The Exception: A Novel Part 25

Lauras father promises that he wont go hunting until the baby animals have grown up. Now Anne-Lise has to look up at her son. She smiles. She has no idea what is happening to her. I must have caught a cold.

Clara puts away her doll. Are you crying?

No, no. Its just a cold.

Does it hurt?

No. Not a bit.

Why are you crying then?

Ulrik shouts at his sister, Mommys not crying! Shes got a cold.

Anne-Lise realizes that she is on the verge of falling apart. Her children must not witness this. She has to get away.

Panic grips her. There. Thats it for tonight.

No-o-o!

Anne-Lise fights to suppress her sobbing. Yes, its time to go to sleep. No more reading tonight.

No-o-o. Please. Read some more. Just a little.

HENRIK! HENRIK! Please come here!

She runs out. Henrik comes toward her. Her sobbing is out of control.

Go to the children. Read them a story.

She stumbles into their bedroom, shuts the door, and throws herself on their bed, covering her head with a pillow to m.u.f.fle the sounds she is making.

Once the children are asleep, Henrik returns to Anne-Lise, walks quietly over to the bed, and sits down close to her. She doesnt open her eyes, but senses his body weighing down the mattress next to her head. She is glad that he is there and blindly reaches out her hand to him. He takes it and strokes her temple with his other hand. They do not speak.

Crying has left Anne-Lise feeling hot and completely empty. The sensation of her body dissolving washes over her. She feels as if she is seeping away, through the mattress, draining down through the boards and beams of the house, through the s.p.a.ces of brick and cement.

Henrik is asking her to please tell him whats the matter. She mutters in response, pressing her nose in between his thigh and the mattress. Its good to feel the warmth of him. Her hand rests between his legs. He asks her again. She doesnt answer, only begins to move her hand.

Anne-Lise, is this a good idea?

She looks up at him.

He gets up, closes the door, and dims the light. One of the good things about their solidly built old house is that sounds do not travel. Once the door is closed, there is no need to worry about the children.

His chest is against hers. Every pore in her skin is wide open. Shes sweating.

Whats happening? Henrik asks. Shes never been like this before. I love it, he says, and I didnt think you felt this way.

And then they are both silent.

A pillow falls to the floor with a faint thump, then the duvet follows, absorbing its own sound as it falls.

This is how I want to die, she thinks. To disappear like this, happy, because in reality, Im already gone.

Every time he thrusts into her, words form silently inside her. Kill me, she thinks. She must not say it aloud. He would stop at once.

Now shes nearly reduced to nothingness. Softly, she dreams on.

Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!

Anne-Lise has never experienced anything like this. Not with anyone. She registers his smell.

Something has given way inside the mattress. The springs groan like a giant struggling for breath. Anne-Lise finally slips away while her mind whispers on inaudibly.

Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!.

chapter 27.

all day long Anne-Lise imagines that everything will change now.

True, she knows that she pays far too much attention to what Malene and Iben do, even to the expressions on their faces. All the interpretation and forecasting exhausts her. Still, today something radically new has happened.

In the morning Iben had phoned from National Hospitals rheumatology clinic. She was there with Malene, who was ill. Iben had said that Tatiana planned to write an important article and suggested that Anne-Lise should call Tatiana and offer to help.

None of her new colleagues had ever done anything like this. Anne-Lise phoned Henrik right away.

There, you see. Maybe well collaborate from now on.

He said yes and was so nice to her. She knows well that he doesnt take any of her fantasies, as he calls them, seriously.

A small part of her is aware that real change isnt very likely. It makes her more vulnerable. Every time they turn on the kindness she cant help thinking that all the tension might be due to her own misunderstanding, or pileup of misunderstandings.

The day at the DCIG is over and Anne-Lise is about to pick Clara up from her nursery cla.s.s. As she walks into the small yellow-brick school, she meets other parents and children she knows. A good day at the office means that she is not her usual worn-out self, and a cheerful tune she heard on the car radio is playing in her head. This afternoon she almost feels as she used to feel before the DCIG.

She walks through the first, then the second set of doors to the main room. Its quiet in there. After saying h.e.l.lo to a father who is leaving with his two children, she spots Clara at a table, cutting shapes from s.h.i.+ny pieces of colored paper. Anne-Lise sits down and helps her stick the shapes onto a plain white sheet.

Almost at once a teacher comes along to tell her that Clara has been involved in fights twice that day. The second time she fought with a boy and hit him on the head with a branch. The teachers had to bandage the wound.

Anne-Lises cell phone rings. Its Paul. She interrupts the teacher. Im sorry, but its my boss. Do you mind if I take the call?

Paul sounds as if its urgent. h.e.l.lo, Anne-Lise. All right for us to talk?

Yes, fine.

Thats good. Listen, Ive just had a call from Iben. Shes in the hospital.

Yes?

She has taken Malene to the rheumatology clinic. Theyve been there all day.

I know. Iben called me earlier.

And she told me, and Im afraid they are in complete agreement Anne-Lise realizes that hes about to say something bad. Paul is being unusually hesitant. Anne-Lise withdraws into a corner and turns her back to the room.

They believe someone has tampered with Malenes tablets and exchanged her medicine for something that has no effect on on her arthritis. And thats why it has flared up so badly.

Thats terrible.

And it was extremely painful.

Yes, I see. Of course. Such a Anne-Lise stops. She grasps what Paul is actually trying to say. They think that someone removed her proper medicine?

Thats what they believe. Im really not sure how to say this, but they dont want to confront you themselves.

Paul takes a quick breath and speaks again. They say you are the only one who could have exchanged the tablets.

Anne-Lise suddenly deflates. She stares straight ahead at a world in colored crayons, where smoke whirls from the chimneys of square houses and people have matchstick legs and big round eyes. She sees the pins sticking each drawing to the bulletin board. She sinks down to sit on a childs chair; its back is barely knee height.

