Marrying An Older Man Part 25

He drew safely out of her reach and made a last-ditch effort. "Too young!" he gasped, fumbling for the doork.n.o.b. He left her shrieking inarticulately in the hallway, the sound equal parts anger, frustration and pain.

The cold stung his nose and ears. He'd left his hat behind, but that didn't explain the icy wetness on his face or the fog that clouded his vision as he slipped and slid toward the barn. It didn't explain the aching emptiness that seemed to be consuming him from within, or the black loneliness that settled over him like a cloud. Most of all, it didn't explain the panic mat seized him, the awful certainty that his sacrifice would be for naught, and somehow the one pride of his life, his willingness to shoulder responsibility, suddenly seemed a cold, inadequate comfort.

"I cannot believe he said that!" Caroline smacked the coun-tertop with her palm and spun back toward the center of the kitchen. "I can't believe we're still talking about my age!"

"Well, of course, you're not fired, dear," Sarah said comfortingly from the doorway.

"No, of course, you're not," Haney grated, looking over his wife's shoulder. "That boy's no idiot. He'll come around. Why, you're every bit as good a cook as my wife, and you got this place running like a top."

"That's hardly the point, Haney," Sarah said.

"But it is the point!" Caroline exclaimed. "Part of it, anyway. Haven't I proved that I'm mature enough to run his home, help out with the business, feed the hands, be a mother to his children?"

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"Well, of course, you have," Sarah replied placatingly.

"No question about it," Haney agreed.

"I am not some teenager!" Caroline pointed out. "I'm not a child, even if he does want to treat me like an infant!"

"It's that hard Wagner head of his," Sarah commiserated. "You know what Kara had to go through with Rye." She leaned her head back and smiled at her husband, then. "They're worth it, though, these Wagner men." Haney chuckled and winked, giving her a slight squeeze with his hands at her waist. Sarah flushed head to toe.

Caroline missed it all. She was seeing and hearing someone else, Kara way back in December, discussing this very problem. Kara had suggested one tack, but Caroline had chosen another at the time. Well, she was backtracking.

Seems to me nothing ages a woman like dressing too young.

"I'll do it if I have to resort to diapers!" she muttered, missing the confused look that pa.s.sed between Sarah Wagner and her husband. Suddenly she focused on Sarah. "I have to go shopping first thing tomorrow."

Sarah looked surprised, but she merely nodded. "Whatever you ' ' '.

your car.

f?!I egoldijbe all day. There will beiterations."

;^t cii ^o: juacb," Sarah said, "and if you're,not back by dinnertirne, Haney can help me mere."

''We'll go out to eat," Haney said dismissively. "If Jesse doesn't want to come, he can just do without Might do him some good to study on what he'd be missing if we did let him fire her." "Oh, I'm fired, all right," Caroline stated determinedly. "In fact, I quit. If he wants to keep me around after this, he can just darn well marry me, and you remember I said so!" With that she swept out of the room. She had phone calls and plans to make. She only hoped that man appreciated all the trouble she was going to for him. It might be simpler just to reshape his head, but she loved mat head, and despite everything, she wanted him just as he was. And he wanted her. Whatever it took, she wasn't going 241.

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to let him do this to them. They belonged together, and by golly, they would be together, one way or another.

"It has to be in the freezer in the barn," Sarah said firmly.'

Jesse sighed in exasperation. "Mother, I told you. I cleaned out that freezer myself when I made the switch. There is no roast in there!"

"Well, it's not in this freezer," Sarah stated flatly. "I know we have it because it's on tomorrow's menu, and you know how meticulous Caroline is."

"Leave Caroline out of this."

"Why should I? It's your fault she quit, you know."

"She didn't quit. I fired her."

"No, you didn't. We didn't let you fire her, but I don't blame her for quitting after you tried."

