The Gods Themselves Part 11

They had only laughed and Dua had run away in confusion and frustration. They were. were. Almost every Emotional, when she was getting on to the age of triad-formation, became interested in babies, fluttering about them in Parental imitation which Dua had found repulsive. She herself had never felt such interest. Babies were only babies; they were for right-brothers to worry about. Almost every Emotional, when she was getting on to the age of triad-formation, became interested in babies, fluttering about them in Parental imitation which Dua had found repulsive. She herself had never felt such interest. Babies were only babies; they were for right-brothers to worry about.

The name-calling died as Dua grew older. It helped that she retained a girlishly rarefied structure and could flow with a smoky curl no other could duplicate. And when, increasingly, lefts and rights showed interest in her, the other Emotionals found it difficult to sneer.

And yet-and yet-now that no one ever dared speak disrespectfully to Dua (for it was well known through all the caverns that Odeen was the most prominent Rational of the generation and Dua was his mid-ling), she herself knew that she was a Left-Em past all redemption.

She didn't think it dirty-not really-but occasionally she caught herself wis.h.i.+ng she were a Rational and then she was abashed. She wondered if other Emotionals did- ever-or just once in a while-and if that was why-partly-she didn't want a baby-Emotional-because she wasn't a real Emotional herself-and didn't fill her triad-role properly- Odeen hadn't minded her being a Left-Em. He never called her that-but he liked her interest in his life-he liked her questions and he would explain and he liked the way she could understand. He even defended her when Tritt grew jealous-well, not jealous, really-but filled with a feeling that it was all unfit in his stubborn and limited outlook on the world.

Odeen had taken her to the Hard-caverns occasionally, eager to posture before Dua, and openly pleased at the fact that Dua was impressed. And she-was impressed, not so much with the clear fact of his knowledge and intelligence, but with the fact that he did not resent sharing it. (She remembered her left-father's harsh response that one time she had questioned him.) She never loved Odeen so much as when he let her share his life-and yet even that was part of her Left-Emmishness. impressed, not so much with the clear fact of his knowledge and intelligence, but with the fact that he did not resent sharing it. (She remembered her left-father's harsh response that one time she had questioned him.) She never loved Odeen so much as when he let her share his life-and yet even that was part of her Left-Emmishness.

Perhaps (this had occurred to her over and over), by being Left-Emmish, she moved closer to Odeen and farther from Tritt, and this was another reason Tritt's importunities repelled her. Odeen had never hinted at anything like that, but perhaps Tritt felt it vaguely and was unable to grasp it completely but did so well enough to be unhappy over it without being able to explain why.

The first time she was in a Hard-cavern she had heard two Hard Ones talking together. She didn't know they were talking of course. There was air vibration, very rapid, very changing, that made an unpleasant buzz deep inside her. She had to rarefy and let it through.

Odeen had said, "They're talking." Then, hastily, antic.i.p.ating the objection." Their kind of talk. They understand each other." kind of talk. They understand each other."

Dua had managed to grasp the concept. It was all the more delightful to understand quickly because that pleased Odeen so. (He once said, "None of the other Rationals I've ever met have anything but an empty-head for an Emotional. I'm lucky." She had said, "But the other Rationals seem to like empty-heads. Why are you different from them, Odeen?" Odeen did not deny that the other Rationals liked empty-heads. He just said, "I've never figured it out and I don't think it's important that I do. I'm pleased with you and I'm pleased that I'm pleased.") She said, "Can you you understand Hard-One talk?" understand Hard-One talk?"

"Not really," said Odeen. "I can't sense the changes fast enough. Sometimes I can get a feel for what they're saying, even without understanding, especially after we've melted. Just sometimes, though. Getting feels like that is really an Emotional trick, except even if an Emotional does it, she can never make real sense out of what she's feeling. You You might, though." might, though."

Dua demurred. "I'd be afraid to. They might not like it."

"Oh, go on. I'm curious. See if you can tell what they're talking about."

"Shall I? Really?"

"Go ahead. If they catch you and are annoyed, I'll say I made you do it."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Feeling rather fluttery, Dua let herself reach out to the Hard Ones, and adopted the total pa.s.sivity that allowed the influx of feelings.

She said, "Excitement! They're excited. Someone new."

Odeen said, "Maybe that's Estwald."

