Gold: A Bandia Novel Part 25

"Tell me what happened to Danu." He sets the book on the table next to him. "Knowing the future won't change it."

"The future? It happened in the past."

Austin looks away. "Of course."

"What? Something is going to happen in the future that will lead to Danu's death?"

"As you said, it's already happened." His gaze falls to my chest and his solemn expression is transformed by a wicked smile. "I know that sweater."

I glance down at the powder blue v-neck. I bought it in Cath. It's the first time I've worn it. He could only know it from this morning. From a thousand years ago. "You remember?"

"G.o.d yes." He leans forward and inhales. "You smell the same. Like the forest."

"You told me about Morrigan."

He brings his hand to my shoulder, his thumb tracing a circle near my collar. "I know."

"Why won't you tell me about Danu?"

"The past is done, Brianna."

"If it's done, then there can't be any harm in telling me what happened. You didn't want to kill Danu. I know it. You weren't h.e.l.l bent on starting a war between the Sons of Killian and the bandia. And you didn't want her dead."

"All true." Austin's hand slides to my wrist. He turns it over and brings it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against the smooth skin as he pushes the sleeve of my sweater up to my elbow.

"Are you trying to distract me?"

He licks a path from my wrist to the edge of my sleeve. He glances up. "Is it working?"

"Yes." I pull my hand away from him. My skin still tingles. "Just tell me."

He sighs. "I'm not going to win this, am I?"

"You trust me, right?"

"With my life." Austin says it with a certainty that leaves no room for doubt. I believe him.

"Then tell me the truth."

"Okay." The worry lines between his brows are back.

I reach up and smooth them away. "I can handle it. I'm not going to hate you." I already know Austin. He was my enemy once, but I understand his willingness to kill to protect what he loves. "I forgive you," I whisper.

"I didn't kill Danu."

s.h.i.+t. Not what I was expecting. "It wasn't Killian. And no one else had a reason to- unless- oh my G.o.d. Was it Gwyn?" Is this my fault? Did I cause Danu's death by trying to stop it? Did I give Gwyn the idea to kill her mother to spark a war?

"No."

"Who then?" I'm shaking. I can't stop the tremors that roll through me.

He takes my trembling hands in his. "It was you, Brianna." He closes his eyes. "It was you."

FORTY-TWO.

I can't imagine killing Danu, but now that I know it was me, I know I can stop it. I can control what I do. And no matter what happens, I won't kill Danu. I can stop the war.

I could just not go back to the ruin at all. If I'm not there to kill Danu, then it can't happen. For once, avoidance feels like a real option.

It's easy to stay away from the ruin. It's harder to keep from going into town and s.n.a.t.c.hing my necklace back from Portia. But we have time before the Gathering, G.o.d knows that I don't want to be anywhere but in the present, soaking up every second and keeping it close.

The next few weeks go by in a blur of sword fights and horseback rides and kisses. I work on accessing my powers without the necklace, but it becomes increasingly clear that it's never going to happen. The idea of confronting a bandia with no powers is daunting enough. It's harder when I know how much said bandia hates me. I put it off as long as I can.

I'm still surprised when the week of the Gathering comes. As if Austin and I could block out the world forever.

We can't.

We have two days.

I've gotten better with the broadsword, especially after Austin makes me a smaller one, more proportionate to my size. I might even be able to defend myself if it's one on one. But we will be outnumbered. Unless I can get my necklace back, Austin and I are lambs headed to slaughter.

Unless we make a different decision. "Maybe we should leave." I barely touch the eggs on my breakfast plate. "We're no good to anyone dead."

"Is that what you want?" Austin has never asked me not to fight, but his voice is laced with hope.

"Can Liam still pull us in now that our powers are gone?"

"I don't think so. I can't feel the gateway anymore."

Is it really so simple? Can we just walk away and leave the Sons to their battle? Leave Portia to the necklace that is the key to my powers. "Okay."

Austin raises his eyebrows. "Okay?"

"These last few weeks, without Liam or the Sons. I want more of them." I want more of him.

"I'll have Mikel make the arrangements."

And just like that, we have tickets to Rome.

Austin stops me in the hall. "Have you been back to the ruin?"

"No. I've been packing."

"You came back again. The day Danu-" He stops himself from saying it.

"What if I don't?"

"You do. It's already happened."

"There's no point in forcing it."

