His Secret Child Part 15

"I'm going to make an appointment for you to see the doctor, then we have to meet with the specialist and see what, if anything we need to do."

I actually hugged her for the first time outside of bed, before grabbing the soap and the washcloth to scrub her clean.

After making all the necessary arrangements, I locked myself in my home office under the pretense of working.

There was some of that that needed tending to, but I had something more important to attend to this morning.

I felt like an a.s.s as I typed the words in the search box, but I needed to know.

'Let me watch you go with the sun in my eyes.' What was it about that one line that pierced me to my very soul?

The whole thing came up on the screen and I read it word for word, growing more mystified with each line.

The whole f.u.c.king song was like a blueprint for the f.u.c.kery that was our past relations.h.i.+p. The only thing is I still don't know why she'd left me and the song didn't exactly explain.

"What the f.u.c.k happened baby?" Baby? What the f.u.c.k? I jumped up from my seat and paced in front of my desk.

I was really fighting here to hang on to what was, to separate fact from fiction. My mind could be playing tricks on me, making me see things that weren't there. I can't go back there with her again, I just f.u.c.king can't.

I can accept the fact that I was still in love with her, but I couldn't throw my hat in that ring again, no f.u.c.king way.

It was good about the baby, not only for Mia's sake but the sake of the child itself. I had made up my mind not to hold the past against her any longer, to let bygones be bygones.

But I couldn't play the fool again, wouldn't put my heart and sanity on the line like that ever again.

But my d.i.c.k and my deceitful heart wanted her and there didn't seem to be a f.u.c.king thing I could do about it.

I'm sure that the longer she stays, the harder it will be to resist her, to resist the lure of what once was, what could've been.

I sat down behind my desk again and laid my head back, closing my eyes and letting my mind run free. Something I had s.h.i.+ed away from doing in the time she'd been back.

Of course it wandered to her, but this time I didn't fight it, just let the scenes play out reel by reel behind my closed lids.

I saw her as the fresh-faced beauty with the kick a.s.s body that had caught my attention; the girl who blushed whenever I whispered s.e.xy nothings in her ear.

Now that the anger had cleared up some with the pa.s.sage of time, I saw my beautiful girl again; the girl that had grabbed my heart at first sight and still owned it. f.u.c.k me, she still owned it.

"Dammit." I am still f.u.c.king in love with her. All that other bulls.h.i.+t I've been feeding myself was just that.

But how the f.u.c.k could that be? How could her being here for a little more than a month and a half erase six years of putting up walls?

But if there was one thing I'd learned from the worse experience of my life, it was to face s.h.i.+t head on, and it was time I put that s.h.i.+t in play.

It was time I faced the truth and stop skirting the issue. I'd buried my head in the sand back then. I see that now.

Too f.u.c.king hurt to even think, I'd followed where others led. Had I been too hasty? Had I been too rash when I chose to believe and accept the worse, even when my heart screamed at me that I was wrong?

There was some f.u.c.k missing from this picture. Something I couldn't put my finger on, but there was also a lot more that I saw clearly now with this second chance.

No woman reacts that way to someone she hates. No woman calls a man's name so sweetly while he's inside her, unless she means that s.h.i.+t.

"You've got some thinking to do Cord, and soon." Did it really matter though? I'm pretty sure I'd already made up my mind, but it would be good to know.

I joined them not long after, the words to that song playing over and over in my head.

There was nothing on her face that gave away the meaning of that song, or rather, its significance to her.

She was still a little reserved, but she'd shed some of her angst in the last few weeks as well.

Now with the new child inside of her, she had a different look about her; a new softness that my d.i.c.k found very appealing.

So appealing, that for the first time I f.u.c.ked her in the afternoon while our daughter was taking her nap.

She'd been in the kitchen cleaning up after lunch. I'd been sitting at the table looking up baby s.h.i.+t on Google when I happened to glance up at her.

That was all it took for me to stand from my chair and move over to her. She didn't protest when I lifted her skirt and pushed my hand down the front of her bikini panties to find her p.u.s.s.y with my fingers.

Or when I fought with her top until I'd bared one of her t.i.ts to my other hand. I finger f.u.c.ked her as I pulled on her nipple and nibbled on her ear.

She moved her body caressingly against mine. "Reach back between us and take my c.o.c.k out." I eased away a little so she could fight with my zipper.

When I was free, I simply pushed her head down a bit and kneed her legs apart. I shoved the back of her skirt into the tops of her panties and used my c.o.c.k to nose under the leg of them to find her p.u.s.s.y.

I slipped in easy enough since she was already dripping wet. We didn't say anything to each other, just moved together until she tightened around me and s.h.i.+vered.

She wilted back into me and I lifted her into my arms, taking her down the hall to our room.

Laying her back against the pillows, I pulled my clothes off while looking into her eyes. "Strip."

She was quick to tug off her clothes and leave herself open for me. "Lift your legs and spread your knees."

She did as I asked with her face on fire. I crawled between her thighs and lowered my head for a taste of her sweetness.

I used my finger to search out her g-spot while I tongued her c.l.i.t.

She came long and hard, her body lifting off the bed. When she came down from that tremendous climax I moved swiftly up her body and grabbed her hair none too gently.

