It's Raining Men Part 31

When gardeners arrived taking Lord Carlton's attention, Joan took the opportunity to nip out to Wellem to get 'some feminine things', as she put it. Gladys huffed and nodded her a.s.sent.

Joan had to ask. 'Gladys, have I offended you in any way?'

Gladys hardly knew where to start. But she remembered Edwin's warning that if she stirred up trouble it wouldn't be Joan who was out on her ear.

'Of course not,' she said with a cold smile. 'I'll tell Lord Carlton where you are, if he asks.'

Joan wasn't convinced, but she had bigger fish to fry than humouring an old woman's moods. She took the bus into Wellem which, annoyingly, was extra full of people as there was a midsummer fair on. Luckily the Internet cafe was quiet as everyone was outside enjoying the suns.h.i.+ne. Joan got out her notepad and pen, reviewed what she had written, then started to type into the Google search box.

What does Illis quos amo deserviam mean? These were the words cut into Seymour Acaster's gravestone. The answer came up immediately, under Romantic Quotes: 'For those I love I shall sacrifice.' Joan wrote it down but she was still no wiser. The translation to that quote was obviously not the magic binding agent.

Where is High Top in Ren Dullem? It was a long shot, seeing as even Google didn't know anything about the village, never mind an individual house. Google wasn't helpful. It returned search results of window-cleaners in Ipswich, shops selling sports shoes and a p.o.r.n site featuring busty women smoking cannabis.

Next on Joan's list was: Why are no girls born in an area? That brought up lots of irrelevant results about China and India so she changed the question to: Why are no boys born in an area? That didn't lead to anything but wider issues of choosing the s.e.x of a child and declining birth rates. Joan tapped her fingers on the keyboard.

Raine She read: 'People with this name tend to be visionary, with great spiritual powers. They are inspirational and powerful and have an overwhelming desire for a stable home life and/or community.'

Apparently it was a Teutonic name meaning, not rain, but counsel or mighty army. In German it meant strong. Joan didn't even bother to write any of that claptrap down.

Reine Lots of references to a Norwegian fis.h.i.+ng village. Obviously it was also the French word for queen.

Joan pressed the back arrow to take her to the search bar again. To Reine she added de la mer words a.s.sociated with and wished she hadn't. Numerous entries came up, ranging from s.h.i.+ps named as such to waltzes and hotels. Les Sirenes de la mer, Creme de la Mer, Walter de la Mare, Maris Piper potatoes . . . She felt like picking up the monitor and throwing it at the wall.

She tried the only phrase she didn't recognize: Les Sirenes de la mer. It brought up a host of French entries. She clicked on the first and was grateful for the 'Translate this page' option. It didn't translate it very well.

Les Sirenes de la mer known alsos as reines de la mer Sirenia is an order of aquatic, herbivorous mammals that marine waters, rivers, swamps etc. inhabit. Including those as manatees and dugong which have adaptations for the aquatic: steering arms and a propulsing paddle. Hydro-dynamic with very much muscular although appear fat. Mariners often mistaking the presents of these animals in the waters for mermaids, legendary creatures of the aquatic bearing human body upper with fish tail of the lower. Often depicted in artworks of great note as harbingers of floods, storms, s.h.i.+pwrecks, drowning. Also folk traditionally can be benevolence, saviours of humans in need and of falling in love with sailors. An a.s.sociation with Sirens of Greek mythology whose enchantment of singing voices could not be resistable, hences Queens of the Sea.

Joan threw down her pen in disgust. So that was it, then. Unless old Raine was a frigging mermaid, she had reached a dead end in her Internet searching.

The only thing she had left to do now was find out where High Top was and introduce herself to the woman who lived there. She'd get the story from the horse's mouth. From Raine de la Mer herself. Or whoever was claiming monies from the Carlton estate in her name.

Gladys asked for the afternoon off. In all the forty years she had worked for Lord Carlton she had never asked for this and of course he could not deny her.

'Is everything all right, Gladys?' he asked, pulling on his gardening gauntlets.

'Yes, yes, it's fine,' she lied. It wasn't fine, not at all. She needed to speak to Raine and it wouldn't wait. And no better time to do it than when Mrs Sly and Mighty was out of the house herself. Otherwise she wouldn't put it past her to follow Gladys up to High Top.

Gladys took with her a basket of food from the larder and a fresh trout from the lake. She never turned up at Raine's empty-handed. She walked as fast as her legs would take her through the village and up through Spice Wood. She knew she wouldn't sleep if she didn't see her old friend.

