Dragons In The Stars Part 14

resonance, if you will." And his breath sighed out, and he stood very still, looking down at her with his luminous, liquid eyes.

"Well ..." Jael cleared her throat. She didn't know what to say to that. Didn't this, this Clendornan, know what an emotional wreck she was? She felt a flush of weakness; she thought of the pallisp, and how much she had wanted that thing,did want it, even now; and she thought of Mogurn, and just the memory of the man made her sick, but the main thing she remembered was,I killed him, I killed a man.

She rested her head back in her chair, fighting a wave of nausea.

Ar was watching her expectantly, waiting for her to finish her reply. There seemed so much to say, so much to get straight in her mind. "I - I guess I could use someone to talk to, if that's what you mean,"

she murmured at last.

The zigzag in his lips deepened.

She rose, unsteadily, and stuck out a hand. "Glad to meet you - Ar." The Clendornan gripped her hand gently; his fingers wrapped nearly all the way around hers. She forced a smile. "So, did you have anything special in mind? Can we maybe get out of this dungeon for a while?"

Ar did have an idea, but he was hesitant about launching straight into it before they had time to get to know each other a little better. Jael a.s.sured him that the last thing she wanted to do was sit around making small talk, if there was any chance of getting out of the rigger hall for a while. Ar thought a moment, then agreed. His idea required permission from the police - but when he accompanied Jael to the station and explained, Commander Gordache granted the okay with a bored wave of his hand.

"You'll need a warmer-vest," Ar said, leading her to the other end of the s.p.a.ceport building, through yet another underground tunnel. "It can get pretty cold outside. But we'll be in a transport bubble, so it's really just for safety."

A half hour later, they'd checked out the necessary equipment and started across the open s.p.a.ceport in atransport bubble. It was an aircar, but so tiny and light that it felt like little more than a floating air pocket; the canopy was just a transparent forcefield that enclosed them like a soap bubble. Despite the icy winds gusting across the field, Jael felt toasty. "Where exactly are we going?" she asked, peering around at the ramps filled with parked s.p.a.cecraft. She could not seeCa.s.sandra, which was probably just as well.

Ar pointed into the distance, far beyond, the field. "See the second peak to the right of that tracking tower? That's it. It'll only take a few minutes to get there."

"You've been there before?"

Ar's eyes shone. "Oh, yes. It's my favorite spot on Lexis. I've been waiting for an excuse to see it again."

Jael took a good look back at the mesa-top s.p.a.ceport. As the bubble accelerated out beyond the edge of the mesa, she glimpsed a hoverrail train climbing the side of the cliffs from a spur line far below, disappearing into a tunnel near the top. The ground transport facilities were all embedded in the upper part of the mesa. Lexis was a world of substantial wealth, but from this vantage point, the outlying land from the s.p.a.ceport looked like a wild frontier.

The bubble sped away from the mesa, and she sat back and enjoyed the view. Ar's hands were in constant motion, pointing out sights to her. The transport bubble knew where it was going and didn't need their help getting there. Jael felt her stomach drop as they began rising toward the distant peak. She gasped, looking down. "It's beautiful!" A ruggedly contoured valley was visible far below, half blanketed with snow. From a settlement nestled in the valley, whiskers of smoke curled into the air.

"It gets better," Ar said.

They flew on, steadily gaining speed.

The peak seemed to rotate in s.p.a.ce as they approached it in a curving sweep from the southeast. It was a tremendous work of stone and wind, sculpted by the ageless forces of nature with a seeming indifference to gravity. Like an up-stretched arm, it seemed to speak of the earth's own primitive desire to reach to the sky. As they circled its cliffs, Jael clung to her seat, peering breathlessly down over the tumbled slopes. It was impossible not to feel that at any moment the bubble of their transport might burst and dump them, like seeds from a pod, onto the rocks far below. She was embarra.s.sed by her nervousness. After all, there was nothing here that she could not envision in a rigger-net, and she was a skilled and fearless rigger, wasn't she?