She cant think of anything to say. Paul is kind enough not to continue.

Turning to look at Clara, she takes in the scene: the teacher, the other children, and their parents. The teacher tries to look as if she isnt listening.

Anne-Lise whispers: But Paul, it cant be Paul, you must see that this is crazy! I could never do something like that!

I agree, naturally. I dont believe that you did.

Anne-Lise perches on the tiny chair, hunched over. I didnt! Weve worked together for a year, Paul. You must know me by now.

Clara comes along. Her fingers are still stuck in the handles of her blunt childs scissors. Anne-Lise persuades her to go back to the table with the s.h.i.+ny paper. Then she remembers Ibens chatter about how a person can have several different personalities and not be aware of them. Paul will have heard it too, of course.

Is that why Iben has been harping on about these theories? Is it part of a plan to force Paul into firing her?

Behind her a child is screaming. Anne-Lise gets up. The movement is too quick and she feels faint. She bends over to get some blood back to her head. Paul is still speaking, but she cant catch what hes saying. She hurries out of the room to the womens room to finish their talk.

When she returns, the teacher is waiting for her. She insists on going over Claras fight. Anne-Lise still feels unsteady.

The teachers tone of voice has acquired a sharp edge. We had to tell Aleksander to sit still for a quarter of an hour, to make sure he didnt have concussion. Luckily, the bandage did the trick. He was able to play for the rest of the day, but Liselotte was quite worried when she came and noticed the swelling on his head.

The teacher drones on and on. Anne-Lise leans against a wall. This will take some time.

And I feel I should let you know that Clara has been in a lot of fights recently.

Anne-Lise feels like shouting at her: Its all my fault! Blame me! Everything is falling to pieces around me. Its because I cant remember anything. And I cry all the time and my colleagues think Im impossible. But she manages to keep her composure. They probably think she seems rather distant anyway.

When the subject of fighting has been exhausted, Anne-Lise asks if Clara can stay a little longer. She has to make another phone call and it will be much easier if she doesnt have Clara with her.

Clara, darling, I have to make a phone call. You go on playing for a while and then Ill come and get you. All right?

Clara doesnt reply, but tears herself away and runs off with the others.

Back in the restroom, Anne-Lise realizes that it is far from private. Anyone can hear what shes saying, especially if voices are raised. She decides to sit in the car instead.

When she gets into the car, parents are still coming and going. She decides to drive a few blocks away.

Anne-Lise parks on a little side road leading into the Vaserne nature reserve. Certainly no one from the nursery school will come this way. She turns off the engine and sits back to collect her thoughts. The trees outside are bare winter is approaching. Steeling herself, she dials Ibens home number.

Paul was right. Iben is convinced that Anne-Lise is the one who sent the anonymous e-mails and exchanged Malenes medicine. Anne-Lise tries to defend herself, but nothing she says can persuade Iben. It doesnt take long before Anne-Lises voice has risen to a shout, as she desperately swears that she didnt do any of it. She swears by everything she believes in her husband, her health, even her children. This last oath brings stinging regret she should never, never have sworn by her children, especially to someone as hostile as Iben.

Of course she knows that she hasnt touched the pills. But if there is any truth in the theories about dissociated personalities, then Iben might herself be capable of absolutely anything.

Anne-Lise and Henriks peaceful time together begins after ten-thirty. The house is quiet and the television is turned off. Henrik sits on their black sofa, going through various papers he has brought home from work.

Some evenings, Anne-Lise reads Information. She has convinced Henrik that they should subscribe, hoping it might help her to join in the DCIG chatter. At other times, she lies on the sofa with a throw over her legs and her head resting on Henriks thigh. This is when she is able to clear her head and recharge her batteries to help her face the next day. It is the quiet evenings with Henrik that have given her the strength to endure the year at the DCIG.

She is resting on the sofa now, sensing the warmth of his leg against her cheek. Now and then his large hand strokes the back of her head and, when he turns a page, his sleeve sometimes touches her cheek.

They have talked about Malenes medication and agree that Malene and Iben are likely to have cooled down by the following day. It could be Malene herself, after all, who mistook one batch of pills for another. Even if Malene and Iben wont buy that theory, its obvious that someone else could have done it and not just Anne-Lise.

Anne-Lise looks past the stack of books on the coffee table at the engraving of the Lyngby Central Library, speculating what the next day might bring. She thinks about Henrik how incredibly good he is, and how protective of her.

Once, halfway through a skiing holiday in Austria, Henrik took a phone message saying that Anne-Lises aunt had fallen seriously ill. He made sure that several members of Anne-Lises family knew his cell phone number so they could get hold of him if the aunts condition worsened. But he didnt mention anything about it to her. They enjoyed the week and then, afterward, he told her and added that there had been no point in ruining the holiday for her if the illness wasnt as bad as it had at first seemed.

Henrik?

What is it?

About the e-mails ? She tries to sound as gentle as she can. He mustnt take this the wrong way. She puts her hand on his thigh where its still warm from her cheek. Look, I think it was sweet of you to send them. You did it to help me, I know that. And things really did get better. Well, for a while.

I didnt send the e-mails.

I think it was sweet of you. Honestly.

Listen, I did not send them. He puts down his papers.

She peers into his face, trying to read any sign that, yet again, he is protecting her. If he is, he is fantastically good at hiding it.

If you look at the text of the e-mails, they say different things. Iben is called self-righteous, Malene is told she is evil, and Camilla that she is a collaborator who believes shes innocent. Who, apart from you and I, knows that they really are like that?

Ive no idea.

No, neither do I.

She smiles, wanting to persuade him to share his secret with her.