The Book Of Good Manners; A Guide To Polite Usage For All Social Functions Part 21

INTRODUCTIONS. If a man is not acquainted with the woman a.s.signed to him, the hostess should introduce him to the woman.

INVITATIONS. These should be acknowledged immediately by a letter of acceptance, or declining with regret.

The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife, and should be sent out two or four weeks in advance. R. S. V. P.

is not used, and they should be answered immediately.

Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special guest are engraved, and state this fact. If for good reasons there is not sufficient time to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which is written: To meet Miss Wilson.

For ceremonious dinners, cards may be engraved, with place for guest's name left blank and filled in by hand.

When frequent dinners are given, invitations may be engraved, with blanks to be filled with dates, etc.

Written invitations are also proper to indicate an unceremonious dinner. Note sheets can be used.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. Both the husband and wife should always be invited to a dinner.

When a husband and wife are invited to dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should decline, giving her reason. The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.

MEN. Full dress is necessary for all except informal dinners.

The man at the door, after asking the guest's name, hands him an envelope, with his name upon it, enclosing a card with the name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; or these envelopes may be in the dressing- rooms, if preferred. It will also be designated at which side of the table (right or left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the table, with the names of the guests, should be hung in each dressing-room. The guests pair off as indicated.

As soon as possible a man should seek the woman a.s.signed to him, and inform her that he will be pleased to act as her escort, disguising any personal preference he may have otherwise.

He should offer his left arm when escorting her to dinner.

When the dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the woman he escorts, and the rest follow. To avoid confusion, a man should remember on which side of the table he is to sit, his place being indicated by a dinner card.

If unacquainted with the woman a man is to escort to dinner, he should seek an introduction from the hostess.

When the women rise to leave, the men rise and remain standing until the women leave the dining-room, or they may accompany them to the drawing-room, and then return for coffee and cigars. They should not remain longer than half an hour.

LEAVING CARDS. After a dinner a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not; or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

PRECEDENCE. The host offers his right arm to the woman who is the guest, or the most distinguished woman, or the eldest, or the one invited for the first time. If the dinner is given in honor of a married couple, the host would take in the wife, and the husband would accompany the hostess, who comes last in the procession into the dining-room.

It is a fixed rule that relatives, or husbands and wives, are never seated together.

If possible, there should be an equal number of men and women, and if the latter outnumber the former, the hostess enters alone.

SECOND HELPING. At formal dinner parties, luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings are never offered by the host or hostess, and should not be asked for by the guests. This is only permissible at a small dinner party or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second gla.s.s of water for which the guest might ask, or for wine, for which the butler should keep a good lookout.

TABLE ETIQUETTE. See TABLE ETIQUETTE.

WOMEN. When wraps have been removed, and the woman leaves the dressing-room, the escort chosen by the hostess approaches and makes known the fact, accompanying her to the table. If the escort is not thoroughly agreeable to the woman, she should conceal the fact.

At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises and the women follow, leaving their napkins unfolded. They retire to the drawing-room, while the men remain for coffee and cigars.

If the men prefer, they may escort them to the drawing-room, where they bow and return.

GLOVES. Women may remove their gloves at table, and it is not necessary to replace them.

They should be laid in the lap. The hostess generally determines whether the women should resume their gloves or not by her own actions.

Full dress is worn.

GIVEN BY MEN--WOMEN. A young woman may accept a man's invitation, provided she has the consent of her mother or guardian, and is a.s.sured that there will be present a chaperone.

GIVEN BY BACHELORS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS.

DINNER DANCE.

INVITATIONS. The hostess issues two sets of invitations--one for those invited to both the dinner and the dance, and one for those invited to the dance only.

For the former she could use her usual engraved dinner cards with the words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards with the words: Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way for the latter invitation is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left hand corner: Dancing at ten, February the tenth.

DOCTOR--HOW ADDRESSED. A doctor or physician should be addressed as Dr. both by correspondence and in conversation.

This t.i.tle of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational inst.i.tutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.

DOWAGER d.u.c.h.eSS. See d.u.c.h.eSS, DOWAGER.

DOWAGER MARCHIONESS. See MARCHIONESS, DOWAGER.

DRESS.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON--DRESS.

AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS--DRESS.

AT HOMES. See AT HOMES--DRESS.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELOR'S DINNERS-- DRESS.

BACHELORS' TEAS. See BACHELOR'S TEAS--DRESS.

b.a.l.l.s. See b.a.l.l.s--DRESS.