Broken - Broken Promises Part 15

"Reasons for ruining your life? Do tell," Baker insisted.

He wasn't going to back down and I suddenly wished for the days when we would joke nonstop. I wasn't too sure I liked this serious Baker.

"Mallory and I are done. She told me so herself. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I never should have gotten involved with her when she came back. She wasn't looking for some commitment, she only came home to bury her father. I think that much is obvious. And as to my drinking, I know it was stupid. But I couldn't deal with the pain of being again," I explained.

"Alcohol won't numb the pain, Luke. If anything, it worsens it. Trust me, I know," Wolfe said quietly. I looked at him and realized how much he understood exactly how I felt. Mallory and I might not have been married, but we had been so happy. And now all that remain between us was regret and broken promises.

"You're right," I said. "Thank you both for getting me out of there when you did." It was a thanks and apology all rolled into one. They both nodded.

"So, now that you're coherent, what are you going to do about Mallory?" Wolfe asked.

I was confused. "Do? There's nothing to do. She's gone," I said. The words gripped my heart and shred it into a million tiny pieces.

"Only if you let her go. She still has feelings for you, Luke," Baker insisted.

I knew he was right. She'd told me as much the night before she left. I want you to want to be where I am. Was she saying she wanted me to come to Boston? To make some romantic gesture to her? I wasn't sure, but I wasn't about to move to Boston, either. I hated the city.

"I know she does. And I am in love with her. But it doesn't matter if we can't work our problems out. There are too many complications," I said.

"You're a coward," Wolfe spat.

"Excuse me?" My head was still a bit cloudy, but he couldn't be talking to me.

"You are. The woman you love wants to be with you, she just doesn't know how. If Gabby asked me to stop the earth so we could be together, I wouldn't stop until I found a way to do it. I would do anything to keep her in my life," Wolfe said, and then emphasized, "Anything."

His words sparked the harsh reality of what I was letting go. Mallory wasn't just a fling for me, she wasn't someone I had a one-night stand with and could easily toss aside. She was Mallory. My first love, and really, my only. I'd been with women in our time apart, but none had evoked the emotions in me that she did. None of them completed me, as cliche as that was. I could be myself around her without worrying she would be unimpressed or repulsed. She had been my best friend. And I wasn't ready to let that go. Not without a fight.

"You're right," I said.

"You're d.a.m.n straight he's right. I'm sick of watching this soap opera of your life, Luke. Mallory is the one, you dumba.s.s. So stop trying to run away from her and get your s.h.i.+t together," Baker scolded.

Again, he was this fatherly figure who knew more than I did and wanted me to make the right decisions. What happened to the guy who only wanted to drink beer and chase tail? Rainey had changed him. I found it astonis.h.i.+ng and terrifying.

I begged for an answer. "So what do I do to get her back?" A headache formed in the back of my brain and I knew I would feel it for a while. I rubbed the back of my head to try to ease the pain, but to no avail.

"How much do you love her?" Wolfe asked.

"What?"

Baker glanced at me. "How much are you willing to sacrifice in order to be with her?"

There it was, the word I had been afraid of since she was sixteen and told me she wanted to go to Boston for college: sacrifice. The truth was, I hadn't been ready to sacrifice anything back then. I was a stupid kid who thought the girl I loved would follow me anywhere, even if I didn't go anyplace.

"Anything," I breathed. It was true. I wanted nothing more in my life than to be with her. She was like my own personal sun and every breath I took revolved around her. I couldn't stand to be without her any longer.

"Move to Boston."

I blinked at Baker's words. Was that the answer? Would moving to Boston really make her happy? I wasn't so sure.

"But-"

"No buts, Luke. If you want to spend your life with her, then you have to give up your life. Move to Boston, like she asked you to three years ago. Make the ultimate sacrifice for her. She's already lost her dad, she doesn't want to lose you, too. But she doesn't want to be the only one making sacrifices, either," Wolfe said.

It sounded like he knew what he was talking about. I nodded to acknowledge his words but I didn't speak. I couldn't. Was I capable of giving up my entire life just to be a part of hers? As much as it sounded like the perfect plan, I didn't even know how to begin. My confusion must have been apparent, as Baker gave me his opinion.

"This is how I see it: you move out of this apartment, pack up all your stuff, and show up at her door," he suggested.

For all his claims about my soap opera life, his option seemed too dramatic for me.

"Wait a second," I said as a frightening thought occurred to me. "What if she doesn't actually want to be with me and this plan backfires?"

