Rushed: Hushed Part 9

It was too soon. Much too soon. Officially, this was still just a study date tinged with seduction. We were moving at lightning speed. I felt powerless to stop it. Like fate will be fate. Need is need.

But my head buzzed. I felt like I was thinking through a fog. His eyes begged me not to stop. Want. Want. Want. I wanted to feel him deep inside. I pushed away the voice of reason and ripped open the wrapper before I changed my mind. He kicked off his jeans and underwear. I pulled the condom out, pushed it onto his tip, and rolled it down over him.

He kissed me. I pulled him to me. He pushed inside me past my panties. I held him tight as he speared me, pressing me to the bed as he moved in and out of my wetness. Tense, like he was holding back, waiting for me. I held on to him. Tighter and tighter. Moving with him. Until finally, I let myself go and cried out with pleasure and let myself fly.

He was still and quiet for just a second. And then he thrust hard one more time. He groaned, and I knew he was flying, too. The tension left him. He collapsed on me, holding his full weight off and resting his head against mine and breathing hard. "Wow."

"Wow," I echoed back to him, and smiled. I could have said more, but what? That I might be falling in love with him? "Wow" seemed more than enough and far too little.

He slid out of me and lay on his back, grinning. He turned toward me and brushed a lock of hair out of my face as he kissed me again, tasting like wine.

His eyes were drowsy now, too, as he took the condom off and set it aside. He slid his arm around me and pulled me close. I nestled into the crook of his arm beneath his chin, listening to the beat of his heart.

We were both grinning. My eyes felt heavy. I s.h.i.+vered.

"Cold?" He grabbed a throw blanket and pulled it over us.

It smelled like him, his cologne, his body scent. I snuggled into him beneath it, coiling around him.

We lay in each other's arms, smiling with afterglow. Music pounded in the apartment next to us, trying to hide the rhythmic thumping of Sat.u.r.day-night s.e.x. The light from a streetlight filtered in through the blinds. I was so warm and cozy. And happy.

I blinked, trying to keep my eyes open. Seth kissed the top of my head. I thought I would just close my eyes for a second...

Chapter 8.

Maddie I woke with a start to a blinding brightness. My head pounded. For a second I was disoriented. I couldn't remember where I was. I didn't think it was my bed. There was a weight like an arm across my waist. I covered my eyes with my arm and opened one eye slowly, peeking beneath my arm to the masculine arm around me.

c.r.a.p. What time is it?

I had the sinking feeling it was morning. And then I remembered the wine. And the s.e.x. And Seth. And just closing my eyes for a minute.

I removed my arm from my eyes and looked at the guy sleeping naked next to me. Peaceful and relaxed in sleep, he was a total heartbreaker. At least, my heart was cracking in two. And I was still naked, too, except for my panties.

I had just committed the cardinal sin for someone who wanted a relations.h.i.+p, not a hookup. I mean, I'd slept with him on a mere study date. Okay, I had gotten dinner out of the deal. And I had enjoyed every minute of it. But I had a sinking feeling that this signaled the end of the sweet, attentive Seth. I had to get out of here.

I really didn't want him to see me like this, with bedhead hair, smudged makeup, and morning mouth. I slid out from beneath his arm and looked around for my jeans, blouse, and shoes. I scooped them off the floor and turned my back to Seth as I dressed like I was suddenly Miss Modesty personified. I put my jeans on. I was fastening my bra when his voice stopped me cold.

"Leaving without saying goodbye? I thought that was a guy thing. I'd like the view better if you'd turn around. And come back to bed." He patted the mattress-at least, that was what it sounded like. His voice was s.e.xy, seductive in a totally tempting way that made me tingle all over.

"I didn't want to wake you." I tried to sound light and flippant.

"That's what they all say."

"Anyway, who says I was leaving?" I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, full of nerves and suddenly shy. I cleared my throat. "But I really should be going. I didn't mean to spend the night-"

"Don't go." There was that s.e.xy vulnerability again. So sweet and charming. "I'm glad you did."

d.a.m.n, how did he do that? Sound so genuine. Like he was more than glad. Much more.

The bed creaked like he was getting up. Followed by rustling fabric. Like he was getting dressed, too. I imagined him pulling his jeans up over his lean hips. Tucking himself in. Reaching for his fly.

I was getting turned on. By the thought of him dressing. Because, in truth, I wanted to be the one running my hands over his body. I wanted everything-more physical intimacy, the emotional connection we'd had last night, the sweet murmurs of a lover.

I hurriedly pulled my blouse on. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, still warm from the comfort of the bed. He'd put his jeans on, but no s.h.i.+rt. His chest rubbed naked and hard against my back. Like the bulge in his jeans pressed up against the back of my b.u.t.t.