"Why did you leave me?" I slammed into her while pulling her head back roughly. "You look me in the eye and tell me why the f.u.c.k you walked out on us."

I couldn't hold it in any longer, no way she hated me, no f.u.c.king way this girl who still melted all around me had left me.

"Answer me d.a.m.n you."

She looked scared, but of what, of me? Couldn't be, I'd never been anything but gentle with her before this.

"What are you afraid of little girl?" I eased up my strokes and went easy on her p.u.s.s.y as I awaited her answer.

"Aren't you going to tell me?" She didn't have to shake her head for me to know the answer. That fear in her eyes was very real.

"Never mind, I'll find out on my own." I buried my face in her neck and poured my seed into her.

For the rest of the day I caught her sneaking looks at me when she thought I wasn't looking.

We were both doing a lot of looking, and in between taking care of our kid we were busy loving on each other.

That night when I pulled her into my arms to sleep, it was with a much lighter heart than before.

Chapter 18.

ZANIA.

I can't breathe here. It was easier when he was mad at me; that I understood. His anger and distrust, I accepted only minutes after I'd left him, but this new att.i.tude strikes fear in my heart.

I couldn't live through another separation if I was stupid enough to let myself fall again. When he was being a jerk it was easy for me to pretend that I hated him.

I certainly disliked this cold, unfeeling brute that has no feelings for me. The Cord I'd known and loved never treated me with anything but love and respect.

This man hated me. Whatever he was told after I left, whatever he believes, it must be horrible. Fear had held my tongue when he'd asked me that question. Fear of what might happen if I said too much.

I had resigned myself to his hate, even as I accepted that my body would always react to his touch, his very nearness.

Each day I died a little, only coming alive at night when he took me. When I wasn't thinking of ways to hang onto my daughter and now this new unborn child that I carried, I was fighting to keep my heart out of danger.

Now he's changed up on me again. In the last few days I've caught more and more glimpses of the old Cord.

He was in the habit of touching me more outside the bedroom. Or sometimes, I'd catch him watching me with this strange look on his face.

I was never bold enough to ask him why he was staring, but I did spend a lot of time in the last couple of days wondering just what he was up to.

Whatever it is, my poor heart can't take anymore. I've been through so much already, and all because I'd fallen in love.

Sometimes I wish he'd never approached me at that party; that our paths had never crossed. But then I would never have known those few short months of bliss that would last me a lifetime, and there wouldn't be Mia to love.

Thinking of my babygirl made me think of her dad, the way it has everyday since the day she was born. I sometimes wonder if her illness wasn't somehow my fault; if it wasn't punishment for what I'd done.

But there was nothing for it now, so there was no use putting myself through this torture. Still I couldn't help but wonder. Had I traded one-heartache for another?

I know I hurt him the way I left. Even had he not borne me any great love, coming home to find me gone without a trace would've been a hard blow for someone as proud as he is.

I knew it then. Had agonized over it until I made myself sick, but in the end I had no choice, it was out of my hands.

I pulled my thoughts back from that dark place and back to the here and now. What was he up to?

It was getting harder to pretend indifference to his every touch, his nearness. I was strung so tight, I'm afraid I was going to pop a valve any second.

I felt my face heat up at the memory of how I'd clung to him in bed, how I cried out for him when he took me like a beast.

Always before he'd been tender, always putting my pleasure before his own. Don't get me wrong, there had been times when our l.u.s.t prevailed and we were both like rutting animals the way we went at each other in bed, but this was somehow different.

It was as if he were making up for lost time, with a heavy dose of pent up anger thrown in for good measure. I clapped my hand over the marks in my neck that I'd received during this morning's wrestling match.

It's weird, but when he was being hateful I didn't feel the need to fight him. That man had no real hold on my heart. But now with him showing me glimpses of the man I fell so hard for, I couldn't risk it, couldn't risk my heart again.

But how was I going to live if he took my children away? And I have no doubt that he would make good on that threat if it came to that.

Maybe there's a way I can live with his anger and hate, if it meant being with my children. But it was hard accepting this new reality between us after knowing his love.

No sense in going there Zania, that s.h.i.+p has sailed, and no matter how hard it is to swallow, you have to accept what is.

I so wished that it could be different though, that I had been strong enough before to fight.

But I'd been too young, and my opponent too crafty, and by the time I realized the truth, it was too late.

I don't blame him at all for his att.i.tude towards me; he was the one that had been hurt most after all. Whatever pain I endured and still do, was of my own making.

Chapter 19.

CORD.

Our home has become our sanctuary. Neither of us has said anything about the changes in our relations.h.i.+p, but I know she's aware.

We've both been skirting around the edges, both set on protecting ourselves from the other. I could've told her days ago that it was pointless.

I'd made up my mind and that seems to be all that was needed for me to relax and just live again.

I had eyes on her at all times, and of course there was the tag in her purse. Pretty soon I was going to get her something more permanent, something I was sure she'd never remove because I planned to insist on it.

All in all though, things had calmed down a little between us, except in the bedroom. There was nothing calm about our s.e.x; the s.h.i.+t just kept getting hotter.

Neither of us brought up the fact that she was already carrying my seed and therefore there was no need for her to share my bed any longer. We just carried on as usual.