"Well, I can take over you apartment. I've been looking for something else for a few weeks," Wolfe said. "So if she still turns you down, you won't really lose anything. But my name will be on the lease instead of yours and so you'll just be staying with me until you find a new place."

"This isn't just some psychotic plan to steal my apartment, is it?"

"Yes, Luke, he's been plotting to steal your apartment while you've been a dumba.s.s," Baker joked. That was the Baker I remembered. He always saw the lighter side of every situation.

I laughed along with them and mentally planned my trip. I would pack tonight and leave in the morning.

TWENTY-ONE.

Mallory.

Boston was gorgeous. It had only been gone a few weeks, but it was just as stunning as I remembered. The flowers around the city were in bloom and the sun shone brightly as I had lugged my duffel up to my apartment. My roommates had were gone for the weekend, but I enjoyed the solitary.

We had an extra-large balcony that had a monumental view of the harbor, and I planted myself in one of the chairs for the entire day. I didn't unpack, I didn't eat or drink-I just soaked-in the city. As much as I loved the Boston, it wasn't home. It wasn't Casper. I missed the small town life, the two lane roads, and Luke. I missed Luke most of all, even though it was over between us.

When Rainey called me the following Tuesday, I agreed to meet her at Faneuil Hall for lunch. I was early, but she was already waiting for me by the Christmas shoppe. It was her favorite store, no matter what town she was in. Casper has a tiny little shop that boasted Christmas year-round, but Rainey was clearly taken with the store.

"Let's go inside," I suggested after I hugged her h.e.l.lo.

Her eyes lit up like a little kid's and she nodded. We started with the top floor and slowly made our way back to the ground floor. We spent nearly an hour in the store, but I wasn't back to work yet, so I didn't have a schedule.

Although my boss had promised I would have a job when I returned, he was still ironing out the details with the higher ups. I guessed they were afraid I would up and leave again. No chance of that happening.

Rainey chose a restaurant styled after a popular 90's TV show and once we were seated, she started in on me.

"Why would you leave us?"

By us, I a.s.sumed she meant our little group, including Luke.

"Rain, I know it's hard, but it's harder for me to be in the same town as him, to watch him hit on other women," I explained.

"You have to know Carrie was the one hitting on him, Mal. He would never hit on another woman with you right there."

She sounded exasperated. I smiled at her antics. The waiter took our order and Rainey didn't miss a beat.

She defended him. "Luke is a good guy."

How many times were people going to say that to me? I was sick of hearing about how good he was. I knew. I had first-hand knowledge.

"I know," I replied. "But we just aren't meant to be, Rainey. He wants me to make all the sacrifices. He wants me to move to Casper when I love Boston. This place is my home now."

"No, it's not," she argued. "Casper is home."

She was so adamant there was hardly any room for an argument. So I didn't argue. I sipped my water and just stared at her.

"Don't look at me like that," she groaned. "I only want you to really think about what you're giving up in order to not 'sacrifice' for a relations.h.i.+p with Luke. Other than Luke himself, you're abandoning our friends.h.i.+p, again, and your relations.h.i.+ps with Gabby, Baker, and Wolfe. They all adore you. You're kind of like the glue that holds our little group together."

"Our group is broken, Rainey. Me and Luke, Gabby and Wolfe. h.e.l.l, you are the only one who has something good going for you with Baker," I protested.

"Broken or not, friends stick together. And best friends stick together forever. Can you please stop focusing on the broken promises of your childhood and adolescence? I know your dad made promises he couldn't keep, so did Luke. It's time to grow up and accept that when something is broken, you fix it," she said vehemently. "You don't throw it away."

I glared at the table so I wouldn't look at her and see the truth in her eyes. Not only did she want me to go home to Casper, she wanted me to get back together with Luke and then help fix everyone else's problems.

"It's no use." I sighed. "Luke won't want anything to do with me now. I chose Boston over him. Again, as you put it. History really does repeat itself, doesn't it?" I looked up at her with tear-filled eyes.

"Only if you let it," she whispered.

She wanted to give me hope, I knew. Hope that with some hard work, I really could fix what was broken between me and Luke. But I wasn't so sure. Fear gripped me. What if I made the effort and he refused me? Could I handle that kind of rejection? I wasn't sure.

We avoided the conversation for the remainder of lunch. She filled me in on what was happening at home while I'd been gone. It wasn't much. We struggled for conversation topics that wouldn't lead us back to Luke. Or my dad. I didn't want to discuss either of them.