The bubble zoomed closer to the ice-sheeted rocks, creating a dizzying illusion of imminent impact. The bubble cut to the left and slowed dramatically; then it shot upward, as if making for the summit, and suddenly s.h.i.+fted again into forward motion and glided terrifyingly close to a sheer red-stone cliff. It hugged the tortuous contours for twenty seconds, before rising to meet a ledge near the top of the cliff.

Seemingly abruptly, the bubble came to rest, perched upon the ledge. Jael's breath caught in her throat.

They were practically among the clouds, perched in an aerie where birds would scarcely dare to fly.

For the first few moments, she was terrified. They seemed so precariously perched that the slightest puff of wind could send them tumbling. "Really, we're quite well secured," she heard someone saying, as though in a fog, and eventually she focused on Ar's words, something about "gravity anchors." She nodded to show that she believed him, even as she struggled to make her eyes and her mind absorb the reality. Finally she drew a slow, deep breath and began to enjoy herself.

The view was astounding: mountain peaks contesting for dominance against the sky, ravines and wilderness valleys etched with barren rocks and snow, with ridges and tufts of winter trees. There was nosign of civilized life. The inhabited valley was out of sight behind the peak. They might have been thousands of kilometers from the nearest intrusion of society. Graceful arcs of cirrous clouds drifted high over the peaks. One towering summit was shrouded by a white mist that seemed to have gathered at that peak and nowhere else. In the other direction the sky was an astonis.h.i.+ng cerulean blue.

"It makes me feel like an angel," Ar said softly, his breath whispering in and out beside her.

Jael's eyes widened at the image, but she didn't speak; she was too moved by the grandeur. She suddenly was conscious of being alone here with a man, an alien man whom she hardly knew, experiencing such an unexpected depth of wonder. It seemed ... odd. She thought wistfully of Highwing.

This was a place he would enjoy, would know how to love properly with dragon dignity and magical wonderment. She sighed silently. It was no good wis.h.i.+ng for a friend who would never, could never, be here with her.

"Jael, would you like toreally see it?"

She turned her head slowly, reacting to Ar's words.

Ar was gazing at her, his dear eyes almost ethereal with a luminous presence that seemed somehow to reach out to her across an enormous gulf. She s.h.i.+vered; and he smiled, in his cracked and crinkled way, and she realized that he was waiting for her to respond. "If you think it's beautiful now," he murmured, "it's possible to make it come even more alive in your mind. It can give you visions to rig by, visions you'll never forget. Would you like to try?"

The meaning of his words was slow in penetrating. "Well, I ... don't know ..." she murmured, as she felt the first tug of apprehension.

The Clendornan gazed back out over the mountains. "It's breathtaking just as it is, isn't it?" he said softly.

"There's no need to do anything differently, if you don't want to. Look down in that valley." He pointed.

Sunlight had just broken through a cloud to blaze into a series or ravines where snow seemed to be glittering in the air. "See those puffs of snow? We just missed seeing a slide, I think. I'll bet no one has ever been down there on foot, at least no one of your race or mine. It's pure wilderness, and so close to the s.p.a.ceport."

Jael peered in the direction he was pointing and felt a tug of regret, wondering, despite her instinctive fear, what he'd been planning to offer. She was astonished at the trust she already felt toward him. He seemed to have no intention of forcing anything upon her, and she found that greatly rea.s.suring.

Ar's eyes sparkled as he scanned up and to the right, where something - a dark speck - was moving along the face of an impossibly steep slope. "Let's see if we can get the magnifier on that," he said, touching one of the controls. There was a sudden distortion in the bubble as the forcefield produced two circular lens effects, one in front of each of them. Moving her head, Jael could see the magnified image of the mountainside swimming beyond the lens. After a moment, she located the dark speck, enlarged. It was a four-legged animal, perhaps a kind of mountain goat. But this high? It was impossible. Surely there was nothing for it to graze on at this alt.i.tude.