I wanted him. I wanted to do him again. But it was such a bad idea. I wanted more out of this...this thing we had going. More of a chase. More seduction. More romance. More time for feelings to grow. I was past the wild partying of freshman year and ready for something of substance. Like a real boyfriend. Not a study screw buddy.

"Let me make you breakfast before you go." He slid my hair over my shoulder. His breath was hot on my neck and s.e.xy with morning hoa.r.s.eness. I could have listened to it all day. "I'm used to making Sunday breakfast for girls. And good at it."

I hesitated, happy he wasn't eagerly shoving me out the door. Hopeful for all the wrong reasons.

What time was it, anyway? I had tons of things to do and none of them were Seth. Olivia would tease me mercilessly if she saw me doing the walk of shame. That's what everyone called it when they saw girls staggering home dressed in rumpled clothes from the night before. Not that anyone was actually shamed. But sometimes it was incredibly funny to watch hung over girls teeter home.

I ran my fingers through my tangled hair as I spotted a clock on Seth's nightstand. I held back a sigh of resignation. It was already late.

"I make great coffee." He ran his hand through my tangled hair and whispered in my ear, "I think we both could use some."

I don't know what possessed me. I nodded. "Sounds great. Bathroom?"

He pointed. "Zach and I each have our own. Just don't get any ideas about sneaking out the window." Then he laughed. "There isn't one."

He didn't offer me a shacker s.h.i.+rt. There was some prestige in a guy lending you his s.h.i.+rt so you could go home in something clean and, most importantly, different. And commitment. The guy would probably want the s.h.i.+rt back. So he'd have to see you again. It was a ploy. Like "accidentally" leaving something at your place. Did no shacker s.h.i.+rt mean total lack of commitment? Why did I have to a.n.a.lyze everything?

As I hurried into the bathroom, I thought, Olivia will tease me mercilessly for hooking up with a lab partner.

When I came out of the powder room, Seth's bedroom was empty and the smell of coffee and eggs made my stomach rumble.

I found Seth and Zach in the kitchen. And Alexis sitting at the table. She was leafing through an old sorority sc.r.a.pbook with an intense look of concentration on her face. It was pretty obvious that's what the book was, by the overly large and decorative Delta Delta Psi letters on it. When she looked up, she wasn't particularly surprised to see me. Seth must have warned her I was here. Her lips twisted into an amused smile.

I wasn't sure what was so funny.

She patted the chair next to her. "Maddie! Come. Sit. I brought a show-and-tell!" Her voice was bright and way too sunny for first thing in the morning-even late morning, almost noon. She sounded absolutely delighted with herself.

I cautiously took a chair next to her. "What do you have here?"

"A secret." She held her finger to her mouth and glanced at the guys in the kitchen.

A cup of coffee sat next to her. She took a sip. "I was looking for a surprise for my mom. Until I stumbled on something juicier." She sounded like a spy about to reveal a top-secret cipher or something.

"I was looking through our archives and test files, hoping to find something of Mom's from her college sorority days. Spying on her, maybe. But I knew she'd get a kick out it if I could find something of hers, like an old test or report, and give it back to her as a Mom's Weekend present."

"And this is it?" I said, happy for Alexis.

She shook her head. "No. This is something else I found. It's totally unrelated to me. But connected closely to someone else here." She held up the sc.r.a.pbook and slid a glance at the boys in the kitchen.

They were busy, and adorable, joking with each other as they cooked, antic.i.p.ating each other's moves as if they'd been a team forever. She pointed to an old picture that was held in with photo corners. She leaned into me like I was her coconspirator and whispered in my ear, "What do you think? Seth has been holding out on us. He's as much a legacy as I am!"

I gasped softly, automatically. Which pleased Alexis tremendously, judging from her expression, anyway.

Seth hadn't wanted anyone of the girls to know. Now Alexis had gone and discovered it for herself.

I pulled the book to me and took a closer look at the picture the little sleuth had uncovered. When I saw it, I paled. For a second, I literally couldn't breathe. My chest felt tight, like my heart was cracking.

To the casual observer, it was just a sappy old dance picture. One of the old kinds where the girls had made the backdrop out of butcher paper and crepe paper ribbons. It looked completely tacky and fake.

The couple, dressed in outdated formal wear, stood in the center of an arch covered with flowers. The girl had long blond hair styled to curl away from her face, perfect makeup, and a dress that looked expensive and, judging by the quality, probably was the height of fas.h.i.+on for the time. She had the tiniest of waists and a quirk of a smile that was at once seductive and smug. Possessive. As if she owned the guy and the world and everything in it. She was the perfect Double Deltsie blond.

He had his arm carefully posed around her, holding her as if she were as fragile as a rose in bloom, his large hand covering hers. The look on his face was carefully masked, trained into a forced smile for the camera that didn't reach his eyes. The look in his eyes was focused and fierce, almost like he was furious with someone or something.

