Raising Freethinkers_ A Practical Guide Part 23

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Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief FILMS EXPLORING DEATH and LOSS (Continued ) Age 47 711 1114 1418 Dead Poet's Society (PG)

Stepmom (PG-13)

What Dreams May Come (PG-13)

Life Is Beautiful (PG-13)

Philadelphia (PG-13)

My Life as a Dog (PG-13)

Harold and Maude (PG)

Wit (PG-13)

Kolya (PG-13)

Dead Man Walking (R)

The Green Mile (R)

The Meaning of Life (R)

One True Thing (R)

Ponette (NR)

Schindler's List (R)

Note.1. Sixteen Candles Sixteen Candles was rated just weeks prior to the creation of the PG-13 rating. If re-rated today, it would certainly be designated PG-13. was rated just weeks prior to the creation of the PG-13 rating. If re-rated today, it would certainly be designated PG-13.

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A P P E N D I X I I.

Lists of Principles Lists of principles, procedures, values, and ideals referenced elsewhere in the book.

The Seven Principles of Unitarian Universalism We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist a.s.sociation, covenant to affirm and promote: * The inherent worth and dignity of every person.

* Justice, equity, and compa.s.sion in human relations.

* Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations.

* A free and responsible search for truth and meaning.

* The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and society at large.

* The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all.

* Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Steps to Seeking Forgiveness Applying ethical philosophy to the practicalities of living. Includes contributions by Lois Kellerman, Don Montagna, and Jone Johnson Lewis. by Lois Kellerman, Don Montagna, and Jone Johnson Lewis.

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Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief Phase 1: Acknowledge wrong-doing * Clarify why a certain behavior was hurtful. Clarify why a certain behavior was hurtful. Without understanding the harmful effects of your behavior, it will be difficult to change. Attempt to understand the hurt or pain from the point of view of those who have Without understanding the harmful effects of your behavior, it will be difficult to change. Attempt to understand the hurt or pain from the point of view of those who have been hurt, and try to understand the harmful effect on yourself.

* Acknowledge to yourself and others that the behavior was a mistake. Acknowledge to yourself and others that the behavior was a mistake.

Being able to acknowledge the mistake verbally is an important first step if the relations.h.i.+p is to be healed.

* Express genuine sorrow to all those involved for the mistake you have Express genuine sorrow to all those involved for the mistake you have made. made. When you understand the harmful effects of your behavior, and can express that with true feelings of sorrow, you open up possibilities for change and for healing. When you understand the harmful effects of your behavior, and can express that with true feelings of sorrow, you open up possibilities for change and for healing.

Phase 2: Make amends * Act out of a deep sense of honoring yourself and the other party in- Act out of a deep sense of honoring yourself and the other party in- volved. Don't cater to postures of narrow defensiveness. It is courageous to face up to the harm you have done. Take the first step toward healing by being generous and proactive in your attempts to reconcile. Don't cater to postures of narrow defensiveness. It is courageous to face up to the harm you have done. Take the first step toward healing by being generous and proactive in your attempts to reconcile.

* Find a "stroke" that is equal to your "blow." Find a "stroke" that is equal to your "blow." Do this by asking the party that is hurt what you can do that is equally positive to balance the negative. This is ultimately only symbolic, since we cannot undo past harm. Do this by asking the party that is hurt what you can do that is equally positive to balance the negative. This is ultimately only symbolic, since we cannot undo past harm.

But it is a critical sign of goodwill and true remorse.

* Make amends in a timely manner. Make amends in a timely manner. The longer you delay, the more wounds will fester. So act as swiftly as the processing of your feelings will allow. The longer you delay, the more wounds will fester. So act as swiftly as the processing of your feelings will allow.

Phase 3: Commit to change * Make a clear commitment to change your harmful patterns of behav- Make a clear commitment to change your harmful patterns of behav- ior. This may involve clarifying what kinds of events trigger your destruc-tive responses and finding ways to avoid such situations or training This may involve clarifying what kinds of events trigger your destruc-tive responses and finding ways to avoid such situations or training yourself to respond differently.