Jesse clamped down on the angry words that wanted to escape his mouth. If he let them out, his father would just come in and scold him like he was ten years old again, and they'd wind up shouting at each other again, and he'd feel like a heel and escape early to bed again, only to twist and turn and drive himself insane again with memories of- No. No, no, no. He wouldn't go there.

He wouldn't. Even if he had to go out to the barn in the cold, dark night to look for a roast that wasn't there. Not that it would help. G.o.d knew he was sunk. Nothing he could ever do would get that woman out of his brain. No matter what he said or did, he couldn't escape the bald fact that he loved her, craved her like air. i "Where" s the flashlight?" he asked, beaten. : Sarah opened a door over the was.h.i.+ng machine and took down a long, battered metal tube that looked like a scruffy yellow baseball bat. That old thing took six batteries and weighed a ton, but ' the newer models always seemed to fizzle out, and they'd be right back to the old standby. Right now Jesse wondered if he even had the strength to carry the thing. Missing meals and sleep were taking a toll. When his mother slapped it into his palm and his arm didn't come off, he supposed that was a good sign.

"Dress warmly now," his mother admonished, practically shoving bun out into the kitchen, across it, and into the hall.

"Take your time. I mean, I'm going on up, so when you get the roast back to the house just put it in the refrigerator to thaw overnight."

"Fine. Except it's not going to be there," he grumbled, putting on bis coat.

"You never know," she said, b.u.t.toning the top b.u.t.ton for him and folding up his collar. "Sometimes we find things when we least expect them."

"Whatever."

He shoved on his hat, flicked on the flashlight and stepped out into the night He was so tired that his knees felt weak, but he aimed the beam and followed it down the hill. When he got to the barn, he was shocked to find that he'd left the lock off. d.a.m.n, he was lucky he didn't make a habit of that. Someone, anyone, could waltz in here and steal him bund. Equipment, horses, feed, it was all there for the taking. Well, at least this trip wouldn't be for nothing, after all. He let himself into the deep, dark cavern of the equipment shed and reached for the overhead light, then thought better of it and aimed his flashlight toward the stable corridor. He didn't much feel like operating in a harsh overhead light. In truth, he could walk this way blindfolded and in his sleep, but in bis state he saw no point in taking stupid chances.

The familiar, warm, loamy aroma of horses and rich feed enveloped him as he stepped onto the cement walkway between the stalls. His horses s.h.i.+fted and whickered softly in recognition. He stopped to pat a rump here and there and mumble a few comforting words of affection. At the end of the row of stalls, he turned into the stairwell and aimed his flashlight upward. The freezer sat at the top of those stairs. It seemed like miles to him at that moment, and he knew dam well that blasted roast wasn't even there. Briefly he considered just going back to the house and telling his mother mat he wanted sandwiches for dinner tomorrow, but the truth was he couldn't care less. All he really wanted was Caroline. Doggedly he lifted his foot to the bottom step, and after that it was just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, up, up and up, until he reached the top.

He gained the landing and reached for the handle of the freezer door. It was then that he heard movement behind and to the side 243.

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of him. Wheeling around, he swung the arc of the flashlight across UK dark loft-and encountered a blanket suspended by ropes perpendicular to the floor.

"What the-"

Suddenly a body hurtled out from behind the blanket, turning a cartwheel.

''Gimme a J! Gimme an E! Gimme a S-S-E! What does it spell? Stubborn!"

Jesse staggered back at the first sound of her voice and hit the light switch at the top of the stairs. The sight before him boggled the imagination. She leaped into the air, kicking her heels back and throwing out her arms. When she came down on the b.a.l.l.s of her feet again, she tumbled into another cartwheel, nearly knocking into the mixing table in the process. His jaw seemed to be hanging somewhere around his knees.

"Caroline?"