It was the first time Dua had heard the name. She said, "That's funny."

"What's funny?"

"I have the feeling of a big sun. A really big sun."

Odeen looked thoughtful. "They might be talking about that."

"But how can that be?"

It was just at that time that the Hard Ones spied them. They approached in a friendly manner and greeted them in Soft-One fas.h.i.+on of speech. Dua was horribly embarra.s.sed and wondered if they knew she had been sensing them. If they did, though, they said nothing.

(Odeen told her afterward that it was quite rare to come upon Hard Ones talking among themselves in their own fas.h.i.+on. They always deferred to the Soft Ones and seemed always to suspend their own work when Soft Ones were there. "They like us so much," said Odeen. "They are very kind.") Once in awhile he would take her down to the Hard-caverns-usually when Tritt was entirely wrapped up in the children. Nor did Odeen go out of his way to tell Tritt that he had taken Dua down. It was sure to evoke some response to the effect that Odeen's coddling simply encouraged Dua's reluctance to sun herself and just made the melting that much more ineffective. ... It was hard to talk to Tritt for more than five minutes without melting coming into the conversation.

She had even come down alone once or twice. It had always frightened her a little to do so, though the Hard Ones she met were always friendly, always "very kind," as Odeen said. But they did not seem to take her seriously. They were pleased, but somehow amused-she could feel that definitely-when she asked questions. And when they answered it was in a simple way that carried no information. "Just a machine, Dua," they would say. "Odeen might be able to tell you."

She wondered if she had met Estwald. She never quite dared ask the names of the Hard Ones she met (except Losten, to whom Odeen had introduced her, and of whom she heard a great deal). Sometimes it seemed to her that this Hard One or that might be he. Odeen talked about him with great awe and with some resentment.

She gathered that he was too engaged in work of the deepest importance to be in the caverns accessible to the Soft Ones.

She pieced together what Odeen told her and, little by little, discovered that the world needed food badly. Odeen hardly ever called it "food." He said "energy" instead, and said it was the Hard-One word for it.

The Sun was fading and dying but Estwald had discovered how to find energy far away, far beyond the Sun, far beyond the seven stars that shone in the dark, night-sky. (Odeen said the seven stars were seven suns that were very distant, and that there were many other stars that were even more distant and were too dim to be seen. Tritt had heard him say that and had asked of what use it was for stars to exist if they couldn't be seen and he didn't believe a word of it. Odeen had said, "Now, Tritt," in a patient way. Dua had been about to say something very like that which Tritt had said, but changed her mind after that.) It looked, now, as, though there would be plenty of energy forever; plenty of food-at least as soon as Estwald and the other Hard Ones learned to make the new energy taste right.

It had only been a few days ago when she had said to Odeen, "Do you remember, long ago, when you took me to the Hard-caverns and I sensed the Hard Ones and said I caught the feeling of a big sun?"

Odeen looked puzzled for a moment. "I'm not sure. But go ahead, Dua. What about it?"

"I've been thinking. Is the big Sun the source of the new energy?"

Odeen had said, happily, "That's good, Dua. It's not quite right, but that's such good intuition for an Emotional."

And now Dua had been moving slowly, rather moodily, during all this time of reveries. Without particularly noting the pa.s.sage of either time or s.p.a.ce she found herself in the Hard-caverns and was just beginning to wonder if she had really delayed all she safely could and whether she might not turn home now and face the inevitable annoyance of Tritt when-almost as though the thought of Tritt had brought it about-she sensed Tritt The sensation was so strong that there was only one confused moment in which she had thought that somehow she was picking up his feelings far away in the home cavern. No! No! He was here, down in the Hard-caverns with her. He was here, down in the Hard-caverns with her.

But what could he be doing here? Was he pursuing her? Was he going to quarrel with her here? here? Was he foolishly going to appeal to the Hard Ones? Dua didn't think she could endure that- Was he foolishly going to appeal to the Hard Ones? Dua didn't think she could endure that- And then the feeling of cold horror left her and was replaced by astonishment. Tritt was not thinking of her at all. He had to be unaware of her presence. All she could sense about him was an overwhelming feeling of some sort of determination, mixed with fear and apprehension at something he would do.

Dua might have penetrated farther and found out something, at least, about what it was he had done, and why, but nothing was further from her thoughts. Since Tritt didn't know she was in the vicinity, she wanted to make sure of only one thing-that he continued not to know.

