A Garden Of Earthly Delights Part 20

"He'll marry me after she dies," Clara said.

"You'd really like to be his wife?"

"I would."

"I don't believe that."

"Go to h.e.l.l then! What's wrong with you? You want everything handed over to you-even a son like that, a kid given to you. Right?" She drew her breath in sharply, watching him. She felt as if she were on the brink of something terrible.

"If he's your kid...." Lowry said. But his answer was just vague enough to lessen the tension between them. "He's a quiet boy."

"He's strong and growing fast. He's smart too."

"I could see it was your boy right away...."

"Lowry, why did you come back?"

"I was meaning to come for a long time. I sent you a letter, didn't I?"

"What letter?"

"A letter from Mexico."

"I never got it."

"Sure you did."

"I never did."

"Didn't that b.a.s.t.a.r.d give it to you... ?"

"No." Clara rubbed her hands against her eyes. "What was in it, news about your wife? A wedding invitation?" Then she stared at him. "Or did you really write a letter, really? I don't know whether to believe you or not.... You were married and everything...."

"Honey, don't be so jealous. You're still jealous after all this time."

"I'm not jealous. I really don't give a d.a.m.n."

"I thought I wanted a different kind of woman, that's all. You and she are nothing like each other-honey, a man wouldn't bother looking at her if you were around. But I thought I wanted something that it turned out I didn't."

"Now you want somebody stupid, somebody who can't talk or bother you," Clara said. "Somebody to make love to and forget about, right? And you know you'll always be welcome when you come back, so what the h.e.l.l? She She threw you out right away." threw you out right away."

"No."

"What the h.e.l.l kind of a marriage was it?"

"Clara, don't be so angry."

"I'm not angry."

"Drink your beer, finish it up."

"I don't want it, I feel like puking."

Her being like that, being vulgar, was just enough to make him laugh a little. She could not trust herself to look at him too steadily. It was like staring at a light, at something blinding; in a few seconds the center could fade away and she might see nothing.

"So I left her and went back to the States and enlisted. I went to England for a while, then over to France. Someday I'll tell you about what happened."

"You were over there all that time?"

"For two years."

"You really were in the Army?"

"Sure."

"And I didn't know it.... What if you were killed?"

Lowry laughed bitterly. "There were a few of us who got killed."

"But Lowry, you couldn't die. What if- You-"

She ran out of words. It was so close to her, this knowledge of Lowry and Lowry's death, a possibility Lowry himself maybe could not see. He took her bottle from her and set it down and pulled her into his lap. "Would you have worried about me, honey?"

"Yes, Lowry."

"You didn't get that letter?"

"No. Never."

"Did you miss me?"

"Yes."

"Did you wish I was here?"

"Yes."

"What about Revere, then?"

"He loved me, he took care of me-"

"Do you love him? Did you?"

"I don't know-"

"Was it hard for you, having the kid like that? Without being married?"

"No. I didn't think about that."

"You didn't care?"

"No."

"You wanted the kid, huh?"

"Sure I wanted him."

Lowry smoothed her hair back. He looked at her as if she were really some distance away. After a moment he said, "He isn't my kid, is he?"

Clara's lips parted in shock. "No."

"Does he look like Revere?"

"Mostly he looks like me."

"I used to know Revere," he said. "I didn't tell you this but my family was like yours-except my father did farmwork. He went from farm to farm, always getting kicked out. Finally he took off and left us, and my mother took the kids back to her mother. I was fourteen then. Once my father worked for Revere.... I didn't tell you that."

"But I thought-"

"We're like each other, you and me, except I went places and tried to find out some things and even got shot for my trouble, while you camped down and got everything you wanted. Those are real nice plants, honey," he said. He kissed her. "I can't tell you how much I like them. I like this house. If I hadn't been told whose house it was-"

"Lowry, I thought-I thought your family-"

"Just white trash, honey."

"But you had a nice car, and had money to spend-"

"I was helping somebody run whiskey. My family was all gone by that time."

"Run whiskey? Was that it?" And she could not keep the flat surprised sound of disappointment out of her voice.

"I pulled out and tried to get something going in Mexico, I had a few thousand dollars I'd taken from this b.a.s.t.a.r.d I worked for, and I wanted to start something-some business-but nothing turned out. I didn't know enough. I met her then-"

"Your wife."

"She was sort of b.u.mming around but she was a teacher too, she had a job she could point to. Her family kept sending people after her, trying to get her back home-she was staying with me then- and she maybe married me to get back at them, to make them shut up. She told me I was fooling myself with my life, running around and never getting anywhere- She was right, but what the h.e.l.l."

"No, she wasn't right-"

"What the h.e.l.l."

"Did you say somebody shot you?"

"Nothing much, just in the leg here."

Clara touched his thigh. "Is it all right?"

"It's all right now."

"Did it hurt awful?"

"I don't know."

"Lowry, for G.o.d's sake-"

"What?"

"You were in the war and everything, you got shot-I never knew about it-"

"Lots of people get shot. They're getting shot right now. Or bombed to pieces, that's even better. I don't want to talk about it."

"Were you in a hospital?"

She saw his mouth jerk as if he had to taste something ugly, so she let that pa.s.s. He was quiet. She was not angry. She said, "Were you surprised about me?"

"No. Maybe."

"What did you think?"

"I didn't think you'd still be around here. Or I thought you'd be married."

"This is the same as being married."

"Not quite."

"I have a kid."

"Revere doesn't live with you, honey. How often does he come over?"

"When he can."

"These days he's a busy man. How much money do you think he's making off the war, him and his people?"

"I don't know anything about it. He never says."

"They say he's making money off it. Why not? All the trash from around here and all the hillbilly backwashes in the country that didn't get s.h.i.+pped over to die are working their heads off in the factories, making lots of money. Or so they think. Your friend has investments in things like that."

"He never says-"

"Why should he? When he comes to you he forgets about it. But I knew you first, I brought you here. For two years I've been thinking about you. I didn't even think about her-my wife-I thought right past her to you."

"Did you?"

"I thought about you all the time. I thought that if I got back here and they let me out-"

"What?"

"If I got back I'd come right here and get you and we'd go somewhere. Even if you were already married I was going to come back and marry you."