* Act visibly on your commitment. Act visibly on your commitment. Change involves not only words, but actions, such as appropriate counseling, courses in relations.h.i.+p skills, publicly asking for help in identifying your harmful patterns and support in Change involves not only words, but actions, such as appropriate counseling, courses in relations.h.i.+p skills, publicly asking for help in identifying your harmful patterns and support in your not acting on them.

* Respect the process of change. Respect the process of change. Acknowledge to yourself and others that it is hard to change, and that behaviors deeply imbedded do not disappear quickly. Don't condemn yourself for slipping, and don't condone Acknowledge to yourself and others that it is hard to change, and that behaviors deeply imbedded do not disappear quickly. Don't condemn yourself for slipping, and don't condone your old ways or trivialize their harmfulness. Rather, accept the actual without losing sight of the ideal.

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Appendix II: Lists of Principles The Twelve Core Values of the St. Louis Ethical Society Sunday School * Ethics is my religion.

* Every person is important and unique.

* Every person deserves to be treated fairly and kindly.

* I can learn from everyone.

* I am part of this earth; I cherish it and all the life upon it.

* I learn from the world around me by using senses, mind, and feelings.

* I am a member of the world community, which depends on the coopera- tion of all people for peace and justice.

* I can learn from the past to build for the future.

* I am free to question.

* I am free to choose what I believe.

* I accept responsibility for my choices and actions.

* I strive to live my values.

Affirmations of Humanism: A Statement of Principles From the Council for Secular Humanism ( www.secularhumanism.org) * We are committed to the application of reason and science to the under- standing of the universe and to the solving of human problems.

* We deplore efforts to denigrate human intelligence, to seek to explain the world in supernatural terms, and to look outside nature for salvation.

* We believe that scientific discovery and technology can contribute to the betterment of human life.

* We believe in an open and pluralistic society and that democracy is the best guarantee of protecting human rights from authoritarian elites and repressive majorities.

* We are committed to the principle of the separation of church and state.

* We cultivate the arts of negotiation and compromise as a means of re- solving differences and achieving mutual understanding.

* We are concerned with securing justice and fairness in society and with eliminating discrimination and intolerance.

* We believe in supporting the disadvantaged and the handicapped so that they will be able to help themselves.

* We attempt to transcend divisive parochial loyalties based on race, religion, gender, nationality, creed, cla.s.s, s.e.xual orientation, or ethnicity, and strive to work together for the common good of humanity.

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Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief * We want to protect and enhance the earth, to preserve it for future generations, and to avoid inflicting needless suffering on other species.

* We believe in enjoying life here and now and in developing our creative talents to their fullest.

* We believe in the cultivation of moral excellence.

* We respect the right to privacy. Mature adults should be allowed to fulfill their aspirations, to express their s.e.xual preferences, to exercise reproductive freedom, to have access to comprehensive and informed healthcare, and to die with dignity.

* We believe in the common moral decencies: altruism, integrity, honesty, truthfulness, responsibility. Humanist ethics is amenable to critical, ra- tional guidance. There are normative standards that we discover together.

Moral principles are tested by their consequences.

* We are deeply concerned with the moral education of our children. We want to nourish reason and compa.s.sion.

* We are engaged by the arts no less than by the sciences.

* We are citizens of the universe and are excited by discoveries still to be made in the cosmos.

* We are skeptical of untested claims to knowledge, and we are open to novel ideas and seek new departures in our thinking.

* We affirm humanism as a realistic alternative to theologies of despair and ideologies of violence and as a source of rich personal significance and genuine satisfaction in the service to others.

* We believe in optimism rather than pessimism, hope rather than despair, learning in the place of dogma, truth instead of ignorance, joy rather than guilt or sin, tolerance in the place of fear, love instead of hatred, compa.s.sion over selfishness, beauty instead of ugliness, and reason rather than blind faith or irrationality.

* We believe in the fullest realization of the best and n.o.blest that we are capable of as human beings.

Forty Things You Can Do to Raise a Moral Child From Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way by Arthur B. Dobrin. by Arthur B. Dobrin.

Used by permission.