"I think it's a marten's centaur," Ar said.

"A flier? It looks like a goat to me. And a pretty brave one at th - " She interrupted herself, as something began to unfold on the animal's back. She gaped in astonishment as the animal stepped off the side of the mountain, wings spread wide. It began a graceful looping flight high over the rocky slopes.

Jael lost it in the magnifier, but she could still see it unmagnified as a tiny black speck in the air. "What's it doing all the way up here?" she murmured in amazement."Prowling for hawklyn eggs, probably," Ar said, flicking off the magnifier. "They're superb hunters."

Jael nodded, astonished. She looked back at her new friend. "Ar? What was it you were going to suggest?"

Ar drew something from his jacket pocket and placed it on the narrow console between them. It was a small polyhedron of some sort, made of a gla.s.s or crystal as clear as his eyes. It was mounted on a base, with tiny controls.

Oh no ...

Ar touched one of the controls. "It's just an enhancement device, to let the emotional effect acc.u.mulate.

I'll set it at a low - " His expression changed, his mouth flattened as he noticed Jael's reaction. "Do you not want me to do this?"

"I just ..." Jael drew a deep breath, struggling to push down memories of the pallisp, and the fear. But surely this was nothing so powerful as the pallisp. Probably more like ... "Ar, is this - is this a dreamlink device?"

"A dreamlink -?"

"A synaptic ... augmentor?"

His head tilted slightly. "In a manner of speaking. But it's an extremely gentle device. You will retain full control of your ... thoughts."

Jael closed her eyes, trying to focus on reason. Was it so wrong? Was there any harm? For a moment she felt a terrible rush of anxiety. She thought of the rime with Dap, and how she had allowed her fears to ruin an innocent and beautiful experience. Would this be the same? Perhaps - but could she continue to be ruled by her fears? She swallowed. "Okay," she said huskily. "But put it on the lowest setting - and turn it off, if I yell." She opened her eyes. "All right?"

"Of course," Ar whispered. His fingers hesitated over the controls. "We don't need to do this, you know."

She weighed her fears. "We'll try ... just a little."

"Okay." Ar touched the switch and sat back.

Jael felt her breath go out in a long sigh. She felt an inward melting sensation. A feeling of relaxation and well-being filled her. It was indeed gentle, unthreatening. She imagined the wind outside the bubble, caressing them and floating them away into this scene of staggering beauty, this land of majesty and grace. She imagined herself floating on that wind like the marten's centaur. As she gazed into the distance, the peaks and valleys, the contours of rock and ice and sky, seemed to merge into her own being. She felt that the world out there was alive, that they were sharing in one life energy that flowed around and through this place high in the mountains.

And beside her, she was aware of Ar. Clendornan, new-found friend. She was aware of his companions.h.i.+p, of his feelings for this land, this place of ancient geologic violence and astonis.h.i.+ng peace.

She felt herself drawn toward him, sensing that here indeed was someone she could trust, someone who could give her warmth ... warmth and companions.h.i.+p ...

Like the pallisp ..."Turn it off, please," she whispered. She was not even aware of the desperation in her voice until Ar's hand darted out to flick off the device, and the feelings of wariness that had so quickly grown in her began to fade. She was aware of Ar looking at her in puzzlement, and perhaps hurt. Her own eyes were focused on the opposite peak, on infinity, on the s.p.a.ces that were slowly growing cold and vast again, magnificent but distant. Distant and safe.

After a minute, she looked at Ar. His clear, purple-retinaed eyes were watching hers. She didn't know what to say, except ... "I'm sorry." But what she was sorry for, Ar could not know, could not understand. How could he?

"I perceive your feelings," Ar said finally, his voice a lonely sigh of wind. "I have unwittingly stirred sorrow.I am sorry, Jael."

