Star Trek_ Typhon Pact_ Rough Beasts Of Empire Part 9

Even if I did reach her, Sisko thought, I don't know if I could find the words to explain to her all that's happened. I don't know if I could find the words to explain to her all that's happened. Except that he Except that he did did know the right words. He just didn't know if he could say them aloud to another person. know the right words. He just didn't know if he could say them aloud to another person.

At the base of the rear steps, Sisko followed a paved path out toward the gardens. He had until almost midnight before his scheduled departure from Deep s.p.a.ce 9 aboard U.S.S. Mjolnir U.S.S. Mjolnir, a Norway Norway-cla.s.s vessel that would deliver him to Robinson. Robinson. That left him several hours until he needed to take a transport from Bajor to the station, where he would still have time to stop at the infirmary and see Elias. That late at night, he hoped he would be able to make it on and off DS9, and in and out of the infirmary, without encountering anybody he knew. That left him several hours until he needed to take a transport from Bajor to the station, where he would still have time to stop at the infirmary and see Elias. That late at night, he hoped he would be able to make it on and off DS9, and in and out of the infirmary, without encountering anybody he knew.

With my luck these days, Quark will be camped out at the airlock. Thinking of the old Ferengi barkeep-the Ferengi Thinking of the old Ferengi barkeep-the Ferengi amba.s.sador amba.s.sador, Sisko corrected himself-actually brought a chuckle to his lips. He latched onto the positive emotion and let it put some distance between him and his experience a few minutes earlier, inside the temple.

Sisko strolled along the path as it weaved through colorful, variegated flowerbeds, trying to let his surroundings bolster his mood further in his last few hours on Bajor. At the leading edge of the arboretum that filled the back third of the monastery grounds, pavement gave way to dirt. Sisko continued on, heading for his favorite spot on the s.h.i.+kina grounds.

In just a few minutes, he came upon the brook that flowed through the arboretum. He walked along beside it, traveling upstream, until he saw in the distance the burst of pink blooms that marked the location of the undersized waterfall. It surprised him to see the vibrant nerak nerak blossoms flowering so late in the season. He decided that, despite everything, he would accept it as a positive omen. blossoms flowering so late in the season. He decided that, despite everything, he would accept it as a positive omen.

When he arrived at the spot, Sis...o...b..nt and selected a rock from the ground, then tossed it into the small pool that fed the cascade of water. He watched the ripples spread out in concentric rings, and then, impulsively, irrationally, he made a wish. Let there be peace Let there be peace, he thought, for Kasidy and Rebecca, for Jake and Korena. for Kasidy and Rebecca, for Jake and Korena.

Lowering himself down, Sisko hung his legs over the stone wall that bordered the pool. His feet dangled half a meter above the water. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply, taking in the fragrant scent of the neraks neraks.

For a while, he sat that way, listening to the flow of the brook across the little falls. He concentrated on the pink noise of the water and tried to blank his mind. He didn't hear anybody on the dirt path until the sc.r.a.pe of shoes reached him from just a couple of meters away.

Sisko turned and looked up, squinting into the late-afternoon sunlight. He made out a figure standing in the path, clad in the orange robe of the Bajoran clergy, and he initially a.s.sumed that Vedek Sorretta also had come out for a walk in the arboretum. But though Sisko could not see the person's face because of the placement of the sun behind it, he distinguished a much smaller frame. He lifted his hand to s.h.i.+eld his eyes. "h.e.l.lo?" he said, though he still had no desire to speak with anybody.

"h.e.l.lo, Benjamin."

He had not heard the voice for quite a while-probably not for more than a year-and it sounded softer, gentler, than he remembered, but he still recognized it at once. He clambered to his feet. "Nerys," he said. It startled him to hear the delight in his voice, simply because he hadn't felt that way for so long.

Kira stepped forward with her hands out, and he took them, then pulled her in and hugged her. When they parted, he held her at arm's length and studied her robe. "Vedek Kira?" he asked. "Is that even possible? From novice to prylar to ranjen to vedek in three years?" Kira?" he asked. "Is that even possible? From novice to prylar to ranjen to vedek in three years?"

"I know," Kira said. "This-" She gestured down the length of her robe. "-just happened ten days ago."