"It will happen whether you force it or not. And I've only ever seen you here. At Lorcan."

"So?"

"If we leave, you can't travel to see me. But you do. Which means we don't leave until that happens."

"But we have to leave. There's not much time left."

"I'm not saying I don't want to. We can try. I'm just saying I don't think it will be possible. The past has already happened. It has to happen."

"The theory of compossibility."

"In English?"

"If you're right, if there are no paradoxes, then some things are impossible to change because they've already happened. For instance, I couldn't go back in time and kill my mother before I was born, because then I wouldn't have been born to go back and kill her. I could try, but it wouldn't work, because it would be impossible for both my mother to have died, and me to have been born to come back to kill her."

His crooked smile nearly melts me. "This is what I get for falling in love with a scientist."

"How many times did you see me? In the past?" "Five." He doesn't hesitate.

"And I've been back four. So that means I go back one more time?"

But I won't. Ever. It won't matter if we leave today or a month from now. Going back would mean putting Danu's life in danger. "What if I just don't go back?"

"You do. I was there, remember?"

Am I willing to risk Danu's life for the chance at a life with Austin? I don't want to kill her, but what if I can't stop it?

Austin puts his hand on my shoulder and I lean into him, letting him pull me into a hug.

"You're not going to leave until I go back, are you?"

He kisses the top of my head. "It has to happen this way."

"Okay, I'll just go down to the ruin now. I'll get this over with and then we can leave." I walk past him, but I don't feel nearly as confident as I sound. I just won't hurt her. I can make the choice.

Maybe I can change it, but what then? If Danu doesn't die and there is no war, will Austin still be here for me? Will any of this have happened? Does changing everything mean changing everything.

"Wait." Austin doesn't let me go. Is he thinking the same thing? That everything will be different. "This isn't right. You were wearing something else."

"What?" He wants me to go to the ruin.

"You wore a dress. A s.h.i.+mmery gold thing, with one sleeve and a skirt that touched the ground."

"That doesn't sound like anything I own."

Austin looks frustrated. "We didn't talk about where it came from. You just wore it."

"Maybe it was something I got in the past?"

"No. It wasn't of the time. It had a slit on one side that went above your knee. I could see your leg when you walked."

"Okay. I'll go see Shannon at the shop in town."

"It's too risky to go now. The Gathering is too close. Everyone will be restless. The Sons will kill you on sight."

"I obviously make it back to the past for you to see me in the dress, right? It's already happened. I must survive getting the dress."

"Your theory of impossibility?"

"Compossibility. And it's your theory. I still want to believe I can change things." I have to. How many lives could be saved if the war never starts?

Austin pulls me into a deep kiss. I don't want to be anywhere but in the present, soaking up every second and keeping it close. I'm caught off guard, but it only takes a second for my lips to part and let him in. He presses me against the wall so I can feel everywhere our bodies touch.

"What was that for?" I ask through ragged breaths.

He kisses my throat. "You have no idea how much I want you to be right."

"But you don't think I am."

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. His message comes through the urgency of his kiss. We're running out of time.

FORTY-THREE.

I look at every dress in the shop, but I don't see anything resembling the dress that Austin described. Maybe it's in Rome. Who's to say we can't come back here? I don't have to go the ruin now, if I can go later.

Shannon comes from the back room with an armful of dresses. She smiles as she lays them across the table. "Did it work then? The broomstraw?"

"Like a charm." She smiles at my joke. "Keep it close. Something's brewing. I can feel it in my bones."

Even the humans can feel the coming battle as the magic hour approaches. "I will."

"Are you looking for something special? These just came in." She holds up a red satin sheath. As she twirls around, I notice a sc.r.a.p of gold in the pile behind her.

"Do you have a gold one?" My stomach buzzes with antic.i.p.ation.

Shannon works through the stack and pulls out a yellow dress with gold trim. It has long sleeves and short golden skirt.

I hadn't realized how much I want it to be the dress until it isn't. Maybe Austin is wrong about the dress? Or maybe I just don't go back. If Austin is right and the past can't be avoided, I can at least keep it at bay for a little while longer. The longer I put it off, the longer we'll have.

"You like this one?" Shannon asks.

"I was thinking of something more formal. With one sleeve and a slit up one leg?"

"You have very specific taste."

"Do you have anything like that?" I want her to say no. I want to do more than change the past. I want to change my future.