Justice Served Part 32

"Tell me about this morning," Catherine urged.

For a moment, Mitch.e.l.l remained silent, her eyes distant, remembering. Then she twitched as if awakening from a dream and focused on Catherine's face. "It was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life."

Catherine nodded wordlessly.

"She's got this stupid short, red, fake-leather jacket." Mitch.e.l.l laughed, the sound undercut with pain. "She looks really hot in it, but the d.a.m.n thing is worthless as far as keeping her warm is concerned."

Mitch.e.l.l stared at her lap, her hands curled over the tops of her knees.

"Trudy was wearing it, but I didn't know that. I saw the body, the blood, the red jacket."

Mitch.e.l.l fell silent again, the agony of the memory written across her face. Catherine had a sudden ash of Rebecca lying in a pool of blood, her skin white, her chest unmoving. She experienced the terror again, the empty desolation. Her heart aching for the young woman across from her, she murmured, "You thought it was Sandy."

"Yeah," Mitch.e.l.l said, her voice hoa.r.s.e, her ngers white. "I thought she was dead, and I felt something inside of me...freeze. Like all the life was leaving my body and there was nothing left behind."

She shook her head, then met Catherine's eyes, her own bleak. "It hurt so much."

"I know," Catherine said softly. "Does it still hurt?"

Mitch.e.l.l took a shaky breath and nodded. "Some. I mean, I know she's all right. But I still...feel it."

"Your head knows she's all right, but your heart will take a little while longer to believe it."

"I almost didn't come this afternoon because I didn't want to let her out of my sight." Mitch.e.l.l smiled crookedly. "She's starting to complain that she's suffocating."

Catherine laughed. "Do you think she means it?"

"Probably a little. She's pretty independent."

"I noticed. How do you feel about that?"

"Most of the time I think it's pretty great," Mitch.e.l.l conceded.

"But when she insists on getting in the middle of things where she might get hurt, I'm not too keen on it."

* 216 *

Justice Served "And have you talked about it?"

Mitch.e.l.l grinned. "Uh...maybe more like shouted about it."

"But you're handling it?"

"We're okay. I drive her crazy, but she knows I'm doing it because I love her."

"Good." Catherine regarded Mitch.e.l.l intently for moment. "Is there some other reason, besides not wanting to leave Sandy, that you didn't want to come today?"

Mitch.e.l.l looked down at her heavy black motorcycle boots, considering, then shrugged one shoulder. "I thought you might tell me I can't go back to work."

"Why did you think I would say that?"

"Because of this morning. I didn't handle it so well."

"Oh? I didn't notice that anything was wrong at the conference."

Other than the fact that you looked like you'd been through the wringer.

"Was there some kind of procedural problem in the eld?"

Swiftly, Mitch.e.l.l shook her head in denial. "Not that kind of screwup. I mean, I think I handled everything okay. Followed protocol.

But..."

"But?"

Mitch.e.l.l sighed heavily. "I pretty much fell apart when I thought it was Sandy. I kind of couldn't think. Then...well, then I heaved in the gutter." She grimaced, remembering, still chagrined. "Jesus. I can't believe I did that."

"Don't you think it's natural for someone to have an extreme reaction when they believe someone they love has been killed?"

"I'm a cop," Mitch.e.l.l said immediately. "I'm supposed to be able to handle it."

"Handle that kind of loss? How?"

"By doing the job. By just...doing what has to be done."

Catherine struggled to be objective. Mitch.e.l.l sounded eerily like Rebecca, so certain of what must be done and so very certain she could trade her humanity for her duty over and over without slowly dying.

G.o.d, what makes them do this?

Wis.h.i.+ng desperately that she understood, Catherine knew with a sinking heart that she might never nd the answer to what made her lover who she was, what made this young woman believe that it was possible to bury that much pain for the good of a...a job. Not a job. The * 217 *

RADCLY fFE job. Suddenly, she realized that she had never asked the right question.

The answer wasn't to be found in understanding why they did what they did. It was all about how the work was an extension of who they were. "What does being a cop mean to you?"

Mitch.e.l.l's brows drew down sharply at the unexpected question.

Taking her time, she formed her answer. "It means taking all the things that are important to me, about who I am and what I believe, and bringing them together in one place. When I'm a cop I'm me, more than any other time in my life except..." She smiled. "Except when Sandy and I are making love."

"When you're being a cop and when you're with the woman you love," Catherine said quietly. "That's when you're you?"

"Yes," Mitch.e.l.l replied solemnly.

Catherine considered the idea, considered all she knew of her lover, all she had learned from Dellon and from other police of cers over the years. She believed it. She still didn't entirely understand it, but she accepted that the essence of their being, their self-de nition, was intimately shaped by their responsibility, dedication, and pride in being police of cers. Her responsibility at the moment was determining if this one police of cer could safely function, regardless of how critical it might be to Mitch.e.l.l to ful ll her role on the team.

"You seem to like being undercover. Is it stressful?"

"No," Mitch.e.l.l admitted. "Not when I'm Mitch. Mitch is..."

Struggling, she met Catherine's eyes and found only acceptance. "Mitch is me. Part of me, anyways. I just let that part come to the surface, and it's not work."

"I've wondered," Catherine said. "Do you have to think about behaving like a man, or...how does that happen for you?"

Mitch.e.l.l grinned. "It comes pretty easy. It's not just clothes or the co-other stuff. When I'm Mitch, and people relate to me like I'm a guy, it's easy to stay in character. Sure, it helps to look the part, to have the right equipment in my jeans, but a lot of it is about how other people see me. Sandy helps a lot."