She bounced on her toes and flipped up the back of her little pleated skirt. "I forgot the pom-porasJ" she said breathlessly, gyrating through the motion of a cheer, the twin ponytails on the sides of her head bobbing and flopping. ' 'Still, the sweater says it all, doesn't it?" She'stapled and. threw back her shoulders, giying bfe* a eye-pepping view of the school emblem erabia- zoHed across her ebest. 'Mfe red-and-wbitfr satei fit her. bke a : second" *,,4#ie generous mounds of her beeasts odisawting the : shape of the feig alphabet letter sewn onto the fabso;-Me took it ' irffed shoes, rtdpteatedwaaiskirt, off from a part down the middle of her head.

"You're dressed like a cheerleader?" he bawled m disbelief.

Site rocked from side to side on the b.a.l.l.s of her feet as if contemplating another daredevil stunt "Isn't this how you see me, Jesse? Some teenager with a crush on the captain of the football team? Well, I dated the captain of the football team, for your information, and he was just another immature lunk trying to get his hands inside my blouse! After I slapped him and told him to lose my phone number, he dated my friend Janie. This is be* uniform, by the way."

"I hope it fits her better than you!" he snapped.

"Oh? I don't look like you think I should?"

She looked absurd, squeezed into mat ridiculous getup, and it occurred to him suddenly that that was exactly her intention. Well, if she wanted to play... For the first time in days he relished the thought Folding bis arms he said, "This is the most childish stunt you've ever pulled."

"Childis.h.!.+" she huffed. "I may be young, but I am not childis.h.!.+"

"I've had just about enough of this!"

"Good! Because I reached my limit yesterday!" 1 "You don't know the first thing about limits!" j "Oh, don't I?" she scoffed, walking toward him. "I don't believe in placing limits on love, Jesse. You've placed yourself off-limits to a normal, happy Me with a family of your own, but j I won't let that stop me, because I know what I know. You're ; afraid to try to make a life with me, Jesse, because you love me, and that scares the daylights out of you! I know what you're thinking. What if something bad happens again?"

He ma.s.saged bis temples and nodded, admitting to himself that she was exactly right, but then he smiled as she painted the most absurd of pictures for him.

"What if I cut myself peeling potatoes and blood poisoning sets in and I die a slow, painful death right before your very eyes? What if I trip on the stairs or just fall out of bed some night and break my neck?"

He put his hands to his hips and shook his head over that. Falling out of bed? Not his bed, he decided. If he ever got her back there again he'd keep her firmly anch.o.r.ed to the sheets.

"What if I get arthritis in thirty years," she went on as she stood before him, "or, G.o.d forbid, cancer? What then?"

He knew what then, but she was on a roll and didn't even seem to hear him trying to capitulate. "Caroline, you're-"

"Fa tell you what then, Jesse!" she said. "We fight for every minute we have left and we thank G.o.d for everything we've built together-providing, of course, that you step up to the mark, admit you're wrong, and do what you know you should!"

"You're right," he tried again. "I know-"

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"You have to understand that I'm not a child, Jesse! I'm a woman who knows exactly what she wants!"

"I do, Caroline. I--"

"And I know what you want, even if you won't admit it! So admit it, Jesse, because it's absurd to say I'm too young!"

"Well?" she demanded.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. She had made her point. No child could make his head whirl like she did. No child could make him want to lay hands on her like she did. Which was exactly what he was going to do.

"Well," he said with mock severity, "you asked for it." He grabbed her by the hand and headed across the room to the pile of feed bags at the other end.

"What are you doing?"

He parked himself on a stack of feed sacks. "I'm about to spank your b.u.t.t!"

"In your dreams!"

He yanked her facedown over his lap and flipped up her skirt. "The next time you think about turning some man's life upside down, remember this!" he said, raising his hand.

"I never would!" she protested, bucking. "Jesse, you know you're the only man I'd ever go after!"

And that was exactly why he couldn't smack that perfectly luscious bottom, especially not with those bikinis not quite covering it. Groaning, he dropped both hands to those firm, plump mounds and squeezed. Caroline gasped and froze. He moved his hands to her side and pushed her off his lap. She scrambled up onto her knees next to him.