"Well, congratulations," Sisko said. He took a stride backward and regarded her. "It seems to agree with you. You look . . ." He peered at her face, at the beatific expression she wore. "You look at peace."

"Thank you," Kira said. "I feel feel at peace. For most of my life, I didn't think I'd ever be able to say that." at peace. For most of my life, I didn't think I'd ever be able to say that."

"I'm very happy for you," Sisko said. "So what are you doing here? Are you a member of the Vedek a.s.sembly?"

"Oh, no," Kira said. "And I'm not sure I ever want to serve in that way. I respect the a.s.sembly, but engaging in politics and staying at peace don't necessarily go together."

"No, I guess not," Sisko agreed.

"I've got a meeting this evening with Vedek Garune," Kira said. "But I've got some time to take a walk, if you'd like."

Sisko stood aside and motioned forward. Side by side, they started down the path. "So then I shouldn't expect to hear the announcement of Kai Kai Kira anytime soon?" Sisko asked. Kira anytime soon?" Sisko asked.

Kira laughed, the same loud, hearty guffaw Sisko had heard back on DS9. For some reason, that pleased him.

"Putting aside my complete lack of qualifications and suitability for the position," Kira said, "I think we're very fortunate to have the kai we do right now."

"You always did like Pralon, even back when she served as Bajor's minister of religious artifacts."

"She's extremely bright, a woman of strong faith and conviction, but she also has a deep empathy for others," Kira said. "And she's not as . . . political . . . as some of her predecessors have been."

"I know what you mean," Sisko said, a.s.suming that she referred to the terribly misguided Winn Adami.

Ahead, the brook curved left, cutting from the right side of the path to the left beneath a footbridge. Their shoes thumped along the wooden structure as they crossed it. Sisko recalled walking there with Vedek Bareil, many years earlier.

"How have you managed to rise through the ranks so quickly?" he asked. "I mean, it's not that I have any doubts about your abilities, but three years isn't the typical timeframe in which to enter the clergy and become a vedek."

"Honestly," Kira said, lowering her voice in mock-conspiratorial fas.h.i.+on, "I think I've been credited with prior experience."

"I don't understand. What prior experience?"

"Serving directly alongside the Emissary of the Prophets for seven years," Kira explained. "And being his friend for . . . what? Twelve years now?"

"Something like that," Sisko said, then added dryly, "although I'm not sure we were friends in the beginning."

"No," Kira admitted, "maybe not at first."

Sisko stopped in the path, and Kira did so too. "As I recall," he told her, "you weren't in favor of a Bajoran s.p.a.ce station being run by Starfleet officers, including me."

Kira shrugged good-naturedly. "But I learned fast."

Sisko nodded as she made precisely his point. "You've taken quite a journey, Nerys-a journey I'm not sure too many people are capable of making, Bajoran or otherwise. I'm proud of you."

The accolade seemed to embarra.s.s Kira, but she accepted it modestly, bowing her head in acknowledgment. Then she began walking again, and Sisko did so as well. "Sometimes I find it difficult to believe myself," Kira said. "For so much of my life, all I knew was strife: hunger and subjugation and violence. It was a struggle just to survive, and so many didn't."

"You are nothing if not a survivor, Nerys."

"And that was important-it's still important-but there comes a time when you realize that there's a world of difference between surviving and living."

Sisko couldn't tell if she'd spoken with a note of regret. "You did what you had to do," he said.

Kira nodded. "And I suppose I'd do it all over again if I needed to, though probably not quite in the same way," she said. "My time on Deep s.p.a.ce Nine, and my time with you, and even my time commanding the station . . . all of that helped put a lot of things in the past and keep them there." This time, after they had traipsed around a sharp bend in the path, Kira stopped walking and turned to face him. "It helped me learn to cherish the present, and to accept the future as it comes."

For an instant, Sisko thought that she might be trying to advise him about his own life, that she somehow might have gleaned the events of his own present, as well the immediate future he had planned for himself. But she can't know But she can't know, he realized, and then another thought occurred to him about what she had just said. "In many ways, Nerys, your story is the story of Bajor."

"I suppose you could say that," Kira said. "You know the old proverb: The Land and the People are One."

"I do know it," Sisko said. "But I have to admit that I was concerned when you decided to leave Deep s.p.a.ce Nine and Starfleet. I was worried that you might be running away."

"From everything that happened with the Ascendants."