And he was...Ian.

My hands started shaking uncontrollably. I made a fist to hide the trembling as I bent over the picture and tried to push disturbing, unbidden thoughts away. Not Ian. Not Ian. Not Ian! Ian's real dad? But how could that be? Dad was our dad! Both our dad.

The last thought made me almost physically ill, off balance and dizzy. Like the world had tipped off its axis and spun the wrong direction. I swallowed hard against the bile rising in my throat.

It was like looking at Ian dressed up for eighties day in high school.

"What year is this?" My words came out a croak.

Alexis didn't seem to notice. She clapped in that way people do when they're pleased with themselves, rapid, tiny claps of glee. "Nineteen eighty!" She pointed. "It says right below the picture."

I'd been so shaken that the caption had swum before my eyes. I focused, really concentrating now, trying to get the words to make sense. Someone had written a description beneath the couple in neat, loopy feminine script-Colleen Smith with Rick Butler, Spring Formal, April, 1980.

My mouth was so dry, I wasn't sure I could speak. I'm staring at Seth's parents.

"That has to be Seth's dad. He looks just like him!" There was absolute delight in Alexis' voice.

I nodded my agreement, reeling and sick, least of all from being hung over. Yeah, Seth looked like the guy in the picture. But Ian was an exact clone, down to the cowlick and dimple.

"Could be an uncle." I spoke on autopilot, defending Seth's secret like it was my own.

Alexis was undaunted and undeterred. She called out to him, "Seth, do you have any uncles?"

He looked up from his cooking, frowning slightly at the odd, out-of-the-blue question. "Yeah."

Alexis persisted, like a bloodhound on the scent. "Blood uncles?"

I tried to warn him with a subtle shake of my head, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at her.

"Mom's brother," he said. "Why?"

"No Butler uncles? Like, is your dad a twin?"

"No. What are you girls looking at?" He poured a cup of coffee.

"Nothing!" Alexis singsonged her answer and turned to me. "See?" Alexis whispered as she tapped the photo. "This is his dad. Has to be."

Seth came in and set the coffee in front of me. "What are you looking at?" He leaned over to see.

"You never told us you were a legacy, Seth." Alexis pointed to the picture. "If these aren't your parents, I'll turn in my amateur sleuth badge."

He stared at the picture in stunned, stony silence. "Where did you get that?" His voice held a dangerous edge.

"The house archives in the study room. It was stuffed in an old file cabinet that's full of ancient tests and study notes." Her face lit up. "Isn't this fun? I love history and looking at old pictures. These are your parents, right?" Alexis stared up at him, not understanding why he seemed upset.

He hesitated.

For an instant, I thought he would deny it.

But he nodded. "Yes." He spoke the word in a hard staccato.

"Why didn't you tell us your mom was a Double Deltsie?" She sounded genuinely curious and excited. And perplexed, because it was obviously glorious news.

"It's none of anyone's d.a.m.n business." His words slammed into the pleasantness of the morning like a slap.

Alexis blushed, looking stunned by the sharpness and pain in Seth's voice.

Zach came in from the kitchen, carrying a pan of scrambled eggs and cheese, glaring at his roommate like he'd committed a capital crime. "Seth? What's going on?"

Seth winced. "Sorry, Alexis." He turned and stalked out of the room.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed air. Things were falling into odd places. s.n.a.t.c.hes of things were coming together in a way that made me uncomfortable-Ian's cryptic reasons for taking a job here; Ian looking like Seth and his dad; our parents all being in school here together at the same time; both having older brothers the same age.

I jumped to my feet. "I have to go."

I grabbed my backpack, coat, and purse, and was out the door before anyone could stop me.

"Maddie! Maddie, wait!"

I heard Seth calling after me. I ignored him and kept going.

Seth I chased after Maddie in my bare feet. Outside on the frozen pavement where a gentle snow was beginning to fall. I was so numb I didn't even feel the bite of the cold. Yeah, I'd acted like a douche to Alexis. And made Maddie uncomfortable. I had to explain. But only to her. Everyone else and their curiosity could go to h.e.l.l.

s.h.i.+t. Alexis didn't deserve my wrath, either. I watched Maddie drive away until she was out of sight. Alexis was still sitting at the table when I went back in. Zach sat next to her with his arm around her, glaring at me.

I took a deep breath. "I overreacted. I'm sorry, Alexis. Mom's a sore subject with me. Do me a favor-don't show that picture to anyone else. I don't want the girls to know and treat me differently. That's the last s.h.i.+t I want."

She stared at me and nodded. Without warning, she ripped the page out of the sc.r.a.pbook and held it out to me. "Here." She shook it at me. "We all have c.r.a.p we'd rather not talk about."

She shot a quick glance at Zach.