"Jesse?" she queried breathlessly.

He drilled her with his eyes. "Strip," he demanded. "Down to the skin."

She stared at him a long, heart-stopping moment Then she whooped and leaped to her feet, tearing at hair bows and shoe buckles in a frenzy. Her hair slid down around her shoulders, and the straps of her shoes flopped wildly. Laughing, he collapsed back onto his elbows. One of the bags on the end of the pile behind him slid off onto the floor and split, but he ignored it Time enough to clean up spilled feed tomorrow. Time enough for everything. "Slow down before you hurt yourself."

She yanked off one shoe and tossed it at him. "If anybody gets hurt here, Wagner, it'll be you. I'm young and resilient!" He lifted both eyebrows. "Is that a challenge of some sort?" "If the boot fits," she answered saucily, throwing the other shoe at him.

It bounced off his shoulder. Eyes narrowed, he shoved up to his feet. Raising one foot at a time, he tugged off his boots and socks, leaving them where they fell. Then he lifted a hand, indicating that it was her turn. She puckered her lips against a grin, wrenched free b.u.t.tons, pulled down her skirt and peeled her Sweater up and off. Hands on her hips, she inclined her head. He threw off his coat and stripped away his s.h.i.+rt and unders.h.i.+rt, the latter pulling wrong side out as he tugged his hands from the sleeves.

Caroline shoved down her petticoats and kicked them aside, standing before him hi panties and bra. Hands shaking and mouth dry now, he unb.u.t.toned his jeans and pushed them off his hips and down his legs, along with his long Johns. Stepping out of them, he lifted his gaze to her svelte, shapely body, bis heart slamming inside his chest as she reached behind her to unclasp her bra,.

The straps slid down her arms and off over her fingertips. He didn't notice, she so completely captivated him, True, he knew what to expect, but somehow the reality overwhelmed every memory he had of her. And he knew now that it always would- that memory, however dear, would never be enough.

She s.h.i.+vered and crossed her arms. Abruptly, he became aware of the coolness. It was always warmer here above the stables than anywhere else in the barn, but standing essentially naked was asking for a chill. Quickly striding across the floor in his briefs, he yanked the corners of the blanket free of the rope knots and carried it back to the neat stacks of feed bags. Shoving and pulling, he slid the bags around until he'd created a nest for the two of them. Spreading the blanket over it, he straightened and shucked his briefs before lifting,a hand in invitation. She skimmed the pink panties down her legs and stepped out of them as she 247.

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walked toward him, her hand floating up and into his. Smiling, he lifted her fingers to his lips.

"Once," he said softly, "a jolt of electricity turned my life upside down." Her gaze softened, head tilting so that her long, pale hair flowed over one shoulder. "Then a bolt of blond lightning set it right again," he whispered. "It just took me a while to acclimate." He smiled. "I don't think my head will ever stop spinning, but that's all right as long as you're here to anchor me."

"I love you so much, Jesse," she said tremulously.

He shook his head, amazed all over again. "I know. It makes no sense to me, but there it is."

She laughed, das.h.i.+ng away tears with her knuckles. "You're going to marry me, Jesse," she said. "Aren't you?"

He chuckled softly, cupping her face with his hands. "I don't know what else to do with you."

She slid her arms around him, stepping close and laying her head upon his shoulder, her face tucked into the curve of his neck. Skin against skin, she whispered, "We'll be together the rest of our lives."

He wrapped his arms tighter. "I can't promise you the rest of your life, Caroline, but I can promise you the rest of mine."

"That's all anyone can promise, Jesse," she said, lifting her head, "so it'll do for starters."

He laughed. "Well, if there's more and anyone can get it, you can!"

"There's more," she said, grinning devilishly as she shoved him down onto the makes.h.i.+ft bed and straddled him.

"Do tell," he teased, smoothing back her luxurious hair with both hands.

She shook her head, pale strands sliding free. "This requires demonstration."