Raine was dozing in her chair outside in the sun when Gladys arrived. Faithful Albert was on her lap as usual. Raine's odd-coloured eyes sprang open just as Gladys was about to nudge her. Her weathered old face broke into a smile.

'h.e.l.lo, my dear, how lovely to see you.' Then the smile slipped as she registered Gladys's furrowed brow and the worry in her eyes. 'Whatever's the matter?'

'Raine, I need to talk to you. Can we go inside?'

'Yes, of course. Come in.'

Gladys wheeled Raine through the door and sat down heavily on the sofa. She barely knew where to start.

Chapter 73.

No one could be bothered to cook and when May suggested they go to Jenny's and have lunch made for them, there was a resounding yes by way of response.

'Are you sure Gene Hathersage didn't try to kiss you when you got out of his truck?' Clare asked Lara as they walked down the hill.

'I've told you, no. He's not interested in women. He went to great lengths to tell me that. Not that I'm bothered because I'm not interested in men.'

'Okay, we believe you.'

'Good.'

As they pa.s.sed Spice Wood, Clare was relieved to see that Val Hathersage wasn't hanging around waiting for her. Not that she would have been tempted to join him. She couldn't help thinking what would have happened if the old couple had called the police and they came to arrest her whilst she was waiting 'two minutes' for Val to return with their lunch. What if she had been arrested and her name would have appeared in the national papers? What if her parents had read it? She felt sick at the thought and shuddered.

'Cold?' asked May, seeing her.

'No, someone just walked over my grave,' fibbed Clare.

'Please, please, G.o.d, make Daisy Unwin not be in here,' said May under her breath as they approached the Front Cafe. She wasn't, but a few other locals were. They nodded a h.e.l.lo, even if they didn't actually say the word.

'h.e.l.lo, ladies.' Jenny came bustling over, wearing a brightly coloured gingham ap.r.o.n made of the same material as the tablecloths. 'Can I get you something to drink whilst you're looking through the menu?'

They ordered three fizzy lemon juices; it was too warm for coffee today.

'There's no reason why this cafe couldn't be extended at the front to have an outdoor eating area,' mused May.

Lara raised her hands. 'Please don't get me started on what I'd do with Ren Dullem if I had half the chance.'

'You too?' Clare chuckled. 'I lie in bed at night planning changes. So far I've reorganized the market, redesigned the park and renovated all those derelict cottages opposite the woods.'

'Ooh, guess what I was told?' May suddenly remembered an interesting fact from her conversation with Frank. 'We aren't actually staying in Ren Dullem. We are staying in Reines de la Mer.' She sat back and let the others absorb that.

'More needed,' prompted Clare.

'Apparently the village was named after the mermaids that once lived in the sea so they wouldn't sink the fis.h.i.+ng boats. Clare, steady on. It's a legend,' said May, seeing Clare's eyes widening.

'And who did you hear all this from?' asked Lara.

'Er, Frank. I b.u.mped into him earlier on. We had a little chat. Don't look at me like that, you two.'

Jenny returned to take their order and they had to suspend their conversation whilst they hurriedly chose.

'Spicy chicken and rice for me, please,' said Lara.

'Baked potato with chilli and cheese, please,' May added to the order.

'All-day breakfast, please, with extra mushrooms,' said Clare, turning to Lara. 'That's your fault for talking about your breakfast this morning you've got me craving sausages.'

'I shan't be craving any of those for a while,' replied Lara. 'Now, what has anyone got in mind for altering the harbour front?'

Chapter 74.

'I'm getting old.' Gladys sighed. There was a major slump to her shoulders. She was weighed down with stress. 'I actually gave her the benefit of the doubt. I said to myself: "Gladys, maybe you've been a bit too hard on the woman. Maybe you've got things out of proportion because you like the setup with Lord Carlton and you were too afraid of it being spoiled." So I started being a bit more friendly to Joan Hawk. Then I sneaked over and looked in her bin. I was right: she had got Edwin drunk that night. And those prawns didn't come from Wellem market, she lied. And that elder-flower cordial wasn't home-made. I'm not wrong, am I, Raine? You know I'm not. What's she up to, and can't you stop her?'

'Gladys, Gladys.' Raine closed her short stubby hand over Gladys's large and warm one. 'Look what happened the last time I interfered with fate.'

'You saved thirteen lives,' Gladys remonstrated with her.