"How?" Catherine watched Mitch.e.l.l's face come to life, saw the energy return to her eyes, saw her body straighten with renewed strength. She wasn't entirely certain whether it was the mention of Sandy or Mitch, but something had infused Mitch.e.l.l with excitement and purpose.

* 218 *

Justice Served "She digs Mitch. She makes it work for me. She never lets me forget who I am when I'm him." Mitch.e.l.l made a wry face, considering her words. "Did that just make any sense?"

Catherine laughed. "I think so. Having Sandy believe in Mitch, and relate to him with consistency and sincerity, makes it easier for you to project his personality."

"Yes." Mitch.e.l.l grinned. "Having her have the hots for Mitch helps me be him."

"I think that's what I just said," Catherine murmured, and Mitch.e.l.l laughed.

"I can see that the undercover portion of the a.s.signment is not a problem for you. What about the rest of it?" Catherine asked, suddenly serious. "Are you concerned about the danger?"

"Concerned?" Mitch.e.l.l pondered the idea. "No. It takes some getting used to, never knowing exactly what's going to happen, but I feel prepared. Being a cop is just like being a soldier. You train, you know you're ready, and whatever happens, you deal with it."

"Speaking of soldiers," Catherine remarked evenly, "Erica was a bit of a surprise."

"Yeah, well, she hasn't been part of my life for quite a while, so I never thought to mention her."

Catherine made a sound of a.s.sent, watching Mitch.e.l.l's face.

"Okay," Mitch.e.l.l conceded. "I don't like to talk about her."

After a moment, Catherine asked, "Has seeing her yesterday changed how you feel at all?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It's going to be a lot harder to put her out of my mind now."

"It must take a lot of work to keep your twin out of your mind."

For the merest instant, Mitch.e.l.l closed her eyes. Then with a sigh, she said, "It's impossible. Most of the time I don't think about her, but then at odd moments, I remember something we did or something she said, or I'll want to tell her something...and she's not there." She took a deep breath and sighed again. "Then it's really tough."

"Now...with all that's going on with this investigation, is probably not the best time to explore your feelings concerning the estrangement with your sister, but at some point, I think you should."

Slowly, Mitch.e.l.l nodded. "So...you and I, we could do that?"

"Yes, we could."

* 219 *

RADCLY fFE "Okay," Mitch.e.l.l said as if that settled the matter. Then she leaned forward, her gaze intent. "So, will you clear me to get back to work?"

Catherine didn't hesitate. "Yes."

v Mitch sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward to pull on his right motorcycle boot. Sandy scooted around behind him and threaded her arms around his neck, running her hands back and forth over his chest.

"Remember, Ali said you couldn't ride the bike." Sandy kissed the back of his neck.

"I won't," he replied, reaching for the other boot. His leg ached when he stood too long or stretched too far. But basically, it didn't bother him. The st.i.tches hadn't yet been removed, but the incision was healing ne, and he rarely thought about it. "Jasmine will pick me up in her car."

"I could come with you to the Troc," Sandy suggested. "I am supposed to be your girlfriend, you know."

"You are my girlfriend."

"So, I'll come."

"I'm going to Ziggie's after the Kings nish their show."

"I know. I'll catch a ride home with someone."

Mitch angled around on the bed until he could see Sandy's face.

He grinned. "Uh-huh. Anybody who sees us together will really believe that I'm going to leave you to go out clubbing with the guys."

Sandy ran her ngertips along his jaw. "You look good. The shading is just right. Clubbing with the guys, huh. That's what you call it? Watching a bunch of girls dance naked?"

"I'm not watching the girls. You know that."

"Oh yeah, sure. I bet you keep your eyes closed the whole time you're in Ziggie's. I've seen the way those tables are placed. You're practically at eye level with their-"

"Come on, San," Mitch protested, snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her sideways into his lap. Her arms automatically came around his neck, and he nuzzled her throat. "I'll be working, and even if I wasn't, the only girl I ever think about is you." He kissed her * 220 *

Justice Served neck, then rubbed his cheek against her breast. "All the time. I think about this all the time."

Sandy smoothed her ngers over the short hair at the back of his neck before guiding his mouth to the peak of her breast, murmuring her pleasure when he took her nipple into his mouth. The thin material of her camisole molded to her breast from the moisture of his lips, heightening the sensation as it tightened around her esh. "I know how you get," she whispered, s.h.i.+fting her hips against his crotch, "when you're geared up like this."

Mitch groaned. "How? How do I get, huh, honey?"

"h.o.r.n.y." Sandy leaned back, caught the bottom of her camisole in her ngers, and lifted it to expose her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Watching Mitch's face, she cupped one small, rm breast and icked the nipple with her nger.

"Just remember, I'll be waiting..." She lost her breath as Mitch's mouth closed rmly on her again.

Back arched, both hands clasped behind Mitch's neck, Sandy rocked in his lap while he moved from one breast to the other, torturing her nipples with kisses interspersed with tiny bites. Within minutes, they were both gasping.

"You know what you're doing to me, right?" Mitch groaned, both hands circling her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, squeezing rhythmically. He lifted his hips to meet Sandy's as she ground down against him. "You know how bad I need you right now, right?"

"Uh-huh," Sandy gasped, her head thrown back, eyes closed, her hips rolling over the prominence between his thighs.

"You trying to make me come in my jeans?"

A slow smile curved over Sandy's face as she opened her eyes partway, her expression dreamy and soft. "Can you?"

"Keep riding me like that, you'll nd out," Mitch growled.