She did, then, almost in pure reflex, something that a moment before she would have sworn she would never dream of doing under any circ.u.mstances.

Perhaps it was (she later thought) because of her idle reminiscences of that little-girl talk with Doral, or her memories of her own experiments with rock-rubbing. (There was a complicated adult word for it but she found that word infinitely more embarra.s.sing than the one all the children had used.) In any case, without quite knowing what she was doing or, for a short while afterward, what she had done, she simply flowed hastily into the nearest wall.

Into it! Every bit of her!

The horror of what she had done was mitigated by the perfect manner in which it accomplished its purpose. Tritt pa.s.sed by within almost touching distance and remained completely unaware that at one point he might have reached out and touched his mid-ling.

By that time, Dua had no room to wonder what Tritt might be doing in the Hard-caverns if he had not come in pursuit of her.

She forgot Tritt completely.

What filled her instead was1pure astonishment at her position. Even in childhood she had never melted completely into rock or met anyone who admitted she had (though there were invariably tales of someone else who had). Certainly no adult Emotional ever had or could. could. Dua. was unusually rarefied even for an Emotional (Odeen was fond of telling her that) and her avoidance of food accentuated this (as Tritt often said). Dua. was unusually rarefied even for an Emotional (Odeen was fond of telling her that) and her avoidance of food accentuated this (as Tritt often said).

What she had just done indicated the extent of her rarefaction more than any amount of right-ling scolding and for a moment she was ashamed and sorry for Tritt.

And then she was swept by a deeper shame. What if she were caught? She, an adult- If a Hard One pa.s.sed and lingered- She could not possibly bring herself to emerge if anyone were watching but how long could she stay within and what if they discovered her in in the rock? the rock?

And even as she thought that, she sensed the Hard Ones and then-somehow-realized they were far away.

She paused, strove to calm herself The rock, permeating and surrounding her, lent a land of grayness to her perception but didn't dim it. Instead, she sensed more sharply. She could still sense Tritt in his steady motion downward as sharply as though he were by her side, and she could sense the HardOnes though they were a cavern complex away. She though they were a cavern complex away. She saw saw the Hard Ones, every single one of them, each in his place, and could sense their vibratory speech to the fullest detail, and even catch bits of what they were saying. the Hard Ones, every single one of them, each in his place, and could sense their vibratory speech to the fullest detail, and even catch bits of what they were saying.

She was sensing as she never had before and never dreamed she could.

So, though she could now leave the rock, secure in the knowledge she was both alone and un.o.bserved, she did not; partly out of amazement, partly out of the curious exultation she felt at understanding and her desire to experience it further.

Her sensitivity was such that she even knew why why he was sensitive. Odeen had frequently remarked how well he understood something after a period of melting, even though he had not understood it at all before. There was something about the melted state that increased sensitivity incredibly; more was absorbed; more was used. It was because of the greater atomic density during melting, Odeen had said. he was sensitive. Odeen had frequently remarked how well he understood something after a period of melting, even though he had not understood it at all before. There was something about the melted state that increased sensitivity incredibly; more was absorbed; more was used. It was because of the greater atomic density during melting, Odeen had said.

Even though Dua was' not sure what "greater atomic density" meant, it came with melting and wasn't this present situation rather like melting? Hadn't Dua melted with rock?

When the triad melted, all the sensitivity went to Odeen's benefit. The Rational absorbed it, gained understanding, and retained that understanding after separation. But now Dua was the only consciousness in the melt. It was herself and the rock. There was "greater atomic density" (surely?) with only herself to benefit.

(Was this why rock-rubbing was considered a perversion? Was this why Emotionals were warned off? Or was it just Dua because she was so rarefied? Or because she was a Left-Em?) And then Dua stopped all speculation and just sensed-in fascination. She was "only mechanically aware of Tritt returning, moving past her, pa.s.sing in the direction back from which he had come. She was only mechanically aware-scarcely feeling the vaguest surprise-that Odeen, too, was coming up from the Hard-caverns. It was the Hard Ones she was sensing, only they, trying to make more out of her perceptions, trying to make the most out of them.

It was a long time before she detached and flowed out of the rock. And when that time came, she was not concerned overmuch as to whether she would be observed. She was confident enough of her sensing ability to know she wouldn't be.