"So, I think Baker and I might be getting serious," she said out of the blue. I raised my brow at her and she smiled sheepishly. "I mean, it was supposed to be just a summer fling, but now that I'm moving home more permanently, he wants to make it official that we're dating. He's totally awkward when we talk about it, too."

"Sounds like he's making an effort, though, which is great. I am so happy for you," I declared. I watched her smile fade.

"If only..."

"What's with you, Rain? You have to tell me," I begged. I'd been waiting for weeks to hear what it was that had her not drinking alcohol and having mysterious 'business meetings' in Boston. I deserved to know.

"I can't tell you," she insisted.

"Rainey, if you don't tell me, I will get Gabby on the phone right now and demand she tell me right now," I threatened. From her satisfied grin, I knew she was going to call my bluff.

"Gabby won't tell anyone, Mal. Not even you. Especially not you. She's held on to this secret for two full years," she boasted.

"Then why can't I know?" I whined.

"Mallory, sometimes you have to trust that the people around you know what's best for you, even if you don't understand. Joe pushed you to Boston because he wanted you to have a better life. He didn't tell you about his cancer because he knew you wouldn't have lived your life fully-which is the way you should live. No one should have to spend years watching a parent die," she said quietly.

I knew she was thinking about Luke, how he had watched the only real father figure in his life die. I swallowed a lump in my throat.

"It's not fair, Rainey. What makes Gabby so trustworthy and me not?"

I was a little hysterical over thinking about what was going on with her. I knew she wasn't pregnant, of course, but it didn't make sense why she wouldn't tell me. We were supposed to be best friends. I felt betrayed that she felt close enough to Gabby to tell her, but not to me.

"It's not about trustworthiness, Mallory. It's about being able to handle the information. Gabby is a strong woman and she has dealt with an array of bad things in her life," she said.

I considered this. Gabby's mom had died of breast cancer when Gabby was young. She'd watched a parent die, too. I gulped. Did that automatically make her better at understanding a difficult situation?

"I'm dealing with Dad's death, you know. It's not like I haven't experienced loss, too," I muttered.

"Fine. You want to know? I'll tell you," she sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them, all I could see in their depths was pain.

TWENTY-TWO.

Luke.

I drove in silence the entire way to Boston. I wouldn't even turn on the radio. My truck was loaded down with all my stuff-or at least as much as I could fit in it. I couldn't quite believe I was actually doing it. I left behind my friends, my job, what little family I had-all to be with Mallory. She was the one person I couldn't be without, though. She was my lifeline.

When Baker and Wolfe had laid it all on the table for me, my choice had been obvious. Nothing was as important to me as Mallory. She was it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone but her. Even if it meant she had control of where we lived, or any other life decisions, I would gladly accept whatever she wanted just so I could be with her. It wasn't a matter of being masculine or like a girl, as Baker often accused me-I wanted to be with Mallory, in whatever context and wherever she wanted to be. I was her loyal puppy and I would follow her to the ends of the earth.

Now I just had to convince her of that. We'd both made our fair share of mistakes over the years. I'd been an idiot to let her go. She had given up on our love. We were older now. We should be smart enough to figure it all out. We hadn't been able to, yet, of course, but that was the past. I drove into the city with the knowledge that she would be mine again before the end of the day.

Baker had given me her address and although I was nervous and apprehensive, I parked as close to her building as I could and made my way to her apartment. I raised my fist and knocked, willing my jitters to go away.

A leggy brunette who looked like she belonged on the cover of a magazine answered the door. She looked me up and down and then laughed.

"We didn't order a stripper, cowboy," she said.

I was in jeans and a t-s.h.i.+rt, but I would hardly compare my attire to that of a cowboy. City women were going to be fun to deal with, I noted with a sigh. When she went to close the door, I stuck my foot in the jamb.

"I'm looking for Mallory," I said with a smile. She peered at me with judgmental eyes and I felt as if I was on the chopping block.

"She's not here," she said. To my surprise, she opened the door. "But she's due back soon enough. Come on in." She gestured toward the living room.

"I'm Luke." I introduced myself, but didn't offer to shake her hand and she didn't seem to expect it.

"I'm Leila. The redhead on the couch is Sarah," she said as she closed the door behind me.

The apartment was huge. The cathedral ceilings surprised me, as did the architectural design of the place. Given the location and condition of the apartment, I figured this place must cost a fortune.