"Yes."

"I understand why you were worried," Kira said. "Believe me, I spent quite a few sleepless nights worried about it myself. In the end, though, what all of that really did was open my mind to new perspectives."

"I think what it did, Nerys, was to deepen your faith," he said. "Not in the Prophets, but in yourself."

"You may be right," she said.

Sisko noticed a tall, square totem a bit farther along the path. A wooden bench nestled beside it. "Shall we sit?" he asked. They did.

"What about you, Benjamin?" Kira reached up and rubbed her hand across the top of his head. "What's this?" Since departing Adarak, he hadn't shaven his pate, and so his hair had begun growing back. After less than a week, he knew that it more or less looked like a shadow falling across his skull.

"I guess I just needed to change things."

"Is that why you're here at s.h.i.+kina?" Kira asked. "To change things?"

Sisko took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. He cared for Kira, and he held a great deal of respect for her, but he didn't want to discuss his life, even with her. "I'm not here to change anything," he said. "I just needed some time alone, a place to clear my head."

"Has it worked?" Kira asked, in a way that reminded him of Opaka, whose questions often seemed to imply that she already knew the answer.

"Not as much as I'd hoped," he said, concerned that an outright lie might encourage more questions.

"How are Kasidy and Rebecca?"

Sisko glanced away involuntarily, and so he pretended to examine the totem. "They're both well," he said. Kira said nothing, and when he peered over at her again, he saw her gazing at him with a look of concern.

"So much tension, Benjamin," she said. "You seem so troubled, so . . . isolated."

The last word sent Sis...o...b..unding up from the bench. He walked a few meters away and stopped, not sure what to say, but aware that his long a.s.sociation with Kira gave her a special insight into his moods and behavior. On top of that, his reactions to her had obviously confirmed her concerns. He raised his arms, then dropped them against his sides. Still facing away from Kira, he said, "I am am isolated." isolated."

"I'm sure you must feel that way," she said. "But you're not. You have your wife and daughter, your son and his wife. You've got friends, not to mention virtually an entire planetary population that treasures you. And you've got the Prophets."

"No!" Sisko yelled, whirling back toward Kira. "I don't have all that."

Kira stood up and paced over to him. She reached out and tenderly placed a hand on his arm. "What's happened?"

"The Prophets have abandoned me." He hadn't wanted to actually speak the words, and now that he had, the situation seemed more real to him.

"What?" Kira said, plainly disbelieving. "No. I'm sure it feels like that to you, but-"

"Nerys, they've left me," he said. He shook his head and walked past her, unwilling to discuss any of this but suddenly unable to stop himself from doing so. He turned back toward her. "For a while, after I returned from the Celestial Temple, I still felt their presence. I thought that they continued to communicate with me, in dreams and in visions . . . but now I'm not so sure. I think those might simply have been my my dreams, dreams, my my visions, with no communication from the Prophets at all." visions, with no communication from the Prophets at all."

"Benjamin, I can't believe that's true," Kira said, "but even if it is, you know as well as I do-better than I do-that it is difficult to know the will of the Prophets. You've also said that they exist nonlinearly in time. Since we than I do-that it is difficult to know the will of the Prophets. You've also said that they exist nonlinearly in time. Since we do do live linearly, could this just be a . . . disconnect . . . of some kind?" live linearly, could this just be a . . . disconnect . . . of some kind?"

"They've left me," Sisko said. "Do you want to know why I'm really here at s.h.i.+kina? I needed a place to stay, so I told myself, why not here? I told myself that I wanted to find a place of silence and seclusion, where I could rest and reflect and make sure I was making the right choices in my life. And I suppose all of that's true, to one degree or another. But really, I came here to find the Prophets."

Kira took a step toward him, her face a mask of compa.s.sion. "They're here, Benjamin. They're with you, even if you don't know it, even if you can't feel it."

"No, they're not," Sisko said. "It took me six days to summon up the courage to consult an Orb, but I finally did it today." He reached forward as if it sat in front of him. "I opened the doors of the ark and beheld the Orb of Prophecy and Change." His hands parted in midair, as though revealing the Orb. "All it did was immerse me in its light." He peered up at Kira, feeling dazed. "There was nothing else. I saw nothing. I felt nothing. That's never happened."

"It happens all the time," Kira said gently. "People often consult the Orbs without having an Orb experience."