And she returned home deep in thought.

3b Odeen had returned home to find Tritt waiting for him, but Dua still hadn't returned. Tritt did not seem disturbed at that. Or at least he seemed disturbed, but not at that. that. His emotions were strong enough so that Odeen could sense them clearly, but he let them go without proving. It was Dua's absence that made Odeen restless; to the extent that he found himself annoyed at Tritt's presence simply because Tritt was not Dua. His emotions were strong enough so that Odeen could sense them clearly, but he let them go without proving. It was Dua's absence that made Odeen restless; to the extent that he found himself annoyed at Tritt's presence simply because Tritt was not Dua.

In this he surprised himself. He could not deny to himself that it was Tritt who, of the two, was the dearer to him. Ideally, all members of the triad were one, and any member should treat the other two exactly on a par-both with each other and with him (her) self. Yet Odeen had never met a triad in which this was so; least of all among those who loudly proclaimed their triad to be ideal in this respect One of the three was always a little left out, and generally knew it, too.

It was rarely the Emotional, though. They supported each other cross-triad to an extent that Rationals and Parentals never did. The Rational had his teacher, the proverb went, and the Parental his children-but the Emotional had all the other Emotionals.

Emotionals compared notes and if one claimed neglect, or could be made to claim it, she was sent back with a thin patter of instructions to stand firm, to demand! And because melting depended so much on the Emotional and her att.i.tude, she was usually pampered by both left and right.

But Dua was so non-Emotional ,an Emotional! She didn't seem to care that Odeen and Tritt were so close, and she had no close friends.h.i.+ps among the Emotionals to make her care. Of course that was it; she was so non-Emotional an Emotional.

Odeen loved having her so interested in his work; loved having her so concerned and so amazingly ready of comprehension; but that was an intellectual love, lie deeper feeling went to steady, stupid Tritt, who knew his place so well and who could offer so little other than exactly what counted-the security of a.s.sured routine.

But now Odeen felt petulant. He said, "Have you heard from Dua, Tritt?"

And Tritt did not answer directly. He said, "I am busy. I will see you later. I have been doing things."

"Where are the children? Have you been gone, too? There is a been-gone feel to you."

A note of annoyance made itself plain in Tritt's voice.

''The children are well-trained. They know enough to place themselves in community-care. Really, Odeen, they are not babies." But he did not deny the "been-gone" aura that he faintly exuded.

"I'm sorry. I'm just anxious to see Dua."

"You should feel so more often," Tritt said. "You always tell me to leave her alone. You look for her." And he went on into the deeper recesses of the home cavern.

Odeen looked after his right-ling with some surprise. At almost any other occasion he would have followed in an attempt to probe the unusual uneasiness that was making itself quite evident through the ingrained stolidity of a Parental. What had Tritt done?

-But he was waiting for Dua, and growing more anxious by the moment, and he let Tritt go.

Anxiety keened Odeen's sensitivity. There was almost a perverse pride among Rationals in their relative poverty of perception. Such perception wasn't a thing of the mind; it was most characteristic of Emotionals. Odeen was a Rational of Rationals, proud of reasoning rather than feeling, yet now he flung out the imperfect net of his emotional perception as far as he could; and wished, for just a moment, that he were an Emotional so that he could send it out farther and better.

Yet it eventually served his purpose. He could detect Dua's approach, finally, at an unusual distance-for him -and he hastened out to meet her. And because he made her out at such a distance, he was more aware of her rarefaction than he ordinarily was. She was a delicate mist, no more.

-Tritt was right, Odeen thought with sudden, sharp concern. Dua must must be made to eat and to melt. Her interest in life be made to eat and to melt. Her interest in life must must be increased. be increased.

He was so intent on the necessity of this that when she flung herself flowingly toward him and virtually engulfed him, in utter disregard of the fact that they were not in private and might be observed, and said, "Odeen, I must know-I must know so much-" he accepted it as the completion of his own thought and did not even consider it strange.

Carefully, he slipped away, trying to adopt a more seemly union without making it seem he was repulsing her. "Come," he said, "I've been waiting for you. Tell me what you want to know. I will explain all I can."

They were moving quickly homeward now, with Odeen adapting himself eagerly to the characteristic waver of the Emotional flow.