It's not your fault. You can't know. No one can know.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, gesturing helplessly to the mountains and valleys, as if they somehow possessed the powers of comfort that his instrument had not.

Can you take away the past? she thought hopelessly. Can you take away the pallisp and what it has done to me? "Perhaps," she whispered very softly, "we should return now."

"From this beauty?" he said, his voice a lament.

She nodded. Yes. From this beauty. From this awesome, terrifying beauty. She closed her eyes and nodded again.

She heard and felt nothing, but when she opened her eyes, the bubble was in flight, arcing through a windswept pa.s.s between two peaks, speeding back toward the s.p.a.ceport.

Seventeen.

Remembrance.

She spent what remained of the afternoon alone, scowling in thought and wis.h.i.+ng for things that could not be - wis.h.i.+ng for a captain she'd not have had to kill, for a father she did not have to forgive, for a dragon who could make it all happen by magic. By evening, she'd been alone with her thoughts long enough. Vowing that this time she would be honest and open with him, she sought out Ar.

She found him in the rigger hall dining room, picking at a cakelike substance that had been provided for dessert. His eyes followed her as she approached his table. Neither of them spoke, but his mouth formed a tentative crinkled shape as she paused; she set her tray down and took a seat across from him. She didn't know what to say, or how to start, so she simply nodded self-consciously and began to eat. Ar remained silent, poking at his dessert.

"It seems," Ar said suddenly, as she was halfway through her rice with beancurd sauce, "that there is a problem when you are confronted by something that makes you feel emotionally warm in a certain way, or perhaps too close to something."

She paused in her chewing, nodded, and continued eating.

Ar watched her, glancing down at his hands once in a while, perhaps so as not to stare at her. He seemed ill at ease, making a soft muttering sound. Probably he thought he'd stepped over some humanboundary again. Nevertheless, he tried again. "Is there a chance that you might want to air the problem, or perhaps use another person for feedback, or as a source of context?"

She was just starting her dessert at this point. She frowned, considering his question - which she understood to mean,Do you want to talk about it? She nodded. Before Ar could say anything else, she took a bite of the cake. It tasted like moldy bread. "Aack," she said, spitting it out onto her plate and hurriedly covering it with her napkin. "Is this a bad joke?"

For an instant, Ar seemed puzzled. He rubbed the left ridge of his skull, where his hair was thinnest, with his fingertips. His eyes seemed to darken flickeringly. Finally, after swallowing some water to get rid of the cake taste, Jael laughed at his expression. "I didn't mean you," she said. "The cake. I meant the cake."

"Ah."

"And yes, I would like to talk to you. But you must be - that is - well, patient. It's not easy, everything that I ... might want to say. I want you to know that beforehand."

"I understand."

"Well, I'm not sure that you do, really. When we were up on the mountain today, there were some rather strange things going on in my mind." Her face grew hot. "Well ... I don't actually know how to explain it.

I'm not sure I understand it either, you see." She looked down at her plate, and pushed at the repulsive dessert with her fork. "But I think I ... want to."

"Good."

She laughed uneasily. "You might not say that once you've heard it all."

The Clendornan carefully brought his fingertips together. "I guess that's what we'll have to find out. Isn't it?" And he echoed her laugh, but his laugh was a hiccupping sound, from deep in his throat. It sounded odd, coming from someone who seemed so solid and strong and ... if he were Human, she would have thought him quite masculine. She didn't know what he was as a Clendornan.

With a shrug, she said, "You know someplace we can talk?"

The place they found was a suite near Ar's room, in the nonhuman rigger dorm. As they walked over, Ar explained the housing policy here, noting that Clendornan were housed separately from humans, despite the similarity of their physiological needs. He thought it a little silly, if not outright discriminatory, but there were advantages to the arrangement, as well. The nonhuman section was greatly underused at present, which meant that more s.p.a.cious quarters were available. He didn't know why the nonhuman population was down; it might just have been part of some natural cycle of interstellar commerce. It did, however, make things lonely sometimes.

