myself to the Underworld. I belonged there.

"Get up, Jayne. I need to explain this to you."

I shook my head, unable to speak through the shame.

Strong hands gripped me under the arms and lifted me to my feet like I was a small child. "Stand or I'll carry you."

I stiffened my legs beneath me so I wouldn't force him to have to touch me again. I'd already abused him enough.

"Love is an emotion that humans and fae have only the most rudimentary understanding of. That's why it seems like it makes no sense to you when I say that I love you too much to love you. I want to try and make you see."

"Don't bother. I know a blow off when I hear it, although you get points for creativity. And I don't blame you one bit." I looked up, but not at his face. I couldn't see it ever again and not die of heartache. I looked at his ear instead. "I just hope you can forgive me for taking your feather."

"Put it in your bag. Keep it." He handed me my backpack.

I frowned, wondering where it had come from. I let it drop to the ground, lacking the strength to lift it or put it on my back. The feather drifted down to land on top of it.

"Jayne, listen to me." He lifted my chin and tried to force me to look at him, but I closed my eyes.

"Don't," I said, and he let me go.

"Love, the purest form of it, the kind we experience here in the Overworld, is so much ... bigger than the one practiced or felt in the Here and Now. Love there is restrained by perception and judgment and preconceived notions, all of which make it impossible for humans or fae to really know Love in its unadulterated form. But that's as it should be. It's too powerful for an earth-bound spirit to manage. If you could feel the love I have for you as Jayne the elemental, it would send you out of your realm to a place we might not ever find you in. Your fae body is a very restrictive sh.e.l.l. It was not designed to hold this kind of power within."

"Love is power." I said, letting the concept roll around in my brain.

"Love is ultimate power and at the same time, the complete absence of it. It is complete surrender to power."

"That makes about as much sense as me being the Mother of the fae."

"Exactly."

I sighed heavily. "Are you trying to make me murder you? Because I'm so, so close right now, Chase. Seriously. I'm at my wit's end."

He pulled me into a gentle hug. "Someday all of it will make sense to you, and I'll be standing right there. If you want to pluck me bare, then I will stand there and let you do it. Until that time, I just ask that you keep your mind and your heart open to love."

"I thought you said I wasn't capable of that as a fae or human."

"You are capable of love to a certain degree. And even just a bit of love is enough to alter the course of destiny."

"And fate?

"Yes. And fate. So long as you believe in that kind of love, that kind of love will be able to find you."

"I think Spike loves me like that," I said, feeling strange saying it to Chase, but then again, feeling like he was the one person who I could say it to and know I would get the right response.

"I know he does. Spike's a very wise soul. He doesn't give himself very freely, much as it might appear that way with him and his easy nature."