You Live Once Part 20

"Hus.h.!.+ Please!" My voice was a frightened croak.

She must have sensed the way I felt. She came close to me and whispered, "What on earth is the trouble?"

"The police are looking for me, Toni. They want to arrest me for the murder of Mary Olan."

"That's simply stupid! You couldn't kill anybody."

"Please, please don't raise your voice like that, Toni. I didn't kill her. But I'll tell you what I did do. I found her body in my closet Sunday morning. I put the body in my car and took it out and left it where they found it. Now they can prove I did that. And if they can prove I did that..."

She stood silently in the darkness.

"You fool, Clint!

You utter d.a.m.n fool!"

"I know, I know. I did it, I was stupid, I can't take it back."

"You better go right on down there and tell them just what you did."

"You don't know the whole thing. You don't know how bad it looks."

"You can't tell them the truth?"

"I didn't tell them in the beginning. I don't dare to now."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"This sounds silly as h.e.l.l. I don't know what I expect you to do. I just wanted to tell somebody. I just wanted to tell you. So it's stupid. All right."

She looked down and kicked lightly at the gra.s.s.

"If you run and hide it'll look even worse."

"I know that! But what can I do. I can't keep standing here. I wish I could tell you the whole thing."

"Without any lies? Without leaving out any part of it?"

"I'm off lies, Toni. I've given them up. They don't pay off."

"You ought to go right to the police."

"We can't argue that here."

She turned and looked at the house. There was just enough light from the house for me to see she was biting her underlip.

"I don't want to get you involved," I said.

"Shut up a minute. Have you got your car?"

"They took it away."

"I suppose they're watching your place."

"There's a man in there waiting for me to come home.

They think I went out for a walk. They're cruising around looking for me."

"You can come to my room if you do exactly what I tell you to do."

"I don't want to get you involved."

"I am involved. Now listen. There's back stairs. They start from the back hall, outside the kitchen. Take your shoes off."

She handled it like an expert. She went into the kitchen to create a diversion while I crept partway up the narrow staircase. She left the kitchen and walked noisily up the stairs. As soon as she pa.s.sed me, I followed in her wake, stepping in her same cadence. I waited at the top, behind the door, while she went down the hall to her room. She opened her room door, looked back toward me and nodded. I moved silently down the hall and slipped into her room. She came in behind me, closed her door and locked it. She crossed the room and closed the blinds at the two windows. I felt weak and shaken. There was one overstuffed chair. I sat in it and lighted a cigarette.

After a few moments I was able to look around the room. It was an ugly room but she had worked hard on it. The high double bed dominated the room. The walls were an unhappy green. Two small lamps with opaque shades muted the ugliness. I could see through the half open door into a small private bath. She had a small corner bookshelf, a wrought iron magazine rack, a double hot plate atop a small cabinet for dishes. It distressed me that the life of Toni should be compressed into this characterless room. I imagined she dated often, she was certainly handsome enough. But there cannot be a date every night. There had to be the alone nights, was.h.i.+ng out things, reading, doing her hair and nails, listening to the small coral-plastic radio. The closet door was ajar.

Her clothes hung neatly racked, shoes neatly aligned on the floor. She moved over and closed the closet door.

The room had a clean smell of her. Fragrant soap, touch of perfume, hint of starch and rustle.

She put an ash tray beside me, moved a straight chair over tiiredtly in front of me, and sat there, so close our knees nearly touched. She leaned forward and whispered, "Don't even whisper loudly, Clint. She'd make me move out tonight if she knew I had a man in here."

"All right. I'll tell it from the beginning."

"Not from the time you found her body. From the very, very beginning, the day you met her."

There was a certain avidity in Toni's dark eyes. She wanted to know all. So I told her all there was to tell. It took a long time. She would ask questions, not often. She looked almost sick when I told about getting the body into the car, about the way it had rolled down the little hill until the tree stopped it. When I told about the can and the thread, she said, "I don't understand."

"That was one of the cans I used to disguise the shape of her in the tarp. When I pushed it down into the tarp it tore that thread off her skirt. I didn't see it when I threw the can into the back end of the car."

"Can they prove it came from her skirt?"

"I'm sure they can. They have ways."

We stopped talking as someone walked heavily down the hall right by her door. She asked a few more questions. She got up restlessly and walked around the room, touching things absently, straightening them. She sat on the bed, frowning beyond me. She looked at me and tried to smile, then blushed and looked away. Her blush underlined our nearness, the strangeness of the situation.

I went over and stood looking down at her.

"Now do you think I should turn myself in?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"While they're looking for me they won't be looking for who really did it."

"I know, but will they look anyway, after they have you?"

"I doubt it."