"I had a friend here who was a Pendansk," he said. "You know the Pendansk?" Jael shook her head.

"Very tall, spindly fellows, with narrow faces. Low-oxygen breathers. We weren't really suited for rigging together, but I enjoyed his company until he rigged out with another Pendansk, a few weeks ago.

Here we are."

They entered a small sitting room, musty with the smell of some prior inhabitant. It was quiet and secluded, and that was all Jael cared about. Ar fussed, making two cups of Clendornan tea. Jael sipped the sharply aromatic blend. To her surprise, the flavor was quite delicate, reminiscent of lemon-gra.s.s. She waited a few moments after swallowing - mindful of allergic reactions - and when she felt nothing,went ahead and took another sip. The gesture, the ritual of drinking the tea, was soothing.

Ar asked if a log fire would be all right, and a fireplace and crackling fire appeared in the center of one wall, between the stuffed chairs. Jael could feel the heat from the holo, and could have sworn that she smelled burning wood. "Ah, that's good," Ar said. "We don't have fireplaces on my world. But they are a wonderful invention, one of humanity's true gifts to civilization. I try to enjoy them whenever I'm on a human world." He tilted his angular, top-heavy head and gazed into the flames. The flickering light danced within his eyes.

Jael nodded. She felt the same way, though she would have preferred the real thing. Still, the movement of the flames calmed her spirit. As she stared into the heart of the fire, she began to think again about what it was she wanted to tell Ar. Somehow, gazing into the fire, the prospect of sharing her feelings no longer seemed so frightening.

She began to talk. It was hard at first, partly because she didn't know where to start. "I flew with Mogurn because he was the only one who would give me work," she explained. But that wasn't what she wanted to say, really. Now that she'd brought it up, however, she felt she had to explain about her father's reputation on Gaston's Landing and how it was a truly parochial colony where more than one person's career had been ruined by rumor. Ar listened silently, apparently following the thread, as she digressed even further. "I had one good friend there, my cousin Dap, who was a rigger too. Is a rigger.

Except that we had a problem just before I left with Mogurn. And that's why ... well, when we were on the mountain, and you turned on that enhancer, I had such a reaction...."

She became breathless talking about Dap and the dream-link, partly because the memory still disturbed her, and partly because she was avoiding other things that she needed to talk about - Mogurn, for instance, and his attempt to enslave her with the pallisp. And his more direct attempt at domination, when the pallisp had railed.

But Ar was a patient and gentle listener, and in time she got around to describing Mogurn. What she didn't get around to was something that she was afraid even Ar wouldn't believe. But it was never far from her thoughts.

The fire was crackling low, as the holo-logs burned. Ar touched the switch to put on another log. As the flames climbed higher again, he peered at her with his liquid eyes. "Is there something missing from this story?" he asked softly, giving no sign that he was tiring of listening to her. She looked at him as though she didn't understand what he meant. "Perhaps I have listened carelessly. But I still do not understand why this Mogurn was so angry with you. Was it only because you rejected his pallisp?"

"He was furious when I said I didn't want it anymore," she insisted, though she knew perfectly well what Ar was driving at, even if Ar didn't.

"Well, what was it that enabled you to break free of the pallisp? You said that you were becoming addicted to it. It sounds like a truly frightening instrument - and I do understand now why you were so cautious up on the mountain, although the enhancer we were using was entirely different from what you have described."

Jael blinked, gazing into the fire. In the dancing flames, in the glowing coals at the heart of that fire, she could almost swear that she saw the stirrings of ... dragon magic. She sighed, nodding. She knew that now was the time, if ever there was a time, to tell him about Highwing. But she had trouble starting again, because this was so much more difficult to explain. Ar waited, silently. Eventually the silence itself seemed to prod at her until the story she'd been longing to tell began to rise up, to bubble up, in her heart. "Ar,"