Am I Boring My Dog? Part 13

6.

Don't confuse getting a dog at a store like PetSmart, which holds fairs to find owners for rescued pets, with getting one through a shop that makes a business of selling animals. The price tags alone (see question 11) will tell you which is which.

7.

About five years ago-not coincidentally, around the time that U.S. authorities started investigating unsavory breeders at home-puppy mills began cropping up in foreign countries. Mexico currently supplies many of California's pet boutiques with bootleg pups, and Russia and South Korea are among the countries flying ma.s.s-produced dogs to a variety of U.S ports with forged proof of rabies vaccination and of age (the minimum age for import is six months, but many puppies are flown in at six weeks).

8.

They are, however, the only ones subject to the "pet lemon laws" that several states have pa.s.sed. Statutes vary, but at the least they're designed to compensate buyers for veterinarian bills incurred to treat puppies that turn out to be sick.

9.

There's also the issue of transportation if you consider someone who's not a reasonable drive from you. Some breeders claim they prepare their puppies in advance for the experience of being s.h.i.+pped by plane to avoid having them stressed by their journey. What do you imagine preparation for a stay in a plane's luggage hold might involve-keeping the little guy crated in a dark, airless room for indefinite periods of time without letting him go to the bathroom? Do you really want a puppy that's been doubly traumatized-a.s.suming that the claim of preparation is even true?

10.

Some shelters keep dogs for only a week or two before they euthanize them; others hold onto them until they are adopted. But it's a complicated issue, so don't be quick to judge. A shelter that calls itself "no-kill," for example, may not accept animals who are unlikely to be adopted, or may euthanize those that become sick or exhibit behavioral problems. And if a shelter's facilities are inadequate and its adoption rates are low, who's to say whether a quick death wouldn't have been kinder than indefinite incarceration?

11.

Some are simply h.o.a.rders, but I'd rather focus on the majority of terrific people who do tireless, often thankless, work than on pathological pet collectors.

12.

I'm referring here only to an either/or situation. If you can manage to comingle cats, dogs, fish, and ferrets, you'll be regarded as very open and inclusive (not to mention as very busy at mealtimes and cleanups). But there's a fine line. Unless you live on a farm or a ranch, having more four-legged creatures than rooms in your home can lead others to doubt your sanity-and your sanitation standards.

13.

Yes, dogs may eventually eat their owners rather than starve (just as some Donner Party members dined on their pals), but they wait far longer than cats, who transform their caregivers into a food source in just a day or so. And some dogs will will die of starvation rather than be disloyal. Have you ever heard of a cat doing that? die of starvation rather than be disloyal. Have you ever heard of a cat doing that?

14.

These are less expensive than-and as effective as-their canine equivalents unless your dog weighs more than 50 pounds.

15.

Also lay in a small quant.i.ty of the food your dog is accustomed to-a.s.suming you know-so you can ease her into a new culinary plan rather than shocking her system.

16.

If you're considering a car service or taxi, a dog carrier might be your best bet. Or lying. That is, if you don't want to use a carrier but don't want the cabbie to know your fellow pa.s.senger is a new, untested pup, muster all your moxie to pretend you've been traveling with this dog all your life-and hide the emergency cleanup towels in a bag from an upscale department store.

17.

This should only be done under duress-if, say, you're moving in with someone who has the same name as your dog. When you change names too often, you run the risk of your dog ignoring all summonses-and of becoming obese as a result of repeated retraining programs.

18.

That said, no long- (or even short-) term studies have been conducted to verify the higher percentage of ill effects attached to the name. I suspect it's just easier to remember the bad things that happen to dogs called Lucky.

19.

One complication: Different microchips are manufactured with different frequencies, from 125 (most common in the United States) to 134.2 kiloherz (used abroad), and not all scanners can read their compet.i.tor's chips. But almost all shelters have the ability to read most common microchips-and the method is so useful that it's just a question of time before a universal scanner is perfected and becomes standard equipment.

20.

The only downside: One of the main jobs of vets who volunteer at shelters is neutering/spaying. I attribute Frankie's resistance to the office of the (extremely nice) vet recommended by his rescuer to the fact that he lost his manhood there.

21.

The "testicular prosthetic implants"-used by nearly a quarter million pet owners, according to the website-earned their creator, Gregg A. Miller, the IG n.o.bel Prize for Medicine in 2005. Upon receiving the oddly coveted spoof award from Harvard University's Annals of Improbable Research, Miller said in a videotaped statement, "Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor."

22.

Unfortunately, state laws and drug manufacturers don't always keep up with medical science. Some states require annual rabies shots, even though professionals agree they're only needed every three years. And some manufacturers haven't changed the frequency instructions on their vaccines. This puts vets into the uncomfortable position of having to ignore product recommendations-or risk harming their patients.

23.

Unless it's raining, in which case all bets are off.

24.

Except for the natural sprays that keep pests away from your dog. Some flea and tick medications have turned out to be toxic to dogs as well as to the critters they're hosting. I'm all for avoiding harsh chemicals whenever possible, just not for ingesting unknown botanicals in lieu of medicine.

25.

Keeping your dog out of kitty litter could be more complicated, because it's not right to make the cat climb to a place that's inaccessible to the dog to go to the bathroom. I suggest you find the cat another home.