"Not me," Sisko said. "I am the Emissary of the Prophets." A sudden realization struck him. "At least I was was the Emissary." the Emissary."

"You still are."

"No," he said. "I see that now. The Prophets ensured my existence, guided my path, and eventually communicated with me . . . all for their own ends."

"For the people of Bajor," Kira said. "You helped save us from the Carda.s.sians, and then from the Dominion. You helped us join the Federation and enter a new age of peace and prosperity."

"Yes," Sisko said. "And now that I've completed the tasks the Prophets set for me, they have no further use for me."

"Benjamin, of all people, you you must have faith." must have faith."

"I do have faith," Sisko said. He moved back over to the bench and sat down again, feeling exhausted. "I believe in the existence of the Prophets, and in their love for the people of Bajor. I trust the Prophets, and I know what they told me. You You know what they told me." know what they told me."

"I'm . . . not sure what you're talking about," Kira said.

"They told me I must 'walk the path alone,'" Sisko said.

"Kasidy."

"Yes," Sisko said. "The Prophets told me that if I spent my life with her, I would know nothing but sorrow. I told you about that, and you didn't think that I should marry Kasidy."

Kira quickly returned to the bench and sat beside him. "What I thought doesn't matter. It was foolish and wrong of me to say anything. I can't know the will of the Prophets."

"But you were right, Nerys. They They were right. They were worried about what would happen to me, and I didn't listen. Now look what's happened." Sisko thought about his father and the cold fact of his death. It seemed impossible that he would never see him again, never hear his stentorian voice, never taste his cooking. were right. They were worried about what would happen to me, and I didn't listen. Now look what's happened." Sisko thought about his father and the cold fact of his death. It seemed impossible that he would never see him again, never hear his stentorian voice, never taste his cooking.

And my father is only the latest casualty of my arrogance, he thought. "Think about what's happened since I returned from the Celestial Temple. The Sidau Ma.s.sacre. Iliana Ghemor and the Ascendants. The calamity on Endalla." He paused in his litany of disasters as he recalled that, prior to battling the Borg at Alonis, the last time he'd seen Elias had been on Endalla.

"But you provided help with those events," Kira said. "You saved people's lives."

"But people did die," Sisko said. "And what about in my own life? The deaths of Eivos Calan and his wife. The kidnapping of my daughter. The brain injury to Elias Vaughn." As he mentioned Vaughn, he realized that Kira might not know what had happened to him, and that he might have insensitively revealed that to her. He knew that during the time Vaughn had served as Kira's first officer aboard Deep s.p.a.ce 9, the two had become good friends. "Nerys, I'm sorry," he said. "Captain Vaughn-"

"I know," Kira said. "His daughter contacted me. But you can't blame yourself for that, or for anything you've mentioned. It's a terrible truth that as we grow older, if we continue to live, then more and more of the people around us die."

"My father died last week."

"Oh, Benjamin." Kira leaned forward and put her arms around him. "I'm so sorry."

They stayed that way for a few moments, and Sisko didn't want it to end. He felt a connection in his friends.h.i.+p with Kira that he needed, but as with all of the connections in his life, he had to let it go. He pulled away from her.

"It's getting closer," he said. "The sorrow. If I remain with Kasidy, then someday soon it will be her death that tears at my heart. Or the death of Rebecca. Of Jake and Korena."

"What are you saying?" Kira asked. "Are you leaving Kasidy?"

"If I spend my life with Kasidy, I will know nothing but sorrow," Sisko said. "I must walk the path alone." He waited for Kira to protest, to tell him that he could not possibly leave his wife and daughter. Instead, she slowly stood up and turned to face him.

"I know that you'll do what you feel you must," she said.

"I have no choice," Sisko said. "Not when it comes to the safety of my family."

"There are always choices," Kira said, once more sounding like Opaka. "Have you told all of this to Kasidy? Explained it all to her?"

"I can't explain it to her," Sisko said. "Kasidy doesn't believe, at least not the way I do. If I told her my reasons, she wouldn't let me leave. And if I did, she would follow me."

"So you're just going to leave her with no explanation?" Kira asked. Sisko heard not only surprise in her tone, but disapproval.

"I've already left," Sisko said. "Things haven't been comfortable for a while."

"Because you made them uncomfortable?"