'I condemned a whole village,' Raine replied. 'Because of my presence the village sealed itself away, girls were no longer born, people sacrificed their own happiness to protect me. That was never my intention. It was duty and honour gone mad.'

'They wanted to, though. They loved you. We all still love you. There wasn't a family in the village that wasn't related to one of those thirteen men. Everyone owed you their loyalty and allegiance.'

'What will be, will be, Gladys. I'm tired.'

Gladys's face was full of concern. 'I'm going to ask again and again until you say yes. Let us move you down to the village. None of us think you're safe up here. Cliffs are falling into the sea all the time. You're too near to the edge and there's no barrier.'

'Promise me something, Gladys. If anything happens to me, you'll make sure Albert has a good home. He hasn't long left. I'd like his last days to be happy ones.'

Gladys gasped. 'You're scaring me, Raine.'

'Promise me.'

'I'll look after Albert. You know I will.'

Raine let loose a tinkly laugh, then leaned over and gave Gladys a kiss on the cheek. 'You're a good friend. You must not worry. Now, would you do me a favour, Gladys? I have a letter to write and I can't find any paper or pencils. The day ladies sometimes put things I don't use in the top cupboards in the kitchen. Would you have a look in there for me?'

Chapter 75.

Over their meal May, Clare and Lara completely overhauled Ren Dullem, carefully, though, so as not to ruin its quaintness. Any new builds would have to be made from old stone, the car park would have to be on the edge of the village, leaving the centre a pedestrian-only zone, except for authorized vehicles they couldn't exactly deny access to lovely Frank's van. The fly-tippers' dream area on the road into Ren Dullem would be totally cleaned up and widened, the ice-cream parlour would have an upstairs cafe affording a view of the harbour, and Unwin's coffee kiosk would be boarded up with big nails. With all the Unwin family trapped inside.

They were just giggling about that last touch when the door opened and in walked Pauline Unwin, pulling her cousin's chair.

'Talk of the devil,' muttered Lara.

'b.l.o.o.d.y marvellous,' said Daisy in a whisper louder than anyone else's shout.

Jenny arrived at the table with three large slices of her homemade chocolate truffle cheesecake, clotted cream on the side. They noticed that her whole demeanour changed when Daisy entered. Jenny scurried over to her table to set it with cutlery and give it an extra clean.

'That Daisy sure brings in an atmosphere with her, doesn't she?' said Lara.

'Ignore her,' replied Clare, sticking her fork into the muddy depths of the cheesecake. 'Oh, my, I've just died and gone to heaven.' Lud loved cheesecake. Lud Lud Lud.

'Soon be back to normal, Pauline. That funny smell will have gone.' Daisy spoke much more loudly than she needed to, since Pauline was inches away from her.

Clare giggled. 'How old is she? Ten?'

There was a clattering as Jenny dropped some cutlery.

'Oh, for G.o.d's sake, get us some more,' yelled Daisy. 'You always were a clumsy cow.'

Lara spun around in her seat; she'd heard enough. 'Don't talk to her like that.'

Daisy looked as if she had been slapped in the face and Pauline's mouth had dropped into such a large 'O' she could have stepped straight out of 'The Scream'.

'What?'

'I said don't talk to Jenny like that.'

May and Clare were silent. They didn't interfere when Lara's hackles were up.

Daisy's mouth fell into a variety of different shapes as if she were trying out some choice words before delivering them. 'What's it got to do with you?' she spat eventually. 'Can't you see how I am?' She stabbed her finger at her legs.

Lara was turning very red.

'I can see very well how you are disposed, though what that has to do with talking to someone as if they're c.r.a.p is anyone's guess.'

'And what are you doing to do about it?'

Daisy's face morphed into Ca.s.sandra Wath's from Lara's schooldays. Lara had just asked her to lay off pulling a first year's hair in the toilet. And what are you going to do about it? Ca.s.sandra had said. This, Lara had replied, and she'd dragged Ca.s.sandra over to the nearest toilet and flushed her head down it. Lara contemplated the logistics of getting Daisy into the loo. Unfortunately it was a no-goer.

'Look at you, threatening the disabled. I saw you looking at that jug of water as if you were going to throw it over me,' cried Daisy, as if she were performing to an audience.

'What jug of water?' said Lara.

'The one on the counter.'

Lara shook her head in disbelief. Daisy was joking, surely. Lara wasn't even looking in that direction.

'Let's just go,' suggested May. They couldn't finish their nice lunch in peace, and now it had been spoiled.

Clare stood and picked up her handbag. She took some notes out of her purse and handed them to Jenny.