Dua said, "Tell me about the other Universe. Why are they different? How are they different? Tell me all about it"

It did not occur to Dua she was asking too much. It did did occur to Odeen. He felt rich with an astonis.h.i.+ng quant.i.ty of knowledge and was on the point of asking, How do you come to know enough about the other Universe to grow so curious about it? occur to Odeen. He felt rich with an astonis.h.i.+ng quant.i.ty of knowledge and was on the point of asking, How do you come to know enough about the other Universe to grow so curious about it?

He repressed the question. Dua was coming from the direction of the Hard-caverns. Perhaps Losten had been talking to her, suspecting that despite everything Odeen would be too proud of his status to help his mid-ling.

Not so, thought Odeen gravely. And he would not ask. He would just explain.

Tritt bustled about them when they returned home. "If you two are going to talk, go into Dua's chamber. I will be busy out here. I must see to it that the children are cleaned and exercised. No time for melting now. No melting."

Neither Odeen nor Dua had any thought of melting, but there was no thought in either mind of disobeying the command. The Parental's home was his castle. The Rational had his Hard-caverns below and the Emotional her meeting places above. The Parental had only his home.

Odeen therefore said, "Yes, Tritt Well be out of your way."

And Dua extended a briefly loving part of herself and said, "It's good to see you, right-dear." (Odeen wondered if her gesture was part relief over the fact that there would be no pressure to melt. Tritt did tend to overdo that a bit; even more than Parentals generally.) In her chamber, Dua stared at her private feeding-place. Ordinarily, she ignored it.

It had been Odeen's idea, He knew that such things did exist and, as he explained to Tritt, if Dua did not like to swarm with the other Emotionals, it was perfectly possible to lead Solar energy down into the cavern so that Dua might feed there.

Tritt had been horrified. It wasn't done. The others' would laugh. The triad would be disgraced. Why didn't Dua behave as she should?

"Yes, Tritt," Odeen had said, "but she doesn't behave as she should, so why not accommodate her? Is it so terrible? She will eat privately, gain substance, make us happier, become happier herself, and maybe learn to swarm in the end."

Tritt allowed it, and even Dua allowed it-after some argument-but insisted that it be a simple design. So there was nothing but the two rods that served as electrodes, powered by Solar energy, and with room for Dua in between.

Dua rarely used it, but this time she stared at it and said, "Tritt has decorated it ... Unless you did, Odeen."

"I? Of course not"

A pattern of colored-clay designs was at the base of each electrode. "I suppose it's his way of saying he wishes I would use it," Dua said, "and Aim hungry. Besides, if I'm eating, Tritt wouldn't dream of interrupting us, would he?" hungry. Besides, if I'm eating, Tritt wouldn't dream of interrupting us, would he?"

"No" said Odeen, gravely. "Tritt would stop the world it he thought its motion might disturb you while you were eating."

Dua said, "Well-Aim hungry." hungry."

Odeen caught a trace of guilt in her. Guilt over Tritt? Over being hungry? Why should Dua feel guilty about being hungry? Or had she done something that had consumed energy and was she feeling- He wrenched his mind away from that impatiently. There were times when a Rational could be too too Rational, and chase down the tracks of every thought to the detriment of what was important. Right now, it was important to talk to Dua. Rational, and chase down the tracks of every thought to the detriment of what was important. Right now, it was important to talk to Dua.

She seated herself between the electrodes and when she compressed herself to do so, her small size was only too painfully evident. Odeen was hungry himself; he could tell because the electrodes seemed brighter than they ordinarily did; and he could taste the food even at that distance and the savor was delicious. When one was hungry, one always tasted food more keenly than otherwise and at a greater distance. .,. But he would eat later.

Dua said, "Don't just sit silently, left-dear. Tell Tell me. I want to know." She had adopted (unconsciously?) the ovoid character of a Rational, as though to make it clearer that she wanted to be accepted as one. me. I want to know." She had adopted (unconsciously?) the ovoid character of a Rational, as though to make it clearer that she wanted to be accepted as one.

Odeen said, "I can't explain it all. All the science I mean, because you haven't had the background, I will try to make it simple and you just listen. Later, you tell me what you didn't understand and I'll try to explain further. You understand, first, that everything is made up of tiny particles called atoms and that these are made up of still tinier subatomic particles."

"Yes, yes," said Dua. "That's why we can melt."